How do I move on from a cheater

Hope this helps me. I'm in a really low place.

1.5 months ago split with my husband now getting a divorce. He left for another women he met at work. Tried to string me along but I refused. 2 weeks ago begging for me to be in his life and wanting me. Now Recently discovered they are official. He's happy I'm miserable. I'm not talking to him and all forms of social media has been removed. Please help...

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Took this from a fellow forum member's signature:

"When you start rationalizing and accepting a cheater's behavior/excuses, you start playing a game of how low can you go."

I am so sorry this happened to you, I bleed for you. I can't even understand how devastating this is.

Just know that we are all here for you and will support you in this time of crisis.

People who cheat & lie like that usually have other deeper problems. Problems that, luckily for you, you no longer have to deal with. This new relationship he has likely won't last. He could definitely cheat again on this new person like he did for you, if he (almost) got away with it once... what's stopping him from doing it again? The strangest thing is I can't understand why this new woman is gladly accepting a cheater into her life.

Be glad that you don't have to deal with this evil person anymore. You'll be able to find someone who loves you for you and not go shopping elsewhere without talking to you about it first.

Head high - we're all here to support each other.

I know it is easier said than done to move on from this person. As I always say, "Advice when most needed, is least heeded". I can barely follow my own advice that I give out!

Good luck with your healing, you're making good steps so far by eliminating social media connections and going NC.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like the relationship never worked. First things first. Do not get emotional. You need to get into divorce mode.

Communicate only through lawyers. Excellent you are going no contact. Delete and block him from all social media

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

Took this from a fellow forum member's signature:

"When you start rationalizing and accepting a cheater's behavior/excuses, you start playing a game of how low can you go."

 

I am so sorry this happened to you, I bleed for you. I can't even understand how devastating this is.

Just know that we are all here for you and will support you in this time of crisis.

 

People who cheat & lie like that usually have other deeper problems. Problems that, luckily for you, you no longer have to deal with. This new relationship he has likely won't last. He could definitely cheat again on this new person like he did for you, if he (almost) got away with it once... what's stopping him from doing it again? The strangest thing is I can't understand why this new woman is gladly accepting a cheater into her life.

 

Be glad that you don't have to deal with this evil person anymore. You'll be able to find someone who loves you for you and not go shopping elsewhere without talking to you about it first.

 

Head high - we're all here to support each other.

I know it is easier said than done to move on from this person. As I always say, "Advice when most needed, is least heeded". I can barely follow my own advice that I give out!

 

Good luck with your healing, you're making good steps so far by eliminating social media connections and going NC.

I just feel like everything was a lie to begin with, and I know he had major issues. Anyways he is very manipulative so I don't doubt he's lying and manipulating her. Mind you we are quite young 23, and we didn't have kids. The girl is our same age and has a child but I don't understand it either. His fault and he tries to string me along which I feel so stupid for actually believing him.

I just feel like everything was a lie to begin with, and I know he had major issues. Anyways he is very manipulative so I don't doubt he's lying and manipulating her. Mind you we are quite young 23, and we didn't have kids. The girl is our same age and has a child but I don't understand it either. His fault and he tries to string me along which I feel so stupid for actually believing him.

Believe me - I can't imagine how I can relate to this.

My ex-fiance left me after 5yrs! Since the relationship ended, she has betrayed everything she stood for and become the person she swore she would not be (her mother). Meanwhile, I have remained consistent since Day 1. Yes I made my mistakes, but jeez! I am left to try & figure out what happened and figure out who she TRULY is. WHAT WAS THE TRUTH?!

I'm just honestly in just a lot of pain.

I'm sorry that happened to you... unfortunately people are not what they say they are.

I'm just honestly in just a lot of pain.

 

I'm sorry that happened to you... unfortunately people are not what they say they are.

"It is not who I am underneath, but what I do, that defines me"

In other words, what people do is their true nature. Actions speak louder than words. What "defined" your husband is his ability to betray & cheat, despite his claims otherwise.

Remember, you & I did the right thing by trusting this person and believing what they were telling us. What else were we supposed to do? :suspicion:

The pain is necessary, it will help you grow into a better person. Whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

"It is not who I am underneath, but what I do, that defines me"

In other words, what people do is their true nature. Actions speak louder than words. What "defined" your husband is his ability to betray & cheat, despite his claims otherwise.

 

Remember, you & I did the right thing by trusting this person and believing what they were telling us. What else were we supposed to do? :suspicion:

 

The pain is necessary, it will help you grow into a better person. Whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

Yes everything you said is absolutely correct. I know to embrace the pain and suffering. Just really sucks to be in the this predicament. I'll move on just gonna take a while. It's a big blow to the face, how he can throw 4 years away and move on like nothing.

I'm very sorry for what happened to you.

There are some things we'll never know. Maybe his feelings and everything else were true, but he's simply so messed up that he ruined everything and you dodged a bullet. Regardless of his motives, of how he felt or how he feels now, the truth is that this man is not good for you, and the sooner you found out the better. Most of the times it has to be us to give ourselves closure, because we can't expect others to act different.

You don't have kids so after the divorce is over, you won't have strings attaching you to this manipulative douchebag. It's great that you are doing NC. It's better if you only contact him through lawyers and try to get the divorce over and done the soon as you can. I commend you for the boundaries you're showing now and for not taking up his bullsh*t anymore. I know it hurts a lot now, but one day you'll realize it was the best decision you could do and feel proud. Good luck.

I'm very sorry for what happened to you.

 

There are some things we'll never know. Maybe his feelings and everything else were true, but he's simply so messed up that he ruined everything and you dodged a bullet. Regardless of his motives, of how he felt or how he feels now, the truth is that this man is not good for you, and the sooner you found out the better. Most of the times it has to be us to give ourselves closure, because we can't expect others to act different.

 

You don't have kids so after the divorce is over, you won't have strings attaching you to this manipulative douchebag. It's great that you are doing NC. It's better if you only contact him through lawyers and try to get the divorce over and done the soon as you can. I commend you for the boundaries you're showing now and for not taking up his bullsh*t anymore. I know it hurts a lot now, but one day you'll realize it was the best decision you could do and feel proud. Good luck.

Thank you for your input. I know I should even care or over think about this. I just want to know why I even care about him being with someone else. Why does it bother me so much that he's with someone else?

The pain is necessary, it will help you grow into a better person. Whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

"What is dead may never die. But rises harder and stronger"

-Prayer of the Iron Islands

I wouldn't do that. Don't focus on him or them. Focus on you and your new freedom. Get involved in life again. Embrace being free and single to do whatever you want.

I know to embrace the pain and suffering.

Thank you for your input. I know I should even care or over think about this. I just want to know why I even care about him being with someone else. Why does it bother me so much that he's with someone else?

Because you are thinking that somehow this was about you.....except it's not, never was, never will be. Cheaters cheat in order to cheat. They get off on it. He will be cheating on this new chic in due time just as well. Maybe she will find your guts and leave him or maybe she will turn a blind eye. All I can tell you is be grateful you found out before three kids, a house, car payments and your gyno calling you telling you that you've got to come in for a chat because you've got a serious case of STD's....some only known in veterinary science....... I jest....kind of.....but really this is a case of good bye and good riddance. Pursue your divorce ruthlessly and as quickly as possible.

After all is said and done, though, sit down with yourself and think long and hard why you ignored the red flags with him. You saw them, knew they were there. Don't make the same mistakes in the future. You are smarter than that, you are certainly strong. Kudos for cutting off his bs. Stay strong and a big internet hug to you.

Because you are thinking that somehow this was about you.....except it's not, never was, never will be. Cheaters cheat in order to cheat. They get off on it. He will be cheating on this new chic in due time just as well. Maybe she will find your guts and leave him or maybe she will turn a blind eye. All I can tell you is be grateful you found out before three kids, a house, car payments and your gyno calling you telling you that you've got to come in for a chat because you've got a serious case of STD's....some only known in veterinary science....... I jest....kind of.....but really this is a case of good bye and good riddance. Pursue your divorce ruthlessly and as quickly as possible.

 

After all is said and done, though, sit down with yourself and think long and hard why you ignored the red flags with him. You saw them, knew they were there. Don't make the same mistakes in the future. You are smarter than that, you are certainly strong. Kudos for cutting off his bs. Stay strong and a big internet hug to you.

Well thank you so much for the support. I know it's not my fault just sucks. But I have to keep my head up! It's an emotional rollercoaster...

Anyone can help me what I should do about having his family on my social media? I don't have anything against his family that's why I haven't done anything. I gave my heart to him and his family...