Ex sent me a weird late night text

Hey everyone,

I posted her back in October about my break up with a coworker. Since then she's reached out a few times but I've been cordial and friendly but don't want to be friends (she brought this up the night of the breakup).

Then tonight at 10 she sends me a text of a goofy pic we took. So later on I responded with a short sentence back. She then sends a heart emoji. So now my mind is racing and I decide just to be blunt and say "is there something you want to say? Not really sure why you're sending me this pic"

She responds saying oh no sorry I was just cleaning out old photos from my phone and found this one. Obviously this is one of the oldest "tricks" in the book but very random that after almost two months she randomly decides to text me on a Saturday night.

Am I reading too much into it? Should I have handled it differently? Most importantly I didn't want to come off as harsh but I also don't want an ex trying to play games with me either. She still follows me on social media and even @ mentions me on random IG (I don't follow her but she still follows me)

She's playing games. Ignore her.

She's probably seeing if you're still hanging on.

If you don't want to play games with her or be her friend, why not block her?

Well good news is I'm not hanging on and actively out dating/meeting new people.

Like I said we work together (different departments but still see each other in the halls) so I'm trying to keep things somewhat civil which is why I haven't blocked her.

One of the things she said was she needed space when we broke up so I've given her that as much as I can outside of passing through the halls.

Sounds like she is simply touching base and the one maybe struggling to fully move on.

The good old breadcrumb.

"Instead of being mature, I'll send him this pic of us in hopes that he'll remember all the good times we had together. Hopefully it'll tug at his heart strings and he'll send a response that lets me know that he still thinks of me as much as I think of him."

"Oh goooood, he responded. I'll let this heart emoji speak for how I feel. Oh please Please send me a heart emoji back!"

"Oh shiot. He doesn't seem interested. His response seems rather blunt. Ehhh. I'll just play it off now."

i don't see how keeping it civil at work requires not blocking her. she's a coworker, and i doubt the job requires she be able to get through to you via personal accounts, social media profiles or personal phone number.

you can amuse yourself with her attempts at validation that she still matters, but it's an amusement based on the validation that you still matter.

if you're not into "games", walk the talk and block her. or enjoy the breadcrumbs, your call really.

The good old breadcrumb.

 

"Instead of being mature, I'll send him this pic of us in hopes that he'll remember all the good times we had together. Hopefully it'll tug at his heart strings and he'll send a response that lets me know that he still thinks of me as much as I think of him."

 

"Oh goooood, he responded. I'll let this heart emoji speak for how I feel. Oh please Please send me a heart emoji back!"

 

"Oh shiot. He doesn't seem interested. His response seems rather blunt. Ehhh. I'll just play it off now."

The part I don't get is, why not just come out and say what she wants to say? This probably means she regrets her decision but is too stubborn to admit it or she thinks I still have feelings for her and she can play with my head. I guess in a way it is working since I'm posting about it. But it just seems odd to handle it that way (but again, I'm not like that and tend to be more open/straight forward about things).

Should I have answered it differently? I just didn't want her to string me along and just get to the point of this reach out/bread crumb.

because to say it outright would mean risking blunt rejection. testing allows her the option to back out like she "didn't mean anything" (ohh i was just cleaning out old photos, right?)

and because maybe you'll want to get back together but she really doesn't want to, she just wants to see whether there's enough flame there left to warm her lonely-on-a-saturday-night ego.

might have used saturday night thinking you're less likely to respond if you're out with someone. as in if you're not, maybe you're still hung up on her.

either way allowing this kind of stuff by not blocking her feeds whatever idea she contacted you with, and isn't the mature, reasonable way people who are capable and willing of a reconciliation go about it.

You should come off as harsh. She's toying with you.

The part I don't get is, why not just come out and say what she wants to say? This probably means she regrets her decision but is too stubborn to admit it or she thinks I still have feelings for her and she can play with my head. I guess in a way it is working since I'm posting about it. But it just seems odd to handle it that way (but again, I'm not like that and tend to be more open/straight forward about things).

 

Should I have answered it differently? I just didn't want her to string me along and just get to the point of this reach out/bread crumb.

Your response was excellent.

There could be a plethora of reasons as to why she isn't being more direct:

1) she's not sure if you are dating anyone. In fact, this may have also been a reason why she texted you. She was wanting to find out if you were seeing anyone.

2) to see how warm and welcoming you would act. if you were warmer, she'd likely begin texting you more often for her own emotional gain. You gave a clear message that you aren't going to play her game.

3) for an ego boost. Does he still heart me? Will he tell me how much he misses me? Will he ask me how I'm doing?

Whatever the reason, it's game-like. If you would've told her that you miss her, ball would've been in her court and who knows how she'd play. She could confess that she misses you. Or she could've gotten her ego boost and said, "oh...well, I'm kinda seeing someone now. I just thought you'd enjoy that picture though. We had a great time that night. Take care"

Personally, I think you should block her. Take the winter off from dating. Get back out there this spring or summer

because to say it outright would mean risking blunt rejection. testing allows her the option to back out like she "didn't mean anything" (ohh i was just cleaning out old photos, right?)

 

and because maybe you'll want to get back together but she really doesn't want to, she just wants to see whether there's enough flame there left to warm her lonely-on-a-saturday-night ego.

 

might have used saturday night thinking you're less likely to respond if you're out with someone. as in if you're not, maybe you're still hung up on her.

 

either way allowing this kind of stuff by not blocking her feeds whatever idea she contacted you with, and isn't the mature, reasonable way people who are capable and willing of a reconciliation go about it.

Funny that she was able to hand out a rejection 2 months ago but can't handle the possibility taking it (if she is indeed looking to get back together).

Obviously when I posted this I wondered if I did the right approach or maybe try a few more back and forth before being blunt but in the end if she can't handle it in a mature manner I saved myself some time and effort in the process.

Your response was excellent.

 

There could be a plethora of reasons as to why she isn't being more direct:

 

1) she's not sure if you are dating anyone. In fact, this may have also been a reason why she texted you. She was wanting to find out if you were seeing anyone.

 

2) to see how warm and welcoming you would act. if you were warmer, she'd likely begin texting you more often for her own emotional gain. You gave a clear message that you aren't going to play her game.

 

3) for an ego boost. Does he still heart me? Will he tell me how much he misses me? Will he ask me how I'm doing?

 

Whatever the reason, it's game-like. If you would've told her that you miss her, ball would've been in her court and who knows how she'd play. She could confess that she misses you. Or she could've gotten her ego boost and said, "oh...well, I'm kinda seeing someone now. I just thought you'd enjoy that picture though. We had a great time that night. Take care"

 

Personally, I think you should block her. Take the winter off from dating. Get back out there this spring or summer

 

Thanks Jenny.

 

I actually have gone on a couple of dates since our breakup. So far nothing has come of them but it's helped with the moving on process (at least for me personally, I know others wait a bit longer). I told a couple of close friends about this as well and they all had the same reaction people in this thread have had.

 

Now that it's been over 24 hours since the interaction I feel a lot more sure of how I handled it and starting to see what everyone has been saying the past few months. That I am better off and I can do much better.

oh sure, don't expect this validation stuff to be fair at all. it isn't fair at the foundation, think about it, if the other is a means to secure my self-image and worth, they're an object, a tool for a personal aim. it doesn't involve genuine feelings at all, even when the other has convinced themself it's the person they want rather than the feeling the person can give them about themselves.

i agree, you are better off without this nonsense and can do much better.

Thank you all again. Your responses have really helped and gotten my mind right. And since her reach out last weekend I have not once run into her at the office this week (I usually would see her at least once a day), coincidence?

Perfect response, now block her.

"is there something you want to say? Not really sure why you're sending me this pic"

A quick update - I have been thinking about what you all have said as well as the feedback from a few close friends as well. Over the past week I have been thinking about it and then I read some advice that I probably shouldn't have. I went on another site and posted my story and one person gave the following advice/feedback:

"Most likely, the way she sees it, she reached out to see whether you might be interested in getting together again, and she was rejected. Generally, women are more afraid of rejection than men are, so she’s likely to be reluctant to put herself in a position where she might be rejected again.

The best thing to have done, when she contacted you, would have been to draw her out and let her make a few more steps (show a little more interest), then get together and begin to see where things were leading. Had you done that, you could have SHOWN (not told) her that that she was going to have to do some work and earn her way back into your life.

That opportunity is gone. If you contact her now, it will seem that you have changed your mind, you are pursuing her, and most likely she will decide that you have to earn your way back into her life. That wouldn’t be any better than what you had before."

This was the one piece of advice that supported her stance. Everyone else has said I did the right thing.

Since I've read this, it has really screwed up my head. One hand I know I should move on (and I have been making great strides since the breakup back in October) but now I have a little bit of doubt creeping in my head. What if I blew the one chance to possibly get back together with her? To be honest, if she approached me about getting back together I wouldn't have a definite answer, we would have to talk a few things out.

But I feel like crap now and I'm upset with myself to be getting so down after doing so well for the past few months. I was hoping the interaction would give closure in some way but she is still actively following me on social media (IG and snapchat).

Now I almost feel like I'm back to square one in all of this.

Dude, you absolutely HAVE TO ignore it.

Well, this is how human(especially dumpers') brain works. When the girl breaks up with giving reasons like "I need space" she's basically relieved but after a while she sees that somehow it was better with you, that she's miserable etc. But another thing is, that she doesn't actually realize that it's her mind playing with her, bringing all memories back to her.

So it's just her playing with you, however it's not necessarily her fault. It's just how people work. They tend to bring back good things from the past and sometimes they even take a step higher and try to send old photos or emojis "by mistake".

Just ignore it. There are plenty more fish in the see and she's obviously not the "only one". Lol, all of my ex girlfriends seemed "this one" for me. Leave her and focus on your own life my friend. You see, she just sent you a photo and you're going crazy about it. Why? Why do you let her control your life even after she broke up with you? Don't do this!

Dude, you absolutely HAVE TO ignore it.

 

Well, this is how human(especially dumpers') brain works. When the girl breaks up with giving reasons like "I need space" she's basically relieved but after a while she sees that somehow it was better with you, that she's miserable etc. But another thing is, that she doesn't actually realize that it's her mind playing with her, bringing all memories back to her.

So it's just her playing with you, however it's not necessarily her fault. It's just how people work. They tend to bring back good things from the past and sometimes they even take a step higher and try to send old photos or emojis "by mistake".

Just ignore it. There are plenty more fish in the see and she's obviously not the "only one". Lol, all of my ex girlfriends seemed "this one" for me. Leave her and focus on your own life my friend. You see, she just sent you a photo and you're going crazy about it. Why? Why do you let her control your life even after she broke up with you? Don't do this!

You're right, I just have been going through a moment of weakness the past 24 hours or so. I think it was due to the fact I found that one differing opinion and it shook me up a little. Made me start to think "should I have done more?" but I can't do anything to change the choice she made other than continuing to do what I have been doing (not contacting her).

And Like I said, it was more about the piece of advice I got than what she did.

I have been going on some casual dates the past few weeks and while nothing has come of it yet, I am realizing I will find someone better. Overall I have been doing well since the break up in terms of taking care of myself (I've lost almost 30 pounds, exercise daily, going out with friends and taking part in hobbies. Also focusing more on my work/job and found out I am in line for a promotion). Like I said, I think this has just been a moment of weakness for me and let one person's opinion get the best of me and eat away at me (basically saying, what could have I done differently during that text exchange).

Also, the few times I have been the dumper I haven't done things like this so I can't relate. There were times I may have regretted my decision or started to doubt myself, but I wouldn't go as far as reaching out to that person. I guess I hoped she would do the same courtesy to me that I would have done if the roles had been switched but I guess not.

but I can't do anything to change the choice she made other than continuing to do what I have been doing (not contacting her).

But you're still leaving an open door for her to contact you, which is preventing you from healing and moving forward. In any event, if she wants to get back together she'll find you, along with going to the extreme of camping out on your doorstep, etc.

But you're still leaving an open door for her to contact you, which is preventing you from healing and moving forward. In any event, if she wants to get back together she'll find you, along with going to the extreme of camping out on your doorstep, etc.

Well until this incident, she only contacted me once to "check-in" and I kept that short and civil. And the other time she reached out to me was through a work communication (google hangouts) which I can't remove (due to IT owning the software).

And luckily, she doesn't know where I live since I recently moved