my blood is boiling right now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am really into NLP. i am so interested in it and am always reading bit n bobs and articles about it.

my sister attended a 3 day NLP seminar and said that at the end of it she felt amazing n liek she could conquer the world... ever since that i have been desperate to go to 1 myself.

anyway i find out about one in London and go on this mission to some how be able to get there. i live out of london and becuase of having to be there early in the morning ... rail fares are going to be peak price so a bit more then i can afford. i have a brain wave... i thought i will invite my BF to come with me and he drive up there if i pay for half the petrol money (which is a fair bit cheaper then the peak time rail fare).. he has been a little interested in nlp aswell becuase i talk about it alot so thought that it would be something he wouldnt mind attending either

so i asked him if he wanted to come with me .. said he could stay over at my place (he lives out of london aswell but not near me) .. he comes and spends the weekend here anyway so seeing as the course is on a mon and tues i thought he could extend his time at mine and stay the sunday and monday night aswell n we go together in his car.. so that'l save a bit of money if we sharing the cost of petrol and will save me getting the train there n back on my own early in the morning n when it's dark. when i mentiong it all .. he was well up for it and i said abotu him driving and he had no problems with it whatsoever so we both signed up and today we received confimation and the adress of where it is being held.

As soon as the BF reads the email and realises that his rail card covers the journey to where it is being held then he totaly drops me n sais that he will make his own way there n back from his house coz his rail card covers him so he can get there n back each day for free.

i then start to get really annoyed and tell him that i wont really be able to go then coz i can't afford it. he texta me saying 'well if you cant afford it then how would you have afforded it even if i was going to go up there n back iwth you' so i text him back n told him that he said he would drive up there when i originally invited him to come with me.

he text back 'i aint driving, no way. ok then, thats unfortunate. hope you find some means in going soon, will be good if you were there'

my blood is now boiling but i am not sure if i am just being selfish or not seeing as he told me i am being a selfish wench about it.

i see it as that i invited him to come with me n originaly said about him driving up there n staying over at my place n us going together n sharing the cost of petrol. he was kool about it n didnt question anything at all.

then when he realises he can get there for free then he just sticks his 2 fingers up at me n drops me n sais he will go without me even if i can't make it there myself coz why should he have tp pay anything when he can get there for free... even though it was me who invited him in the first place and if it wasn't for me then he wouldnt have even known about it.

i asked him with full intention of us going together and i am really angry that he would even do this to me n then say it's me who is being selfish for kicking up a fuss now he gonna go up there on his own for free ..... am i being selfish??? he knows how much i wanted to do this course and i wish i had never asked him now coz he is just going to be all smug that he went n got his nlp certificate when it's me who has the real interest in it .. yes i know that sounds bitter and i will hold my hands up n say 'yes i am bloomin well bitter about him going up there without me n doing a couse that i have been desperate to do for months when it was me who invited him to come so we could go as a couple and he had no real interest in it until i mentiond it anyway'

So basically you asked him to go with you so you could get there half-price and are annoyed because he wants to go by rail because he can go for free?

What sort of boyfriend is that? What are you doing with this guy? Seriously? He is being quite selfish.Why cant he take his girfriend to the course?

Oh my God, I am in shock... Let me just state very clearly that YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH. Exactly how cheap IS he??!! If my boyfriend was like that, it could seriously be a deal-breaker. I mean, he's basically choosing saving money over spending time with you. And not only that, but he is preventing you from being able to have the opportunity to go (since you could only afford it if y'all both paid for the gas)!! He is being EXTREMELY SELFISH. If I were in your situation, I would not have felt very cared for, seeing as he isn't even willing to spend a few extra bucks so that you can BOTH go (and mind you, he was willing to do this until he found out that HE could get it for free). His priorities are all wrong. I don't even know how you can be with someone like that... I mean, my blood is boiling just from reading it!!

He's being selfish? What!!??

The OP only asked him so she could save money on the travel expenses by having him pay half. Now he knows he can travel free she still wants him to travel by car so she can save half the expenses - while he now has to also pay half when could go free on his rail card.

no i didnt want him to go purely becuase i could get there cheaper ... yes it was partly the reason but there are more reasons ... number 1 - we only see each other saturday and sunday so i thought it would be a nice chance to get 2 extra days together, number2- it would be nice to have someone to travel into and out of london with (especially as i will have to do the 1.5 hour trip on my own in the dark on the way back) .. also would have been nice to have someone to go home and chat about the days events with.

number 3- yes.. i thought us going together will have saved us both some money if we shared the cost and he was up for that aswell until he found out he could get there for free and now doesn't even care that i prob wont go now just as long as he can go.

also another ting is that it will take me alot longer to get up there by walking to station and train then it would driving and i am not so sure that i am going to be able to get anyone to have my daughter from as early as i would have to leave. would prob have to leave the house at 6.45am and i cant see anyone having her that early... if we were going by car we wouldnt have had to leave till about 7.45 so would have saved alot of time

The problem I have with this is that he specifically told you he would drive and implied that he was totally okay with that agreement, then he went back on his word when he realized that he could go for free. Then when he found out that his going back on his word meant that you couldn't go to something that you had been looking forward to, he had an attitude of "well, too bad." That would piss me off too. Has the event already passed? Maybe you can still talk to him? Explain your situation more thoroughly? I don't think this is a deal-breaker...but certainly there needs to be more communication between the two of you on this issue.

The bottom line on this is that you want him to pay money for travel expenses that he need not pay so you can travel at half price. He did agree but that was before he knew he could travel on his rail card so he didn't have all the information to come to a decision.

another thing ... his wages are 21,500 a year and he still lives with his mum do doesn't pay bills and crap like i do..

mine are about 7,000 and i am a single parent so do think it's a bit stingey that he would drop me to save him self paying anything when he knows how much i want to do this more then anything right now and money is very tight for me.

another thing ... his wages are 21,500 a year and he still lives with his mum do doesn't pay bills and crap like i do..

mine are about 7,000 and i am a single parent so do think it's a bit stingey that he would drop me to save him self paying anything when he knows how much i want to do this more then anything right now and money is very tight for me.

You don't have a right to decide whether or not he should spend his money on you.

He's being selfish? What!!??

 

The OP only asked him so she could save money on the travel expenses by having him pay half. Now he knows he can travel free she still wants him to travel by car so she can save half the expenses - while he now has to also pay half when could go free on his rail card.

Fair objective point. It would seem that this couple is not so close because a good partner would take his woman to the seminar. This can be interpretted as selfish on his part.

no the event isnt for another month yet... i wont mention it again to him though coz i know he will just get snappy about it if he thinks i am trying to talk him into staying at my place and driving. will just have to accept that if i can't come up with the 50quid i need for both days (which i doubt i will seeing as my gas n electric bills have gone through the roof not to mention the price of food these day) then i can't go n will have to put up with him being all smug that he got his certificate.

he wouldn't be spending his money on me .... he would be spending his money on half the petrol AS ARRANGED. if he didn't make that arrangment with me then i wouldnt have signed up for the damn course in the first place coz i know i would struggle to get the cash together. it was a waste of time me bothering to fill in my application form really... wish i'd never filled in his form for him either now

Yes, he would be spending his money on you - because he doesn't need to spend any money at all in travel expenses. So the only person who has any advantage in him driving there is you. You would pay half as much as you would otherwise and he pays the other half when he doesn't have to.

just because he can afford it doen't mean he has to spend his money.

you dont get rich by spending! (well... you know what i mean) ;-)

i agree with DN here, it sounds like you're being a bit selfish here, sorry.

Well, this is a two-edged sword here. I don't see he is any more selfish than she is - she is the one who wanted him to go primarily so she could halve her travel expenses and now wants him to still pay when he need not.

It depends on if they are a real couple. Its assumed when 2 people are a real couple that they say and honour an original commitment. The money is irrelevant it is his word that he went back on. I can see your view..but if you step back and see what ive written you can see my point of view as well?

so it's not an advantage for him that he gets to spend 2 extra days with me then is it??? he moans that he doesn't get to see me enough coz of living apart and his work but then wouldnt even spend 25quid so he could get 2 extra days and nights with me

i was looking forward to getting up together and getting ready n making out way up there together and then chatting about it on the way home n havind dinner n going to bed together n doing it all again in the morning. wont be the same doing it alone

Yes, but you didn't do this so you could get two extra days. You did it because you want to go on the course and wanted him to help defray the travel expenses.

Its assumed when 2 people are a real couple that they say and honour an original commitment.

I just think that there is an assumption being made here that his job is to subsidise his grilfriend because he makes more money than she does - and it isn't. No one has the right to expect someone else to spend money on them.

DN, I'm sorry, but where I come from, it is normal that boyfriends spend money on their girlfriends, and I would never ever want to be with someone that cheap! It is all about priorities. He is basically prioritizing saving money over spending time with her and giving her the opportunity to go to the NLP thing (whatever that is =p) that she really wanted to go to. So yes, HE IS BEING INCREDIBLY SELFISH! He basically thinks saving money is worth more than going with his girlfriend and giving her the chance to go? Either he is insanely cheap, or he does not care about her as much as he should!

Either way, money should never be prioritized like this over your boyfriend/girlfriend. That's the bottom line...

I don't think either of you come out of this looking terribly good, to be quite honest. Clearly, you were trying to pull a fast one over him, and got caught, and this is part of the reason you're feeling so upset at the moment. If you wanted him to partly to subsidise your travel costs, that's fine, but you need to say that to him and give him the choice. If you're trying to trick him into paying for you, which is basically what you were doing, then that's not fine, and you know that fully well.

On the other hand, I don't think his response was full of class either. If I were going to an event with my gf, and we had a means of going together, then I would take it even if it was somewhat more expensive. I have, for example, sometimes arranged flights which were more expensive than others that I could have got, in order to fly with my gf when we were going to the same place and hers was already arranged. She has done the same; it's what couples do. Saying "I'm alright Jack; see you there if you somehow manage to get there yourself" doesn't seem to be a terribly nice way to behave towards your partner.

So in short, I think the sooner both of you put this one to down to bad experience and move on in the knowledge of what you should do next time, the better. I don't think either of you are in a position to get upset with the other, since you both behaved badly.

what do you mean i was trying to 'trick' him into paying for me?? i wasn't doing anything of the sort... he knew all along from the first moment i mentiond it that going up there by car would save me money, i never once hid it from him ... i mentiond it from day dot and he was all rosey about it then. but that is not the sole reason i wanted him to come and i wish people would stop saying that that is the only reason coz it's geting me more mad to the point that this keyboard is going through the window in a minute... YES it would have saved me money but i also want some much needed more time with him and the fun of going up there n back together as a couple

DN, I'm sorry, but where I come from, it is normal that boyfriends spend money on their girlfriends, and I would never ever want to be with someone that cheap! It is all about priorities. He is basically prioritizing saving money over spending time with her and giving her the opportunity to go to the NLP thing (whatever that is =p) that she really wanted to go to. So yes, HE IS BEING INCREDIBLY SELFISH! He basically thinks saving money is worth more than going with his girlfriend and giving her the chance to go? Either he is insanely cheap, or he does not care about her as much as he should!

 

Either way, money should never be prioritized like this over your boyfriend/girlfriend. That's the bottom line...

what do you mean i was trying to 'trick' him into paying for me?? i wasn't doing anything of the sort... he knew all along from the first moment i mentiond it that going up there by car would save me money, i never once hid it from him ... i mentiond it from day dot and he was all rosey about it then. but that is not the sole reason i wanted him to come and i wish people would stop saying that that is the only reason coz it's geting me more mad to the point that this keyboard is going through the window in a minute... YES it would have saved me money but i also want some much needed more time with him and the fun of going up there n back together as a couple

The problem is that isn't the priority that you gave in your initial post.