She left me for one of my best friends 1.5months ago. Haven't heard from her.

Well, here it goes...

Okay so, I have a kind of tricky situation and I would like to get your insight on it and maybe you can help me figure some things out.

So, my story starts with meeting this girl, we will call her Sarah. And our relationship was about two years with everything said and done. Sarah and I first met when we worked together at an outdoor retail store. We really hit it off right from the start and began seeing each-other everyday and dating and sleeping with each other all the time. This went on for about a year or so, until I finally got together with her. She always told me how much she loved me and how IN love she was with me every day. Everything was great until I started to feel extremely overwhelmed with school and work. At this time I was working two jobs and I was a full time student in college. So, things started to kinda fade in my eyes when she constantly needed to be around me and see me and I was extremely busy with my work and schooling that I couldn't find much time to always see her. She said she had issues with being alone all the time and that I helped her sleep and stay happy when I was around. But I broke up with her about five months ago sometime around the beginning of April, and she was honestly devastated. But we kept seeing each other , hanging out going on dates and concerts and being around each other, and sleeping with each other for about three months after that because I loved her and I always told her I wanted her to be in my life forever. So up until then things were okay, but I was still trying to get my head on straight and deal with my responsibilities. So I kinda neglected her from time to time and she wasn't pleased by this and got really upset saying I didn't care about her anymore, and all that nonsense. So, about a month and a half ago, she just cut me off and said she couldn't keep doing this to herself and that she wasn't doing herself any favors by keeping in touch. I can understand that, I'm a reasonable guy. Well around this time, I started to realize that I was in love with her more than I thought at the time and I decided to write her a three page letter asking for forgiveness and telling her how in love with her I am and so on and so on, well around this time one of my roommates(who no longer lives with me) and one of my best friends of about 12 years started to disappear at night not coming home until he got off work the next day and sometimes not even then. He told me that he was seeing this girl from a dating sight he has been on for a few weeks and that he had all these stories of meeting up with her and staying the night. Okay, fair enough. Not my concern. But then my roommate was spending a lot of time with this girl from this dating sight and even staying the night on work nights, well this girl lives about an hour and a half away from his work and he works early so I started to get suspicious that some of the things weren't adding up and that, me being a skeptic person, thought maybe he was seeing my ex girlfriend. Some of my other friends were getting the same gut feeling and so I decided to explore this possibility. So one of the nights he said he was with this girl from the dating sight and that he wasn't going to be home all light, I decided to go over to my ex's apartment and see for myself what was really going on and if I was right or wrong. Well sure enough I was correct, he was at her apartment and they were in her bedroom together because I looked through the window and noticed no one was in her living room. So I did what any guy would do, I knocked on her door. And kept knocking until I saw her pop out with no clothes on trying to see who was knocking. She realized it was me and freaked out and ran back into her room. Well at this point I know she saw me and I saw her, so I started to blow up her phone and his, no answer from either of them. I kept knocking and knocking eventually pounding on the door cuz by this time I'm seeing red and am unable to control my emotions. They still didn't answer. I finally left, no damage was done to property and no cops were called thank god. Later that night she insists that they haven't slept together and that I was crazy. She told me to basically go Screw myself and that I need to stop contacting her and talking to her and I told her "no problem" and we haven't talked since. Now for the roommate/best friend, he didn't end up texting me back until the next day saying that they have been spending a lot of time together and that they basically are in love with eachother, I told him he was dead to me and that I hated him for doing this to me but he never texted me back after that. So I basically got Screwed over in the worse way possible. I haven't spoken to either of them since and he moved all of his things out of my place with in the next couple days and moved an hour away from her and me. But from the sounds of it they are seeing each other still. I'm not sure tho. What do I do?! What should I think?!? I tried to fight for her up until I found all this out and now I lost friends and her over this entire ordeal.

We haven't spoken in about a month and a half...she has not tried to contact me at all, she blocked me and my two sisters from all social networks and hasn't said a word.

The only time I've heard anything from her is through a close friend of mine..who reached out to her...

I guess she told him she never meant to hurt any of us(being me and my friend who contacted her) and that she didn't contact my friend, cuz she didn't want to make ME mad...? Whatever that means..don't see why she cares what I think. She also said if my friend was there to "rip" into her, that "she can take it, she is a big girl"

Which is a loaded comment if you ask me...cuz I feel like if she was a big girl, she could at least face me...but maybe she doesn't care. Anyways, my friend told her that he wasn't going to rip into her, he just wanted to talk..and she was also caught off guard I guess when my friend told her that I wanted them to remain friends still(being my friend and her, cuz they had like a brother sister bond, and no this isn't the same friend who screwed me over) and that she obviously didn't know either of us from what she sounded like she was expected to hear from him.

Idk if I still have a chance with this girl...idk if she was lost and confused and lashed out. Idk if she is just completely over me and doesn't care anymore..or what, but for some reason...which I feel is love, I want her in my life still. I never wanted to lose this girl...but I don't think she really cares anymore. Anyways, maybe some insight from you can help me figure out whether or not I should try and speak with her, or just walk away all together. I haven't said a single word to her since this all happened. And I just want to speak with her...and see what the hell happened.

I just want her back....I want to contact her, but I'm so afraid of what she will say or do. I just...I feel like I should be close to being over her, but I'm not, I'm not even close...I still am in love with her..I just can't let her go...

You dumped her and then left her in limbo and neglected her...she decided to move on. Perhaps you took for granted that she would still be around whenever you made up your mind to recommit, but instead she got on with her life. Unfortunate that it was with your buddy...but if not him it would have been someone else. I think you let this one go.

You dumped her and then left her in limbo and neglected her...she decided to move on. Perhaps you took for granted that she would still be around whenever you made up your mind to recommit, but instead she got on with her life. Unfortunate that it was with your buddy...but if not him it would have been someone else. I think you let this one go.

I'm never going to forgive myself for that, I just wanted a second chance with her and I feel like my "friend" swooped in before I could even tell her how I truly felt about her.

I lost friends over all this.

My life got turned upside down.

And I ended up being the one who got extremely heartbroken.

Sure life isn't fair and I get that...but why the is it so cruel?!

I'm just super upset about all of it, I feel like everyone got what they wanted besides me..

She didn't leave you. YOU took her for granted, left her and then took advantage of her feelings for you using her as a friend with benefits whenever it suited you until she finally managed to get away. How fair was that? It was unfortunate that it was your roommate but given how you treated her I d say all bets were off. This is not love. It's hurt ego and wanting what you can't have. Let it go. As for your roommate, he was no real friend. Be glad that he is out of your life. This is a lesson not to treat women like that. Learn from it and move on.

She didn't leave you. YOU took her for granted, left her and then took advantage of her feelings for you using her as a friend with benefits whenever it suited you until she finally managed to get away. How fair was that? It was unfortunate that it was your roommate but given how you treated her I d say all bets were off. This is not love. It's hurt ego and wanting what you can't have. Let it go. As for your roommate, he was no real friend. Be glad that he is out of your life. This is a lesson not to treat women like that. Learn from it and move on.

You're right, I did take her for granted. But I also looked at her every god damn day and realized that the amount of pressure I was going through caused me to treat her badly and I didn't want that so I broke up with her until I got my head on straight. Yeah unfortunately I had a bad way of going about keeping her in my life, absolutely.

Do I regret the way I treated her? Absolutely.

Did I realize I made mistakes about it all? Absolutely.

Would I take it all back if I could?

Absolutely.

Unfortunately I turned a corner with my feeling with her when it was too late, but with that said, why would she constantly keep saying she loved me and was in love with me if that's not how she felt? And "finally got away" you act like I had this girl on lock down or something while I "used her" sure maybe in a way I did? To you? But in my eyes I wasn't sleeping with other girls and fooling around with other people or even thinking about it, I was trying to get my head on straight with school and working two jobs before I went back to a girl who was in love...and sure timing is absolutely everything.

But this girl is beautiful, she had to go for my friend? When she had a whole bunch of other guys lined up?!

Either way...when I broke up with her I was trying todo the right thing. Not making her suffer on my account but at the same time trying to keep close so when I got my stuff straight we could try again....but it back fired. Horribly. And yes my "friend" even told me "I saw an opportunity and I took it, and now we are in love".

Well isn't that just peachy for me..that hurts like hell for him to say that.

And shot to the ego? Well maybe, but I've been in love before, so I know how it feels to lose it. But what sucks is my timing really. And the way I went about the entire situation.

I guess what I really want to know now is....should I contact her to at least apologize? Or just live the rest of my life knowing that I never told her how much of an A-hole I am for putting her through all the hurt?

I just wanted to make things right between us..but I know I lost my chance. All I wanted was to do the right thing..and all she wanted was me. And now, I'm the one who is lost in love for her while she is indifferent. I lost a big opportunity to be happy I feel, and I'll never, ever, get my chance to make things right between us. I don't want to blame her, and in the end I don't. I never did. All I wanted...was to fix the situation and show her that I really did love her. I really was in love...you often find out what you have once it's gone, which is why I am here where I am now...I hope one day I'll figure out who I truly am and what I truly want by myself, because I don't ever want to hurt another person again, nor do I ever want to feel this pain of such a great loss again...like I said before...I don't think I'll ever forgive myself...which is a hard pill to swallow, knowing I'll never forgive myself...*sigh* I hate learning while I live...it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with..it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to face alone...I'll never let myself live this one down.

Women are weird, man. Did you ever give her that three page letter? If you gave her the letter, then you said what you needed to say and there's nothing else to do but let it go. Seems like you just waited too long to communicate effectively with her, and now she's bitter/indifferent and you can no longer get through.

Women are weird, man. Did you ever give her that three page letter? If you gave her the letter, then you said what you needed to say and there's nothing else to do but let it go. Seems like you just waited too long to communicate effectively with her, and now she's bitter/indifferent and you can no longer get through.

Yeah, I gave her the letter while she was at work she told me it was everything she ever wanted to hear and that it really upset her and that she couldn't talk about it anymore cuz she was crying and getting upset at work. Then the night that I gave it to her, she told a good buddy of mine that she broke down and cried her eyes out for several hours of the night of me giving her that letter.

Then just a few days later I found her and my friend together.

It's almost like, I have her everything she wanted to hear, but the deed was done and she couldn't go back so she continued on her path with him...

Yeah, I gave her the letter while she was at work she told me it was everything she ever wanted to hear and that it really upset her and that she couldn't talk about it anymore cuz she was crying and getting upset at work. Then the night that I gave it to her, she told a good buddy of mine that she broke down and cried her eyes out for several hours of the night of me giving her that letter.

Then just a few days later I found her and my friend together.

It's almost like, I have her everything she wanted to hear, but the deed was done and she couldn't go back so she continued on her path with him...

That's weird. Don't know what to make of that.

Too much, too little ---- too late.

That's weird. Don't know what to make of that.

There's nothing weird about it at all. You forced her hand, she couldn't survive on the breadcrumbs you were giving her, so she moved on. Then when you can't have her you want her (normal response..happens to the best of us)...She dealt with her feelings and chose to heal and move forward. She isn't coming back. You need to learn from this and move on. Maybe not date for awhile until you can be committed, at least not look for anything long term.

There's nothing weird about it at all. You forced her hand, she couldn't survive on the breadcrumbs you were giving her, so she moved on. Then when you can't have her you want her (normal response..happens to the best of us)...She dealt with her feelings and chose to heal and move forward. She isn't coming back. You need to learn from this and move on. Maybe not date for awhile until you can be committed, at least not look for anything long term.

I don't know how to move on...

I don't know how to deal...

I don't know who I am...

I don't know anything...

I made a mistake...

I tried to take my life over this mistake already...

I lost the one girl who loved me more than anyone and I lost...

I'm lost..

If you have tried to take your life over this, you really need to consult a professional therapist. Not the internet.

At the end of the day, you two were NOT compatible. Otherwise, you two wouldn't have reached this point. You did your best to correct your mistake. Sadly, it was not possible. You gave her the letter so there is nothing more needed to be said or done.

At the end of the day, you two were not the right fit for each other and that is why your relationship could not withstand the difficult life circumstances you were going through. No need to feel that you are the one who was left with nothing. You were freed so that you can meet someone with whom you are more compatible. And you also got rid of a friend who was not loyal to you. Plus, you learned a valuable lesson on how break ups change emotions. I' d say that you gained plenty and that now you have a better chance not losing a girl who YOU will love more than anyone.

If you have suicidal tendencies you DO need to contact a professional therapist. An internet forum is not the right place for you.

There's nothing weird about it at all.

It's definitely weird. If the OP's letter affected her as much as he said, and if it was really everything she wanted to hear, then it would only make sense to give it another shot. But she went off with his friend instead, which in my mind says either 1) she didn't really react the way the OP says, or 2) she's being spiteful. If the latter, that's not healthy, and really not a relationship you'd want to continue anyways.

At the end of the day, you two were NOT compatible. Otherwise, you two wouldn't have reached this point. You did your best to correct your mistake. Sadly, it was not possible. You gave her the letter so there is nothing more needed to be said or done.

 

At the end of the day, you two were not the right fit for each other and that is why your relationship could not withstand the difficult life circumstances you were going through. No need to feel that you are the one who was left with nothing. You were freed so that you can meet someone with whom you are more compatible. And you also got rid of a friend who was not loyal to you. Plus, you learned a valuable lesson on how break ups change emotions. I' d say that you gained plenty and that now you have a better chance not losing a girl who YOU will love more than anyone.

 

If you have suicidal tendencies you DO need to contact a professional therapist. An internet forum is not the right place for you.

I'm in therapy right now, I've taken the steps to better myself. To get a grip on my mind which is all over the place..I just came to you guys to get more of the outside perspective from the world.

I have two therapists actually, one I pay for and one I have through my campus.

I'm really trying guys...😔

I'm trying to get better.

I'm trying to heal.

But I mind ed me so hard core...the person I am deep to my core is emotional and caring and loving and loyal and has good intentions.

But when I get jacked around, it hurts deeply and really rocks my world around. I've not only lost a girl, I lost someone I spent 12 years being close friends with, and not only that but some of my other close friends that I've had for roughly 15 years are now neglecting me, hanging out with them all the time and stopped communicating with me.

My world literally got turned inside out and I've be left behind in the reckage while they both moved away and didn't have to deal with me anymore. Nor have to see or hear about the pain they put me through.

I'm really freaking trying to be better and get better and be happy...

I've already put in motion to move into a new city, transfer into a new school(an actually university, not a community college) I've already found a new place to live, a new job, and didn't screw over my roommates I have now because I already found a replacement for my house now and didn't screw over my job cuz I already found a replacement for my present job.

I'm really, really, trying....but I just got left so confused...and hurt...and instead of her leaving my life and "moving on" like she always told me she would...she embedded herself into my life and now has most of my support system on her side..supporting her and his relationship now..

I never knew I didn't mean anything to the people I have had in my life for over 15 years or so...I did nothing but show them love and respect and I have to run now..run fast and hard away...but I have to rebuild my life for the sake of them..and my sanity.

The pain they put you through?

You brought this on with your own behavior. You treated her badly.

Now, your best guy friend is a snake --- that I will give you.

But you cannot fault her for moving on.

I don't fault her for moving on, you're right.

I broke up with her with good intentions..always told her I was overwhelmed and needed space to get my mind right and that I love her and still wanted her in my life for a long time if not forever. Just asked for time...tried to get my head straight. When I was ready she was moving on.

If this was any other guy, it wouldn't be so bad...I wouldn't have been so effected by it, cuz I'm not a monster I know where my mistakes lay..and I also realize no one is going to wait forever.

But they didn't go about it like adults, and yes my "friend" snaked his way in.

I was only doing the right thing j thought of at the time cuz I looked at her and didn't feel like she had to suffer in a relationship with me while I wasn't fully involved. My mistake was trying to keep her afterwards. I didn't cheat, I didn't call her bad names, or yell at her for my faults. I just tried to do the right thing

Yeah and when she told that to my friend, the next day she went out to brunch with my oldest sister, and told my sister she wasn't looking for any guys and that she has so much on her plate that she wasn't even thinking about anyone.

Which means she lied to my sisters face..trying to hide what she was doing with my friend. And being deceitful to more than just me. And my oldest sister and her had gotten fairly close. And she even told my sister that she has cried over the letter I gaave her also. I showed the letter to my sister and my parents and they told me to fight for this girl, and that I should do anything in my power to get her back if that's how I felt about her..well when I went to do that..I got shut down, and then found them together the next night.

And when I tried to take my life, I was wasted and took a lot of drugs, woke up the next day sick as hell, and from that day forward I stopped drinking and doing drugs. And that was right after I found out about them. That first week was horrible.

Bottom line ---- you took her for granted and took your stress out on the relationship.

She moved on. With your friend.

From the day you broke up with her, her actions and words (to your sister) are really not the issue. You left her. Who she chooses to take up with, again --- her choice.

That it took this break up and the aftermath to put you on the path to your future is sad --- but perhaps that is why it happened. Look forward, not back.

Bottom line ---- you took her for granted and took your stress out on the relationship.

 

She moved on. With your friend.

 

From the day you broke up with her, her actions and words (to your sister) are really not the issue. You left her. Who she chooses to take up with, again --- her choice.

 

That it took this break up and the aftermath to put you on the path to your future is sad --- but perhaps that is why it happened. Look forward, not back.

I was already on a good path, lived in a house, going to school and was working.

....but okay I get it. My fcking fault right? All of it. My mistake. My fault. My fault my friend started to sleep with her. My fault my fault my fault. Sucks to be me.

You created the opportunity, yes.

Your friend wasn't much of a friend.

I would think that it hurts to be you ---- knowing what you had and throwing it away. But you are young, and as long as you have learned not to take someone for granted; learned that life is always going to have stress in it and how one deals with it is key; learned that drugs and alcohol are not a means to escape ---- well, then this has been a valuable learning experience.

You created the opportunity, yes.

 

Your friend wasn't much of a friend.

 

I would think that it hurts to be you ---- knowing what you had and throwing it away. But you are young, and as long as you have learned not to take someone for granted; learned that life is always going to have stress in it and how one deals with it is key; learned that drugs and alcohol are not a means to escape ---- well, then this has been a valuable learning experience.

I've learned a lot trust me. I also learned that she wasn't all peaches and cream either, and that she near the end, strung me along until my friend came into the picture.

I know what I did, and how I did it..

I know that I wasn't all peaches and cream to stand by.

But I also learned that I didn't have many good friends, and he was a fake.

I learned that I need to stick up for myself and not be taken advantage of, as well as not taking people for granted thinking she would stick by me till I was ready to have a serious and committed relationship.

I learned that I need to value myself more cuz I have low self esteem.

But I also learned I don't want to have a needy girl in my life either.

You take her side a lot which is okay with me I get it.

But also know she was pushy and is a girl who was used to guys Bowing down to her feet and kissing them.

I'm not that guy, I told her we would be equals. And the fact that I broke up with her, yet she still wanted to tell me how in love and how much she loved me is where it was flawed. She lied to me over the course of the month that my friend was seeing her and she was sleeping with both of us at the same time. Lead me to believe we still had a chance up until he really pressed her for their relationship.

Then she dropped me, and have a soft pillow to lay down on while I tried my hardest(and am still trying) not to decay.