Fighting for an ending relationship

Okay- I'm going through a breakup. And I am not happy about it or coping with it well.

The thing is, my 'ex' (if I can call him that) has the tendency to be a little dramatic. We do argue, yes, but we also have an amazing dynamic.

We've been here before- we've had a major row, and he will walk out and say we are over. But then at some point down the line, comes straight back. So with this recent row, I guess I believed that the same thing would happen. Now I'm not saying that this is good or healthy, but like I said, my ex can be dramatic.

Every single time we've been here, he is adamant he is truly done. So understandly a part of me can't help but think this is yet another over-the-top reaction to a bad patch in our relationship.

I'm a little unsure of what to do- we didn't even have a face-to-face or telephone conversation, he just told me via text that we had 'run our course'. Nothing I have said since has made any difference whatsoever, but I don't want to give up on the relationship.

I have been talking to his Mum, as I have a very positive relationship with all of his family. It's not a secret- I told him I wanted to text her and he said it was fine.

She has repeatedly told me that she believes we are meant for each other and that I shouldn't give up fighting for him. But this time around, I'm just not sure if that will work. He is very unpredictable- he could have a complete change of heart about me, but then perhaps this time he really wants out. And I'm afraid to be patient, and 'fight' for him, to then have him tell me he doesn't want me anymore.

I'm pretty young but I'm quite old-fashioned in the sense that if you truly love someone, you stand by them and fight for your love. Everyone is breaking up these days over petty differences and I just don't think it has to be that way.

Any thoughts/suggestions?

I have decided I won't maintain contact with his Mum anymore because I don't want to seem as if I'm dragging her into it to influence his choice.

I intially text her to say 'goodbye' and thank her for her hospitality over the years, because I think that people often forget that when a breakup occurs, it is not only the two people in the relationship who are affected. Families and friends feel the effect too.

I didn't really say too much about the breakup, it was more just a thank you text. It was her who went on to say I shouldn't give up, and that her son could be stubborn and see things the wrong way.

I just wanted to clear that up as I don't want it to seem like I am deliberately dragging family members into it.

I think that he consistently walks out because he knows you'll take him back.

I would tell him that I disagree with the relationship ending because I still have feelings, but that you will respect his ending it.

I'd then walk away and never look back - meaning, I wouldn't keep in touch with his family, etc, nor with him. He'd be like dead to me, in other words.

If he has any type of respect and interest for you, you'll see how he'll return on *your* terms.

Good luck!

Sometimes you just have to let it go. This is something that sounds like it has been happening for quite some time and in the same cycle. But just because he comes back, or you reign him back in again and get on as before, does not mean that it is healthy.

I personally have had these 'dramatic' episodes in relationships and to be honest, those 'episodes' weren't healthy for the relationship. They did tend to happen with women I was not so connected with and it held a deeper meaning to me. Mostly, those relationships were hard anyway, a struggle, so when an argument flared up it was easy just to say it as over. Honestly for me that was an easy way out of a difficult relationship. I would always come back and struggle on.

Perhaps, it's time to let it go or at least have a break from it to see where both of you are at in a month or even two.

I would tell him that I disagree with the relationship ending because I still have feelings, but that you will respect his ending it.

Good luck!

This is a very strong but open position to take with somebody who consistently breaks things off and returns. Its emotionally draining to constantly be left and then immediately taken back.

I would be cautious on how many of his break ups to tolerate.

Taking someone back over and over again isn't "fighting for the relationship", it's being a doormat. Don't you want to be with someone who can handle anger and conflict without walking away? Don't you want to be with someone who is willing to fight for the relationship as well? Because this guy isn't that.

Telling him how I feel is futile- this actually seems to make matters worse. He either ignores the text or will become irritated, and will just keep repeating that we are done.

So at this point I have stopped talking to him. We are required by the bank to close our joint account together, so either way, we still have to see each other at some point.

And I told him that if he has a change of heart once this latest drama passes, I'm here. But I also told him that if he wishes to proceed with closing the account, that is really the end and there's no coming back.

As it stands, he originally said we could close the account on Feb 15, but somehow woke up over an hour late which made this impractical. Then I suggested a different day, and he said he was busy. And now he's on holiday abroad, so it's just an uncertain waiting game.

I haven't text him in a couple of days and I plan to keep it that way, but I know he will contact me about the account at some point so it's an anxious wait.

Rosephase- now, I am not going to put the blame on myself, I know how I am. I am more fiery and argumentative than he is, and I do understand how that can take a toll. In his words, he believes that he fought for this relationship more than I did, and all I did (in his words) was hurt the relationship with my negativity, and he's had enough.

I am mature enough to acknowledge my faults, but then, the question I ask myself is, why do you keep coming back to me? It's not like I actually encourage this to happen.

It places me in confusing situation because I have to look at his side as well as my own. I could be a nightmare a lot of the time, I admit. But I also was extremely good to him in many ways. He was usually very patient with me and after an argument, we would be fine. But then it always get to a certain point where the argument is bigger than usual and usually I am over it in day or two. But for him, he holds onto it and takes it much more personally, and will then walk away.

I think I'm his mind, every time he walks away he believes he is genuinely making the right choice. And maybe he is, I don't know. And perhaps I am wrong for also letting him come back.

Rosephase- now, I am not going to put the blame on myself, I know how I am. I am more fiery and argumentative than he is, and I do understand how that can take a toll. In his words, he believes that he fought for this relationship more than I did, and all I did (in his words) was hurt the relationship with my negativity, and he's had enough.

I am mature enough to acknowledge my faults, but then, the question I ask myself is, why do you keep coming back to me? It's not like I actually encourage this to happen.

It sounds like he's breaking up with you for valid reasons. It sounds like he is done. Personally? The way I show respect towards people I love is to support their choices, even if it's the choice not to be with me. If you two can't have a relationship without big fights that make him need to be free of the relationship? Maybe you aren't ready to be in a relationship.

Why not focus on your anger and negativity issues?

Okay- I'm going through a breakup. And I am not happy about it or coping with it well.

The thing is, my 'ex' (if I can call him that) has the tendency to be a little dramatic. We do argue, yes, but we also have an amazing dynamic.

We've been here before- we've had a major row, and he will walk out and say we are over. But then at some point down the line, comes straight back. So with this recent row, I guess I believed that the same thing would happen.

This is not an amazing dynamic. This is a dramatic dynamic, which is often mistaken for amazing because of the highs and the lows but is not healthy for any of the people involved.

It's difficult to hear but you guys are probably right.

I think I'm in denial- I keep thinking that this is the end of the road not just for us, but for me and relationships altogether. Some people can keep moving on to the next partner, but I can't do that. So without sounding dramatic, it feels like a bereavement.

I initially believed that a month of no contact would be beneficial, but that isn't really fair of me to prolong things if he wants to move on.

And I know we cannot be 'friends' either- I have never believed in exes being friends because it often creates issues.

So goodbye it is.

It is my honest opinion that a majority of these On-again-off-again couples should permanently call it quits. If you break up so many times, it means its not meant to be and you two do not suit each other as much as you would like to believe otherwise.

So my advice is don't wait for him to come back, but move on. If he does come back, tell him it is over permanently.

It's difficult to hear but you guys are probably right.

I think I'm in denial- I keep thinking that this is the end of the road not just for us, but for me and relationships altogether. Some people can keep moving on to the next partner, but I can't do that. So without sounding dramatic, it feels like a bereavement.

I initially believed that a month of no contact would be beneficial, but that isn't really fair of me to prolong things if he wants to move on.

And I know we cannot be 'friends' either- I have never believed in exes being friends because it often creates issues.

So goodbye it is.

Of course if feels like bereavement. You just lost a relationship you cared for. You need time to morn and heal. It's perfectly normal to feel like you are done with relationships as a whole when you are grieving. And you shouldn't move on to the next relationship. You should take a look into your own dynamic and see why you are attracted to volatile dramatic type relationships. You should take time and work on your anger and your expression of emotion. So when you do feel like being in a relationship again you will be coming from a healthier place and you won't make the same mistakes.

Well, thank you for your comments. It's not going to be easy but I just want to do what's best, even if that hurts like hell.

Taking someone back over and over again isn't "fighting for the relationship", it's being a doormat. Don't you want to be with someone who can handle anger and conflict without walking away? Don't you want to be with someone who is willing to fight for the relationship as well? Because this guy isn't that.

Please note this. These questions are dead bang on for helping you best to find a productive answer. I wish what I'd come to post was this insightful.

I'm not trying to belabor points that have been already well stated, but I'm concerned that you may not be receiving the helpful prods to step away from looking at this as a he/we/relationship issue and instead focus on how you got here.

Otherwise, whatever you decide to do in this particular situation or whether or not you have the decision made for you by this chap or the circumstances, I think that if you don't address your part in this and how you seem to still be misperceiving it, you'll simply wind up here anew with a different fellow, same problems. And then again. And so on.

Good luck.