femdom marriage

My husband, who is truly wonderful in so many ways, has wanted a part-time femdom relationship for years. At first, I was shocked but, as I read some books and material, I've come to understand it fairly well (or so I think). We've spoken about it and I am always willing to start it but after some time (either weeks or one month or so) I just stop. I am totally sincere about wanting to please him so I don't understand why I stop. Guess my sex drive is not what it used to be.

Anyway, can someone suggest what I can do to continue this lifestyle? I love him dearly and I want to please him but he's reached the end of his patience with my "go and stop" behaviour. He tells me that I build him up, then stop. He cannot deal with this constant disappointment and is not sure he wants to let me try again for fear of being disappointed. He always fulfills my likes and desires but I, obviously, do not fulfill his. I feel terrible and don't know what to do. My marriage is on the rocks because of this. Any suggestions?

I am into this, and took the wife some time to get accustomed. She is a very dominant person outside of those activities so it's not a tough transition. Now depending on what parts you are doing, some may not be part of your natural personality. If you don't desire to be a Dom, or too explore that part, then yes you will start/ stop. Let your husband know that is normal and it's not start/stopping it's taking a break. Just like anything else, constant all the time will be less pleasurable than taking breaks to stimulate again.

I feel like you are really not naturally into this. If you aren't, it's hard to keep going with something that you do to please your partner vs a mutually pleasurable experience. If your marriage is on the rocks because of it, that speaks to likely sexual incompatibility.

Seconding sexual incompatibility. And it's ok if you break up because of that.

You've given it your best shot, your husband can't ask more of you than that.

I agree that you could reframe it as "This isn't natural for me, I'm doing the best I can, I can't be dominant 24/7 and need to take a break from that." Is there a way you two could develop a ritual for transitioning to the femdom stuff, then another to help you transition out of it when you feel you need a break?

I agree that you could reframe it as "This isn't natural for me, I'm doing the best I can, I can't be dominant 24/7 and need to take a break from that." Is there a way you two could develop a ritual for transitioning to the femdom stuff, then another to help you transition out of it when you feel you need a break?

OMG, your quote hit it on the head! I sincerely am trying and I continue to try to the best of my ability. I think that counts for something. I haven't given up trying to please him in the ways he wants and I won't, IF he gives me yet another chance. He feels very disappointed and let down but how does he think I feel? I also find it frustrating that I am unable to meet his expectations and I oftentimes feel like a failure but I don't give up. Thank you again. I didn't know how to verbalize how I felt, so thank you again. Have a happy week.

Thanks for your comment. I've never spoken to a guy who is into a femdom relationship; I am new to this site. I do want to be a dominant female to my husband, but I struggle with that concept. It does feel unnatural but I very much wish to try it because I know it will please him immensively. Did your wife have trouble with this femdom thing? Does she enjoy it? I know she makes you happy and I want to do the same for my husband. I would appreciate it if you told me how she dealt with it.

Thanks for your comment. I've never spoken to a guy who is into a femdom relationship; I am new to this site. I do want to be a dominant female to my husband, but I struggle with that concept. It does feel unnatural but I very much wish to try it because I know it will please him immensively. Did your wife have trouble with this femdom thing? Does she enjoy it? I know she makes you happy and I want to do the same for my husband. I would appreciate it if you told me how she dealt with it.

It took years for me to say something first. There's a lot of trust that has to be there. She also struggled at first because if you truly don't know yourself it's hard to do that, so it was and still is at times a tough transition for her but she fully embraces the things SHE enjoys. To be honest, if you can't grow into enjoying it, it won't work because all your doing is sacrificing. It has to be a mutual two way street or it won't work. Look if you don't get enjoyment out of it, that can lead to other bad things happening, as if you enjoy what your doing your carefull of the boundaries. No enjoyment crosses boundaries. There are many things I won't do, and neither will she, it's finding a comfort zone that works for both of you. Also we don't just do that, we mix it in with reg sex. And half the time not at all. It's just an aspect of something I enjoy more than her and I respect that. If he can't do that, you might consider letting him hire a professional.

What you wrote makes a lot of sense. I think I am starting to truly understand the concept about embracing the things that I enjoy which, in turn, are also things that he enjoys.

Hiring a professional would not work because the professional is faking it. It has to go deeper than that. He wants it to be with me because there is love and a bunch of other positive feelings which a professional does not give. My husband, like you, enjoys it more than me but I could see it working. Thanks, and enjoy your week.

What you wrote makes a lot of sense. I think I am starting to truly understand the concept about embracing the things that I enjoy which, in turn, are also things that he enjoys.

Hiring a professional would not work because the professional is faking it. It has to go deeper than that. He wants it to be with me because there is love and a bunch of other positive feelings which a professional does not give. My husband, like you, enjoys it more than me but I could see it working. Thanks, and enjoy your week.

Look, i think he is pressuring you into being someone else/someone he wants you to be in order to get his kink on. And he's trying to guilt you into being a better wifey in the mode of what he wants you to be, rather than negotiating with you to find a medium that you'd both be happy with.

It's not all about him, it is about what works for you as well. He sounds rather selfish to be honest. And all this talk about 'disappointment' is really childish. He's not a baby who has been denied a sweet, he's a grown man who should have as much concern for his wife's feelings and needs as his own, rather than pouting like a baby and trying to guilt you into behaving like his own personal puppet to satisfy him.

Please note that in a marriage, it is common for people to suggest all kinds of things that their partner may or many not be into in all areas of their lives. But marriage is a negotiation between needs, not one person twisting themselves into a pretzel to please the other person, especially when what they want is something that is not natural or appealing to their spouse. He needs to grow up and accept that he should be happy you're willing to do it at all, let alone chastising you for not doing it every second of the day. Most women would have tossed him out on his ear if he tried to bully her into something like this, and expect it 24x7. So you're not a natural dom if you are willing to tolerate this treatment from him. He honestly doesn't love you much if he is determined to bully you into behaving this way 24x7 when you are not happy/comfortable doing so.

Thank you chickadee! My husband left me 5 months ago. He was into being a sub with a like for heavy physical punishment and humiliation. Early in our relationship we talked about it and he said that was behind him, he understood I wasn't into it and he didn't NEED it. He was wrong. We are sexually incompatible and our relationship deteriorated over the years, helped along by his untreated depression. He wanted me to punish him but it flies in the face of everything I hold sacred in a loving relationship.

I tried to learn but all my attempts were not good enough for him. I dearly wanted to please him because I knew he wasn't enjoying sex but he refused to help me learn, saying "well you either do it, or you won't" and then he'd withdraw and give me the silent treatment for days. He'd also work pain into our sex - biting me, spanking until I bruised, being rough. And then critique my performance afterwards. I thought my sex drive was dead because of hormones but now that we are separated I realized i just was avoiding sex with him because it wasn't pleasurable for me.

We couldn't talk about sex with each other. I think he felt rejected that I couldn't be a Dom and some of his desires scared me. I felt ignored and rejected because the few times I tried to speak up or ask for something directly he'd ignore me. That should have been a huge red flag for me early on that we weren't a good match because the sexual component of a relationship should be mutually fulfilling - not all about you wanting to meet his needs. What about YOUR needs? Those are important too so don't feel like you take second priority to his wants.