Keeping ex-girlfriends numbers

Hi everyone,

My husband still has a lot of his ex girlfriends numbers as well as number of his ex-wife (they divorced 4 years ago) in his phone.

I complained a few times about it and he told me he was just to lazy to delete them.

I Keep on telling him to delete the numbers and he says he will do but at the end he doesn't and the numbers are still there.

What should I do? Why he doesn't delete them? I feel worthless. He should've deleted them right away when we met at the latest....

He also has at least one girl in his Facebook as friends, with whom he had a "sex-only" relationship years ago. This Girl recently wrote him a message to his phone. It was just like "Hi, how are you".

I read this message because it displayed when his phone was in front on me while we were having dinner. I got very mad at him and he just said "I don't and didn't do anything" and deleted the message.

Do I overreact about the numbers in his phone and keeping ex relationships on fb?

Why do you stay married to this man if he does so many things that upset you?

I think this is the third or 4th thread you've written about him, mostly seeming to be worried about his exes.

If the marriage is that bad...why stay?

Is he actively cheating on you?

I keep numbers of my exes and my ex friends, they are part of my past and I feel kind of sad deleting their numbers, it's like when you have some things you dont use anymore but you feel bad tossing them in the trash.

But I would probably delete thise numbers if I got married,if I remembered, I didnt think about it untill now.

I also still have my ex's numbers in my phone, doesn't mean I use them, ever. They just sit there along with the random tradesman I used years ago and other contacts I don't use. It doesn't mean anything. Unless your husband has actually done anything suspicious, I don't see why you should be concerned.

Why is he keeping his "black book" around after being married? This isn't about you, it's about him wanting his bachelor fantasies and female attention. Don't get angry and demand things. Just explain that it's inappropriate.

Why he doesn't delete them? I feel worthless.

boltnrun you're right, when I read my other threads from objective view, this marriage really seems bad. but actually, it isn't. he is very lovely and caring. and i think it gets a Little more stable each day. But I have a lot of insecurities as this is my first real relationship and marriage.

Is he actively cheating on you?

no. at least i didn't catch him.

Why is he keeping his "black book" around after being married? This isn't about you, it's about him wanting his bachelor fantasies and female attention. Don't get angry and demand things. Just explain that it's inappropriate.

How can I tell him that he understands and deletes them?

I also still have my ex's numbers in my phone, doesn't mean I use them, ever. They just sit there along with the random tradesman I used years ago and other contacts I don't use. It doesn't mean anything. Unless your husband has actually done anything suspicious, I don't see why you should be concerned.

are you married? if yes, what does your spouse say about that?

"We're married now. What is the reason you need to hold on to these?'. You can't "make him" delete them, you can only let him know your perspective on this.

How can I tell him that he understands?

"We're married now. What is the reason you need to hold on to these?'. You can't "make him" delete them, you can only let him know your perspective on this.

What if he doesnt delete them anyway. Do I just have to deal with it? Can someone really be lazy to delete the numbers....

Your nagging isn't helping and in fact he may be keeping them as a counter measure to this nagging, just to make a point about this power struggle.

What if he doesnt delete them anyway.

What if he doesnt delete them anyway. Do I just have to deal with it? Can someone really be lazy to delete the numbers....

He doesn't delete them because he doesn't WANT to. Don't you think he would if he did? I don't think its really a huge deal for him to still have the numbers, but would definitely not be happy about him still getting messages from any of them. But anyway, no, you can't make him delete them. How would you? So if he doesn't, you have two choices. You can just deal with it or get a divorce. What else did you think?

Since you're married to him and it bothers you then maybe he should remove them out of respect for you. Does he contact them? Why would he contact them if he did? I can't really relate since I've been married so long and my phone is a POS flip phone from the least expensive carrier known to exist.

So yeah... It would be a little unnerving sitting, eating dinner and an old flame I used to screw all of a sudden sent me a text. I could see my wife getting a little upset about that.

So, with that being said... Tell him why it bothers you.

If something is not good for the relationship, it shouldn't be ignored. The reason why you feel bothered is because he doesn't make you feel like your concerns are valid and a priority. Unless he is in regular contact with them, he should start fresh, which means deleting those numbers. My hubby has an issue with exes and contact without telling me awhile back - let's just say, all his exes numbers are no longer in his phone book.

Tell him that you don't feel safe, and having those numbers in there doesn't add to the marriage. And deleting them would show to you that he has moved on.

PS Old F-Buddies should not be contacting him.

And if he says no, hold firm. You should be more important than his old black book.

are you married? if yes, what does your spouse say about that?

No I'm not married, I have a boyfriend. We don't talk about past relationships, other than at the start where we said how many relationships we've had and occasionally some things about the relationship, but nothing identifying.

They're just another contact in my phone that I don't use but helps to identify them if they do contact me. I got a call few years ago from an ex from almost 10 years ago and no longer in touch, I didn't know it was him because I didn't have his number so I picked up, wish I didn't because he wanted to be friends I was like um no thanks. Anyway I saved his number after that in case he contacts me again so I can ignore the call! I guess I could just block him but we left on good terms and not actually in touch anyway, so I didn't see the need to. If he kept hassling me, then I would've blocked.

So what I don't get is how did you get to know all his ex's names and past flings names? why would you discuss ex's in such details?

My boyfriend doesn't have intimate knowledge of my phone book and vice versa, and I frankly couldn't care less who's in his. Cheaters gonna find a way to cheat, while loyal, trustworthy people will always be loyal and trustworthy, regardless who's in their phone books.

So what if your husband delete these contacts, he can still find a way to contact them if he really wanted to.

If any of his particular behaviour is inappropriate, then discuss that with him.

boltnrun you're right, when I read my other threads from objective view, this marriage really seems bad. but actually, it isn't. he is very lovely and caring. and i think it gets a Little more stable each day. But I have a lot of insecurities as this is my first real relationship and marriage.

Lovely and caring.... ? Not in this instance. The issue is not the numbers in his phone. The issue is that you've expressed how uncomfortable the situation makes you, and he doesn't care enough to do anything about it. He's either right, and he's "too lazy" to do something quite simple that would make his wife happier and more comfortable, and probably take 5 minutes tops. OR... he's lying and he has a reason for saving those numbers. Either way, not sounding too lovely.