falling out of love

Just wondering, for all of you who have already experienced this: how is it like falling out of love while you are still in a relationship?

I know it never happened to me. The only thing I experienced was having infatuation turn into hate. Still needed a few months to get over it though.

So what does it feel like? Does it hurt? Did you already reach complete indiferrence by the time of the break up? I have always wondered what it's like to have a quiet break up where you don't start hating your exes guts. Where you just quietly fall out of love.

Everything becomes routine and you wake up one day and realize you really don't care what is going on with them. At all.

I'm going through that and am going through a breakup because we both fell out of love. He has major depression issues, among other things. I think I just feel complete ambivalence towards him right now but it is turning into disgust and anger when he's at the house.

I think you discover basic incompatiblity.

My second wife and I just were to opposite. Still care for her, but we are better being apart.

It depends on the person and the situation but for me it happened almost over night and I found the whole thing extremely painful and difficult to come to terms. He hadn't changed at all, he was still the great guy he always had been I just no longer felt the same way about him. It's a very weird situation because when u break up with someone and there's anger involved it's almost easier to stop speaking and cut them out but when u break up on very sad but good terms it's difficult to be like 'ok I still think you're great but let's not talk to each other anymore'

Also tiny little things start annoying you. Example: You are standing in front of the refrigerator and he/she gets in your way of grabbing your favorite lemonade. Instead of politely asking: Could you please move?.....You are thinking: Why in the he** is he/she getting in my way?.... and you just want to push them out of the way. LOL

I haven't personally but I know others who have and they almost stay in it for reasons other than love mostly to not be alone. I guess some people just grow apart there has to be a good foundation built throughout to make a relationship last. And if both parties stop putting the passion/work into it it becomes routine and only just someone who's there.

you don't,It just means you were never in love in the first place

You become indifferent to them, really. It isn't an instant, heartbreaking "Oh no, I don't love them." It's just...you start to see yourself without them. And the idea of being without them doesn't hurt, in fact that becomes more and more real than the relationship.

This happened with my first husband. We married way too fast, way too young, I knew I had made a mistake two weeks into it. He later admitted he knew it was a mistake three weeks in. But we soldiered on for ten years, because we had kids and we weren't bad people, we didn't hate each other, there were no red flags. We were simply just not compatible in so many ways that couldn't be overcome. And they weren't giant things either, but little things that kept adding up. It was like trying to have that awkward conversation with someone you have nothing in common with. We both finally ended it together, stayed friendly for the sake of the kids, found other people we are much happier with.

With the last ex it was a bit more dramatic, but really it just sort of amounted to being fed up over one too many times of his cheating. I saw an out after catching him the act for the upteenth time and I took it. I was already mentally prepared for that to happen, it had five times before, and I found myself the final time sort of going through the motions of reconciling with him without it being really heartfelt. In fact, it felt almost scripted. He'd do something and mentally I'd be counting to myself just how many times he had done or said that same thing then telling myself, 'Annnd guess what comes next." So yeah, I saw an opportunity and a reason to break up with him when he cheated and I never looked back. It was just easier to say, "You've cheated on me for the last time" than it was for me to say, "I'm finding this toxic drama to be pretty dang boring, aren't you?"

As my signature says, it's indifference that is the opposite of love, not hate. Hate means you still have emotions for them, strong emotions. Indifference means you'd rather wash your hair and stay in on a Saturday night than go out with them.

you don't,It just means you were never in love in the first place

Sometimes you are right. "love at first sight" probably means "I enjoy being with you and find you physically attractive". I think around the 3 to 6 month mark you usually know whether it is more than that, especially when you've had a few relationships. I think I've "fallen out of love" when what I've really done is had the first flush of excitement and found there's not enough left to sustain it. I think it is possible to fall out of love and if we are dumped, falling out of love is a necessary part of getting over it. It is also possible for feelings to change over the course of a long relationship, too.

I was with a guy for 8 years. I would say the first 4 years were fine --- and the next 2 were OK --- and the last 2 were habit.

This happened with me in my most recent relationship. It started out that little things would get on my nerves, then it got to the point where I was having anxiety at work because I knew I was going to have to see him afterwards. It's sort of a strange unfolding of events, because it's gradual and you know something is wrong, but you can't exactly figure out what.

Towards the end, I pretty much did what I could to avoid him, even though we lived together and I definitely saw myself happy being alone, instead of with him. I was very much in love with him at some point, but in the long run, he couldn't meet my needs, even when I was blunt about what I needed. I probably did just as poorly meeting his needs. It came down to being incompatible.

I was with a guy for 8 years. I would say the first 4 years were fine --- and the next 2 were OK --- and the last 2 were habit.

That would not surprise me, not for you but for anyone in general.

I was with someone for 6. The first 5 1/2 were great for me. The first 2 were good for her, the 3rd OK and for the last 3 she wanted out. I have to admit I blew a fuse when she said she never loved me but, on reflection, I think she was right. I have doubts she is actually capable of loving anyone beyond a superficial level but that's not my problem and hasn't been for ages.

In my case, my attraction to him and his "potential" waned as his "potential" got lost in the haze of alcoholism.

I was taking shower and it just hit me that the relationship wasn't going to work. I got out, got dressed, and asked him to leave.

I had been in years of denial.

I was taking shower and it just hit me that the relationship wasn't going to work. I got out, got dressed, and asked him to leave.

 

I had been in years of denial.

What are you talking about? Denial about what?

That I still loved him and that if I just tried a little harder, everything would work out.

That I still loved him and that if I just tried a little harder, everything would work out.

Years of denial? I thought you just started dating him. I thought you just got a step up in "communicating" from him?

I'm talking about my first ex! Not the guy I'm currently seeing. I definitely should have elaborated.

I'm talking about my first ex! Not the guy I'm currently seeing. I definitely should have elaborated.

Oh, phew. I thought you got out of the shower and told K to take a hike.

This happened with me in my most recent relationship. It started out that little things would get on my nerves, then it got to the point where I was having anxiety at work because I knew I was going to have to see him afterwards. It's sort of a strange unfolding of events, because it's gradual and you know something is wrong, but you can't exactly figure out what.

 

Towards the end, I pretty much did what I could to avoid him, even though we lived together and I definitely saw myself happy being alone, instead of with him. I was very much in love with him at some point, but in the long run, he couldn't meet my needs, even when I was blunt about what I needed. I probably did just as poorly meeting his needs. It came down to being incompatible.

I had a stage like that but fortunately, it passed. It was Hell at the time because I hated work, too and didn't have a safe bolt-hole. Looking back, a lot of stuff was happening to us individually and as a family and all 3 lives were in the toilet. The only sane one was the dog we had at the time.

One thing that's worth mentioning is that most of us go through c@rp at some time. The question is, who/what do we blame it on most? A lot of people blame it on their relationship, others their job, extended family, neighbours and sometimes themselves. It can be quite difficult to objectively find out what the cause is.

I had a stage like that but fortunately, it passed. It was Hell at the time because I hated work, too and didn't have a safe bolt-hole. Looking back, a lot of stuff was happening to us individually and as a family and all 3 lives were in the toilet. The only sane one was the dog we had at the time.

We were really probably both feeling this. I'm more of person who is willing to take a small break and then see if the problems can be fixed, he is not. But, overall, I am happy that the relationship is over. I need someone (in the very distant future) who will step up when things get tough and be willing to find solutions to the problems with me.

Also, to add to that....I think that we could have rekindled the love, but we were bored with the life we created together. We just needed to spice things up in general.

We were really probably both feeling this. I'm more of person who is willing to take a small break and then see if the problems can be fixed, he is not. But, overall, I am happy that the relationship is over. I need someone (in the very distant future) who will step up when things get tough and be willing to find solutions to the problems with me.

Not that I'm criticising you personally but I'm very dubious about these "small breaks". I think there's some circumstances where they can be useful, such as while a person is dealing with an addiction or going through exam stress (as came up on here recently) but say a couple have a break and someone has sex with someone else while on the break. In my book that would rule out wanting to get back together. I think many of these breaks are intended to allow someone to sow a few wild oats while keeping the current partner on the back burner. In my opinion, this is simply unacceptable.