Has Anyone Gone NO CONTACT FOREVER?

I'm curious to know if anyone has gone NO CONTACT with just a gf/bg (not a husband or wife) and it has lasted forever (let's define that as at least 5 years)

Just curious since I got dumped by a younger woman 3.5 months ago who left me for another man so I went No Contact. For a long time I was hoping she would come around. Now I'm realizing I don't want her and the NC just gets easier and easier. Of course, with her in a new relationship where she is living with this guy, I don't expect to her from her for a long time. Since I'm feeling pretty strong today, I believe I can go NC forever. But, its been my observation that almost everyone at some point talks to their ex, either because they bump into them somewhere or someone gets hurt and reaches out to the other party. (Isn't it a b*tch when the person who dumps you ends up contacting you when they are going through a rough spot in their current relationship. That is such a joke.)

Anyway, just wanted to know since I have had some kind of contact with every past girlfriend after the relationship ended.

my communications prof was with a man for 5 years.. and this was even later on in her life.. like in her 30's or 40's... and they sat down to dinner once, and she basically said she wanted more out of the relationship.... and i guess he wasnt into it because...after dinner, he never called her ever again, and thus she never called him ever again....

and they never spoke ever again!

and he recently got married.

but she is still the eclectic single lady with cats.

i have been in NC for over 2 years..and i plan on staying in NC forever as i have really no reason to see or talk to him.

I've been NC with my Ex Ex for a year, and Ex before that has been 3 years lol...

I've been in NC for six months, and it does get easier. It was a no-choice NC for me, this man was extremely emotionally abusive. I intend never to speak to him again FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Too much harm and viciousness and evil, basically.

Except I now think he is making crank calls...

There are several exes I don't plan on ever contacting again. Nothing personal (well maybe a little), I just don't have in interest in them or what they're doing whatsoever.

I have no problem with NC forever......

I just don't have a chance to meet them again and I really don't have the need to call them. I have friends. I don't need my ex'es to be my friends.

A close friend of mine was living with her bf for 5 years - and they've been in strict NC for 3 years now. I know he's engaged - and sometimes she's nostalgic about the rels, not him though - but she would never ever consider contacting him.

That chapter of her life is so over!

yeah with my recent ex i plan on NC forever ever ever lol! abusive hateful w-anchor he is

theres a few others that just havent contacted or stayed in touch and i think thats best way...for me an ex means finito and i just dont see me being friends with them...unless i seen them i would acknowledge them...but its hardly ever happened

hey cimmie i feel for ya i really do gurl...cant you get caller display and then dont answer his or any other witheld numbers???

or just change ya number....SO worth it!!

A close friend of mine was living with her bf for 5 years - and they've been in strict NC for 3 years now. I know he's engaged - and sometimes she's nostalgic about the rels, not him though - but she would never ever consider contacting him.

 

That chapter of her life is so over!

Wow..that's impressive, especially since they lived together for 5 years. Was she the one to end it?

I can't imagine, unless children or work related issues are involved, why anyone would want to contact an ex, especially if the relationship ended painfully, which most do. These people came into our lives for a reason, and we have taken with us whatever we were supposed to learn, and that is that. People that have continual contact I think run the risk of negatively influencing current or future relationships by keeping ties to ex's, as I think any sort of ambiguity in a relationship, regardless if it's mutual or not, causes problems with those people who we move on and meet later. I have run into ex's months or years later, without much of an issue later, but I wouldn't seek them out, especially if they were the dumpers as I have no interest in revisting that pain, even as a distant memory.

The last response makes a lot of sense and I've been the one in the past who has done the dumping so I never understood what it meant to be dumped. Now that I've been dumped, I recognize the pain had a lot more to do with a bruised ego and a loss of a sex life. But I also am sad to lose a friend. Clearly, the way my break up went down, I can't be friends as she left me for another man and never indicated there was a problem. In fact, she had rejected my overtures to move in, saying my place was too small and then allowed a man to move into her joint which is considerably smaller. thereforeeee, I know she was lying when she used to tell me she loved me.

Hmmmm, perhaps there wasn't even a friendship and perhaps she was lying there too.

I guess when you really are over someone, there is no point in seeing them again.

Wow..that's impressive, especially since they lived together for 5 years. Was she the one to end it?

Hiyah - it was pretty messy - I mean at the end of the rels he cheated on her, but then she really hurt him by being verbally and emotionally abusive. They were both very hot headed, and young, they broke up when they were 23. I think now, there's too much water under the bridge, and there is no way they'd ever get back - they resented each other too much and hurt each other too much, too.

Sometimes having someone in our life can be unhealthy, and it's better to say goodbye and move on for good, then continue to live in pain.

With one exception, I haven't spoken to any of my exes in years.

The last time one of them tried to contact me, I let my husband answer the email. My parting words to this particular ex (aka "the cheater") were, "I never want to see or speak to you again." I was serious when I said it, and my husband was happy to inform my ex that I was happily married now and I didn't care to hear from him.

Haven't heard from that ex since.

Really, with one exception, I don't keep in touch with any of my ex-bf's...what would be the point? Since I have moved accross the state, the chances of me running into them is almost nonexistant. I'm not one of those folks who desire to be friends with an ex.

Then again, I also believe that all relationships have a shelf life -- people come into your life for various reasons...and when those reasons for them being there cease to exist, one or the other or both of you leave.

So by your reasoning, if you were totally honest with your new partner, the one you say that you are now in love with, adore, and will be honest and trusting with, you should be telling them "No matter how much I love you now, all relationships have a shelf life - I'm glad that you're here now, but once we've learned our lessons, we will be breaking up and moving on. But in the meantime, let's have fun." Is that about right?

So by your reasoning, if you were totally honest with your new partner, the one you say that you are now in love with, adore, and will be honest and trusting with, you should be telling them "No matter how much I love you now, all relationships have a shelf life - I'm glad that you're here now, but once we've learned our lessons, we will be breaking up and moving on. But in the meantime, let's have fun." Is that about right?

Actually, yes.

All relationships eventually end. When you enter into a relationship, you don't know how long it will go on...but you can rest assured that it will end at some point, whether that ending is brought on by a break-up (for whatever reason) or death, there WILL be an ending. The future isn't guaranteed for any of us....heck, the next 20 minutes isn't guaranteed for any of us.

To paraphrase an idea of author Peter McWilliams' - This is a lifetime of goodbyes. You will always be leaving people, places and things behind, and eventually, you will leave behind life itself. Since you are going to be saying a lot of goodbyes, it's in your best interest to learn how to say a good goodbye.

my husband was happy to inform my ex that I was happily married now and I didn't care to hear from him.

I can only dream of being in this position one day. You don't know the satisfaction it would give me.

I can only dream of being in this position one day. You don't know the satisfaction it would give me.

Yeah, it was mildly amusing.

If my husband wasn't around, I probably wouldn't have bothered with any reply...or maybe a tersely worded, "kindly leave me alone." But my husband thought the email that was sent looked like a 'fishing expedition' and thought he might keep attempting to contact me unless he was specifically informed not to. So, my husband decided to tell him not to...he's a little protective, and that's not a bad thing in a spouse.

NC forever sounds like heaven to me. If we didn't have kids, if she didn't live right down the street with the guy she was cheating with, if we didn't go to the same church, if if if.... But just thinking about NC forever makes me smile!

Actually, yes.

 

All relationships eventually end. When you enter into a relationship, you don't know how long it will go on...but you can rest assured that it will end at some point, whether that ending is brought on by a break-up (for whatever reason) or death, there WILL be an ending. The future isn't guaranteed for any of us....heck, the next 20 minutes isn't guaranteed for any of us.

 

To paraphrase an idea of author Peter McWilliams' - This is a lifetime of goodbyes. You will always be leaving people, places and things behind, and eventually, you will leave behind life itself. Since you are going to be saying a lot of goodbyes, it's in your best interest to learn how to say a good goodbye.

That's not what i'm asking... death isn't a question, that's rhetorical. What i'm saying is that, knowing that you believe each relationship will undoubtedly end before death, but rather becase two people can't get along, then you would tell the person that you just fell in love with:

"I love you now, but we won't last. More then likely, if the odds are right, we'll make it a few months. If we're lucky, maybe a year. Luckier still, maybe 5 years. However, no matter how much we love each other right now, there will come a time when this doesn't work, this beautiful thing that we have, and I will no longer be talking to you. I won't even know you then. You will become a stranger to me. In the meantime, I'm going to love you forever."

I mean, that's the truth. I'm not doubting the truth. I'm merely stating that we suspend reality for our new love interests, and in fact, we usually suspend reality for ourselves as well.

Perhpas I'm a hopeless romantic but it was only when I felt I could marry someone, they turned around and dumped me. Thus, I actually believe two people can be together forever....thus the question: can people really hold out with NC for their whole lives.

I have gone NC because I got dumped and I need to heal myself. Once I am in a very happy relationship again, I can easily see dealing with my ex. Now the bigger question is where should I be as a person so I can handle it all on my own. Basically, I am paraphrasing SuperDave who suggests we have to love ourselves enough to see that its the other person who is flawed. They screwed up by rejecting our love. That's a powerful thing.

Perhpas I'm a hopeless romantic but it was only when I felt I could marry someone, they turned around and dumped me. Thus, I actually believe two people can be together forever....thus the question: can people really hold out with NC for their whole lives.

 

I have gone NC because I got dumped and I need to heal myself. Once I am in a very happy relationship again, I can easily see dealing with my ex. Now the bigger question is where should I be as a person so I can handle it all on my own. Basically, I am paraphrasing SuperDave who suggests we have to love ourselves enough to see that its the other person who is flawed. They screwed up by rejecting our love. That's a powerful thing.

The truth is, we're both flawed! The one who dumped, the one who got dumped... We're all walking contridictions of ourselves, and when you learn to be ok with that, and realize that breaking up is just part of human nature and that no blame need be assigned, then we all end up having healthier perspectives. So in that way, we're all blameless. There is never any reason to take anything personally that anyone ever says to you, be it a compliment or a put down, because this person has their own reality and can never really know you, no matter how close to this person you think you may be. So if you never take anything too personally, postive or negative, you tend not to sabotage relationships.

I have been no contact with one ex for three years, and another for a year.

GREAT QUESTION & THREAD

When my relationship disintegrated, I felt so much heart break & depression... that alone nearly killed me. But when I found out she was with someone else (even after we had been broken up for several months), something in me just completely "Snapped"!!!

The level of rage & betrayal (not to mention a crushed ego) definitely changed me forever. I was almost forced to go NC for my own good (I was so out of my mind (fueled by heavy prolonged drug & alcohol intake) I could have easily done something that I would have regretted for the rest of my life). I was very much slipping out of reality, I was seriously going to hunt down and kill this new guy (not to mention her'). Really Hate to admit it, but for a minute, I related to O.J. Simpson and his murderous jealous act of violence.

Fortunately (for everyone involved) I withstood the urge, got a hold of myself (re-started some councelling & medication) and eventually calmed down. I had one last meeting with this ex, and started NC the second our conversation was over. Even though she told me it would "never end" between the two of us, I cut her off forever at that moment. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do (because I truly still loved her deeply, and believed I could have gotten her back)... but I had to do it for my own sanity.

We went almost 13 years (of NC) before reconnecting with each other earlier this year. Check out my story if you are interested.... the link is down below in my sig'.

I never thought I'd get over my first love and spent almost a year trying to get him back. Now I've been NC for two and a half years, and I only think about him maybe once a week or so. I never thought I'd make it this far!