Moving in together after 2 months of dating ?

Everyone has been telling me that moving in too quickly after dating is not a good idea.

I have my own opinion about this, but would like other opinions.

After all when you're crazy in love why not go for it ?

I think it's crazy, but only in the case where you only actually met the person two months ago. The reason why I say this is that it's very difficult, I would say impossible, to really know a person that well after two months. I think it takes at least a year or two to really know them, and even then you still need a lot more time! However, if you've known that person for a lot longer than that, for example have been friends for at least a few years and are really close, then maybe it's not as crazy. But the problem with the first two months of a relationship is that it's very much "honeymoon phase" and the person and everything about them seems amazing. This could very well turn out to be wrong later, except you'll be living with them and stuck with them by then! lol

Crazy in love doesn't mean you know squat about the person. I wouldn't move in anybody I don't know really really well with my small child. EVER.

For me personally I don't think you can really know someone completely after only 2 months of dating it's still the honey moon stage.

For me moving in together is basically saying "I want to spend every waking moment with you" I would have to know someone 100% first before even considering such a big step like moving in together.

Everyone has been telling me that moving in too quickly after dating is not a good idea.

I have my own opinion about this, but would like other opinions.

 

After all when you're crazy in love why not go for it ?

Being "crazy in love" at two months is as big of an accomplishment as enjoying the second slice of pizza in an eating contest. Of course you're going to be at the peak of infatuation that early on. But you keep eating that thing that fast, I guarantee by that 50th slice, you're gonna have all kinds of aches and pains.

You gotta slow down, save some leftovers, eat that thing over a period of time. Trust me... I know that pizza looks amazing, and I know leftovers aren't nearly as exciting as demolishing that thing on the spot, but you gotta be patient and hang tight.

If you get nothing else from this post, it's that I am really, really hungry right now.

Ive gone for it, and I've waited. There is no one way. For me, waiting is better.

When I am "crazy in love", I attach before we have been through a challenge together. Trust is presumed but not tested. Seeing his judgment in a sticky situation, learning how we work together and whether I can respect him - those are of primary importance. If we are tested and I am ambivalent about what I see in him, but I have already attached to him, then I overreact.

I can respond more thoughtfully and more lovingly when I don't have so much at risk.

Instead, if I attach before I see us tested, then I will come after flaws in you and in our relationship like a tiger after prey. It is very difficult to sustain a relationship with that kind of energy, and very difficult for me to feel secure in my attachment because the flaws threaten my ability to love and respect you. Suddenly, I need you to fix yourself, not because you're broken, but because I attached to an idea of you that turned out be inaccurate, and I want you to make it right.

My behavior in that situation isn't fair to either of us. And that is why I wouldn't move in at two months, nor say ILY etc.

Your question answers itself.

 

Being "crazy in love" at two months is as big of an accomplishment as enjoying the second slice of pizza in an eating contest. Of course you're going to be at the peak of infatuation that early on. But you keep eating that thing that fast, I guarantee by that 50th slice, you're gonna have all kinds of aches and pains.

 

You gotta slow down, save some leftovers, eat that thing over a period of time. Trust me... I know that pizza looks amazing, and I know leftovers aren't nearly as exciting as demolishing that thing on the spot, but you gotta be patient and hang tight.

 

If you get nothing else from this post, it's that I am really, really hungry right now.

ha ha ha ha ha I love it!!

Yes, when I say dating, I mean they've only know each other for 2 months .... Like some of you said, it's still the honeymoon phase and I do feel that when you're still in the honeymoon phase and move in together not only do you not know one another, but the honeymoon phase wears off way quicker, reality kicks in and you realize you don't really know that person ... My 2cents !

I think it's rather soon, yes, but if you are willing to take the risk, go for it.

The only time I think it's morally reprehensible is when you or the other person have small children involved. But if it's just you two, and you're both adults, and aware of the risk, well, go for it but be prepared to deal with consequences if they arise.

I think it's rather soon, yes, but if you are willing to take the risk, go for it.

 

The only time I think it's morally reprehensible is when you or the other person have small children involved. But if it's just you two, and you're both adults, and aware of the risk, well, go for it but be prepared to deal with consequences if they arise.

it's not about me, and there's a 2 yo involved.

People who move in together at two months and they have young children I don't think they have all their dogs barking. Children can be molested, beaten seriously harmed in those cases because the parent actually knows Zippty Dee Doo dah about the other person in two months.

it's not about me, and there's a 2 yo involved.

NO WAY.

A new relationship is WAY too big of a risk to subject the two year old to.its vicissitudes.

You may want to read / share a summary of the stages of growth, years 1 - 5. Basically, we get all of our groundwork done in those early years. Basic trust, love, secure attachment, self-confidence and self-comfort. Oh my goodness, no no no no until I am jumping up and down making a spectacle of myself. A thousand times no. This two year old is a person who deserves and wants to make choices in his life. S/He has no choice but to attach to this new person. And later s/he may be given no choice but to detach. Or wonder why s/he is attached to someone who makes a crappy parent, in oh so many possible ways. And at 3, 4 ,5, that kind of attachment confusion will imprint deeply and affect him/her for the rest of his/her life. No.

The parent of the two year old needs to put that child first. If this new person is a gift to the child at two months, the same will be true in 9 months. Wait a year. There is no downside in that.

it's not about me, and there's a 2 yo involved.

If there's small child involved, I think it's morally reprehensible and extremely irresponsible.

It's one thing to take a risk as an adult when you are the only one to bear the possible consequences. It's a whole other enchilada when one or both of you has small kids living with you and they have to go along for the ride. Very wrong, IMO.

NO WAY.

 

A new relationship is WAY too big of a risk to subject the two year old to.its vicissitudes.

 

You may want to read / share a summary of the stages of growth, years 1 - 5. Basically, we get all of our groundwork done in those early years. Basic trust, love, secure attachment, self-confidence and self-comfort. Oh my goodness, no no no no until I am jumping up and down making a spectacle of myself. A thousand times no. This two year old is a person who deserves and wants to make choices in his life. S/He has no choice but to attach to this new person. And later s/he may be given no choice but to detach. Or wonder why s/he is attached to someone who makes a crappy parent, in oh so many possible ways. And at 3, 4 ,5, that kind of attachment confusion will imprint deeply and affect him/her for the rest of his/her life. No.

 

The parent of the two year old needs to put that child first. If this new person is a gift to the child at two months, the same will be true in 9 months. Wait a year. There is no downside in that.

In fact, if the new person respected the child, he/she would REFUSE to move in. Let that child approach the new relationship at his or her own pace. Goodness.

People say, oh theyre kids, they don't get to choose. That's a load of crap. They have their own relationships with us, and we teach them to respect themselves (and us) when we appreciate that their life experience is real, to them. Would I be pissed ic my roommate forced me to live with her new bf, and we would be together all the time now? Damn right I would. Not fair.

This has so many red cards on the field that I am voting for voting for ejection from the game and the league.

Stop dating, friend. Your compass is way off. Have some casual sex, some short term relationships, if you want. Rread, talk, get counseling, do whatever it takes to better understand yourself and the impact you have on your toddler. This is chaos.

It's best to pull the breaks on this. Continue to date each other. No need to rush. Is this for financial reasons? Is he pushing for this?

Let me tell you my mom and my stepdad decided to help a young guy out because he was a bit down on his luck. They let him move in as a border for a little while. I was 6/7 I can't remember exactly if I was six or seven. And my brother would've been three or four. I was molested by that young man who needed the " helping hand". So my parents trying to help someone out actually was a huge detriment. Now I'm not saying don't help people out but please please please please be aware that young small children are DEFENSELESS.

I agree with all those saying that the fact that there's a child involved makes this a bad idea without question.

I would also say that even if there wasn't a child involved, moving is a big ordeal. Why would I ever move in with someone after two months when there is so much involved (changing addresses, losing residency somewhere else, packing and moving things, etc.) if I wasn't absolutely sure that I knew him well? It's a pointless risk, in my opinion.

I do feel it's crazy too, the woman with the child needed to leave the place where she was living (her ex's place) and now that she is dating a new man she pushed him into living together ... For her own advantage I guess ...

Bad, bad idea. Because anything done only because "you're crazy in love" is bound to be impulsive, not thought through, and it rarely works out ok.

I have done it twice, because I was crazy in love and because it was winter and figured it would make seeing each other much easier. It was the most stupid thing I could have done, both times.

It's child endangerment and I don't give a **** who says otherwise.

Bad, bad idea. Because anything done only because "you're crazy in love" is bound to be impulsive, not thought through, and it rarely works out ok.

I have done it twice, because I was crazy in love and because it was winter and figured it would make seeing each other much easier. It was the most stupid thing I could have done, both times.

What happened ?

Read it wrong

Ah sorry just read it's not about you!

But still after 2 months you know next to nothing about the other person so i still think it's a very bad idea

I do feel it's crazy too, the woman with the child needed to leave the place where she was living (her ex's place) and now that she is dating a new man she pushed him into living together ... For her own advantage I guess ...

not to her own advantage at all. At all. And to her childs disadvantage.

Oh so this isn't about you OP? Well then I don't really care.

But whoever she is, sounds like a desperado.