I'm stuck in an abusive family - someone please help.

Hello everybody, I'm relatively new to this forum and would like to begin by thanking you all for taking the time to read this. I don't know any of you, but I also don't know who else to turn to, and I don't now if anyone will listen to me.

I'm a fifteen-year-old sophomore going into junior year, but I bring with me a heavy burden as I transition. Before I begin to delve into the situation of my present, I will unravel my past. Since I was five years of age, I was always a bit troublesome. This was mainly attributed to the behavior of my parents. I learned from a very early age that if I were to do anything wrong, trivial or significant, I would be punished. Now these were not your typical punishments, they were physical punishments. They would pelt me with their belts, computer cables, their shoes, smack me around. I hated seeing cuts, welts, or bruises on my body; but I especially hated the pain that accompanied them. I started lying to avoid punishment. I would lie for anything in the fear that I would be hurt.

The fear didn't stop there. I was terrified of going out into public since I was three years of age. My parents would constantly tell me I wasn't as "fresh-looking" as other children, that I resembled a "dead person", that I looked like a "zombie", that I was and looked "unhealthy", that I had the face of a "goat". They would tell me I was a disgrace to them, that I made them look bad. I hid my face, I was afraid of what others had to say. I would sit on a bench alone while all the other children played. How I longed for friends, for people to talk to. I was always distant in class, reading and drawing while the teacher would speak. This led to their concern and they would constantly contact my parents for sit-in conferences. Every single one them said the same thing: "She's so bright, so intelligent. Her potential is just so amazing. Why won't she try? Why is she so detached?" Every single time my parents would scream at me or beat me when we got home. I eventually just ceased to try. I earned all B's all the time and would get pummeled for it. I will never forget the time my parents held me by the leg and beat me with a wooden hairbrush. It's true I didn't try in school and I wish I had tried harder, but it's also true my parents never tried to talk with me about anything.

Fast forward about ten years and I'm in high school. I was putting effort into my school after the incident that went down between my father and I in 2012. My mother took out one of my drawings and accused me of doodling during class. I plead with her, telling her I did it during my lunch period, and I truly had. She waited for my father to come home, and told him of her "assumption". He threw me on my bed and then threw his keys at me. His keys hit me directly on my palm, tearing some skin off and lodging themselves in there. He simply took his keys back and went out of my bedroom. My mother stood there and continued speaking. I'm not sure if that would compare to what happened about two weeks before that. I received a "C" on a worksheet and he saw it. My father dragged me into the garage and proceeded to beat me with an electric cable he found lying there. After all of this happened, I began earning honor roll. My parents acted like they loved me then, but I hated them more than I had ever hated them in my life. I was attending a school I hated and I once again had no friends. I stopped trying after that. My GPA went from a 4.0 through my freshman year to a 3.2 by the second term of my sophomore year (of course I brought it up to a 3.5 after that). By then I had actually began making friends and realizing I didn't want to leave. I met people who cared for me and loved me. My parents had always told me that everyone was evil and that friends didn't exist. They told me that they were the only ones I needed. They wouldn't let me join any afterschool clubs or even go to school before the morning bell rang. When I found people that cared, I was so happy. I decided to bring my grades back up again. By now, my parents knew I had friends and had started threatening to remove me from the school if I didn't bring my grades up. Of course, I wasn't surprised.

Now we're in the present. Sophomore year started and I was making new friends rapidly after I began to disregard my parents. My parents never gave me a phone, so I had to sneak on to my mother's phone to contact any of my peers. One night, I was on her phone when my father walked in and caught me. I won't deny I probably deserved what happened next. He dragged me out of bed and onto the floor. He punched me and kicked me before walking out to retrieve a wire to beat me with. It tore into my skin and soon, I had cuts and welts all over my legs. I crawled back into bed after that and walked to school the next morning. When my teachers saw my face, they immediately sent me down to the nurse, who then sent me to the counselor. She called DCF and had a private investigator come to my home. There was a scene in front of my house when I got there. My parents lied and denied that they ever laid a finger on me. DCF took pictures of my face and body anyway and after that, they left. I was fuming, I had never despised my parents so much.

They took me out my school and transferred me into the school I hated the most. My classes were all screwed up and I nearly lost some of my college credits. I gave up on academics at that point and earned my first "F" on a report card. I did get beaten, but I didn't care anymore. Gradually I began to like the school more and more until I preferred it over my original one. The people there made me feel at home and lifted me up when I was in my worst of times. Nowadays my parents constantly insult me and talk about me. They've pretty much taken everything away from and keep me on extreme lockdown.

This brings me to my current situation. I've been doing a lot of research on jobs and the emancipation process and I've learned a lot. After stumbling upon the concept of "freelancing", I realized that I needed to begin freelancing as soon as possible. The problem is, I don't know where to start. I've contacted a few people, but they only told basically just recycled information right back to me; I suppose they wouldn't want to waste anytime with a child. I need a mentor, someone to guide me through this process. I need to be established in the freelancing world so I can start earning. I need to become independent so I can prove I can support myself. I need to be released from the custody of my parents.

I am fully aware of the hardships that come with being independent, but I'm willing to deal with them. I need someone, anyone, to take me under there wing and help me out. If there's a freelancer out there, especially in the categories of writing, art, or web design, who's willing to mentor and help me, please just respond to this thread. I just need someone who can help me get on my feet, who can tell and show me what to do and where to start. I don't want anyone stating anything about DCF, that already happened and hell broke loose. I need real advice and real help, steps that I can take for myself to get away from my situation. For anyone else, I am in need of your advice on what to do for now. I can't keep living in this state. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and am constantly plagued by thoughts of suicide. Please, someone help.

Please talk to a teacher, counselor at school at once. Also any neighbor or adults you trust.

I have already spoken to multiple teachers and friends and they all had something similar to say. I came here because I need someone to actually help me through my weakest moments. Someone who can actually help me go forward. All my teachers can do is get legal action involved, and I don't need any of that right now, I just need solid advice. Thank you for your suggestion though.

Dandelion.

You say:

"I can't keep living in this state. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and am constantly plagued by thoughts of suicide. "

On here we can only go so far and no further.

There in 3D you DO need to see someone for your depression and anxiety. That is the first step before you can move forward.

I have already spoken to multiple teachers and friends and they all had something similar to say. I came here because I need someone to actually help me through my weakest moments. Someone who can actually help me go forward. All my teachers can do is get legal action involved, and I don't need any of that right now, I just need solid advice. Thank you for your suggestion though.

Well - the teachers are trying to "actually help." There is little they can do unless legal action is taken. What "help" are you looking for from them? If you show up with bruises at school, they can report it to the authorities and you might be placed into temporary foster care, have the opportunity to live with another relative, etc., but outside of that, what are you looking for someone to do? They cannot help you unless they can report it.

The only other thing you can do is focus on getting good grades and only that so you can graduate - maybe choose to go to vocational classes so you can work or get an apprenticeship right after high school so that you can make money and move out, etc.

They don't usually emancipate minors unless they are self-supporting. You have to be able to support yourself without parental help - but do NOT quit school. If you quit school, it limits the future you are working towards.

I know you don't think their advice is solid - it might not be what you are looking for but reporting your parents or you keeping the eye towards graduating at all costs are the only two options I can think of - endure until you graduate and then get the heck out.

I'm sorry but your teachers are correct. Your approach of thinking if you were just emancipated and got the freelance job all would be fine, but it's not that simple. You need to get out of that environment first, not plan and dream while you are being beaten and brush that off as tolerable. As far as sponsor/mentor...can you stay with a friend or relative? You seem quite well written, so use this to reach out to the authorities that can help you.

Perhaps the authorities can help you move out. Have you persued that option?

I wish it were that easy to begin freelancing and get emancipated; in fact, I wish life was just that easy as a whole. I have no guarantee that any of them will prove successful in the future. Even if I do end up starting off my career as a writer, I don't know if I would be able to swing the odds in my favor to get the court to approve my petition. The processes I must go through are both patience-trying and time consuming - at the same time, there is a great need for escape. I know these are not my only options, and as rash as they may seem, they are the best options for me. To clarify, when I say mentor, I mean someone to help me start off my path as a writer. I've signed with many websites and emailed those who have experience in this field, but none have provided any clearance. If I were to have my teachers, my friends, or myself contact the authorities, I would be trapped in another world of problems. My parents would not only lie their way out, but they would also turn the cards against me. I would be stuck in even worse a hell due to the fact they would begin to torment me for many months to come.

Well - the teachers are trying to "actually help." There is little they can do unless legal action is taken. What "help" are you looking for from them? If you show up with bruises at school, they can report it to the authorities and you might be placed into temporary foster care, have the opportunity to live with another relative, etc., but outside of that, what are you looking for someone to do? They cannot help you unless they can report it.

 

The only other thing you can do is focus on getting good grades and only that so you can graduate - maybe choose to go to vocational classes so you can work or get an apprenticeship right after high school so that you can make money and move out, etc.

 

 

They don't usually emancipate minors unless they are self-supporting. You have to be able to support yourself without parental help - but do NOT quit school. If you quit school, it limits the future you are working towards.

 

I know you don't think their advice is solid - it might not be what you are looking for but reporting your parents or you keeping the eye towards graduating at all costs are the only two options I can think of - endure until you graduate and then get the heck out.

I am fully aware I must prove that I can support myself. This is exactly why I'm trying to put the skills I have into creating an environment for myself to start earning. There's nothing wrong with your advice, it's just that getting authorities involved while I still have nothing is the equivalent of me digging my own grave. Your advice on going to college (which I was planning to do anyway) is what my teacher and I were discussing. She suggested I wait my final two years of high school and get a dormitory at my college after I've graduated. This way, I may not be as alone and as financially unstable as I would be as an independent. I don't yet know if that's the way I want to go. Two years just seems like too long a time to continue living at home.

I am fully aware I must prove that I can support myself. This is exactly why I'm trying to put the skills I have into creating an environment for myself to start earning. There's nothing wrong with your advice, it's just that getting authorities involved while I still have nothing is the equivalent of me digging my own grave. Your advice on going to college (which I was planning to do anyway) is what my teacher and I were discussing. She suggested I wait my final two years of high school and get a dormitory at my college after I've graduated. This way, I may not be as alone and as financially unstable as I would be as an independent. I don't yet know if that's the way I want to go. Two years just seems like too long a time to continue living at home.

If the authorities get involved, as a minor, your basic food and lodging will be covered if you are in foster care or with another family member. If you go to public school - then there is no tuition to speak of to pay. You are too young at 15 to hold any job that would be gainful, especially because the times of day or the amount of hours you are allowed to work at that age are more limited. (for example, a grocery store won't have you work past a certain time on a school night, etc). Having a different relative as a guardian would be a better bet.

I wish it were that easy to begin freelancing and get emancipated; in fact, I wish life was just that easy as a whole. I have no guarantee that any of them will prove successful in the future. Even if I do end up starting off my career as a writer, I don't know if I would be able to swing the odds in my favor to get the court to approve my petition. The processes I must go through are both patience-trying and time consuming - at the same time, there is a great need for escape. I know these are not my only options, and as rash as they may seem, they are the best options for me. To clarify, when I say mentor, I mean someone to help me start off my path as a writer. I've signed with many websites and emailed those who have experience in this field, but none have provided any clearance. If I were to have my teachers, my friends, or myself contact the authorities, I would be trapped in another world of problems. My parents would not only lie their way out, but they would also turn the cards against me. I would be stuck in even worse a hell due to the fact they would begin to torment me for many months to come.

Freelance is just that - freelance. Its not regular. And do you have the skills to live on your own?

Writing is a highly competitive field. I am sorry to say that its not a field that a young person can get into and expect a regular paycheck. And in fact - if you are at a sophmore high school level, you are not going to get anyone to hire you based on your resume. The only thing you can do is to keep writing until you come up with something that fits the guidelines of a particular publication or contest and submit it. And even then, you are not of legal age to be able to enter into a contract.

If you really want to be a writer - go for a trade that offers a steady paycheck and take as many writing classes and workshops as you can on the side in your spare time. You say you want someone to "help me start off on the path" of writing. Firstly, you have to help yourself - write every day. Take criticism. And eventually, if it hasn't lost its shine, and you get better and better, you may write something that someone wants to pay for, someone wants to agent, etc. When that happens, and happens again, you can quit your other job and be a writer when you are getting a steady income from it. And it won't happen in high school.

I suggest also that you try to get involved in clubs, church groups, etc, if you can and so when you are 16 or so, you will be able to book yourself to not be home so much if you can find something that meets your parents' approval that they won't have an issue with so you don't feel as isolated and might meet other people who will listen.

Have you made any progress since your last post? I am so sorry for the situation that you have found yourself in. I am a freelancer, but not in those categories.