Help me to understand my recurring dream (nightmare) of my EX

So lately, like clockwork, in the time between 6 and 9am, I have dreams of my ex. This has been going on for a few months now. It died down for a while but lately it's been shooting back up again in recurrence. And in my dream of her it's always sexual in nature with her being totally elusive and/or completely out-of-reach of me. She's this goddess of desire and I'm this peasant who she wants absolutely nothing to do with and yet I'm desperately trying to get her attention, catch her or to acknowledge me. My dream also includes feelings of total envy, jealousy, yearning, insecurity and utter worthlessness.

My goodness, it's pure hell.

I'll be honest, I haven't been coming here for a few days only because I felt it was time I needed a break to help me move on with life a little more normally, but I felt overwhelmingly compelled today to write this because this morning I woke up from yet another dream episode (I should start calling it a nightmare) of my ex with the same feelings attached as mentioned prior only they happened back-to back-to back-to back! I woke up each time with the feelings still lingering too. I absolutely dread when this happens.Then I started to mentally pray to God over and over in silence saying to God "help me through this, help me through this," practically begging God for help. I felt so incredibly vulnerable and helpless.

Then I drifted back to sleep and again, another dream of her. Woke up, prayed in silence again repeatedly until I drifted back to sleep and ANOTHER dream. Woke up, prayed again, slept and ANOTHER! I think I must've had like 4 separate dreams. Again, all of them sexual in nature and her being totally elusive, distant, hateful and lustful in nature towards me while I felt total yearning, jealousy and lust to her. I almost felt like crying man, I was so deeply disturbed by all this. I mean here I am living my life still hung-up on my ex of 1 year with thoughts of her running through my head throughout my day and now I have to deal with her in my sleep!?!? I mean if this isn't torture then I don't know what is.

Sorry guys, I'm just a couple hours from my last dream so I'm still feeling its residual effects.

This has almost convinced me that I'm going to seek a medium. I found one local who has many amazing reviews and can assist in relationship issues. I mean I simply can't go on like this. This is getting completely out-of-hand now. I guess I can deal with the day-to-day thoughts of her, but these dreams are too much and today was the final straw.

I was wondering does anyone know what this all means? Any help or guidance would be fantastic. Maybe share some insight or similar experiences?

Thank you!

Try not to blow it out of proportion, Justin. This is your brain just processing stuff, rather like doing some cleaning on the hard drive in a computer. Nothing more. It's the subconscious working.

Apparently this type of dream you are having is quite normal. I don't think you need a medium. Eventually the dreams will fade.

I'm totally speculating, but do you harbor any lingering guilt over how you conducted yourself during the relationship?

If so, it could be why your psyche is punishing yourself.

I wouldn't seek a "medium". How about a counselor who specializes in relationships and/or grief?

The dreams are just your subconscious trying to process what you won't let out in the light of day.

Im so sorry. 😔

Try not to blow it out of proportion, Justin. This is your brain just processing stuff, rather like doing some cleaning on the hard drive in a computer. Nothing more. It's the subconscious working.

 

Apparently this type of dream you are having is quite normal. I don't think you need a medium. Eventually the dreams will fade.

Ya but LaHermes, it's been happening consistently.

I'm totally speculating, but do you harbor any lingering guilt over how you conducted yourself during the relationship?

 

If so, it could be why you psyche is punishing yourself.

 

I wouldn't seek a "medium". How about a counselor who specializes in relationships and/or grief?

Yes, I am totally regretting much of what I did during the relationship, breakup and post-breakup. The thing is I can't afford going to a therapist atm, but at least with a medium it's a one time thing and it's reasonably priced.

Well, I suppose you can afford to lose the money a "medium" will cost.

I fear it's a scam, but do what you need to do. Maybe if you believe it will help, it will.

PS: You can beat yourself up all you want, but it doesn't change the past. Trust me, I am still angry at myself for wasting so much time on my worthless ex. When I dwell on it, I get mad. So I don't dwell.

Forgive yourself. None of us is perfect. We've all done things we wish we'd done differently. But you don't deserve a life sentence for how you acted.

I got that, Justin, about the consistency.

I have had consistent dreams about all manner of things. Whatever one is trying to process during the day - or not - will surface in dreams. That's all there is to it.

There is no one "visiting" you in these dreams, I can tell you that.

So, as Bolt just said, spend your money on the medium if you wish. These people talk in generalities. The therapist would be more helpful.

In general, recurring dreams indicate the presence of an unresolved and persistent conflict in an individual’s life, and the theme or Central Image of the dream provides a stage for this conflict to play out. The cessation of a recurrent dream may indicate that the conflict has been successfully resolved. Thus, being aware of and working with recurring dreams in your personal life or in therapy is a useful tool for resolving conflicts and improving well-being.

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I mean the dream is pretty self explanatory... You're putting her on a pedestal and feel quite worthless yourself.

There are sexual/jealous feelings probably because you always found her very attractive and know that other guys will too. This is especially distressing now that you can't have her.

I've never had a recurring dream, but I've had many dreams about exes. They always tell me some underlying truth wrapped up in a metaphor.

Soo the only advice I could give is to practice lucid dreaming, which will take time and effort. But if you're still having those dreams by that time, maybe you're "aware" enough to catch her and the illusion of her sexy goddess self just turns to dust :surprise:

I mean the dream is pretty self explanatory... You're putting her on a pedestal and feel quite worthless yourself.

 

There are sexual/jealous feelings probably because you always found her very attractive and know that other guys will too. This is especially distressing now that you can't have her.

 

I've never had a recurring dream, but I've had many dreams about exes. They always tell me some underlying truth wrapped up in a metaphor.

 

Soo the only advice I could give is to practice lucid dreaming, which will take time and effort. But if you're still having those dreams by that time, maybe you're "aware" enough to catch her and the illusion of her sexy goddess self just turns to dust

 

How is lucid dreaming going to help? What exactly is the process? And ya man, I really found my ex super attractive. I mean to me she's the sexiest woman I've ever been with and it just kills me I can't have her anymore. I know for sure I've really, really hyped up her beauty now that she's not part of my life anymore but when I was with her I still found her very, very sexy. Sometimes I would just look at her and think how lucky I was. Now look at me

Maybe now look at her. Realistically. With all the negatives still firmly in mind.

I dream explicitly and always have. Recurring dreams, if pleasant, for me usually precede a reconnection. But if unpleasant, recurring dreams are worth dissection in daylight. You may find the devil within the details, or there may not be a proper message at all, just still unprocessed stress from the breakup.

I'd go to a therapist over a medium, and I'm not a fan of therapists. Therapists are at least regulated and listed with a governing organization. As a veteran dreamer and interpreter or sounding board, my big advice to you is that every person you bring the dream to is going to have a different interpretation for it, and a medium or channel or psychic is going to give you mostly poetry. Save your money, maybe.

Lucid dreaming is accessible to you. Just decide what you truly want, in waking, and go for it the next time the dream comes. To me it sounds like you have unexpressed wants/desires, things unsaid to her, no available or RIGHT outlet for direct expression, and feel frustrated at this lack of access. Also like you are exploring the idea that she doesn't or didn't love you, which may or may not be true.

Consider your nutrition and before-sleep habits, too. As inappropriate as it may be to say to a stranger publicly, maybe pre-sleep sexual release is in order. No shame in that.

We love who we love; it's difficult to accept when it doesn't work out. But that is not the only person who will love you, and right now, that is not even the RIGHT person to love you. Write about the dream if it happens again. I will answer you, for whatever that is worth.

Maybe now look at her. Realistically. With all the negatives still firmly in mind.

 

I dream explicitly and always have. Recurring dreams, if pleasant, for me usually precede a reconnection. But if unpleasant, recurring dreams are worth dissection in daylight. You may find the devil within the details, or there may not be a proper message at all, just still unprocessed stress from the breakup.

 

I'd go to a therapist over a medium, and I'm not a fan of therapists. Therapists are at least regulated and listed with a governing organization. As a veteran dreamer and interpreter or sounding board, my big advice to you is that every person you bring the dream to is going to have a different interpretation for it, and a medium or channel or psychic is going to give you mostly poetry. Save your money, maybe.

 

Lucid dreaming is accessible to you. Just decide what you truly want, in waking, and go for it the next time the dream comes. To me it sounds like you have unexpressed wants/desires, things unsaid to her, no available or RIGHT outlet for direct expression, and feel frustrated at this lack of access. Also like you are exploring the idea that she doesn't or didn't love you, which may or may not be true.

 

Consider your nutrition and before-sleep habits, too. As inappropriate as it may be to say to a stranger publicly, maybe pre-sleep sexual release is in order. No shame in that.

 

We love who we love; it's difficult to accept when it doesn't work out. But that is not the only person who will love you, and right now, that is not even the RIGHT person to love you. Write about the dream if it happens again. I will answer you, for whatever that is worth.

Thank you for your wisdom. It is recognized and greatly appreciated

In a lucid dream we can actually be aware that we are dreaming. When you become aware you can exert some sort of control over the dream environment/characters/narrative. This could help you in finding some sort of resolution or at least conclusion of this recurring dream. Maybe you can finally get to her/talk to her and see what happens.

Anyway, I'm really sorry you feel that way. Believe me, we all know how tough that is. But if you could get such a beautiful girl to love you once, I don't see why it won't ever happen again. The great thing about female beauty is it comes in so many different varieties, you can go literally anywhere and find them. Good luck