jettison Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 I love this topic. When my ex broke up with me, she sent me an email that recounted some of the better times we had together.... that trip to that Bed and Breakfast for the weekend. Reading books to each other and picnicing in the park. It concluded with "I'll always love you." Dear lord. Am I really suppose to be able to move on from that? My first response was "If I buy you a donut, will you reconsider?" It all just seemed so absurd that absurdity seemed the only appropriate retort. Link to comment
ryan250 Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 My first response was "If I buy you a donut, will you reconsider?" It all just seemed so absurd that absurdity seemed the only appropriate retort. Haha. That is great! Link to comment
Clarity Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 Sorry? How's this an honest statement? "You love her, but youre not in love with her"?... or you mean... you loved her before, but you don't love her anymore at the time you said it? Maybe we're having a mix-up of terminology here, but to me, you can love someone without being "in love" with them. You love close friends and family, right, but you are not "in love" with them, correct? That's the sense that I mean it in. I loved her, and I still do. She remains my best friend, the person that has been closest to me in my life. We just fell "out of love", as in we lost our spark/passion, desire for each other, or whatever you want to call it. Link to comment
devast Posted June 13, 2007 Author Share Posted June 13, 2007 Maybe we're having a mix-up of terminology here, but to me, you can love someone without being "in love" with them. You love close friends and family, right, but you are not "in love" with them, correct? That's the sense that I mean it in. I loved her, and I still do. She remains my best friend, the person that has been closest to me in my life. We just fell "out of love", as in we lost our spark/passion, desire for each other, or whatever you want to call it. And this is just the reason why... "I love you but (whatever excuse)...." is confusing, brain draining... in the end... looking back on it... its funny... mix-up terminology... just like mixing one word with its antonyms, which just doesn't rhyme or doesn't jive... but to the speaker, of course it will always sound cliche....for he is the only one who can interpret what he said, anyway. Just like the above quote, it was quite a longer interpretation of what you mean exactly. But with "I love you, but I am not in love with you".... a lot of things a missing... ... but she swears she is straight with me... well i just dont get it!!! Anyway..in your case Clarity...I believe your ex understood your honesty... Cheers Link to comment
S.Ken Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 Maybe we're having a mix-up of terminology here, but to me, you can love someone without being "in love" with them. You love close friends and family, right, but you are not "in love" with them, correct? That's the sense that I mean it in. I loved her, and I still do. She remains my best friend, the person that has been closest to me in my life. We just fell "out of love", as in we lost our spark/passion, desire for each other, or whatever you want to call it. Do you believe that two people can fall back in love again? I do...my parents split up when they were engaged for 2 years and eventually they found their way back to each other and eventually got married. Two years later, my older brother was born and the rest is history. So I literally wouldn't exist if this wasn't possible. A spark can always be reignited and love can always be rediscovered unless of course it was never there in the first place as I discovered this with my ex who never truly in love with me, thus I got the classic "I love you, BUT I'm not IN love with you" line... bluuu. Link to comment
doyathink Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 The one I recently had told to me is....'I love you but I want to leave'. We filed for divorce...but he wants to be friends and 'date' me...cause he still loves me! and doesn't want anyone else! I let him go, started dating....he says I'm cheating cause the divorce isn't final! He wanted out, but he's the one that wont let go of me! what the hell?! Link to comment
rokston Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 for most cases i think that these lines usually are the end of the relationship, period! BUT (love that word) i do know several people who have reconciled after break (even involving other people) and are happy together for many years after. either way, the only thing to do if you hear the words is to walk away, get on with your own life, looks after yourself - waiting around is not healthy for you or for any love left between you. the real choice is whether you resent/hate the person that hurt you or decide to take it a bit easier, enjoy your free time and just see what happens. i would like to do the latter, very very very much.... but it's sooooo difficult Link to comment
Clarity Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 And this is just the reason why... "I love you but (whatever excuse)...." is confusing, brain draining... in the end... looking back on it... its funny... mix-up terminology... just like mixing one word with its antonyms, which just doesn't rhyme or doesn't jive... but to the speaker, of course it will always sound cliche....for he is the only one who can interpret what he said, anyway. Just like the above quote, it was quite a longer interpretation of what you mean exactly. But with "I love you, but I am not in love with you".... a lot of things a missing... Anyway..in your case Clarity...I believe your ex understood your honesty... Cheers Yes, you're right, I didn't mean to give the impression that this is all we said to each other. The details of my breakup are in this thread: It was a mutual breakup and we had lengthy discussions about it for weeks leading up to it. This was not a hasty decision, nor was it one person feed the other a line consisting only of "I love you, but...". I guess what I was trying to say is that these lines can can have honest emotions and feelings behind them, but if you only say "I love you, but..." without more context, it's probably going to lead to more confusion and hurt. Link to comment
Clarity Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 Do you believe that two people can fall back in love again? I do...my parents split up when they were engaged for 2 years and eventually they found their way back to each other and eventually got married. Two years later, my older brother was born and the rest is history. So I literally wouldn't exist if this wasn't possible. A spark can always be reignited and love can always be rediscovered unless of course it was never there in the first place as I discovered this with my ex who never truly in love with me, thus I got the classic "I love you, BUT I'm not IN love with you" line... bluuu. I definitely do believe that, I even dream of it. I've always said to those who have talked to me about my breakup that, if I could take a magical pill to make me fall in love again with my Ex, I would, because we are best friends, we understand each other, and those are hard things to find in a partner in this world. I sometimes wonder if we will both date for years, not finding happiness and end up in each other's arms again... but we both need to discover what's out there first. Unfortunately, nobody wants to marry just their best friend and your relationship with your significant other should not feel like a brother/sister type bond... Link to comment
devast Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 I guess I myself is guilty once with the "I love you but..."... I told my years years ago ex after years when we actually got into a conversation... "I still miss you sometimes, maybe I still love you.... but I just cannot forget what you did to me (she cheated on me twice).."...then I told her "I just can't sacrifice much more going back to you"...."if one day comes and I would realize I still really love you and you are already married, I will not regret it... because at least, I tried to give myself a chance to find my happiness rather than to take some more risk with you..." I guess... my "I love you but", though was really honest.... it still made her hang and just can't move on... coz after 7 years, just this year she asked me if she can move into marrying her bf. she can't decide because she still thinks about me... maybe if I can forget what she did she can fix things for us for the best... she's still hoping after all this time... So since then, I never responded to any of her contact initiations... I want her to really move on and forget about me... I myself is guilty for making someone hope and wait... stucked onto something intangible because of the "I love you, but".... Link to comment
Coyote9 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 If I learned anything at all in my last relationship, it's that words don't mean much at all. As the old adage says, actions speak louder than words. Our dumper ex's say all sorts of things to lessen their own guilt or with the intent of protecting us from the truth behind their motives to dump us. What I do know is that what she said didn't add up, was inconsisitent and boarding on dishonest (if withholding the truth is dishonest). I can drive myself crazy trying to understand, and at times have been tempted to break NC to try and get some sort of answer from her, now that she has no reason to protect my feelings. The point is, it's over and done and there's nothing to know or understand that will help me with my recovery from this. All I can do is commit myself to make certain it doesn't happen again, and to not just question statements or information that doesn't add up or seems inconsistent, but to be willing to walk away rather than continually trying to make it work. People who love us and want to be in a successful relationship with us make it a priority to communicate truthfully to us. Those that can't or won't either have a low interest level in us, or are incapable of being truthful....and why would anyone want to be with someone like that? Link to comment
devast Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 I think I can finally add mine without tears! I love you but I cannot see you anymore because I am going to put away my cross-dressing, bi-sexual ways and see another woman. This from the man that about 10 days prior was at the point where he would start taking hormones to become a woman. And had sex with a man within that 10 days. These are examples of making excuses for breaking plans last minute. "I love you but I am too drunk to find you." I was at home and he lived 5 blocks away. "I love you but my grandma fixed me chicken." It makes you wonder what these people think about these statements later! Isn't that right? LOL If I learned anything at all in my last relationship, it's that words don't mean much at all. As the old adage says, actions speak louder than words. Our dumper ex's say all sorts of things to lessen their own guilt or with the intent of protecting us from the truth behind their motives to dump us. What I do know is that what she said didn't add up, was inconsisitent and boarding on dishonest (if withholding the truth is dishonest). I can drive myself crazy trying to understand, and at times have been tempted to break NC to try and get some sort of answer from her, now that she has no reason to protect my feelings. The point is, it's over and done and there's nothing to know or understand that will help me with my recovery from this. All I can do is commit myself to make certain it doesn't happen again, and to not just question statements or information that doesn't add up or seems inconsistent, but to be willing to walk away rather than continually trying to make it work. People who love us and want to be in a successful relationship with us make it a priority to communicate truthfully to us. Those that can't or won't either have a low interest level in us, or are incapable of being truthful....and why would anyone want to be with someone like that? to conclude the above.. i guess it is this one below So true... this is the best advice because 99.9999% of the time you never get the real reason. If it happens in my next relationship I'm going to walk away day#1. This one below is a good respond that I can give next time I hear it from a gf becoming an ex... I love this topic. When my ex broke up with me, she sent me an email that recounted some of the better times we had together.... that trip to that Bed and Breakfast for the weekend. Reading books to each other and picnicing in the park. It concluded with "I'll always love you." Dear lord. Am I really suppose to be able to move on from that? My first response was "If I buy you a donut, will you reconsider?" It all just seemed so absurd that absurdity seemed the only appropriate retort. "a stupid reaction for a stupid action"... Link to comment
mushmouth Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 I got "when I first met you, I liked you." Of course, over a two year relationship she repeatedly told me she "loved me". Mind you, she was 22 when she dumped me for a guy who swept her off her feet. And then she said "but in him I think I've found my soulmate. I've never felt this way before." Then she told me she invited him to move in after knowing him for a few days and after a few weeks they were talking about getting married. Mind you, she is 22 and I think he is 24. * * * *ing sucks. Link to comment
devast Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 I love you, but.....>> MY FANTASY: Me, placing my finger on her lips: Sssshhhhhh... dont say it... or you'll kiss my BUTT.... LOL... i'd rather walk out fast next time my future ex would try to be nice with the "I love you, but..." Link to comment
devast Posted June 18, 2007 Author Share Posted June 18, 2007 Oh and I have just read someone's point of view of her reason why she got attracted with other guy.. I could say her point of view is tantamount to "I love you but I missed your affectionate ways, so I got attracted with my coworker who is showing me affections".. Link to comment
BrokenBear Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 "I love you, but I just can't picture us together in 10 years" "I love you, but I am just not ready to be in a relationship right now" So yeah - translates to, "I just don't want to be with you" which makes no sense, after spending a year talking about getting married, and where we'd be in a few years, let alone ten. Link to comment
devast Posted June 19, 2007 Author Share Posted June 19, 2007 "I love you, but I just can't picture us together in 10 years" "I love you, but I am just not ready to be in a relationship right now" So yeah - translates to, "I just don't want to be with you" which makes no sense, after spending a year talking about getting married, and where we'd be in a few years, let alone ten. yeah right... she can't picture it... coz there's no 10 years coming that's why she's breaking up with you... Link to comment
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