my blood is boiling right now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[top bloke]

Yes, but you didn't do this so you could get two extra days. You did it because you want to go on the course and wanted him to help defray the travel expenses.

True - but don't forget he didn't have all the information he needed when he made that commitment.

 

I just think that there is an assumption being made here that his job is to subsidise his grilfriend because he makes more money than she does - and it isn't. No one has the right to expect someone else to spend money on them.

Agreed yes....

[mca1975]

CheekyChic, I dont think you are being selfish at all! Your BF should not be so stingy and agree to go halves with you on costs like he said he would, so you can go TOGETHER as a COUPLE, SPEND time TOGETHER and let you have the OPPORTUNITY of going on a course he KNOWS you really want to go on. I would be fuming. He can't go back on his word like that and just decide to go alone without you, it's ridiculous and just so rude

 

I think he is being selfish, plus he called you a selfish wench.... !? he sounds like an a**hole.

 

BTW, what is an NLP course anyway?

[cheekychic]

the money thing is the main cuase of the problem now yes which is why it's the main thing mentiond in original post.

but the money thing was not the only reason i asked him to come with me... i saw it as killing a few birds with one stone.

if he had said no from the start when i first asked him n layed it all out on the table then i would have not signed up for the course and would have forgotten about it.

but the fact he made that agreement with me before i filled out both of our appliation forms and i have been getting really excited about it aLL n now i know that he has dropped the plan as he has found an easier way for himself to go that doesn't really involve me .... well that really * * * * in hurts if i am honest.

i have spent every last penny i have had to get extra time and do things for boyfriends in the past ... so i find it difficult when someone wouldn't do it for me if i would most certainly do it for them 100x over.

[mca1975]

what do you mean i was trying to 'trick' him into paying for me?? i wasn't doing anything of the sort... he knew all along from the first moment i mentiond it that going up there by car would save me money, i never once hid it from him ... i mentiond it from day dot and he was all rosey about it then. but that is not the sole reason i wanted him to come and i wish people would stop saying that that is the only reason coz it's geting me more mad to the point that this keyboard is going through the window in a minute... YES it would have saved me money but i also want some much needed more time with him and the fun of going up there n back together as a couple

 

 

I am TOTALLY with you here! It would be a fun trip and a nice thing to do together, plus helping you out on costs that you can't afford. He should understand that. I mean seriously how much money are we talking here..?

[cheekychic]

well i guess everyone has thier own views on this... i am so gutted though

 

link removed NLP INFO

[cheekychic]

the train far is about 25 per day each from my house.

petrol would be 20-25 per day there n back... so would have cost us 10 -12.50 each per day.

[purpleJ]

I can see what DN means and he has some valid point in saying that your boyfriend doesnt have to do that

 

I wouldn't be so mad but I would be VERY dissapointed..

 

He agreed to this, it was HIS responsibility to understand what it is he is agreeing to, you in no way "tricked" him, if someone fails to look/ask about the whereabouts of the place he is agreeing to go to and is filling forms for it that is due to their own negligence/stupidity IMO

 

the whole money thing aside..he knows how much you want to go to this and that if he doesnt go with you, you have no other way of getting there because you were relying on his word and he is pretty much thinking "too bad"

[cheekychic]

he hasn't contacted me at all for a while .. so i guess that is him standing his ground and saying that he doesn't want to talk about it further. i am not going to mention it either. just gotta accept that i most probably wont be going and will have to go there n back alone if i do manage to get the money and someone to look after my daughter from as early as 6.45am. LOL fat chance.

then of course i am gonna have it rubbed in my nose when i hear all about it n how great it was.

[Greggie]

Where I come from girlfriends don't expect their boyfriends to spend money on them without reciprocating and they certainly don't manipulate them into doing it.

 

I really don't see this as manipulating. Yes, she saw the economical advantage of them going together (which she was completely straight-forward with him about), but she also saw this as an opportunity for them to spend time together. And what do you mean by reciprocating? How should she have reciprocated? I'm sure if the situation were reversed, she would be willing to do this sort of thing for him. Relationships are about give and take, they're about sacrifice, and he is obviously not willing to sacrifice very much for her. You're portraying this as if she's some sort of gold-digger, manipulating him for money, when it is completely normal for people in relationships to make sacrifices such as these. (And honestly, I really don't see 25 quid as such a HUGE sacrifice..) Another relevant point, is that they had an AGREEMENT, which he backed out on. Seriously, if you and your girlfriend had planned a trip, which she backed out on because it would be CHEAPER to go alone, you wouldn't be offended??

[mca1975]

this NLP course looks interesting! sod it, I'll go with you! ha ha

 

No really, jokes aside, I would be really hurt too. If my boyfriend couldn't afford it but really wanted to go, I would pay out for him.

 

It's not very good. Instead of being angry, just tell him you're hurt, then let him go on his own and have a good think while he's gone about whether you still want to stay with him. Maybe he will learn some 'relationship manners' on the course eh....

 

I mean come on people, yes he doesn't HAVE to spend his money on her, no, but you just would wouldn't you.....

[Greggie]

he hasn't contacted me at all for a while .. so i guess that is him standing his ground and saying that he doesn't want to talk about it further. i am not going to mention it either. just gotta accept that i most probably wont be going and will have to go there n back alone if i do manage to get the money and someone to look after my daughter from as early as 6.45am. LOL fat chance.

then of course i am gonna have it rubbed in my nose when i hear all about it n how great it was.

 

If he rubs your nose in it, not only is he cheap and selfish, but downright CRUEL!

[DN]

I am not saying the the boyfriend has behaved well here - he is hardly a knight in shining armour. But the OPs motives were basically to save money and it was clearly her own best interests that were her prime motivation. So I don't think it is right to make him out to be the only self-interested person in all of this.

[mca1975]

Yeh, tell him to go on the course alone - tell him you'll get some money together and go out clubbing with the girls while he's gone! grrr....

[mca1975]

DN, this isn't even my post, but you're just not grasping the fact that the money aspect was not the only reason why she planned this with him, she has already stated that and its clear from her posts that that is not her sole motivation. She wanted to spend time with him also, travel together, which is why she is feeling hurt mostly I would expect.

 

Honestly, poor girl. I just wouldn't want to be with someone who was like this.

[Greggie]

Yeh, tell him to go on the course alone - tell him you'll get some money together and go out clubbing with the girls while he's gone! grrr....

 

Mca1975 gives the best advice. =) Perhaps you can even meet someone who's willing to spend two cents on you?

[cheekychic]

it's so frustrating coz i feel that nothing ever goes right for me and everything i look forward to this much always gets ripped away from me and this is just another one of the many times that i am going to have to feel sad that it all went wrong again.

i keep telling myself that i should not look forward to anything n take everything with a pinch of salt until i am actually there doing it... but i always forget n end up getting excited.

the BF has let me down on a few things before.. like he will say he will do something with me or go somewhere n then change his mind at last minute when i have got all excited and told all my friends about it and i will either have to go without him or not go. if he gets it in his mind that he doesn't want to tdo something any more then i just have to accept it coz he ends up just geting mad if i mention it again. there has been a couple of times my dad invited us up to his place for a weekend together as a couple ... he sais yes and then a few days before hand he will pull out and then i have to try n make the arrangments last minute to go on my own... he will jsut say 'get your dad to pick you up'.. yea like get my dad to do a 2.5 hour drive to my house n then back.. n then back to my house again to take me back home then 2.5 hour drive back home.

it's SOOO frustrating.. i feel like i can never fully trust what he sais in case he changes his mind.

[mca1975]

Oh my god, he's 'orrible! So basically he lets you down more often than not, what a lovely geezer! (not)

 

Do you really want to be with someone like this? I must say its one of the worst things having to explain to family that your 'so-called' boyfriend isn't actually coming to dinner or to visit because he basically CANNOT BE BOTHERED. It's so hurtful and embarrassing.

[DN]

DN, this isn't even my post, but you're just not grasping the fact that the money aspect was not the only reason why she planned this with him, she has already stated that and its clear from her posts that that is not her sole motivation. She wanted to spend time with him also, travel together, which is why she is feeling hurt mostly I would expect.

 

Honestly, poor girl. I just wouldn't want to be with someone who was like this.

Don't tell me what I am grasping. Read the original post.

[cheekychic]

haha it's funny you say that coz that was his exact reason for pulling out of going to my dads for the weekend..... he really couldn't be bothered with all the hassle

[SayWhen]

I don't see the OP as trying to "trick" the BF into going so she could save money. She wanted to extend her weekend with him and realized that by doing so they could go together using his car, and she would be able to save money. If he has the car, the money and the time then I do think it's a bit cheap not to do his GF a favor and go with her. And, as I said in my other post, the BF did say he would go with her in his car and then went back on it so HE could save money...so everyone is trying to save money here, yet with his decision he is the only one saving money instead of them meeting halfway on costs of travel. I think it is very normal for significant others to give small financial "gifts"...in fact I fully support my BF financially. People are too stingy these days...and to think he is holding it over the OPs head...that's pretty low.

[mca1975]

"he has been a little interested in nlp aswell becuase i talk about it alot so thought that it would be something he wouldnt mind attending either"

 

- sounds like a very normal "relationship-type" thought to me - and boy does he sound interested in the course!

 

No offence DN, but she is angry and hurt, she has stated at least three times in her posts that the money aspect was not the main reason for this and I believe her.

[DN]

If moneywas not the main reason why was it the main focus of the first post on this thread? And why is she more angry at not being able to go on the course?

 

As someone else said - I don't think either party has behaved well here but I hold to my position that this is more about money than anything else. And that is a poor basis for a relationship whether you want to receive it or not give it.

 

Judging by previous threads I don't think this couple are well suited at all - they don't even seem to like each other very much.

[Scorpion Fury]

I dunno who's right and who's wrong. I'm too tired. If I was the OP I'd probably be pissed, but at the same time I'd kinda feel like I didn't have the right to be.

[cheekychic]

ok yep.. i am a gold digger and all i care about is myself and getting money off of people and manipulating people to spend thier money on me and try to pull the wool over everyones eyes as to why i am doing something when the real reason is to get something for myself.

f-it ,that may as well be it then if that's what i am going to get told my reason for doing something is .. maybe i don't even know my own mind. maybe i am just crazy and i can't even see my own movites n really i am just a scheming money grabber???

who knows? find out in the next thrilling instalment

[Greggie]

If moneywas not the main reason why was it the main focus of the first post on this thread? And why is she more angry at not being able to go on the course?

 

As someone else said - I don't think either party has behaved well here but I hold to my position that this is more about money than anything else. And that is a poor basis for a relationship whether you want to receive it or not give it.

 

Judging by previous threads I don't think this couple are well suited at all - they don't even seem to like each other very much.

 

For me, it's not about the money. It's about what the FACT that he wouldn't spend the money says about him and his willingness to make sacrifices for her.