Online guy friend, communication difficulties, hot and cold?

So I have an online male friend who is in his mid twenties. I've known him online for about six months. We participate in an online community together that utilizes voice chat a lot. My issues with this person seem to have a lot to do with the fact that we seem both be very stubborn and both have some trust or hang ups about people of the opposite gender. For months, he expressed an interest in me, but I found it difficult to take him seriously because he was sort of a flirt. We became closer over time and I began to trust him some. We actually had a lot in common and had a lot of fun when we hung out one on one. We shared music, watched movies over voice chat, it was great.

 

As timing would have it, we became close around the time that his interest in the online community we met in was already dwindling(not related to me), which meant that opportunities to hang out in the same manner decreased. Whenever we did talk and communicate, he seemed very attentive and interested. Like there was no question in my mind that he liked talking to me. But when we weren't talking, he seemed distracted and distant. He would always respond if I messaged him, but if I didn't, he would stay quiet for days. After a few weeks, I felt like I was contacting him more than he seemed to be making an effort to contact me. Or that maybe he'd fallen into a pattern or expectation that I would always contact him so he didn't need too(or he didn't care, I don't know). So I decided to stop and just stay quiet awhile. Not to play games, but just to see if the communication was one way or not. Why should one person be solely responsible for maintaining a friendship, you know?

 

During that time, it was strange because we would both log in and say absolutely nothing to each other. Like we didn't exist. We were both quiet about 6 days(normally, I would have messaged him by the 3 or 4 day mark if we'd not been talking and just open the lines of communication). This time, he broke the silence by sending me an offline message that said only "I miss you".

 

I'm not sure how to respond to it though. I miss him a lot, but I feel like he doesn't make much of an effort to talk to me--not as much as I would like. I feel like if he missed me, why didn't he just say hi, or say *anything* when he had all these chances? He literally has at least 3 different ways to contact me at any time online. I want to encourage him to talk to me more often so I don't feel like its all on me and he doesn't care, you know? For awhile there, I felt like I was reaching out to someone who was indifferent and I don't like having to wonder if I'm being a bother or not. Part of me wonders whether I should try to move away from the friendship because it doesn't meet my needs. I know I'm overthinking, but I would like advice on how to respond.

I think that this cyber friendship has simply expired. Perhaps he has realized that real life friendships offer more in terms of shared experiences and is no inv away from his cyber habits.

We actually had a lot in common and had a lot of fun when we hung out one on one. We shared music, watched movies over voice chat, it was great.

What is the world coming to when people think they are "hanging out one-on-one" when they've never actually met? Please just forget this guy because you really don't know ANY truth about him or his personality. Get yourself off of the computer so that you can rehab from the habit of "relating" online and get out there in real life and experience the benefits of the reality of true one-on-one hang outs rather then voice interaction and typing on a screen.

Time to get a real friend.

You don;t have a friend and you do not know him......not until you meet him in person and spend time together.

 

Also, guy won't be your friend unless they want you.....which means, he is NOT your friend, just a actor that pretends until they get the cookie.

 

Don't be naive OP

What is the world coming to when people think they are "hanging out one-on-one" when they've never actually met? Please just forget this guy because you really don't know ANY truth about him or his personality. Get yourself off of the computer so that you can rehab from the habit of "relating" online and get out there in real life and experience the benefits of the reality of true one-on-one hang outs rather then voice interaction and typing on a screen.

 

Totally agree!

 

This is scary when people think that these online relationships are substantial. Get out into the real world!!!

I'm in a similar situation, or even worse.

Like I'd always come in contact with him the past weeks and like you I'm putting it on hold to see if he would actually do it first. I hate to wait so much. I read people say oh cut off contact there are better people in real life, real life friendships. Fact is they haven't experienced what we did. And sometimes someone who's far has better intentions than the ones near us. Not every soul mate or potential lover lives in the same area you live. They want you to be closed minded and look for people who are near you, yes you can find a good friend, probably better than this guy but it's up to you to choose.

I don't think 6/7 days is a big deal, he probably felt smothered talking so much, I also do too...like I need freedom, few days rest. He could be really rethinking what to do with the friendship and if there's a chance to make something out of it. Sometimes people find no reasons to stay but stay anyway for the sake of "hope". Be more distant and if he approaches you more often then you know you are on his mind. If not then maybe he has given up. But don't think he did if a week has passed. It's absurd.

I'm in a similar situation, or even worse.

Like I'd always come in contact with him the past weeks and like you I'm putting it on hold to see if he would actually do it first. I hate to wait so much. I read people say oh cut off contact there are better people in real life, real life friendships. Fact is they haven't experienced what we did. And sometimes someone who's far has better intentions than the ones near us. Not every soul mate or potential lover lives in the same area you live. They want you to be closed minded and look for people who are near you, yes you can find a good friend, probably better than this guy but it's up to you to choose.

I don't think 6/7 days is a big deal, he probably felt smothered talking so much, I also do too...like I need freedom, few days rest. He could be really rethinking what to do with the friendship and if there's a chance to make something out of it. Sometimes people find no reasons to stay but stay anyway for the sake of "hope". Be more distant and if he approaches you more often then you know you are on his mind. If not then maybe he has given up. But don't think he did if a week has passed. It's absurd.

 

What do you get out of investing in someone you have never met, and most likely, will never meet?

 

Don't you want to have physical contact with someone, instead of having a 'relationship' through a computer screen. It sounds like you are really scared of emotional intimacy.

Yes.. what are the issues within one wonders?

 

Fact is they haven't experienced what we did.

That doesn't make it reason for you to continue in the dysfunction though.

Yes.. what are the issues within one wonders?

 

That doesn't make it reason for you to continue in the dysfunction though.

 

It's pure fantasy.