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Thread: When you have romantic feelings for a friend

  1. #11
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    You may be right about your first assertion, Unreasonable. I disagree with your second. Why does it give guy friends a bad name because I developed feelings for a friend? Because I told her I had them? Because I'm honest with her, and may honestly tell her what I'd like?

  2. #12
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    Because you knew you had feelings for her when you reconnected. This is not a friendship, it's unrequited love. Take the hint, she's not into you that way. No, a FRIEND does NOT tell a married woman they have romantic feelings for them! A FRIEND, regardless of her past dalliances, respects the fact that she IS married, and doesn't look at adultery as "no big deal." Unless she's in an agreed-upon open marriage, you have NO business encroaching into this territory. Again, you never should have reconnected with her in the first place, and you need to back off and get out of her life, because you do not have honorable intentions. You are either totally blinded by this woman or your moral compass is totally out of whack. You perpetuate a widely held belief that opposite-sex friends are not to be trusted, and that's sad.

  3. #13
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    ^Unreasonable is right. Also, most of this scenario is built upon a fantasy that you've created and maintained for a very long time.

    I had a short romance with someone that I had known for years, revealed my feelings for, had the relationship that I'd always wanted and then my world came crashing down around me when she moved on. I'm just now getting my mind and heart straight a year after we broke up. I wish I had never pursued her, saved myself the pain and anguish.

    Leave this woman alone and wish her well. It will not be the fantasy that you've perpetuated in your mind and if she doesn't fall in love with you, it will destroy you on the inside. Don't put yourself through the risk and pain. This fantasy has been developed over a long period of time and it will take a lot of time and effort to unravel.....but you need to do it.

    It would be better that you find someone that starts to check all the boxes that you have FANTASIZED about this woman being able to fill. Rarely do our fantasies work out in the real world. And that's just the way it goes.....unfortunately.

  4. #14
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    You asked how we thought she would view it. I gave you my opinion. Yet you want to argue with everyone. You are just making excuses in your head for reasons to go forward with your quest to have sex with someone that obviously doesn't want to have sex with you. Its pretty clear. I don't even know why you would ask. If she wanted to, she would have, a long time ago when she started looking outside of her marriage and you were right there, but she didn't. Not at all. As a matter of fact, she seemed to enjoy telling you all about her sex adventures- with EVERYONE ELSE. So go ahead, ask her.... prove us wrong. And no, asking someone to "do you a favor" and have sex with you, does not compare to simple tasks such as walking a dog for you. Really?! Sex is not just something you do with everyone. Attraction is important. And honestly? You don't care if she enjoys it? Wow. This explains a lot. Here's a tip for you, you SHOULD care how the person you are having sex with feels. Even if its just casual. No wonder she hasn't wanted to have sex with you. With comments like that, you are lucky if you have had sex with any woman that has heard you speak first. Sex isn't only an act- especially for a woman. Sex starts with the biggest sex organ any of us have, our brains.
    If I worked with someone, or had a friend even... that said- Hey, do me a favor- fulfill my fantasy of having sex with you.... I would be totally creeped out and from that point on see that friendship differently.

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  6. #15
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    Un., perhaps I'm not the best at being a friend. Nobody's perfect. Maybe I didn't make it clear in my initial post but I thought that I had explained that I didn't start developing this thought that I couldn't handle going through my entire life without having sex with her until after she started telling me about the affair she was having with people that were horrible to her. The point being that when I reconnected with her I wasn't where I am now in terms of wanting to have sex with her. Yes of course I had feelings for her but it wasn't like this. To say that I shouldn't have reconnected with her back then is just incorrect. As for whether or not it's a big deal, I disagree with you. It mustn't be a big deal to her because of her adultury in the past. So that's how I'm treating it. And I am to be trusted. I haven't done a damned thing wrong...yet. And I may never. So relax.
    Last edited by BigB1701; 07-28-2017 at 03:51 PM. Reason: Forgot to say something

  7. #16
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    I hear you, Shattered. I'm just looking for one time. That's it.

  8. #17
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    I'm not arguing with anyone. We're having a discussion. I asked a question you guys give me answers and I am exploring the subject with you within the context of your answers. I know she doesn't want to. I would be asking her to put aside the fact that she doesn't want to and do it anyway. If I did ask she would either say yes I will do it even though I don't want to or no I'm not going to do it because I don't want to.

    I'm aware that the conventional wisdom is that sex is different from things like walking the dog or helping somebody move some furniture. What I'm trying to tell you is that that's a human construct. It isn't any different. It's a simple biological function. We have attached all these other things to it. As I said a couple of times now people have sex with people they're not attracted to all the time without any problems. Film actors kiss and fondle and get fondled by people they're not necessarily attracted to all the time. Not every porn performer is attracted to every person that they have full on sex with at their jobs either. Sex therapists often aren't attracted to the people that they engage in sex acts with. So asking her to have sex with someone she isn't attracted to is not some crazy beyond the bounds of human decency kind of thing that I'd be asking her to do. It's done all the time and not just by prostitutes.
    Last edited by BigB1701; 07-28-2017 at 03:55 PM. Reason: Typo

  9. #18
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    I guess this goes to show that age is no guarantee of maturity. You're line of reasoning basically boils down to "but SHE did it!," "but I WANNA!," and the classic "just one time! PLEAAASE momma??"

  10. #19
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    Un., I can't say you're incorrect. That's my reasoning. Whether its mature or not is a matter of opinion.

  11. #20
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    It won't be worth it, man.

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