New Attorney

My first and last conversation with my old lawyer was two months ago. I know he just recently contacted my ex to have a conversation with him and I haven't heard anything from him. It's been 8 months now total since I'm living separate from my ex and he hasn''t paid a dime. I'm at the end of my sanity.

We're still on speaking terms with each other: we only talk about our children and occasionaly his family and some of his friends that I don't see anymore but still care to some extent about them to know how they're doing. We've seen each other on several birthday parties and we can hold up a nice conversation.

But yesterday evening he brought the children back to my place and I just snapped. I snapped because it's eating me up inside that he plays the perfect ex and perfect father but all along doesn't has the slightest respect for me raising our kids day and night. He doesn't show any goodwill towards me and I need to plan my day around him. I paid him rent when I was living with him and he only paid me back half of my rent just one month ago. Seven months after I moved out! And I still don't have the money from the other month that I paid too much to him. He hasn't paid anything for our children expect our youngest daughter's sportssubscription.

Truth be told: I'm literally at the end of my money too. I moved out, I had to pay for new beds, closets, matrasses and all for our kids while he was on vacation to Thailand. He still thinks that my new boyfriend and I need to pay for Everything because the children live at our place. Extra costs like school supply's, clothing and shoes he is willing to contribute to but not more than that. I can't get it into his head that they also eat food, need a warm winter and I don't want to beg for money everytime I buy some clothes for them!

So, I'm going to contact my old lawyer and say I don't longer want him - he knows my ex personally and I think he is just willing to mediate between us. I tried mediating with him but to no avail. I hope my new lawyer can give me some rest in my head. I'm done being nice and doing it the most decent way.

Why did you choose a lawyer that knew your ex personally? Surely that's a conflict of interest?

yes, I just wanted him to mediate. But I didn't know that it would take months for him to act and another few months to contact my ex. He is more a friend of my family than he is of my ex. But I guess he is too involved with my ex and not involved enough to actually care either in an ambvilent way.

You don't need a mediator... You need a vampire.

I agree that it would be your best interest to get rid of him.The case doesn't go away just because you got rid of him, you just need to find another attorney. Then seek someone that you find through someone else, not just anyone

What were you thinking taking on a lawyer that was his friend/conflict of interest? Not smart at all.

You shouldn't be mad at HIM or snap at ANYONE. EVER. Especially when YOU are the one that plans the day around HIM. Why do you do that?

As for paying for stuff, didn't your settlement address that? Ohh wait, the lawyer thing....

Why should he pay for YOU when you are living with another man? Why? The kids, yeah, he owes that. Take care of that ASAP.

It's a good thing that you found a new attorney. My ex husband pays a substantial amount of child support and her health insurance and we share custody 50/50. He makes a lot more than me, and that was a factor. He's also about taking care of his responsibilities, even when I had another man living with me (my most current ex). It has nothing to do with who you are with, there are still plenty of expenses that he needs to be paying. He can't just pick and choose...

You shouldn't be mad at HIM or snap at ANYONE. EVER. Especially when YOU are the one that plans the day around HIM. Why do you do that?

I didn't snap on him, I snapped inside.

I plan my days around him for the kids. They adore their father. But after I get a legal settlement I'm going to change some things. I read on here that you can ask for the other party to be on time for example and otherwise there needs to be made a new appointment and no more waiting around for more than 30 minutes. I think that we would all benefit from that.

Why should he pay for YOU when you are living with another man? Why? The kids, yeah, he owes that. Take care of that ASAP.

I never said he should pay for me? I only talk about what the children needed in the last 8 months. I never ever asked him for money for myself!

It's a good thing that you found a new attorney. My ex husband pays a substantial amount of child support and her health insurance and we share custody 50/50. He makes a lot more than me, and that was a factor. He's also about taking care of his responsibilities, even when I had another man living with me (my most current ex). It has nothing to do with who you are with, there are still plenty of expenses that he needs to be paying. He can't just pick and choose...

Thanks. He can't share custody, I always took care of our children while he was at work. He pays for health care for our children but thats about it.

I asked a friend for the name of her laywer. Thanks for reading and advice everyone. I really needed to vent.

Ever hear the term 'bros before hoes.' Yea...don't trust a guy friend of his to help you. He needs to pony up $...and a new attorney hopefully can help.

Months later... my lawyer is great! It took ages for my ex to send her his personal info which of course caused a delay. Then he took the time to set up a timetable of his 'contribution' to our children from the last ten months. He summed up all his expenses:

- playstore march $4,95

- clothing june $25,50

- clothing august $14,95

And so on, to give an example of how much the children 'cost' in one year time. I was fuming when I read it. My lawyer said she got sick that he still didn't pay any child support with his salary. So she send him a letter and a calculation of what he should be paying for our children and then he started to contact me.

'Can we talk?'

'About our children and how we're doing as divorced parents.'

I told him that if he has any problems he now should talk to my lawyer and we can see if we can make a new arrangement in our parent plan. He said he was not listening and thats why we need to talk, and we could save our money for lawyers if we actually were able to talk.

Then he stopped contacting me. I got a mail from my lawyer that his lawyer contacted her asking if we could wait to inform the court about the child support. I said I was willing to wait till march. Then I again got a letter from my ex pleading that the amount of child support I was asking was ridiculous, we never spend so much money on our children. And again came a whole chart with how much he had paid last year to our children and he asked me to do the same: see what my expenses were this year for our children so I could see it wasn't that much...

Seriously, I paid for new beds, bedding, a whole new room, I bought the most clothes for them because they're living with me, I bought all the presents, paid for their birthday parties... I think he would be shocked to see the amount of money I actually spended on them.

I'm still acting as normal as I can when he comes to pick up the kids for his weekend. But I feel sad and angry for the trouble he is causing really.