Exercise my therapist has me doing. May help some.

In my therapy session yesterday, I told my therapist one of my struggles is letting go of what was. I told her that I still have all of these memories, and that so many places and things remind me of my ex.

She asked me a few questions about the relationship in general...and then the relationship at the end.

She pointed out that a lot of times we romanticize on what was before, but ultimately not what ended up.

When two people meet, during the honeymoon stage people (we all) are the best versions of ourselves. Those are the people we fall for, but some people don't stay that person after time passes.

Unfortunately, those seem to be the memories we hold onto after we no longer have that person.

She has me doing an exercise, where I write down everything I liked about the relationship. Then, another list with everything that was wrong or things I didn't like.

Then, go back to the things I liked, and be honest with myself. Were those things still present at the end? How long into the relationship did they change? Did they change into negatives?

After the list is done, take time each morning to go over it. And if you have to, before bed too. Add to it whenever things pop in your head throughout the day.

By taking time to see that this person was actually no good for you, and you probably were blind to it, we can train our brains to WANT to let go. To see it for what it IS, not what it WAS.

During my list, I realized that so many of the things I loved weren't even in existence in the last half of our relationship. I was holding onto something that ended long before it ended.

I wouldn't say that I'm over it by any means, but it's a huge help to be able to sit there and think of the 20 things I didn't like whenever 1 thing I did pops into my head.

For some of you out there feeling the hurt, unable to let go, try this. See if it helps you at all.

It's interesting you bring this up, because one of the main reasons I found it relatively easy to let go of my abusive ex was the realisation that the person I'd been in love with DID NOT EXIST. It took very little time to start feeling angry with him, as opposed to feeling a huge sense of loss.

Sorting out the emotional trauma of being in an abusive relationship, and working on the aspects of myself that had brought me there in the first place, took a lot longer. But at least I didn't feel torn, wanting him back and all sorts of other things which make breakups so difficult.

Thank you for sharing and it is so so so true for every break up - the relationship really ends long before it actually ends.

The sooner we can look back and recognize that, the better and easier to move forward.

Thank you for posting! I think this could be helpful for a lot of people.

Keep your head up!

Really helpful! Thanks for sharing.

Thank you for this..for considering us all. I'm going to try this tonight.

Well, I tried this exercise this morning and it just made me feel anger toward her and wanted to contact her to take that feeling out. It makes me really mad that she dont allow me to see her son after she allowed and trained him to call me mom and I gained his love and respect. She used me more as his baby sitter than a mom as now dad is here she dont need me close to him. It just make me feel so much anger toward her and lot of negative feelings. But this definetely helps me to learn that Im able to control my emotions and that sometimes its better to just let that feeling go away instead of going from 10 to zero but damm it.

Thank you for this. Had been struggling for same reasons you mentioned and it helped a lot. Was hugely surprised at how big the things I didn't like list was.

It has put me back in a clearer picture of the major frustrations and tensions in the relationship, as well as the good things. It's certainly helped with offering balance, as I had only been remembering the good things. I am feeling a bit more unburdened now - thankyou!