What do you think were his motives? Is he trustworthy or a pathological liar?

I met him at a gathering at a friend's place. After that he pursued me incessantly even though I was living in a different city and could only see him once a week while traveling for my job. He was extremely romantic and seemed very into me, constantly showering me with compliments. He told me that I am his dream woman and that there is nothing he wants more than to spend time with me.

After the initial two weeks, he started being distant at times and blowing hot and cold. I also saw him less frequently as I was no longer traveling. He told me he is going through financial troubles and is really stressed out so would not have time to call me.

Finally I got a job offer in his city and decided to relocate there. Last week I went to visit him. He told me that he wants to move in with me and was super romantic and sweet telling me that I am the most awesome woman he's ever been with. He even told me that I'd make a great mom and he'd love to have my babies. While he was at work, I stumbled onto another woman's clothing. Decided to approach him who confessed to seeing another woman simultaneously, who also lives in a different city. Did not even care to apologize as he thought we were not mutually exclusive! Accused me for blowing things out of proportion and invading his privacy. Also told me that he has two daughters which he had not cared to tell me about during all these months!

I decided to contact the other girl who had no clue who he had lied to about me. Also discovered that he had told me a bunch of other lies including his job and apartment. Send him a few angry texts, he got super mad and blocked me on his phone... Also found out later that he had been telling the other girl that I was just an ONS and that she's the one he wants to be with.

I feel very confused, angry and saddened by all of this... I am beginning to think that everything was a facade and he had ulterior motives from the beginning. What were his intentions from the start? How should I have handled this situation? Did I really blow things out of proportion? Was he a pathological liar or worse a sociopath?

He wanted both of you and didn't want either of you to know about one another. You found out, and got hold of the other woman, so he basically tosses you out of the picture and runs to the other woman. He is a definite player. He will lie and cheat..consider yourself having dodged a bullet. This is not a good man.

I went through this exact situation with my ex, and wish so much that I'd found out as quickly as you did. I later found out my ex was a sociopath/ narcissist - he even admitted it. This is a personality type that cannot really be helped, and wondering about 'motives' or 'why' will quickly exhaust you.

The pathological lies and the other women/kids are hallmark with people who have this disorder. They have no empathy - their motives are ALL about themselves. In this case: it was easy to have you in his life because you weren't always living there, so he could play with other women and be whatever he wanted to pretend to be with you easily. Eventually you would (and did) find out about the other lives he was leading/other women, but the even scarier thing about these types of people is they actually ENJOY the rush and the drama of hurting others like this to some degree and of getting caught/having to hide other people. Relationships are games of power and manipulation for them. He wanted to have you in his life and also have them. No one wins with this kind of person, ever.

So, don't waste too much time being confused, angry, and saddened over this guy. It gives him too much satisfaction to know he has that kind of impact on you, believe me. His intentions were always about him. You handled the situation perfectly. The 'did i blow things out of proportion' is a result of him gaslighting you to make YOU feel guilty - another classic move. If you seriously think you overreacted to finding out a man has cheated and lied and then being attacked for finally calling him out on this... then he has been successful here. Don't let him. Block him entirely, never engage in him again, and try to seek some help to deal with the trauma.

Even if he isn't a soco/narcissist or psychopath, he is severely disordered and you will only ever have pain from him. Consider yourself well rid of this man. Also, I recommend looking at psychopathfree.com and taking the quiz there to help point you in the right direction, and read all of the material they have on that site. It's great for recovering from this kind of deception no matter what the circumstances.

That sums it up Anna.

" I am beginning to think that everything was a facade "

It was a façade, it's how these people are. They live in a - false - world of their own.

He's a cheater. Cheater's need to lie to get away with it and play women. He's not a pathological liar because they lie for no apparent reason. He had plenty of reason to intentionally deceive you both so he could carry on affairs. He's a ladies man, player, Casanova, whatever you want to call it.

To answer your question, hopefully you ended it and moved out?

How should I have handled this situation?

Thanks for all the encouraging words! I've left his apartment and have been maintaining NC. Just sent him a msg to get my belongings back to which he has not responded (of course!) The other woman in his life contacted me and I told her everything. She was really surprised and had no clue about his existence but I have a feeling she took him back! He has been calling her and telling her that she is "the real thing" and I was a ONS!

There are a couple of other things which I've found to be very shady about this man and I don't know how to make sense of it. I thought I'd get your opinion:

1- A couple of days before I discovered his cheating, he actually told me that he lives under an ALIAS! I found some documents at his apt with his real last name and an online search revealed at there is a civil lawsuit against him for nonpayment of rent and a recent arrest for criminal trespass! He had already told me that he hadn't paid his rent for a few months as his landlord had not made any of the promised repairs and that he'd sued them for unlawful eviction. But it turns out the eviction was completely legal and he's the one being sued!

2- Another act of shadiness involved his kids. When I confronted him about his two-timing, he said that he really wants a relationship as he is 10 years older than me, even has kids which makes him terribly jaded and risk-averse towards relationships, that's why it was OK to date two women simultaneously. I was shellshocked as he had never mentioned his kids before, despite multiple opportunities to do so. And it was really weird how he said "you know I already told you I have kids", which was a complete lie! He has told the OW that he has kids after 6 months of dating as well...

3- Furthermore the kids are in his home country, which he has not been back to since leaving 7 years ago! So he has literally left when his kids were babies and has not seen them since, which also sounds ultra shady and irresponsible. Hmm, I wonder if he is paying child support when he doesn't even have money to pay rent?

4- His passport was stolen when he was mugged a few years back and he has not applied for a new one since then! So he literally does not have any form of ID! Everytime we went out, he lied and said he left it at home...

5- Another red flag is his relationship with his family. His parents are quite wealthy (confirmed via google search) yet they do not help him at all. He claims he has a good relationship with his family but none of his family members are friends with him on Facebook. Also, he had mentioned that his dad had gotten him arrested several years ago as he was abusing pain killers and alcohol!

There were sooooo many red flags! How could I not see them? Could he potentially be a conman, a fugitive or a deadbeat dad on the run? I feel like I dodged a major bullet!!!

Absolutely. Get your stuff asap, change your passwords, block him completely. Read up on

I feel like I dodged a major bullet!!!

glib and superficial charm

grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self

need for stimulation

pathological lying

cunning and manipulativeness

lack of remorse or guilt

shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness)

callousness and lack of empathy

parasitic lifestyle

poor behavioral controls

sexual promiscuity

early behavior problems

lack of realistic long-term goals

impulsivity

irresponsibility

failure to accept responsibility for own actions

many short-term marital relationships

juvenile delinquency

revocation of conditional release

criminal versatility

Just a quick update on this crazy drama! It gets more and more interesting...

After three weeks of NC, the OW e-mails me asking me if I could fwd her any text messages or emails that could show that we were in a relationship as he has been in constant denial, simply telling her that we had sex a couple of times.

So I recover and send her my messaging history which includes texts in which he is referring to me as "love" and expressing how much he likes me and misses me.

Later on that day, I receive a message from ass-h*le addressed to both me and the OW, expressing his love for her and telling her that our relationship was purely based on sex and that I made this ludicrous story up out of spite and misery! How ing delusional, not to mention a pathological liar!!!

Then I responded to his email (cc'ing her) saying everything exactly as he had told me and exposing his lies! He still kept denying, sending me emails of insults and cc'ing her. To my last e-mail, I attached our whole e-mailing and chat history which made him shut up

What a tool!!! He just dug himself into a whole that he could not get out of!!!

He's the consummate player. Now he has you two sending emails because he told both of you you're the real deal and the other "means nothing". You have to block these two from everywhere. He's her headache now.

the OW e-mails me asking me if I could fwd her any text messages or emails that could show that we were in a relationship as he has been in constant denial, simply telling her that we had sex a couple of times.

Why are you still participating in this merry-go-round? No offense, but unless you enjoy the drama, you would have blocked them immediately.