I hate sex with my bf

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years & living together for 2. He's a lovely decent kind man, from a lovely family & he's got a brilliant job & works hard. We have problems tho, the main issue being sex. To put it bluntly I hate it. There's just no spark there, it has to be at a certain angle of the bed, we have to do what he wants, I try and take over & he gets annoyed. He pulls out & starts faffing about with his willy every 2 minutes. I don't even enjoy kissing him anymore. Before I met him I'd been with men who were amazing in bed & I loved sex, but those kind of men never loved me for me. When I met my current be he waited 3 months to sleep with me, to prove he wasn't just after sex, but by doing that our relationship as never need based on sex. I've spoken to him about the issue & he laughs & tells me to chill, he's do relaxed about it but sometimes we only have sex once a month....how can he live like that?! Other than the sex our relationship is really good, so I try to put it to the back of my kind & plod on. But then I have mini panic attacks thinking Christ you don't have sex...your not normal. I'm starting to get so jealous of everyone I know, nobody else as this problem. I wish things were different. He loves me so much & he wants to marry me. I'm 30 now & scared I'm gonna be left alone, I've put on weight & my confidence is low nowadays .... I just feel trapped. I'm scared if I leave him in gonna meet some other man who gives me the best sex but nothing else....I'm so confused....need advice please?!!! Xx

Was it ever good with him? When did things get this bad? Is having ED problems?

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years & living together for 2. We have problems tho, the main issue being sex. To put it bluntly I hate it. There's just no spark there, it has to be at a certain angle of the bed, we have to do what he wants, I try and take over & he gets annoyed. He pulls out & starts faffing about with his willy every 2 minutes. I don't even enjoy kissing him anymore. we only have sex once a month.

If you aren't having sex and it's bad. . then it doesn't sound like much more than a friendship.

If it were me I would look at it as if - I have enough friends, I am looking for a boyfriend and one of the major things that separate to two is the physical intimacy.

If you have tried to tell him what you need in bed and he either doesn't get it or doesn't try, then you have your answer.

I don't think your bf understands your concern. He laughs it off. That's a communication issue that may come up in other contexts as well.

You are missing an aspect of your relationship that is important to you. Maybe it is important to him too, but he doesn't think he can change so he is minimizing it. Who knows. He needs to address this with you.

Ive thought the same thing before, but I've tried to split up with him so many times & always ended up going back to him because I miss him. I can't imagine not seeing him everyday & can't imagine seeing him with someone else. But then I also think I can't plod on like this. Why Can't I just force myself into liking the sex? I can't face selling our house & moving back to the house I grew up in....I'm 30 now it's such a mess.

Got this bad after the first 18 months

That is sad, but it's been that way for over three years and before moving in together.

Got this bad after the first 18 months. I can't face selling our house & moving back to the house I grew up in.

There's just no spark there, it has to be at a certain angle of the bed, we have to do what he wants, I try and take over & he gets annoyed. He pulls out & starts faffing about with his willy every 2 minutes. I don't even enjoy kissing him anymore. Before I met him I'd been with men who were amazing in bed & I loved sex, but those kind of men never loved me for me. When I met my current be he waited 3 months to sleep with me, to prove he wasn't just after sex, but by doing that our relationship as never need based on sex. I've spoken to him about the issue & he laughs & tells me to chill, he's do relaxed about it but sometimes we only have sex once a month....how can he live like that?! Other than the sex our relationship is really good, so I try to put it to the back of my kind & plod on. But then I have mini panic attacks thinking Christ you don't have sex...your not normal. I'm starting to get so jealous of everyone I know, nobody else as this problem. I wish things were different. He loves me so much & he wants to marry me. I'm 30 now & scared I'm gonna be left alone, I've put on weight & my confidence is low nowadays .... I just feel trapped. I'm scared if I leave him in gonna meet some other man who gives me the best sex but nothing else....I'm so confused....need advice please?!!! Xx

The two part is bold make me think that you need to have a very blunt discussion with him. You should have an equal relationship in every sense, especially when it comes to sex and you are not getting that.

Do not stress about "being alone", you are only 30, really, you have ages to meet and date and ton of guys if this relationship doesn't work out. Don't doom yourself to a life of bad sex.

I suggestion next time you are not feeling it in bed SAY SOMETHING. If he gets annoyed that's on him. Make it clear that your needs must be meet if he wants his meet.

It seems you are on the fence looking down at each side and therefore you need to make a decision. You can't sit up there forever.

Jumping off into the unknown is scary and staying with what's familiar, even if it's unfulfilling and going nowhere often feels in a weird way, safe.

You can't have both.

If leaving is a consideration that you need first need to sit him down and have a firm talk with him. That's this issue has come to a point where it's turning into a deal breaker. You two either commit to changing it or you are willing to jump off into the unknown and start a new life. At least you'll know you did your part in trying to make a positive change. So no regrets! He may even surprise you.

A new life isn't a negative if you choose to look at it differently. It can be an exciting new opportunity and I suggest being on your own and working on yourself and your self esteem so going forward you make better choices in men because you believe you deserve it You don't stay and settle for something that brings you down because you know that no matter what, you'll be just fine if you do choose to venture out and start a new life.

I suggestion next time you are not feeling it in bed SAY SOMETHING. If he gets annoyed that's on him. Make it clear that your needs must be meet if he wants his meet.

I would suggest having this conversation first, with your clothes on. Do it in a way that you are encouraging him to do things you like. Stating the negative often doesn't get the best response. Tell him what you like, what you need and how important it is for you have it in a relationship.

Liking the sex seems like a set of technical issues. If you aren't getting the experience you want, touch yourself. Being a vibrator into the mix. What I hear in your post is resentment. It's important to recognize that you are not trapped. You have chosen to stay. So, commit yourself to liking the sex. Think how much he loves you, or whatever it is that will clear your head.

If you have resentment, do not marry. Resentment is difficult to recover from and will break you if you let it.

Why does selling your house necessarily mean moving back into the house you grew up in? Why not live on your own?

Thank you for all the advice. Weird but having this advice from total strangers is actually really good for me. I'm 30 but not a very grown up 30 year old, I'm insecure & needy. Im also still very close to my parents. I could never live alone as I hate my own company & would be so lonely. So I feel the only option would be going back to my parents house & starting again, which I have tried on numerous occasions. But I then end up going back to my bf & house....I get back there & worry myself to sleep most nights thinking the relationship is more a friendship....I just haven't got the strength to end it. I'm too weak I really am. I think if I hadn't put weight on I'd be stronger, but it's my own fault can only blame myself for this mess I'm in.

I just can't help but think if my man told me what he liked in bed, I'd be all over it!

If he chooses to dismiss a request of mine and basically just uses my flesh as a tool to pleasure himself while at the same time not caring less about my experience. . well, I'd be gone.

I am curious if he is just short minded about this and nothing else in the relationship?

Thank you for all the advice. Weird but having this advice from total strangers is actually really good for me. I'm 30 but not a very grown up 30 year old, I'm insecure & needy. Im also still very close to my parents. I could never live alone as I hate my own company & would be so lonely. So I feel the only option would be going back to my parents house & starting again, which I have tried on numerous occasions. But I then end up going back to my bf & house....I get back there & worry myself to sleep most nights thinking the relationship is more a friendship....I just haven't got the strength to end it. I'm too weak I really am. I think if I hadn't put weight on I'd be stronger, but it's my own fault can only blame myself for this mess I'm in.

Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Either get him on board to change this or move home and take on the challenge of bettering yourself!

Because doing nothing will get you nowhere but where you are at.

One step at a time.

Make your goal to take better care of yourself, become more independent and have a relationship first and foremost with yourself.

Dose he have sexual problems or just bad in bed?

I could never live alone as I hate my own company & would be so lonely. So I feel the only option would be going back to my parents house & starting again, which I have tried on numerous occasions. But I then end up going back to my bf & house.

Thank you for all the advice. Weird but having this advice from total strangers is actually really good for me. I'm 30 but not a very grown up 30 year old, I'm insecure & needy. Im also still very close to my parents. I could never live alone as I hate my own company & would be so lonely. So I feel the only option would be going back to my parents house & starting again, which I have tried on numerous occasions. But I then end up going back to my bf & house....I get back there & worry myself to sleep most nights thinking the relationship is more a friendship....I just haven't got the strength to end it. I'm too weak I really am. I think if I hadn't put weight on I'd be stronger, but it's my own fault can only blame myself for this mess I'm in.

Learning to be satisfied with your own company is the first step to finding a healthy relationship. Nobody can or should be expected to fill a hole within you. That is yours to fill and yours alone and it is unfair to ask anyone else to do it.