Drunk texting a much younger guy!

So, I've been interested in a guy who is a lot younger than me(17 years). I'm 41. Every time I go out in the last month (3 months), we have flirted and had a couple of kisses. The thing is every time I text him on Facebook messenger because I don't even have his number!!!

This last friday was the worst. I basically told him I don't want to play games and I know our age gap is huge but if he wants anything - this my number and the ball is in his court!

I didn't hear from him and have been considering sending another message pretending I've just seen that I messaged him and apologizing!

As I said down to write this I got a message from him.

Really sweet, but leaves me in no doubt that he doesn't want anything...

He said he also doesn't want to play games, he's seeing someone and so he thinks it's best to leave whatever we have going on!

OMG! I am dying a thousand deaths. I am so embarrassed. Not really because he has said no - but because I have made a fool of myself by texting him every time I get drunk!

What do I do? Do I reply to him and say that's cool! Or that's cool AND apologize for texting him whenever I get drunk! Or do I just ignore the message

OMG OMG OMG!!!

First, breathe, mate. Deeply.

You did nothing wrong. I appreciate your perspective but as a neutral third-party observer, I see nothing shameful, here.

He's not an option because he's seeing someone and good on him for being honest and plain spoken and not wasting your time or effort.

But he didn't reject you, personally. He doesn't bring up past exchanges, right? He's just clarifying the dynamic by telling you that he understands your position and agrees, that he's removing himself from risking doing the very things neither of you are interested in as he has a SO and doesn't want to squander your time or hurt you by inadvertently leading you on.

Second. Step away from the texting. You are ahead of the game, here. Nothing more needs to, or should - be added.

Hang in.

Apologize, walk away and address your drinking issues.

Thanks for that. I appreciate your advice

First, breathe, mate. Deeply.

 

You did nothing wrong. I appreciate your perspective but as a neutral third-party observer, I see nothing shameful, here.

 

He's not an option because he's seeing someone and good on him for being honest and plain spoken and not wasting your time or effort.

 

But he didn't reject you, personally. He doesn't bring up past exchanges, right? He's just clarifying the dynamic by telling you that he understands your position and agrees, that he's removing himself from risking doing the very things neither of you are interested in as he has a SO and doesn't want to squander your time or hurt you by inadvertently leading you on.

 

Second. Step away from the texting. You are ahead of the game, here. Nothing more needs to, or should - be added.

 

Hang in.

Thanks for your advice. It helps so much having an objective viewpoint

Omg omg you're 41! Time to act like it. Where did you even meet this guy?

Like what exactly did you expect to get out of dating a 24 year old? Facebook messaging, drunk texting and going out clubbing at age 41? Time to grow up. Find a guy close to your age who wants the same things you do and isn't seeing someone else. Did you recently go through divorce or breakup and are having some kind of midlife crisis??

If you're doing things while drunk that make you feel shame then you probably need to quit drinking. You're a grown woman not a teenager. You should know better.

Omg omg you're 41! Time to act like it. Where did you even meet this guy?

 

Like what exactly did you expect to get out of dating a 24 year old? Facebook messaging, drunk texting and going out clubbing at age 41? Time to grow up. Find a guy close to your age who wants the same things you do and isn't seeing someone else. Did you recently go through divorce or breakup and are having some kind of midlife crisis??

 

If you're doing things while drunk that make you feel shame then you probably need to quit drinking. You're a grown woman not a teenager. You should know better.

Thanks for that! NOT! Wow, so judgmental, ever thought about walking a mile in someone else's shoes before your judge!

You send a simple, "Oh, thanks for telling me that." and then you walk away. Stop beating yourself up. Unless you can see they're wearing a ring or otherwise in a committed relationship the only way you're going to find out if they are is to ask. You asked. He replied. It's done.

You didn't do anything wrong, in fact good on you for finding out sooner rather than six months down the road when you were far more attached.

I've had people ask me out when I was in a relationship. I just told them I was and left it at that. The only ones I ever thought badly of were the ones who knew I was with someone else. Everyone else, nah. I don't expect people to be mind readers and this guy wasn't expecting it of you either.

Carry on and find someone who is single. And you do that by more of meeting people, seeing someone you're interested in, and asking. It's pretty much how it happens, so you're totally fine.

So what other blokes have caught your fancy, Nix?

Omg omg you're 41! Time to act like it. Where did you even meet this guy?

 

Like what exactly did you expect to get out of dating a 24 year old? Facebook messaging, drunk texting and going out clubbing at age 41? Time to grow up. Find a guy close to your age who wants the same things you do and isn't seeing someone else. Did you recently go through divorce or breakup and are having some kind of midlife crisis??

 

If you're doing things while drunk that make you feel shame then you probably need to quit drinking. You're a grown woman not a teenager. You should know better.

uncalled for. She's done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with the age gap. If it was a man with a younger woman I bet you wouldn't judge so harshly.

uncalled for. She's done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with the age gap. If it was a man with a younger woman I bet you wouldn't judge so harshly.

Meh, maybe, but I could also picture such a man being labelled a creeper and being told to act his age and get a handle on his drinking. However, I do think people wouldn't find an actual relationship between a 41 year old man and a 24 year old woman as unusual because statistically speaking it isn't.

OP, I would just say "OK, thank you for messaging me back. I understand and I'm sorry for drunk messaging you. Good luck." Then you simply bow out gracefully. He will barely remember this in a month.

I'm sorry but a 41 year old woman acting like a teenager is unattractive and screams of instability. I've dated someone 16 years older than myself and learned that it's hard to relate to someone with that much of an age gap. The sex is great but it's hard to have a real meaningful relationship in that situation.

It's not really the age gap I was judging more the fact that she regularly gets drunk and does things she regrets. I would think by age 41 most people would have stopped doing this.

Sorry for having an opinion. 🙄

And I'm not the only one that told her to deal with her drinking. It's clearly a problem if it's causing this much stress.

Am I really the only one who thinks a 41 year old who is freaking out screaming OMG over Facebook messaging a guy needs to grow up a little?

You should do nothing. Really. Yes, Really.

Thanks for the support butterfly45. I do think that Iggy5129 made an uncalled for judgment. If it makes it any better my maths is wrong. he is 27 so its a 14 year age gap

Anyway, it was fun and an ego boost that a younger man would still find me attractive. I respect his decision to leave things where they are and actually by doing that i will always think fondly of him. No one got hurt and he treated me like a real gentleman instead of embarrassing me further. His lady is one lucky girl

You should do nothing. Really. Yes, Really.

I agree with this, but too late I replied and told him that agree, we should leave things where they are.

I'm sorry but a 41 year old woman acting like a teenager is unattractive and screams of instability. I've dated someone 16 years older than myself and learned that it's hard to relate to someone with that much of an age gap. The sex is great but it's hard to have a real meaningful relationship in that situation.

 

It's not really the age gap I was judging more the fact that she regularly gets drunk and does things she regrets. I would think by age 41 most people would have stopped doing this.

 

Sorry for having an opinion. 🙄

 

And I'm not the only one that told her to deal with her drinking. It's clearly a problem if it's causing this much stress.

 

Am I really the only one who thinks a 41 year old who is freaking out screaming OMG over Facebook messaging a guy needs to grow up a little?

Iggy5129, you are perfectly entitled to your opinion, it was the tone in which you put me down. I didn't know there was an age limit on saying OMG! (And how do you know I said OMG! all over Facebook messaging... I don't think you've read my messages??? I put it in my post because I was so mortified by my own bad behaviour!) You don't know me so how is it a fact I regularly get drunk??? In fact, you don't know any of the circumstances at all. I do not think it is a good idea for a 41 year old woman to be in a relationship with a 27 year old man. But sometimes there is an attraction that you can't help. Anyway, the whole question of us having a relationship was very politely ended by him. Do you think he would have been that respectful if he thought I was an immature drunk floosy??? How much worse if I wasn't ashamed of texting a younger man when I have had a few drinks. And if that's the only bad thing I've done then I hardly think the drinking is a problem.

If you knew me you would know that's how I talk, and perhaps I need to grow up a little, in your opinion, but I'm having fun in my life and don't see why once I reach a certain age, I should suddenly grow up and change my personality.

So what other blokes have caught your fancy, Nix?

Not many to be honest as I'm not looking for a relationship. This flirtation just happened as they do. I am quite fine being single and enjoying time with my friends. I'm sure when I'm ready to jump back into the dating pool, I will start looking around at what's out there - hahahaha! For now, I'm just content to take one day at a time. I have just ended my 16 year abusive marriage where I was controlled at every turn, so I am just enjoying the freedom in my life and don't want any man to dictate to me. I think that's why I found the 27 year old attractive as i knew nothing would come of it, and it was fun to flirt. My humiliation over all of this is because I sent him messages on messenger and I really regret that. I don't regret the month of flirting and the two little kisses at the end of the last two nights. I didn't want to shag him, well maybe I did, but I was never going to let it get to there. Maybe subconsciously I sent him those messages because I knew it would be a turn off and put the ball in his court to put a stop to this frivilous flirtation.

Geez, there are some uptight people in this world.

I'm glad I found this site, so I can get advise in future when I do find someone my age that I'm interested in...

Thanks for all the helpful and positive advice I've received and the not so nice advice. It's good to see the range of reactions as it is indicative of what the reactions of the people in our community would have.

It's cool , just find someone else