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Thread: Effects of breaking up on the mind?

  1. #1
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    Effects of breaking up on the mind?

    Why is spliting up and moving on the most devistating thing to the mind? I read in a healing book by Dr Grey it is the hardest thing to get over, even over death of a family member why? Is it easy some not others?

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    i'm no expert or anything and i myself am going through healing from a recent breakup, but i think it's got something to do with 2 people being in a relationship (no matter how bad or shallow it may be) have some sense of being 1 body. i know that may seem abstract and maybe i'm not putting it into the best words, but the person you have a relationship with is somewhat of a life partner, someone you share and experience things you never would with a family member or friends, an extreme vulnerability you allow for the one you love. i guess for me it's almost like losing a part of yourself, a part of your life, and though family and friends can be very close as well, i don't think it really compares to someone you allow yourself to love and be intimate with. just my 2 cents, i could be completely wrong though

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    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    well, I think it is difficult to get over because you still have some hope that things can work out, or that you two can get back together. As opposed to a death, which is very final, and you know they will not be coming back, so you don't have that hope to grasp onto, so you are forced to start moving on.

    of course, a death is also very traumatic, and I might say that a breakup may be for the best, there is someone out there that is better for you....but not everyone will see it that way, especially when you are in the midst of it.

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    Platinum Member Cimmie's Avatar
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    It's because there is a profound feeling of failure, which there isn't with a death. As traumatic as it is, death is a natural occurrence. Breaking a relationship which was once everything to you feels unnatural.

    Also, break up because of infidelity is hugely traumatic because your memories are not intact, as they are when someone dies. When someone dies they haven't betrayed you. But if someone close to you lies to you they have spoiled all of the memories you have of them, they have shaken your trust absolutely and made you doubt yourself and your perception of reality, and that is a devastating experience.

    The only worse thing I can think of is finding out your partner has cheated on you after they have died. You can't even tell them what you think of them.

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    I often wondered why getting over someone is harder than getting over other things such as not getting into a college/graduate program that is your dream, or not getting your dream job and I have to say Annie24 hit the nail on the head...all of these things are permanent. Even though breakups are also often permanent, there is always the possibility that they are not and that is probably what makes them so much harder to get over than other things in life.

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    Bronze Member Altoona's Avatar
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    Its a life time transition we go thru. Yes the pain is worse that any death, believe me, experienced both. When a death occurs we learn to let go since there is no way of bringing them back. First year we cry for them, the second for ourselves.

    With a breakup of a marriage, the pain is there for a longer time. We experience pain, anguish when we have to see them still. This can slower the healing process unlike death.

    I experienced a death and a marriage breakup in less than a year. Time heals the soul, it really does. A year on and I'm stronger, wiser and looking forward to the single life. Life is good..

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    You have a very interesting point of view...it think describes really well what I'm feeling...even though I hadn't thought about it this way up until now...



    I agree with this as well...I don't think I'll ever get truly over the ex until I accept that it's over and we're never ever getting back together again...I actually still have hope...maybe because he told me he thought he would come back or maybe because I'm stubborn...who knows...I think the only thing that would make me feel worse is if he was actually dead. I rather be broken up than knowing he's gone forever...but maybe it's because I never had to deal with death. I never had anyone I was close to die...

    But breaking up with someone you truly love and that once loved you just as much if not more and now no longer does is the most painful and difficult thing I have ever went through...I felt like my life was over the day he broke up with me, I have never felt so much pain in my life. I don't even like to remember what it felt like, it was really bad...
    Last edited by supercalifragilistic; 05-20-2007 at 06:26 PM.

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    I can honestly say that this has been the hardest thing I have ever been through. I don't know why, but it has been a real up and down emotional roller coaster ride since day one... It seems to diminish with time, but it is still there.... just in a weakened state. I hope that someday these feelings will go away completely.

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    I agree with the others that it's mostly about the acceptance.

    I remember crying to my Mom that I could handle it better if he had died(I did NOT and do NOT wish him dead!)because he was gone but the pain of knowing he rejected me and is out there living the life I thought we would have with someone else is devestating.

    I don't know how to get over it so I am of no use there at all!

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    i think all of these things are true- esp. the comments about losing a sense of yourself and holding out hope for getting back together..

    additionally, i think the "what ifs" are really traumatic in a break up. it's really easy to blame yourself for what happened and go back and analyze all of your interactions w/ the person to try to figure out what went wrong. i kill myself with that

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