Potentially disastrous situation

Here’s the deal:

Girlfriend and I broke up in May. In August, we sorted out our differences and reconciled. I have recently learned that she matched with an old friend (someone I used to attend school with, I haven’t seen him in about 2 years, we keep in semi regular communication) and sent him a few provocative pictures while we were broken up.

My girlfriend and I had absolute zero communication during the time we were broke up.

I confronted her about it and of course there were more tears than Niagara Falls and a consistent stream of apologies.

My question is:

What do I do? I’m a firm believer that what 2 people do during the break up is their own business and shouldn’t effect the relationship if they reconcile but this hits a little too close to home.

How did you reconcile, in trying my hardest with trying to sort stuff between my ex and I Well have you tried to confront your old friend just you and him? it's up to you whether you can see past it all or not

Well you were broken up at the time and not even communicating so don't quite get what the issue is and why you felt it necessary to "confront" her about it.

What did you expect? You were broken up as in NO longer together, she was free to do what she wanted, with whomever she wanted, as were you.

Did you expect that she would crawl in a hole and never interact or date another man for the rest of her life or something?

Sorry if this comes off as harsh, but I'm baffled.

She did nothing "wrong" and nothing to apologize for.

You were broken up for heavens sake.

Or perhaps you're upset because the guy was a guy you knew, an old distant friend from HS?

Did she know that when she was interacting with him?

OP, I get why you're uncomfortable given that it was someone you know. That would make anyone feel awkward, I imagine.

However, as you were broken up at the time, she really doesn't owe you an explanation and certainly not floods of tears. Just how upset were you when you brought this up to her? And out of curiosity, how did you discover this?

It's your right to end it if you don't feel you can look past it, but I don't think she really did anything wrong here. It doesn't sound as though you're particularly good friends with this guy anymore - are you?

What do I do? I’m a firm believer that what 2 people do during the break up is their own business and shouldn’t effect the relationship if they reconcile but this hits a little too close to home.

This dude you don't even keep in regular contact with. It's not like he is your best friend and in your life daily.

Try to just let this go and if you can't do that, then let her go for good and go zero contact so you can get over one another.

In reading the original post again, I understand better why this bothers you OP.

You said she "matched" with your old friend from HS; does this mean she had no knowledge that this man she matched with was your old friend?

If she "did" know, that would matter, I would think.

I can't speak for other women, but I would never start something up with, or send provocative pics to, a friend of my ex's, knowing they still talk and stuff.

Just wouldn't do it.

So if she "did" know, might have some explaining to do, IMO!

If she did NOT know, then she did nothing wrong and nothing to apologize for or cry about.

Here’s the deal:

 

Girlfriend and I broke up in May. In August, we sorted out our differences and reconciled. I have recently learned that she matched with an old friend (someone I used to attend school with, I haven’t seen him in about 2 years, we keep in semi regular communication) and sent him a few provocative pictures while we were broken up.

 

My girlfriend and I had absolute zero communication during the time we were broke up.

 

I confronted her about it and of course there were more tears than Niagara Falls and a consistent stream of apologies.

 

My question is:

 

What do I do? I’m a firm believer that what 2 people do during the break up is their own business and shouldn’t effect the relationship if they reconcile but this hits a little too close to home.

Ok so to answer your questions and comments:

-she knew who he was because we all hung out ywith his girlfriend

-it bothers me because she could’ve picked anyone else to have this interaction with and she chose him. It seems spiteful

-you’re right. I’m jealous as all hell. Someone told me about it. So if I hangout with those people again, I have the privilege of hearing that they have naked pictures of my girlfriend. Do you realize how that makes me feel?

I realize it means nothing at this point because we’re exclusive and this happened months ago but does it bother me. And I don’t think my feelings are unfounded either.

I do not believe your feelings are unfounded.

Sure, she can do whatever she wants while on a break, but it's.....classless? tasteless? not sure what word......to go after someone you are friends with. It's just a don't.

Here's the thing: You now get to decide what it is that you want. Can you move past this? Does she get how touchy a situation this is for you?

What was her desperation about that she couldn't fish in unknown waters? Was she trying to get to you by going out with someone you knew?

Ok so to answer your questions and comments:

-she knew who he was because we all hung out ywith his girlfriend

-it bothers me because she could’ve picked anyone else to have this interaction with and she chose him. It seems spiteful

-you’re right. I’m jealous as all hell. Someone told me about it. So if I hangout with those people again, I have the privilege of hearing that they have naked pictures of my girlfriend. Do you realize how that makes me feel?

 

I realize it means nothing at this point because we’re exclusive and this happened months ago but does it bother me. And I don’t think my feelings are unfounded either.

Please read my post no. 6 (if you haven't done so)..

I'm on your side here, I think she was wrong and stepped over some boundaries, considering she knew beforehand he was a friend of yours that you still communicate with.

Did she say why she chose HIM?

If I had to venture a guess, it was to stir jealousy, as she knew it would eventually get back to you.

Pretty crappy thing to do in my opinion, and speaks directly to her character.

Didn't realize that she sent him nudes. That alone would be enough for me to break up with her since she wasn't in a serious relationship with the dude but was willing to do that. To me, that says a lot about how she doesn't realize her own worth as a woman (or man) and needs to promote her/his nude self for self esteem.

I don't understand, nor will I ever understand why people need to validate themselves by sending naked pictures of themselves to someone they're not even in a relationship with. I think you young people need to realize that you should be saving such activities for your partner so that when the new relationship energy wears down (when the honeymoon period is over) you still actually have something in your arsenals to rekindle the passion.

I’ll tell you now that this sucks. I love this girl so much. Just trying it figure out her motives,

I’ll tell you now that this sucks. I love this girl so much. Just trying it figure out her motives,

Well, only you can say if your love conquers all.

I’m jealous as all hell. Someone told me about it. So if I hangout with those people again, I have the privilege of hearing that they have naked pictures of my girlfriend.

I’ll tell you now that this sucks. I love this girl so much. Just trying it figure out her motives,

Well you either go with your heart, letting your "feelings" run the show, OR you take the more pragmatic approach and see her behavior for what it IS -- a woman who most likely was hoping to stir jealously (which it did), a woman who thinks nothing of sending nudes to strangers over the Internet, a woman with poor character.

Your choice.

Good luck with whatever you decide, tough choice.

Why did you break up in the first place? What changed that you decided to get back together?

How long were you together before breaking up?

There wasn't much time between breaking up and getting back together. And in that time, she was sending provocative pics to a friend of yours.

Is there a truly solid base here to go forward or did you sweep stuff under the carpet for later because you missed her?

Personally, I'd question the readiness of someone for something truly serious who has chosen as she did.

OP, I get why you're uncomfortable given that it was someone you know. That would make anyone feel awkward, I imagine.

 

However, as you were broken up at the time, she really doesn't owe you an explanation and certainly not floods of tears. Just how upset were you when you brought this up to her? And out of curiosity, how did you discover this?

 

It's your right to end it if you don't feel you can look past it, but I don't think she really did anything wrong here. It doesn't sound as though you're particularly good friends with this guy anymore - are you?

I Guess you’re right. Not really more like acquaintances for the past while. I found out through a friend and I blew up.

Is a way I can DM you MissCanuck? It sounds like you have good advice to give.

yes did. We all hung out together a couple years ago.

yes did. We all hung out together a couple years ago.

Is this in response to the question if he shared the pics with other people without her permission? If it is, then she can have him up on charges for "Revenge Porn." Google it.

Rob Kardashian would be by far the most famous person prosecuted for intentional distribution of “non-consensual pornography.” ... Passed in 2013, the law prosecutes the intentional distribution of “non-consensual pornography,“ punishable as a misdemeanor with up to six months in jail.Jul 10, 2017

Yes she was aware of it.

This was nearly immediately after we broke up. My best guess is that she wanted to instigate some jealousy because she knew it would get back to me. After we broke up, I blocked her in any way that she could communicate with me and I think that that made her angry.

Yes she was aware of it.

 

This was nearly immediately after we broke up. My best guess is that she wanted to instigate some jealousy because she knew it would get back to me. After we broke up, I blocked her in any way that she could communicate with me and I think that that made her angry.

Being aware of it and giving permission to distribute are two different things. If she was aware or she gave permission for him to share those pics then, If I were you, I'd be wrestling with whether or not to continue on with her as well but not because my friends saw her nude body (that's about ego) but rather because she's not got the same personal boundaries or sensibilities as me which makes for a poor romantic partner in general if you're incompatible in that sense.