Not wanting to date again. Is it normal?

I am in my early 30s. It's most four months since I broke up with my current ex and almost six weeks of no contact. NC really helps collecting my thoughts. I just realized the biggest problem we had over the course of our relationship was that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I had some anxiety and trust issues that I couldn't over come and they led to more problems and eventually the failure of the relationship.

After the breakup I've had this feeling of not wanting to date again. Many people said time will heal and prepare me for the next relationship. However, after attending my brother's wedding yesterday, I am more convinced than ever that I want to stay single for good.

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for my brother that he gets to start a new chapter of his life with the woman he truly loves. But the whole thing-dating, falling in love, settling down, marriage, having kids, dealing with family from both sides, etc actually disgust me.

Like i said, it's been almost four months since my last relationship and I have never been single for so long ever since my second relationship back in 10 years ago. In the past, i always got myself involved with other men or in a new relationship right after one. But this time, it sort of feels like I have given up on love. I seriously can't imagine myself being with anyone.

Has anyone ever experienced what I am dealing with now? Is it only temporary or what I should do to get over this?

I feel the same way, and i'm almost in my mid-30s. I've been broken up for 5 months now, and have gone on a few dates...the "left over" men are just no good...or maybe I'm just being judgemental, as I'm sure that's what they think about women my age. But like you, I feel like I don't want to date again. I don't want to go through the heartache and pain and the thought of starting over. I'd honestly be fine with having a child on my own with no men to think about.

I think it's fine to feel the way you do. You know yourself and if being single works for you, then that's what you should do. Time generally does heal all wounds but only you will know if down the road you want to try again to have a relationship Do what is right for you, not what anyone else says you should do.

I feel the same way, and i'm almost in my mid-30s. I've been broken up for 5 months now, and have gone on a few dates...the "left over" men are just no good...or maybe I'm just being judgemental, as I'm sure that's what they think about women my age. But like you, I feel like I don't want to date again. I don't want to go through the heartache and pain and the thought of starting over. I'd honestly be fine with having a child on my own with no men to think about.

Agreed.

I feel this 'not-wanting-to-date' is almost like some kind of self-protection mechanism.

One of my close friends said it's understandable not to date again but suggested that I think twice if I want any kids. The thing is that I am not even in a position to be responsible for anyone else but myself. Maybe this will change within some years?

I think it's fine to feel the way you do. You know yourself and if being single works for you, then that's what you should do. Time generally does heal all wounds but only you will know if down the road you want to try again to have a relationship Do what is right for you, not what anyone else says you should do.

I think my frustration is from knowing that I am still hurt from the last relationship. Or I should say I am too hurt to love again

I feel the same way. I just want to be alone. Maybe one day you will open up and be ready but no need to force yourself.

Try to let this decision come from a place of acceptance of what you want and don't want in your life right now and not bitterness about what you think you can't have and mistrust and anger .... In my opinion that's the best way to make sure your choice to be alone is a positive one for you.

I think not wanting to date after a hard break up is totally normal. My ex and I were together nearly a year, my 1st love and breaking up w/him was very hard on me. I went out and socialized, but I didn't feel like dating for at least 3 months, if not more. For Halloween, I went out w/my friends, a guy hit on me and I was actually crying (on the way home) because my heartbreak was so fresh. Give yourself time.

Yes, it is perfectly fine to do that. Nearly 7 years ago, after a break up, I decided to 'Go my own way' and just get on with my life alone. I made the decision that had been rolling around in my head for years, that I did not want to have children, for me, it would mean the rest of my life. So, if no children, then what is the point of having a wife?

Honestly, it was also a way out of a depressive state for me that I always seemed to be when dating, or being in or breaking out of a relationship. Going my own way and I have been happier than ever in my life. I've travelled extensively, followed my dreams and really lived.

I told myself 10 years alone, but after so long, if a woman comes into my life she has to add to my life. I've watched thousands of people on here go through dating issues, and relationship issues, and to be honest, I can't be bothered even trying. I'm happy, that is what is important. Sure, from time to time when I am stressed from work I miss having someone there and I sometimes miss the intimacy, but I'm happy.

I feel the same way. I just want to be alone. Maybe one day you will open up and be ready but no need to force yourself.

 

Try to let this decision come from a place of acceptance of what you want and don't want in your life right now and not bitterness about what you think you can't have and mistrust and anger .... In my opinion that's the best way to make sure your choice to be alone is a positive one for you.

Yeah I feel this is a positive decision. I now just want to focus on my personal growth and my career. Those two things occupy my mind and leave me no time and energy to think about dating.

I think not wanting to date after a hard break up is totally normal. My ex and I were together nearly a year, my 1st love and breaking up w/him was very hard on me. I went out and socialized, but I didn't feel like dating for at least 3 months, if not more. For Halloween, I went out w/my friends, a guy hit on me and I was actually crying (on the way home) because my heartbreak was so fresh. Give yourself time.

Maybe time is all we need. It still hurts me to think about him. I used to start dating right after a breakup and now I only want to take care of myself.

Going my own way and I have been happier than ever in my life. I've travelled extensively, followed my dreams and really lived

.

'Following my dreams' that's exactly what I want to do. In the past I sacrificed so much in the relationship and lost myself. From now on I want to love myself more and fight for things that I deserve.

Different break ups affect us differently and require different amounts of time to heal. You are barely 4 months out, so feeling still raw from that and not ready for anyone else is really quite normal. Your desire to focus on yourself and not worry about dating is actually a very healthy, normal reaction.

I tend to disagree.. If you are still hurt, then you need time to heal, BUT understand this, love is for brave people.. Its like when you have a carcrash, and decide not to ever drive again because of the fear of crashing again..Or not to go to vacation because the possibility of a plane crash. People who are afraid to love, just transform their heart into stone, as simple as that.. I understand your fear now, because you are hurt and need time to heal, and there are people who made the choice to stay single, because.. Well not anybody is made up for relationship, but dont fool yourself, deciding while you are still being hurt. I am a believer of love, and someone who I really loved, just used me as a filler and then like you, because he is still hurt from his past breakup (I didnt know he was recently broke up, he chased me for more than 6 months), suddenly he decided he want to be alone, and broke my heart in 1000 pieces (twice), causing me so much pain. Now, I dont want anyone, because Im healing, but I believe Im going to heal 100% soon, thinking positive and welcoming all the love I can give and get, because as cheesy as it sounds, humans are made to love, and we are social beings, its in our nature.. Dont think negative, and just concentrate in loving yourself, the rest is just going to flow into your life, and please because the hurt person tends to hurt someone new, dont do this, this was very wise of you.. Just give it time, and live the present as you want (alone), and the future just will come ahead.. Just dont overthink it.. And there is a very wrong perspective about relationships, relationships are not a chain, or a cage where two people are trapped, but a partnership where two people decide to fly together, complementing each other, sharing but respecting their individualities and achieving everything they want.. IT is important not to forget that-- First, you must love yourself before being capable of loving someone else, and NOBODY is worth that much sacrifice, is a 50-50 thing...Not a better half thing, but two whole beings together... Sadly there are so many people who thinks differently

A very nice week