A friendly reminder

Stay away from alcohol!

Alcohol is a depressant. If you've been drinking since the break up, i advise you to stop and i am even talking about a couple of beers. Quit alcohol and you will see a difference. Try it for at least a week , ideally go up to two, it depends on the effect alcohol has on every person.

Cope, agree alcohol is a devil. Ive made mistake when I'm drunk.. Talking too. How are you healing?

Alcohol--partaken of judiciously--enhances our lives. It's also helped me to get through a few break ups. "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."-Benjamin Franklin.

In my line of work, however, it would be a gross understatement to say that I somewhat see the downside of drinking...

Cope, agree alcohol is a devil. Ive made mistake when I'm drunk.. Talking too. How are you healing?

Oh yeah and i wasn't even thinking about the drunk dialing part when i made the thread!!

Thank you for asking! I woke up today sad and crying, i guess that will last for a bit longer, but in general i am doing much better. I made an update on the "no contact challenge " in the "Getting back together" section (no idea why they started that thread there) which pretty much sums up my thinking process for today:

"I have sudden urges to check his Facebook, fortunately they last only for seconds. I want to know how he is doing, i want to know how his life is, but i know that what i really want to hear is that he misses me and wants us back,he wants to work out the distance.

What is also helping me on maintaining the NC is the feeling that i am worthy and a feeling of selfishness. I will try to explain at the risk of being judged. I am a confident person in general, i really value myself and i believe that i am a real "catch". It might sound that i think too much of myself, but i am talking about that confidence that all of us should have. The one that was struck down by his loss of interest and the one i am currently healing. So being self confident i tell myself every day of NC that passes or every time i have one of those urges, that he is on the other side sometimes wondering when i will contact him. I am not saying that he is waiting, cause he most likely isn't, but i am sure that in the back of his brain he is wondering a bit of when i will contact him, or how am i doing and I KNOW that as time goes by and the NC continues, that thought is getting closer to the "front" of his brain.

I am not saying i am using NC to get him back. I've read about this and i don't like the idea. It may help to get someone back, but NC for me is to heal yourself and maybe improve yourself too, if you use it for manipulation, you are missing the point. You may manage to get them to contact you again, but when they do they will only see the same person they dumped. Also, you should not do NC to become a better person for them, or what you think they want, i see a lot of people doing this. NO. It's simple, a relationship ended, it hurts, you have stuff to learn about the you and the relationship and a lot of grieving to do. You have to pick up yourself and start building. If you do NC for them, you are in for another major disappointment."

So since i am practically quoting myself, i think im doing better! LOL

I do have a lot of urges still, yet i am managing to erase them before i even think of taking any action on them. and i still miss him but at the same time i am exited to start my new single life!

Alcohol and breakups go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Your life is not complete unless you've gone on a boys or girls night out to forget about the ex, got hammered and drunk dialed them at 2:00 in the morning.

These are experiences everyone needs to have.

I entirely agree that it doesn't do anything good for someone who's depressed after a breakup. It's something that movies and TV constantly promote, and it's so overdramatic.

The term "depressant" does not mean "makes you depressed".

It refers to depressed (reduced) activity of receptors/transmitters in the central nervous system.

This CAN make a person feel more depressed, but there's other factors involved, and it varies between individuals.

Any self-harming or destructuve behaviour used as a coping mechanism or substitute for stimulation is unhealthy (includes all drugs/intoxicants, violence, outbursts of anger, procrastination, denial, etc).

Typically it can be seen as an inability to cope with a situation using a more constructive approach/tool set, and they're all generally ways to either temporarily avoid, diffuse, or otherwise distance yourself from the perceived stressors/threats. The problem really is that it's only temporary, so if the actual stressor isn't removed, that's where it becomes a more concerning cycle.

So yeah, I can't advocate a knee-jerk response like this... But it's definitely not the worst advice...

Alcohol and breakups go together like peanut butter and jelly.

 

Your life is not complete unless you've gone on a boys or girls night out to forget about the ex, got hammered and drunk dialed them at 2:00 in the morning.

 

These are experiences everyone needs to have.

Maybe it is an experience one should have like once, only to know what they should avoid in the future! I have never drunk dialed for example, i don't think i am missing out. I have got drunk because of a relationship before but mostly because of that's what people expect from you, It's ok not to get drunk after a break up, it has turned into a ritual! I agree with @bulletproof, it is almost forced on us by movies and tv!

The term "depressant" does not mean "makes you depressed".

 

It refers to depressed (reduced) activity of receptors/transmitters in the central nervous system.

 

This CAN make a person feel more depressed, but there's other factors involved, and it varies between individuals.

 

Any self-harming or destructuve behaviour used as a coping mechanism or substitute for stimulation is unhealthy (includes all drugs/intoxicants, violence, outbursts of anger, procrastination, denial, etc).

 

Typically it can be seen as an inability to cope with a situation using a more constructive approach/tool set, and they're all generally ways to either temporarily avoid, diffuse, or otherwise distance yourself from the perceived stressors/threats. The problem really is that it's only temporary, so if the actual stressor isn't removed, that's where it becomes a more concerning cycle.

 

So yeah, I can't advocate a knee-jerk response like this... But it's definitely not the worst advice...

Thanks for the information and pointing out the difference. It indeed varies from one person to another but i have read that when the alcohol level is high it is more likely for negative emotions to take over. I can accept that it may help some people, but i am sure the amount of people it actually helps is drastically lower than people think it is.

for someone who has been in those situations personally, it does nothing for you. its a band aid to the real issue..

you feel good at the time, but we wake up feeling like crap from the break up and feeling like crap from the binge drinking.

I am talking about party type drinking, not ill have a glass of wine with my dinner.

Yeah, I think that's an important distinction. When I was hurting really bad, I would have a glass of wine or a cocktail while I read. It numbed my brain just enough that it took the sting away for a bit. I wasn't drunk by any means - still probably legal to drive - but it helped for a short term coping mechanism.

Thanks for the information and pointing out the difference. It indeed varies from one person to another but i have read that when the alcohol level is high it is more likely for negative emotions to take over. I can accept that it may help some people, but i am sure the amount of people it actually helps is drastically lower than people think it is.

Well that's a different message than your initial post... You initially condemned even one or two drinks...

Most alcohol-dependency support has stopped preaching abstinence, and focuses on a harm-reduction approach instead. I almost guarantee you alcohol dependency has never helped anyone in the long-term. However, simply drinking in a rough patch is not in itself a dependency issue, and it's fairly common for people to engage in less-controlled behaviours while dealing with temporary life disturbances. This is one of the reasons why the media-portrayal has ingrained itself like it has... It resonates with a LOT of people, so it works in a story...

I agree it has the negative effect of setting a false-standard, though. Especially for young people dealing with their first (or early-life) breakups who aren't yet experienced enough with alcohol and life in general, but have thousands of avenues and other stresses pulling at them constantly.

Prescribed anti-depressants work in a similar way... They aren't there to solve your problems or 'fix' you. They're there to facilitate healthy recovery by dialing back the stress-response to give you space to react in healthier ways, in order to build new skills for coping once the medication is removed.

In fact, I would argue that the amount of people who drink post-breakup and turn out fine is drastically higher than the amount who drink and go through hell, otherwise this would be more common knowledge and you wouldn't have had to make this post...

But if you're drinking has become a fall-back coping mechanism, by all means recognize the problem you have.

Well that's a different message than your initial post... You initially condemned even one or two drinks...

It's not at all different. My first post was advise. I do not know who is reading, there might be a person reading who can get drunk with one beer. I advise people to try to stay away from alcohol and they will see a difference. Drinking after a break up is such a cliche that some people may not even realize that the day after their drinking they are feeling a even more sad because of the alcohol. If they feel better the day after i doubt anyone will even listen to the advise and they shouldn't if it's helpful for them.

Prescribed anti-depressants work in a similar way... They aren't there to solve your problems or 'fix' you. They're there to facilitate healthy recovery by dialing back the stress-response to give you space to react in healthier ways, in order to build new skills for coping once the medication is removed.

Totally agree on the mentality of taking anti-depressants, yet they do work totally different. Anti-depressants actually keep the level of neurotransmitters high and that strengthens the circuits in the brain that regulates mood. Meaning you have more control over what you are feeling. Some specifically increase the levels of serotonin, the "happy" neurotransmitter. Depressants such as Xanax and alcohol , as you very well pointed out on your first post , do the opposite.

In fact, I would argue that the amount of people who drink post-breakup and turn out fine is drastically higher than the amount who drink and go through hell, otherwise this would be more common knowledge and you wouldn't have had to make this post...

I agree, i just said that the people that go through hell are probably more than we think, not necessarily more than the ones that are helped, although i do not have statistics on either. If i find any i will post, this is really interesting! I think that people who go through hell when they drink after a break up do not recognize that drinking is making it worse simply because they already feel like hell to begin with. This is when the advise to quit should be considered.

But if you're drinking has become a fall-back coping mechanism, by all means recognize the problem you have.

Oh yeah, if every time someone goes through a rough patch and their first instinct is to reach for a bottle, that's abuse!

Also, avoid crack cocaine.