Really craving closure but would have to break NC

Hello all,I was dumped about 2 months ago. Post break up I was in such a frantic state. I was also withdrawing from heavy marijuana use. Reflecting on it, I feel like I didn't touch base and apologize for everything. I was mostly focusing on what tipped the scale and trying to win her back by telling her how I am becoming a new man (pathetic, I know). Not to mention I now realize there was more damage done than I initially thought. I have almost zero expectations for reconciliation but would rather just communicate on a human-human level my wrongdoings and apologize. Simply, in detail I want to state that I realized how I hurt her and I understand why how she felt and why she made her decision wishing her well in thew future. I guess this is my craving for closure. It has been about a month of NC and and 2 months since the BU. I'm not sure why I want to redeem myself even though I understand we may never get back together or even talk again. I would be breaking NC but I would be fine if these are my last words forever. Is this a good idea? I feel like I shouldn't care about what she thinks of me but for some reason I want to end our chapter with a decent image of me. She is such a sweet and intelligent girl but I'm not sure what's going on in her head or what she currently thinks of me. Will I actually feel closure or will it result in a cycle of me never feeling satisfied?

Honestly, the onlyw ay you are going to feel closure is by apologising to yourself, closing the door behind you and never going back. While apologising to her might seem like the thing you should do, it will likely come across to her as just another attempt to get back in again.

If you feel you NEED to have that one last conversation, wait two months fom now then ask her for a short chat over coffee in two FURTHER months time.

Perspective is your biggest ally and biggest healer. Write down the conversation you would have now, again when you arrange the meet and finally just before you meet. I guarantee they will be quite different, not least in the language

it's not a need for closure, it's a drive for reparation.

sometimes the other isn't available for that, and that's when we need to tap into our own resources. forgive ourselves, direct the reparative efforts at our own lives and other relationships, future ones too, and move forward being better people.

if that suffices, it is because our remorse is real, as is our capacity for concern, and our conscience, our wish to be the best we can genuine.

if it doesn't suffice, it tells us our motives aren't genuinely what they appear to be, and our behavior is an attempt at securing a connection for the sake of our own feelings, or an attempt to get forgiveness, or validation that we are good (or more) as a defense against a genuine recognition of our faults that demand actual reparative action. in other words, we may want to apologize and get forgiveness to "cleanse ourselves" instead of doing the hard work it actually demands.

You should do it, and then block her number, so there's no expectation for a reply. I think it can be quite healing and good for closure.

Sometimes I really get the urge to have some sort of closure meeting but I'm afraid to break the no contact. I suppose if she ever reaches out I'll suggest it

Sometimes I really get the urge to have some sort of closure meeting but I'm afraid to break the no contact. I suppose if she ever reaches out I'll suggest it

How long has it been? I'm also scared to break NC b/c I have no clue what page she is on anymore. We were once so close but now we could be on different planets.

It's been since march but this past month has been the longest we haven't been in contact. Really I stopped reaching out because when we speak (no so in text) we have such an obvious chemistry and connection it messes me up when it's not followed up on. This, however, also makes me scared for a meeting because it will probably fell the same.

How long has it been? I'm also scared to break NC b/c I have no clue what page she is on anymore. We were once so close but now we could be on different planets.

Wow, you were given some amazing advise and it seems like you ignored it. Are you sure your intentions are pure? It seems like you do want her back. In that case Id apologize and then give her a chance to come back to you. You did her wrong so now she has to decide whether or not she is going to be willing to forgive you.

Wow, you were given some amazing advise and it seems like you ignored it. Are you sure your intentions are pure? It seems like you do want her back. In that case Id apologize and then give her a chance to come back to you. You did her wrong so now she has to decide whether or not she is going to be willing to forgive you.

No advice was ignored.

Of course I hope for reconciliation, as I was the one at fault, but I feel my actions do not warrant me any chances. This is why I say I have zero expectations. However I still carry the guilt of my actions and I'm searching for some relief. I understand that this takes soul searching and working on myself but I have been having trouble forgiving myself. From other threads I have learned that it takes time. I'm just trying to shorten the healing process and was curious if closure would do so.

No advice was ignored.

 

Of course I hope for reconciliation, as I was the one at fault, but I feel my actions do not warrant me any chances. This is why I say I have zero expectations. However I still carry the guilt of my actions and I'm searching for some relief. I understand that this takes soul searching and working on myself but I have been having trouble forgiving myself. From other threads I have learned that it takes time. I'm just trying to shorten the healing process and was curious if closure would do so.

Hmmmm, in that case I don't think you're viewing closure as closure but rather... placing a door stop...and allieviating your own pain.

By all means if you feel she is owed an apology, apologize. But be honest with yourself at the same time or you may end up hurt if her response isn't one you're expecting or worse cause her undue pain after she's already attempting to move on.

I see you write you have 'zero expectations' but your words say otherwise. Guilt doesn't equal zero expectations and you can't guilt your way out of wanting her back. The universe isn't going to reward your remorse by bringing her back to you.

Try to put her health and happiness first, if popping back up would cause her pain, truly show remorse and mercy and give her space. We don't know your story but you do and I think deep down you know the answer to your question, if contacting her is going to cause more harm than good, don't do it, it's not going to be closure in that case.

My advice is this...

very briefly apologize for the things you did wrong and that you are working on the issues, tell her how you feel about her and that you want to work things out and if she changes her mind to call.,

Then walk away like you'll never hear from her again. Trying to convive her will only push her further away and this closure bussiness will only make you feel worse since closure isn't your real goal

Hello all,I was dumped about 2 months ago. Post break up I was in such a frantic state. I was also withdrawing from heavy marijuana use. Reflecting on it, I feel like I didn't touch base and apologize for everything. I was mostly focusing on what tipped the scale and trying to win her back by telling her how I am becoming a new man (pathetic, I know). Not to mention I now realize there was more damage done than I initially thought. I have almost zero expectations for reconciliation but would rather just communicate on a human-human level my wrongdoings and apologize. Simply, in detail I want to state that I realized how I hurt her and I understand why how she felt and why she made her decision wishing her well in thew future. I guess this is my craving for closure. It has been about a month of NC and and 2 months since the BU. I'm not sure why I want to redeem myself even though I understand we may never get back together or even talk again. I would be breaking NC but I would be fine if these are my last words forever. Is this a good idea? I feel like I shouldn't care about what she thinks of me but for some reason I want to end our chapter with a decent image of me. She is such a sweet and intelligent girl but I'm not sure what's going on in her head or what she currently thinks of me. Will I actually feel closure or will it result in a cycle of me never feeling satisfied?

The no contact rule is best used for people who wan to have their significant other come back looking for them. If you accept its over and don't plan to get back together, I say absolutely for your peace of mind apologize to her. This is for you. Weather she accepts it or not it doesn't matter it's for you. You will have a clear conscience and that is all that matters.