I get anxious and upset when ldr doesn't talk

Hi everyone,

So my boyfriend and I have always been in an ldr. He is the most busy one out of the two of us. We normally speak every morning and every night and a call in the afternoon. I know it seems like a lot to some people but it's how we work.

Sometimes my boyfriend works away and this hinders the amount we get to talk. I get very anxious in this rountine and get stressed out if I try to call him and he doesn't answer or he cuts me off - even before he leaves the house.

I'm not anxious because of lack of trust or anything, it's just the breaking of the routine that throws me off and not knowing when we are going to speak.

He isn't very responsive to my texts and this morning he is going away so I tried to call a few times and he either didn't answer or cut me off and just responded to my text with a few heart emojis.

I know it seems like a stupid thing to stress about but how can I convince myself to either want to call him less or not be as anxious when he can't talk? I appreciate he is busy and things like that. It's just a weird feeling for me as I feel like I miss him more than he misses me

What do you to for fun and to keep busy?

Have you two ever met in person?

Have you two ever met in person?

Yes, we see each other every few weeks

What do you to for fun and to keep busy?

I try to work but I'm on a low contract and when there's no overtime there's nothing I can do. I don't really have many hobbies, I try to see my friends when they are free

I try to work but I'm on a low contract and when there's no overtime there's nothing I can do. I don't really have many hobbies, I try to see my friends when they are free

Well, that's why it bothers you so much when he has something to do. Because you don't.

Isn't there anything that interests you?

If you spend all your time waiting for him to call/text/Skype/whatever, what do you have to talk to him about?

Beware that if you don't find something interesting to do, he might end up finding you boring.

What do you to for fun and to keep busy?

Well, that's why it bothers you so much when he has something to do. Because you don't.

 

Isn't there anything that interests you?

 

If you spend all your time waiting for him to call/text/Skype/whatever, what do you have to talk to him about?

 

Beware that if you don't find something interesting to do, he might end up finding you boring.

I am at university so have lots of work to do there but now it's the summer. I'm desperately trying to find things to do because nothing scares me more than him finding me boring

I am at university so have lots of work to do there but now it's the summer. I'm desperately trying to find things to do because nothing scares me more than him finding me boring

LDRs are very hard to sustain. IF he ever gets bored it wouldn't be your fault but the nature of the relationship. Do you guys have plans of moving closer to each other?

edit to add: It's good ofc to find things to do together etc

What do you to for fun and to keep busy?

LDRs are very hard to sustain. IF he ever gets bored it wouldn't be your fault but the nature of the relationship. Do you guys have plans of moving closer to each other?

edit to add: It's good ofc to find things to do together etc

Yes but it will be when I finish university when we can move in together so another 2/3 years

Yes but it will be when I finish university when we can move in together so another 2/3 years

It's good that you have a plan! Very important in LD. If you see yourself stressing too much over this though, please do consider to let go. LDs offer you a lot less than a normal relationship can and you deserve that. You certainly do not deserve stressing over texts and calls etc. So please don't hang on to a relationship because "Yes, but when we will be together in the future, it will be fantastic!" Live in the now.

If it's meant to be, it will be, don't lose yourself in the process.

What do you to for fun and to keep busy?

It's good that you have a plan! Very important in LD. If you see yourself stressing too much over this though, please do consider to let go. LDs offer you a lot less than a normal relationship can and you deserve that. You certainly do not deserve stressing over texts and calls etc. So please don't hang on to a relationship because "Yes, but when we will be together in the future, it will be fantastic!" Live in the now.

 

If it's meant to be, it will be, don't lose yourself in the process.

Most off the time it is good though, he is the perfect person for me and I'm not going to end it. We do love each other. I just have become more anxious recently and it's causing a few problems

What changed recently that is making you feel anxious?

What do you to for fun and to keep busy?

What changed recently that is making you feel anxious?

It's since I've been on the pill

I think you're seeing that he has a life. He can't sustain the communication pattern you two had established.

You might look into Attachment theory. What you're describing could be categorized as Anxious Attachment. What do you fear will happen if you don't know when you'll talk to him again? Are you worried he's losing interest?

Join a gym and get active. Take an art class. Since it's summer and you don't have school why not go to the beach and work on your tan. Visit family and friends. Try to keep your mind off the routine of calling/texting. You shouldn't feel insecure. If he didn't want you he would not be committing to the long distance relationship because they are hard.

Next time when you do call and he doesn't answer or cuts you off, just follow up with a text and tell him that you know he is busy and you will call him later or just ask him when would be a better time to call back.