No contact rule even in social media... How it apllies in that case?

In the last couple weeks I've became more active in some social medias pages for my own fun. But, It come to my knowledge that my ex felt a little upset because of that and because she sees me a lot there (we both likes a plenty of same pages).

Question: Should I stop doing this? NC is also for those kind of "interactions"? For me is not a big deal, but I don't know if she sees that like some pressure or me getting desperate. I don't think i'm doing this to call her attention anyway.

ps: 1 month of NC and 2 months since BU.

This is why social media blocking is crucial. It prevents this nonsense so you can enjoy your social media without wondering what she's thinking.

my ex felt a little upset because of that and because she sees me a lot there we both likes a plenty of same pages. I don't know if she sees that like some pressure or me getting desperate

You shouldn't even care what your ex thinks, she dumped you because she doesn't want to be with you.

You should block her.

When something like this "comes to your knowledge", there is a chance that it is manipulation through proxy. If your ex is upset about your social media, she should remove herself from platforms where she can see you what you are doing. That's her responsibility for her emotional health. Nothing to do with you. It shouldn't change or hinder your behaviour. Equally, how she perceives things is not your problem anymore. You must act independenty.

I only know what she is thinking by one of our mutual friends. She even think that my actions are for get some girl (and it's not.. I only post some random stuffs. I don't even flirt with some one there.)

But you are right, those things she is thinks are non-important to me. So I don't need care about that and keep posting, or do you think is better to back off and stop post (or, atleast, reduce the number of posts)?

I only know what she is thinking by one of our mutual friends. She even think that my actions are for get some girl (and it's not.. I only post some random stuffs. I don't even flirt with some one there.)

 

But you are right, those things she is thinks are non-important to me. So I don't need care about that and keep posting, or do you think is better to back off and stop post (or, atleast, reduce the number of posts)?

Better in what sense? For whom? Where would you like to reach with this choice and where does that sit with your own life vision for yourself?

Well, she probably thinks that I am doing this just to call her attention or that I want to affect her somehow. Maybe I still think about her sake (for no reason, as she left me)... For me, changes nothing and makes me joy more some pages. But can't evaluate if my subconcious is doing this by purpouse (aka: that I really want she sees me)

Perhaps you are still hoping getting her jealous through your social media show for her, that she'll come back? Which is why you won't block her.

In my mind she became scary that I could found someone new. I am older then she (29 and 22)

Sorry, but I believe you're only fooling yourself. Why not skip the Facebook playground and move forward?

In my opinion,

If you feel that you are doing these to make her feel something and if you think this is holding you back in your own recovery by still keeping an indirect connection, then you block her for your own good. This will provide you with a new, independent space. It may feel empty at first but you will get used to it and you will learn to fill it. After blocking her, you continue with your own social media behaviour evaluating it in terms of your independent goals. If you take this route, also tell your friend that you don't want to hear anything about your ex and they should respect it. Otherwise it is meaningless. NC is a total action.

Never change your behaviour because an ex is upset with your actions. It's their responsibility. That responsibility is not carried out by controlling others. However, if you want to get back your ex and that's why you are sensitive, cut the indirect social media behaviour and express your need directly.

In either case, don't do anything right now. Taking action very soon after the message has been carried to you by a friend means you are still quick to react and therefore are open to control. Do whatever you want to do a bit later. Control your own timing in your affairs. And before that, don't change anything in your behaviour.

Well.. I confess that I still have some hope that she really want to came back in the future (near or far). As we had a 'friendly' BU, I didn't block her... And that scary of her are related with our first BU, then she ask for our reconciliation (can't know if this still remains, but I think so)

But my post are about random stuffs.. no flirts and no one are related with getting someone new (but, I alse received some flirts there, but I answered politely that we can atleast talk). Does that kind of stuff makes someone jealous anyway? I mean, even with me posting those soft things? If that was the case, is better to stop posting there, am I right?

Fooling for holding hopes, i guees... Actually, I only post things that are no related with my personal life. I can't se how those things can hurt someone. Just if see my posts are enough to made she mad about me.

If she cared, you would hear from her directly not through whatever social media "image" you are hoping she sees indirectly.

As long as any of your activity revolves around her thoughts and potential actions or feelings you will hinder your own life.

I still have some hope that she really want to came back in the future. I didn't block her. Does that kind of stuff makes someone jealous anyway? I mean, even with me posting those soft things? If that was the case, is better to stop posting there, am I right?

I talked to her one month ago (1 month after BU, and I pressed her a little BC I anxious and she's trying to make me wait by putting no expectation for a talk, but didn't cancel that (basically told me that she needs time and space, and maybe someday she will tell me that we can talk.. She did this once and tried to avoid his own deadline by saying nothing). In that talk I expose all my feelings, even that I still love her and that I want to get back to her. At the end I asked for what she wants right now from us, and she told me that I could talk to her if I want, but she doesn't feel good with it, BC our BU are so recently. And I respect and send her nothing since that day.

I'm really going to consider to block her. But is really hard, even with us not talking anymore. Actually, I only posted there cause my doctor said is good to me go out borders and be more social active, and start with social media is a good way... Nothing about her, but it affected her mading she went upset with that... Maybe she sees that like a pressure by my part... Or I keep alive in her life and she keeps her upseting from BU... Don't know...

I'm take some time until an action (considering what you've said). Maybe I will try some new kind of social activities beyond social media...

posting those soft things

If she cared, you would hear from her directly not through whatever social media "image" you are hoping she sees indirectly.

 

As long as any of your activity revolves around her thoughts and potential actions or feelings you will hinder your own life.

So, if I do that for my own, that's ok. But if I do that things for somehow affect her, then is not ok. At first I did it for me, to gain self-steem and, maybe, get some new friends. But now, knowing that she feels bad, I think about it... So, I care more about her thought then with myself when I start to think about her feeling. And, I still want her plenty, but I don't think keep around her is going to bring any advantage to me. I also break boundries and interact with her relatives or friends (those who are more friends of her than mines) when appears anything in my timeline, I will stop it tho...

Anyway, I want to avoid any direct or indirect interaction with her... I still think about her, and I know that if I stay around ir makes no good for me.

Why are you contacting her friends and family?

I also break boundries and interact with her relatives or friends. I want to avoid any direct or indirect interaction with her.

BTW, what "soft" things? is this is a modelling fb page we're talking about?

Like helping people with some subject from college, make some joke in some posts, trying to help one of other about their personal stuffs. I really thing those are not big deal. But, and I confess, I answer every post that cotains some trouble. Maybe that flood of me made her upset and considered unecessary things.

Why are you contacting her friends and family?

I've just make me this question right now. Actually, I always had a good relation with them all, and trying to keep it. But it's complete non-sense, since me and her are no longer together and I'm probably try to remain in her life by them. I didn't send them direct messages, but I comented and liked some posts. Which is also "contacting her friends and family".. So I think i'm in NC for a month, but actually I'm not in NC yet (by talking with them)

no. i agree with zeino. if she's bothered, she can't dump that on you. she could just block you and your activity wouldn't appear.

buuut, by that same token...if you're bothered by her being bothered by your online activity...you likewise have the choice to block her and end the drama.

contacting her friends and family may appear like you're deliberately trying to get through to her. usually one will stop contact, direct and by proxy after a break up.

it boils down to her trying to get your negative attention by complaining, and you preferring her negative attention to silence. as if irritating one another leaves the door open for love...or proves there was love in retrospect.

blocking is so easy. just sayin'.

Very true. If you are using social media not only for her to see but to remark on her friends' and family's pages then it's not really NC in the sense of trying to heal and giving yourself a mental break from the relationship and all that went with it.

but actually I'm not in NC yet

no. i agree with zeino. if she's bothered, she can't dump that on you. she could just block you and your activity wouldn't appear.

 

buuut, by that same token...if you're bothered by her being bothered by your online activity...you likewise have the choice to block her and end the drama.

 

contacting her friends and family may appear like you're deliberately trying to get through to her. usually one will stop contact, direct and by proxy after a break up.

 

it boils down to her trying to get your negative attention by complaining, and you preferring her negative attention to silence. as if irritating one another leaves the door open for love...or proves there was love in retrospect.

 

blocking is so easy. just sayin'.

Well, that's true. She didn't told me anything, but I heard whisperss about that. Don't know if she wants that I know that, or if she just complain about that (but with no inteend that I know that). I just know that she is upsat with my activities and commented that I probably doing this to become more knowing there and that some people flirted with me. But, as far as i know, she didn't know or want that I know that (and it was a little surprise to me).

I think I am bothered about it more bc I care about her.. Don't know.

At first I didn't talk to them. It becomes more common recently, bc some of them interact with my posts. After bc, my ex contacted my parents by mesage to thanked them for everything and that she love them all (didn't does that at fisrt BU). Them, as far as i know, she stopped any kind of interact with them, didn't see anything about her on their posts.

Maybe Im really trying to keep her near, even if its by a toxic and negative way. No good at all, and keeps me living that somehow. My doc said, by what I've said, that my ex acting like a true teenager, not correspond to her actual age (she know whole story ain detail) and, as users said me once, she was living what she needs to live right now, and our current life objectives are completly different (ps: I want someone to marry and so on; she wants to discover the world and thinks in a idealized way for all life aspects and objectives). Even her closest relatives said me that (and I ask nothing to them. They looked for me and told me that).

I really want an open door, but I think I need to close it now. Keep it unlocked, but close once for all.

Very true. If you are using social media not only for her to see but to remark on her friends' and family's pages then it's not really NC in the sense of trying to heal and giving yourself a mental break from the relationship and all that went with it.

I totataly agree with that. Anyway, unfollow all of them right now and I will see if it hurt me or not. If it keeps in my mind I will block her. Should I tell her if I do that? It can end with any chance of reconciliation? I think if she really wants she will try anything to reconect with me, but she was my first gf, and I don't know how it works (my unique reference was our first bu, that I remain at her side until I discovered that she talked to another guy... 6 weeks laters she talk to me)

I totataly agree with that. Anyway, unfollow all of them right now and I will see if it hurt me or not. If it keeps in my mind I will block her. Should I tell her if I do that? It can end with any chance of reconciliation? I think if she really wants she will try anything to reconect with me, but she was my first gf, and I don't know how it works (my unique reference was our first bu, that I remain at her side until I discovered that she talked to another guy... 6 weeks laters she talk to me)

If you do decide to block her, DON'T tell her. It breaks your NC and it comes off as childish/immature to point out the fact you are doing it. You're better than that.

I am in a similar situation with my ex. She still keeps tabs on me on social media and so far it hasn't hindered with what I post, etc. But now she is starting to play games which is making me reconsider and just blocking her out all together.

And like you I also am wondering if there is a chance at reconciling but for now you have to have the mind set that she is not coming back and you need to live your life that way. Don't let what she tells your friends dictate what you do online, and don't do things to try and either grab her attention or get under her skin. Just focus on you and not contacting her.

Finally, you said this was your first love, don't worry you will meet someone else even though it doesn't seem likely now. Take this as a learning experience and just keep working on you. That's all you have control of.