I can't get over my boyfriend's ex.

Okay, my problem is that I am obsessed with hating my boyfriend's ex.

I don't even have an excuse to be as they don't speak or see each other anymore.

Everyday I check her online profile for updates, I look through pictures of her until I'm blue in the face with rage and I don't like any of my friends talking to her.

I really don't know how to get over this.

I'm jealous of the time that she and my partner spent when they were talking.

I hate her for the way that she treated my partner.

It's really affecting my day to day life.

This is not a healthy thing. First thing I would do is stop checking her profile. She is not in your life not does what happened between your boyfriend and her affect you in anyway. He is with you now and that is where your focus should be.

Why be so jealous of someone who is not important or affects the life you have now.

Shot in the dark here....

Are you sure you aren't POed with your bf?

It could be understandable to be mad at her or not like her if she treated him poorly but checking up on her daily isn't good for you.

How can you stop making yourself mad? Get yourself out of that daily routine and shake up your life. By doing activities at different times, you're training your brain to think differently about when or why you do things.

Good luck.

Hey Girl,

I wonder how much of this actually has to do with his ex, and how much has to do with you and your insecurity and feeling threatened by the fact that he had a past before he met you.

You know, the older we get, the less likely it is that we are going to find someone who didn't have someone before us- but bottom line is when they choose to be with us we have to have some faith in that and in the reasons that they choose us.

Your guy is with you and not her for a reason, right?

How attractive do you think he would find it if he knew about your obsession with his ex?

Frankly I suspect he'd be embarrassed and upset.

How long have you been with him, and how long was he with her?

How old are you guys?

First of all: STOP looking. Second: every time you think of her, work hard on thinking about something else. Just don't even go there with this girl...

I agree with Lana - you have to stop looking.

Just remember, you're with him now. Not here. You'll treat him right.

Okay, my problem is that I am obsessed with hating my boyfriend's ex.

I don't even have an excuse to be as they don't speak or see each other anymore.

 

Everyday I check her online profile for updates, I look through pictures of her until I'm blue in the face with rage and I don't like any of my friends talking to her.

 

 

I really don't know how to get over this.

I'm jealous of the time that she and my partner spent when they were talking.

I hate her for the way that she treated my partner.

 

 

It's really affecting my day to day life.

 

 

wow you could be me! I agree with everyone else because its the advice I have been given a million times over by everyone in my life. Including my counsellor, training your brain to think of other things. Its sooo hard.

 

Its like an addition. I go to my boyfriend's ex's facebook page every day to see what she is up to, I search for pictures then I look at them examining her face. I have become addicted to finding out stuff about her.

 

I have told my boyfriend in fact the guy is amazing for sticking with me! I am insane!

 

Just this weekend I admitted to him that I keep checking her facebook and even when he said to me "but i love you and I dont love her anymore and I havent for YEARS and blah blah blah" basically everything I have wanted to hear, it hasnt gone away, I still looked on her page this morning.

 

you know why? because Im insecure and I feel like she is better than me and she got his love first and I know why this is, because THREE boyfriends in the past have dumped me to go back to their exes!

 

This is My problem not my boyfriends and I am really really trying to work on it.

 

I guess I just wanted you to know that you are not alone but that you need to find out why you do this and work on helping yourself.

i know how you feel. i used to check my ex's profile and the guy she is currently seeing. i would go weeks without checking and then something would take over me and i would check for profile changes look at pictures and it would really bother me... i did it yesterday after not checking for almost three weeks... now i am upset, cant sleep because i cannot handle what i see... she has moved on. i am only hurting myself when i do this, but if you continue it could possibly hurt you AND your relationship.

This is normal. Your ex cheated on you, correct? Its normal to be afraid that he still has feelings for her. However, you need to make a decision. Are you going to dwell on it and always be insecure? Or is your current boyfriend worthy of your trust? If he is, don't look at the damn facebook anymore.

hmmm... i do this too. definitely bad news. we need to stop. i can understand why, though. my bf's ex contacts him constantly even though she broke up with him almost 3 years ago. she thinks she might want him back at some point, so she wants to try to keep him around in case she changes her mind. yuk. so i feel like i need to keep tabs on her. i don't. whatever. forget her. and you too; forget HER. he's with you, dear. it helps when you keep that in mind. say it to yourself when you go to check her page. don't validate her. just forget her.

hmmm... i do this too. definitely bad news. we need to stop. i can understand why, though. my bf's ex contacts him constantly even though she broke up with him almost 3 years ago. she thinks she might want him back at some point, so she wants to try to keep him around in case she changes her mind. yuk. so i feel like i need to keep tabs on her. i don't. whatever. forget her. and you too; forget HER. he's with you, dear. it helps when you keep that in mind. say it to yourself when you go to check her page. don't validate her. just forget her.

In your case I'd tell my bf to yell at his ex to leave him the heck alone. If he didn't, I'd leave like Ziiing.

yeah.... it's a long story. good to know someone's on my side though

I actually just went and looked at my boyfriend's ex's MySpace after avoiding doing so for a few months! They were once engaged and in nearly a 6 year relationship. He got deployed and she began cheating on him. This really hurt him and effected our relationship in the beginning (he didn't want to make a commitment because he was afraid of being hurt again.) I know he loves me and tells me he could no longer love her as anything more than a friend...and barely that. I understand it's my own insecurities that are making check up on her, and I have also had most of the guys I've dated in the past either leave me for their ex or cheat on me with their ex. I think what made me even more obsessive about it today was she began putting pictures of my boyfriend (when they were together) on her MySpace! It really annoyed me because the time the pictures were taken of them was while she was cheating on them.

Another thing is my boyfriend talks about how fat she's got since they broke up....and I just don't see it. All I see is that she has big hips, but he says she just photographs well and that's there's fat on her that he never knew could exist on a person. Again - it's my insecurities! I'm comparing myself to her, and I just need to stop. I think all of us SO's Ex stalkers need to do so!

I AM THE SAME WAY. i know what you mean, i'm always looking at my bf's ex's pictures on myspace, and his mom even has pictures of her in the house! it makes me so mad when i see them...I'm hoping that it's just i stage that i'll get over...

I am so glad im not the only one. I check my boyfriends ex's page everyday, i know its an unhealthy obsession. hard to stop. My problem is she is still really good friends with most of his friends, they went out for five years and he called it off because he thought the realtionship had "fizzeled out"

So when he is invited out with his friends i just know she will be there, all over him as she is quite open with the fact shes not over him ( its been nearly two years since their breakup and ive been with my boyfriend for just over a year now.)

I know its my problem and he reassures me all the time im who he wants to be with and hes still with me even though he knows I check her page etc.

Its just hard to get pst when i know shes constantly texting snide remarks about their "loving past" even when he ignores all her texts and comments!

so i feel your pain....

Okay, my problem is that I am obsessed with hating my boyfriend's ex.

I don't even have an excuse to be as they don't speak or see each other anymore.

 

Everyday I check her online profile for updates, I look through pictures of her until I'm blue in the face with rage and I don't like any of my friends talking to her.

 

 

I really don't know how to get over this.

I'm jealous of the time that she and my partner spent when they were talking.

I hate her for the way that she treated my partner.

 

 

It's really affecting my day to day life.

 

 

I used to be like this, it's what brought me here in the first place. I still have a hard time when I think of her but it's toned down a hell of a lot.

 

My boyfriend's ex is completley out of his life and lives in a different country to him. I was obsessed though, I hated picturing him with another girl. I felt like I was nothing but a sequal to her, convinced myself he had feelings for her or at least his feelings for me were not as great as what he felt for her. I'd sit there and think that everything we do isn't special because he's done them already with her, we'd go somewhere and I'd think "I bet he brought her here, maybe she held his hand like I am now, what makes me special to him when I am just repeating the same things?". I hated that she was with him longer than I'd been, I hated that she knew a part of his life I never would...

 

I used to look at her facebook pictures and obsess over her, I'd picture them together and make myself physically ill. I'd even find stuff completely by accident online and those were the worst ones! I'd cry over it, I'd talk about her to my friends, I even had a grudge against her country simply because it reminded me of her! I sound like a complete mad person!

 

The most stupid part was that I myself had been in a serious two and a half year relationship prior to our relationship and I once loved my ex! Yet my boyfriend was totally accepting of my past I was freaking out over his less intimidating past!

 

It's been a long time since then, my relationship with my boyfriend has just hit two years which is longer than they were together now. I guess it's kind of faded, I don't look up her photos apart from when I am feeling especially upset with myself (not that often), I don't think of her all the time, I don't make myself cry anymore. I still cringe if I hear her name, I still hate hearing any stories about her (his family don't understand why I am uncomfortable hearing about her because his parents openly discuss their own pasts around eachother and don't seem to feel that jealousy that I do).The fact is though that while I'm not completley cured, it no longer torments me like it used to. I learnt that all they had was a typical teenage relationship that wasn't really that deep and just didn't work out, my boyfriend loves me and says the years with me have been the best of his life...I see the difference now.

 

It's all insecurity, I realised that my real issue wasn't really her...it was me. I have such low confidence that I immediately put myself down compared to people and I struggle to why someone could ever want *me* over someone else...therefore I convinced myself that the someone else is a huge threat and obsessed. My previous boyfriend had no ex so I wasn't used to being with someone with a past. I don't like competition because I automatically assume I will fail and I viewed her as competition. With my boyfriend's support, telling me that what we have is special and crushing the epic romance he and his ex lived out in my head with the simple true facts, and with time and progress in the relationship, I've grown so much...I have hope that in the future it'll bother me less and less.

 

The best thing to do is remember it's most likely all in your head and to talk to your boyfriend calmly, as he can help a lot if he is supportive. This is a jealousy that makes you crazy and twisted and it hurts so badly but it will ease...trust me!

I do it too and somehow I think the feeling of getting angry because of it maybe excites us? Like getting a kick out of being annoyed and angry? Why else do we keep doing it?

This was like reading what I could have wrote

Feels good to know other people are this crazy too, hehe.

I wonder, my boyfriend has said like a hundred times that I'm much more special, that he has never been this in love.. But does it really help if he keeps saying it? Because when I find stuff about her on the internet, it seems like he has said some things to her that are similar to the things he says to me. I get so mad about that!

I also always ask things like : "Did you come here with her or does this remind you of her?" and he gets angry about it.. And then I realise how crazy I sound

I want it to stop, so I try not to mention it anymore, but then he notices something is wrong because I am thinking about it.

When does this ever really go away? I've been with him for almost two years and they've been together for four years.. Do I need to wait three more years until I've been with him longer than she has? That's so sad it's not a competition.. But I think that'll help maybe?

If his ex is completely out of his life and he's completely over her, you've gotta drop it. The only time it should bother you if he's still talking with her and still has feelings for her.

And stop checking her pictures on fb! What good will that do to you? Block her.

Oh there's a bunch of us don't you worry you're not alone!

If you're like me then the things you feel seem to be caused by a lack of confidence, you worry how you can measure up to his past and feel in constant competition. You may want everything to feel new for the both of you and feel that his view on your relationship is tainted by other girls in his past. It's why it hurts to go places and wonder if he took her there or sit there and think if those sweet words are just being repeated to you when they were originally said to someone else.

God the mind can make things so bleak because in reality he's probably barely ever thinking about his exes!

I do find it nice that I've now been with him for longer than he was with her but honestly the feelings becan to ease before I hit that mark. It's not essential to getting over this, just a nice thing to think of when it happens. Love shouldn't be a competition, but it's still a happy thought for me.

I've been there but you really have to let it go. My first relationship was completely destroyed by my jealousy over his ex. He just didnt want to deal with it anymore and at the time, I really wished I hadnt been so bent out of shape over it. I had to lose him to realize it wasnt even worth it and had been driving myself crazy over nothing

I really don't understand why anyone would be jealous of someone's ex, unless they were still having feelings for eachother. Which still wouldn't matter to me cuz then I wouldn't even get involved or break it off as soon as I knew.

I mean they are from the past. There is a reason they aren't together anymore. And this isn't even coming from a very confident person. It's just logics. How I handle such things: I don't ask about them, I don't wanna hear stories or details, nothing. I won't go out of my way to find out what she looks like and especially I won't check her profile. I just dont care about their exes. You shouldn't either.