No social life. Often alone.

I have posted about my lack of social life on here before. Well, here I am again. I do appreciate the suggestions I received, but unfortunately they were unrealistic for me. People suggested that I go out into the world by myself, and introduce myself to people, in places like school clubs, etc. I suffer from social anxiety, and am somewhat of an introvert, so I'm not confident enough to be that bold. I don't believe that most people are bold enough to go to events that involve other people, alone. Usually, when people go out, it's with friends.

I had friends in the past, but I had to constantly cut people off from my life because they behaved in ways towards me that were unacceptable and toxic. I have no regrets about cutting them off, but it does get very lonely. I have been very alone for a couple of years now. In my recent past years, I met my friendships online, rarely in person, but now a days the online world is really bad. Many fake profiles, or people who stop talking within a day of talking. These past few years, I have been relying on dating a lot more just because I need human contact. There have been times when I really didn't feel like dating, but I really just wanted to get out of the house and have some human interaction. It's really sad.

I sometimes replay memories in my head of when I use to go out with friends, and I felt so alive. Those memories keep me somewhat sane and hopeful that one day I will be able to enjoy life again. I miss the loud concerts, the clubbing, the house parties, the adventures. I wish I could do all of those things again, but with people. I get really sentimental when a great band comes to town, or a great movie comes out in theaters because I ache so bad to go see them but I have no one to go with. Then I start to get depressed and take a pain killer every now and then to numb the pain. It helps me not care about being alone and upset over not going to these places that I really want to go to.

Life is passing me by, and not because I want it that way, but because I'm very alone and have no one to enjoy it with. I try to make friends but it's hard. The one or two friends that I didn't cut off say they are always busy. I'm thinking about cutting them off too. They're only available to hangout twice a year anyway. That fun and alive girl is still in me, I just need people in my life. Everyone does. Of course, advice is welcomed, but I'm also just venting. I have no one else to talk to. Thank you for reading.

The only way to make friends is do what others have listed. Its rare a good friend falls into your lap. I let go of all my highschool friends, they don't change. I had no friends, and now I have friends. I have never introduced myself to anyone, I have resting b***h face so people don't often approach me unless its a creepy old man telling me to smile, I'm shy, and I don't open up about anything. I got a different job, and I hated the job, but now the owner, her family and other people who worked there are my best friends.

You have control over this situation, its what choice you make. If I had of turned down that first poker game invite because they intimidated me and were a little weird, who knows where I would be.

You don't need to just go up and introduce yourself to random people, you just need to join a club. The quiet one gets attention, take it from me.. I am the quiet one, people are fond of you because you haven't mad an ass out of yourself yet.

Rarely do friends fall out of the sky, its up to you do to something.

The only way to make friends is do what others have listed. Its rare a good friend falls into your lap. I let go of all my highschool friends, they don't change. I had no friends, and now I have friends. I have never introduced myself to anyone, I have resting b***h face so people don't often approach me unless its a creepy old man telling me to smile, I'm shy, and I don't open up about anything. I got a different job, and I hated the job, but now the owner, her family and other people who worked there are my best friends.

 

You have control over this situation, its what choice you make. If I had of turned down that first poker game invite because they intimidated me and were a little weird, who knows where I would be.

 

You don't need to just go up and introduce yourself to random people, you just need to join a club. The quiet one gets attention, take it from me.. I am the quiet one, people are fond of you because you haven't mad an ass out of yourself yet.

 

Rarely do friends fall out of the sky, its up to you do to something.

Welcome to the resting b***h face club lol. I have that face too. I'm not approachable because of my face. People assume I'm mean or mad. My old friends would often tell me that I turned out to be really fun and sweet and never would've guessed it because my face said something different.

I can't join a club alone though. All of the club members know each other. I don't want to be an outsider or have any attention on me. "The new girl" is often the one who gets the most attention. I hate it.

So... You want people to notice you, but not too much?

I will agree it's difficult meeting people. I live in a small town, and I didn't grow up here (city kid in my youth), so I never had the luxury of going to school with anyone or knowing their families through siblings, etc. I'm naturally introverted and shy. I'm also very left of center in my politics, and faith, which doesn't align well with many of the locals. So getting to meet people has been a real challenge.

Anyway, one thing that helped me was my dog. Simply taking him out on a walk in the local parks, I've struck up many a conversation. He's a white boxer, very goofy and very friendly. Boy, when he was a puppy I couldn't keep people away from him. But he basically serves as my wing man. If you don't have a dog or don't want to own one, it's easy enough to walk one from the shelter (they really appreciate it, though it's tough emotionally) or it's actually pretty easy to get a dog walking gig or borrow a dog.

Meeting people in concerts, clubs and house parties can be challenging. Those environments don't lend themselves to much beyond hooking up. So I personally don't think you're going to meet people in those venues. Maybe a book club? A cooking/baking club? This would get you introductions. And even if these folks are older than you, it's all about synergy. They'll have a daughter or sister or know someone your age and eventually those paths will cross. Many times people will make those introductions for you. But it's still your responsibility to take advantage of those opportunities and you have to be willing to put yourself out there to meet people... resting B face and all.

Not everyone you meet is going to be great, and you're not going to click with everyone. It's a numbers game. You have to play the odds. Be a champion, get over your nerves, and get out there. Quit looking for hurdles to put in front of you and quit making excuses. It's pretty clear from where I'm sitting that you're going to have to get out of your comfort zone. If you don't, you'll be stuck in this same holding pattern.

Type meetups.com into your search engine and put in your geographic location. Many activity groups will probably pop up in your area. Some are geared for certain age groups. Some are for singles and some are for everyone. People will show up to do the activity, whether it be alone or with a friend, so you won't be the only solo person showing up. Dance lessons are another fun way to get out of the house. Look for some in your area. In mine, there are lessons and sometimes a dance to follow in tango, salsa, ballroom, east coast swing, west coast swing, and country two-step or line dancing.

Many things in life involve anxiety: job interviews, new challenges at work, first dates, etc. So you're anxious. It means you're trying new things and it's not the end of the world if you're anxious. It's better than sitting on the couch with the t.v. as your only companion. I'm shy, but I did many of the above things after my divorce, since my handful of closest friends worked different shifts and had different days off than me, so we could rarely get together. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I know someone who uses MeetUps for his activities. For example, if he wants to go on a hike, he will post a meet up. Usually a few people join him.

I have posted about my lack of social life on here before. Well, here I am again. I do appreciate the suggestions I received, but unfortunately they were unrealistic for me. People suggested that I go out into the world by myself, and introduce myself to people, in places like school clubs, etc. I suffer from social anxiety, and am somewhat of an introvert, so I'm not confident enough to be that bold. I don't believe that most people are bold enough to go to events that involve other people, alone.

 

 

I get really sentimental when a great band comes to town, or a great movie comes out in theaters because I ache so bad to go see them but I have no one to go with. Then I start to get depressed and take a pain killer every now and then to numb the pain. It helps me not care about being alone and upset over not going to these places that I really want to go to.

You just have to decide which pain is worse: the pain of putting yourself out there, or the pain of not putting yourself out there.

You also should remember that when you join things like clubs, meetups, volunteer situations, classes, etc., you are not the only person there arriving alone or new. Nobody's telling you to go to a concert alone and simply approach people. They're telling you to do things that have a purpose or activity that allows for relationship building in a more natural way.

Do you have a therapist? Are you on any medications to lessen the social anxiety so that you can at least take these first steps toward meeting others?

I don't mean to be insulting, but how on earth did you ever make ANY friends? You can't, I repeat CAN'T, make friends without being somewhat social. No one wants to be a friend to someone who frowns, does not want attention, and doesn't want to even say, "Hi" first. What you are is anti-social and I do think you should work on that. Saying "Hi" to someone is not a big thing, really. Millions of people do this every day and live to tell about it. They really do. Just smile and say, "Hi" to someone, you will be surprised at the results.

Maybe find a website that connects you to people who live close by you? And get to know them well to eventually hang out in person in total confidence? Social anxiety is not easy, I'm sorry to hear that. Why don't you try a hand at charity work, a lot of people who do that tend to be really nice. Maybe meeting someone there? No matter what keep trying

try facebook groups for people with social anxiety/agoraphobia? at least then you can chat online with likeminded people without having to leave home if that's one of your big concerns. I also agree that meetup is great if you are willing to take the plunge and meet people for real.

Being a bit introverted myself, I would suggest finding some sort of individual sport/exercise as this is something you can do alone and meet likeminded people. If you haven't already, I would suggest trying bouldering (similar to rock climbing but shorter walls and no ropes required). A lot of people who boulder (myself included) go to the local boulder gym by themselves as the sport requires a lot of problem solving and thinking. Quite often someone might see you struggling to get up a specific wall or boulder problem and they will give you advice/tips on how to do it. For me, this was such an easy and non-awkward way to meet people as there is no need for introductions and you automatically have something in common!

You could always just go to a normal gym and meet people that way or try one of their classes. I have also made friends by joining a random 'meetup' group that go hiking on weekends. Quite often people go these by themselves and you meet people from all over the world! Also, if it's a day hike then you are forced to spend at least 6 hours together so people just naturally start talking to each other. If you aren't into hiking, you can always join a meetup group for something else you're interested in.

If you happen to be based in London feel free to message me

EVERYONE is alone and on their own. Relationships with people is just a added bonus.

Be careful what you wish for, often, having people around = drama. Personally I like people in small doses....for about 2-5 min hehe. Unless we are doing something we all enjoy.

Only my wife/kids (note: kids questionable at times) are the ones I don't mind spending UNLIMITED amount of time together.

1 special person is all I need when it comes to my social needs hehe. But I do like playing sports etc with others.....but we have to do SOMETHING. Idling/small talk or even "partying" = bleh

If I understand you used to party, club and have adventures of which you are now afraid? Something seems amiss. When one develops acute anxiety the first thing doctors consider is something physical, not mental. When something is physically wrong, the body can sometimes responds by creating acute anxieties which may seem completely unrelated. I would make an appointment with a doctor first to explore those possibilities.

If it is not physical, you have to accept the simple fact that at some point you will need to make a decision to hide from the world or join it. If you want to, no matter how hard, you will simply have to. Excuses, no matter how just, are still excuses. And people are more understanding then we often give them credit for. Most will be happy to help.

You just have to decide which pain is worse: the pain of putting yourself out there, or the pain of not putting yourself out there.

 

You also should remember that when you join things like clubs, meetups, volunteer situations, classes, etc., you are not the only person there arriving alone or new. Nobody's telling you to go to a concert alone and simply approach people. They're telling you to do things that have a purpose or activity that allows for relationship building in a more natural way.

 

Do you have a therapist? Are you on any medications to lessen the social anxiety so that you can at least take these first steps toward meeting others?

You asked a very good question. To decide which pain is worse. I thought about that for a moment, and I think that personally for me, putting myself out there is more painful than being alone. My social anxiety is that bad. I do need help. I don't have health insurance so I'm not on meds, or talking to anyone.

I don't mean to be insulting, but how on earth did you ever make ANY friends? You can't, I repeat CAN'T, make friends without being somewhat social. No one wants to be a friend to someone who frowns, does not want attention, and doesn't want to even say, "Hi" first. What you are is anti-social and I do think you should work on that. Saying "Hi" to someone is not a big thing, really. Millions of people do this every day and live to tell about it. They really do. Just smile and say, "Hi" to someone, you will be surprised at the results.

I'm not sure if you read my full post, I know it was kind of long. The friends I had in my past were very easily made because you grow up with the same people, going to the same school together for many years. After high school, you actually have to really put yourself out there. The friends that I made after high school were mostly made online, then we met in person. I found it easier to make friends online. I also mentioned in my post that now a days, the online world is different. It's getting harder to make friends online now.

If I understand you used to party, club and have adventures of which you are now afraid? Something seems amiss. When one develops acute anxiety the first thing doctors consider is something physical, not mental. When something is physically wrong, the body can sometimes responds by creating acute anxieties which may seem completely unrelated. I would make an appointment with a doctor first to explore those possibilities.

 

If it is not physical, you have to accept the simple fact that at some point you will need to make a decision to hide from the world or join it. If you want to, no matter how hard, you will simply have to. Excuses, no matter how just, are still excuses. And people are more understanding then we often give them credit for. Most will be happy to help.

I use to go clubbing, out with friends, etc. I'm not scared of the activities, I fear doing them ALONE.

I use to go clubbing, out with friends, etc. I'm not scared of the activities, I fear doing them ALONE.

How about telling yourself that you only have to stay for 30-45 minutes and you only have to talk to one person in that time?

I remember the first time I went to a singles resort alone -I was 23 - I thought of pretending I was a hairdresser just to have fun with it (this was in 1990, pre-internet -no one could check) but I ended up being just me, met my roommate for the week on a charter flight who was about 30 (I thought she was so sophisticated lol) and had a great time. I was scared but glad I took the plunge.

I will add that I never had social anxiety -I was shy till I was a teenager. I know about anxiety/phobias and how crippling/limiting they can feel. I hope you make the right choice for you.