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"I love you...but..."<<-- tormenting and brain draining...


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Hello all...

 

I have just read back all my post break-up emails and text messages to my ex...

 

ARRRRGH!!!! its funny, dorky, shameful and it really sucks!!!! How could I have drained my brain, energy and effort trying to win her back that way... all the apologies, compromises, and promised changes which I am not sure I could really afford to keep up forever ( )

 

Why I did all those things? its because of this (her evil words)... "I STILL LOVE YOU, BUT.." this is the killer... when all she could have "kindly" said was..... "I don't love you anymore.. I am attracted to another man already and I am looking forward into having a relationship with him...." rather than putting you to blame and then "I love you...but"..

 

Its funny now after moving on, though.

 

I am sure many of you... heard this from your ex....

 

What did they say?_________________________________ blahblahlah

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'i still love you, BUT

i don't think i should be trying THIS hard for a relationship. i mean, do you want me to half-ass a relationship with you?'

 

sounds like it makes sense right? except then the whole 'love' part gets discounted.

 

 

'i still love you, BUT

i think we should see other people.'

 

 

'i still love you, BUT

i want us to be friends right now.'

 

 

'i still love you, and i'm going to marry you BUT

i just don't want to be in a relationship right now.'

 

 

i'm sure these all sound familiar to many of us

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well, i don't think it's totally inconsistnat. i really do believe you can love someone w/ all your heart- even be IN love with them but know that a relationship is not the best thing at that time. i agree that a lot of times ppl say it b/c it's easier on them, but i think there are certain circumstances where this is a totally legitimate claim. it sure makes things hard on the dumpee, though!!!!

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Hey devast-

 

OK, you read the emails and texts. Read them, think about them, get upset, cry, do what you need to do.

 

Next, delete them. Delete all of them. That is the next step (and a big one) to better emotional places.

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"I love you, but it just kinda happened.''

 

This to explain cheating.

 

Yeah, "I love you, but..'' is lame. If ya loved me, it would have been known before the 'but' needed to come into the conversation. And after the emotions of breaking up settle down; if there was truly love there.

 

Though some slack is given for intent. Your ex seemed to mean well, devast. Maybe a miss in delivery and choice of words, is all.

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"I love you, but all the love in the world cannot save a person from the effects of such a strong drug (alcohol)"

 

Mike was really big on "I love you, but" - the phrase was uttered constantly during the relationship - this one came from him after it was over.

 

I never said "I love you, but" to him - although I guess it was understood when he put the ring on my finger, asked me to marry him, and I replied, "You know I cannot marry a drunk."

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The whole "I love you, but" thing is painful. It's like "Would you like a Cookie? Here you go.................oh wait. You can't have this cookie, it's for someone else. But maybe................" The whole time they know they are never going to give you the cookie.

 

Here are a few "I Love you, but" phrases I got:

 

"I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you and have you babies, but I just don't know what I want right now" (Duh?)

 

"I love you, and don't see a future with him at all, but he laughs at my jokes?" (maybe because he wants to get in you pants?)

 

"I love you, but that one time you got upset at me, and I know you weren't feeling well, but what if you do that again?" (a few times in 4 years in nothing sista')

 

 

These all hurt, because not only did they feel like I had a chance, but they were so illogical that they seemed like if I could talk some freaking sense into her, it would be ok. Not even a counselor could help her see the light. The counselor actually hurt more, because when my ex said the thing about "not seeing a future with him," the counselor convinced her that the feelings of love she felt for me we just her missing me, and to ignore them. I was right there when she said this. It sucked.

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well, i don't think it's totally inconsistnat. i really do believe you can love someone w/ all your heart- even be IN love with them but know that a relationship is not the best thing at that time. i agree that a lot of times ppl say it b/c it's easier on them, but i think there are certain circumstances where this is a totally legitimate claim. it sure makes things hard on the dumpee, though!!!!

 

is it a legitimate claim? I agree to this one below...

 

sounds like it makes sense right? except then the whole 'love' part gets discounted.

 

I guess...no offense... most woman would understand the "I love you, but.." coz most of the time its the woman who does this when they want to leave their bf... Contrasting idea which they try to unite...HOW? well I guess I have read it already here... someone wrote... most woman do not use logic when they analyze things...

 

Confused... only until they finally get a grip to a new bf...they will finally disclose to their ex bf "there's nothing left to wait"... although some are cruel enough (I read it somewhere in ENA), to say she was not sure about this new guy and that her ex bf shouldn't loose hope on them... DUH!!!!

 

But of the most woman... I believe I would find the woman not among the most that I describe...

 

Cheers to all

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im sorry, but i laughed out loud when i read some of the excuses... if it wasnt so painful, it would be a comedy routine...

 

i would have loved to hear the truth but then again that would have been impossible because he was a boy trapped in a man's body... he didnt even know what love was... i realized this too late in the game...

 

the worse part of it all was that i believed his excuses ... "i love you, but... you dont rollerblade"... yes folks, its true... lmao... just one of the many excuses... and no, i didnt go out and buy rollerblades to show him... lol... the line of a lifetime!... in fact, im going to put that down as my quote!!!!!!!... lol...

 

God bless... beebee

"i love you but, you dont rollerblade"...

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"i love you, but... you dont rollerblade"...

 

Wow, beebee, I can't top this one...

 

These days, after hearing the same lines over and over, I have come to realize it's not the words that matter one bit, but the message behind them. I have adopted a translation system whereby any of the aforementioned phrases and the like get translated into, "I don't want to be with you." Nothing more, nothing less. That's all I hear, that's all I need to hear, and I follow it up with a "goodbye, thanks for the fun times, good luck"...then move on.

 

"I love you, but...", "I don't know", "I'm not sure", etc. all get translated to "No". Goodbye and good luck, I'll spare myself some laps in the pool of BS and just euthanize this thing right now, and save both of us the time and struggle.

 

Trying to figure out the "whys" and "how comes" of people in situations like this is completely fruitless, especially when you are dealing with lines of complete crap.

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"I love you and you are the best thing to happen in my life in a long time. That is why it was such a hard decision to make. I still think about you and miss you."

 

My head was still spinning years later!!!!! * * * goes thru some of these peoples head.

 

After I heard the above qoute is when I started educating myself on PD's.

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im sorry, but i laughed out loud when i read some of the excuses... if it wasnt so painful, it would be a comedy routine...

 

i would have loved to hear the truth but then again that would have been impossible because he was a boy trapped in a man's body... he didnt even know what love was... i realized this too late in the game...

 

the worse part of it all was that i believed his excuses ... "i love you, but... you dont rollerblade"... yes folks, its true... lmao... just one of the many excuses... and no, i didnt go out and buy rollerblades to show him... lol... the line of a lifetime!... in fact, im going to put that down as my quote!!!!!!!... lol...

 

God bless... beebee

"i love you but, you dont rollerblade"...

 

Outrageous!!!! ](*,)

 

I have read another line somewhere in ENA... they broke-up because the "boy's" excuse was both of them have big feet...

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  • 2 weeks later...

I just remembered that my ex told me...

 

"I am thinking about going back sometimes, but I already told most of our friends that we have broke up already... so it feels awkward if we get back... what will they say about us..."

 

This makes me angry still... I should have told her... go marry your friends if your love depends on what your friends say..

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So true... this is the best advice because 99.9999% of the time you never get the real reason.

 

If it happens in my next relationship I'm going to walk away day#1.

 

In the past I have spent months/years trying to figure out what I did wrong and why.

 

If they love you it doesn't matter what you do, they accept you for you (or at least that is what I think love is...

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If they love you it doesn't matter what you do, they accept you for you (or at least that is what I think love is...

 

That's what I believe what true love is.

 

 

"I love you, but I'm not IN love with you."

Pretty straight forward, but it still bugs me.

 

"I love you like a friend."

Considering that the girl who said this to me says all sorts of hateful things about her friends behind their backs didn't fill me with glee.

 

"I love you, but I'm in a strange place right now"

Although she was dead serious, I actually laughed in the girl's face when she said this. I couldn't help it, it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. I still smile when i think about it.

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I think I can finally add mine without tears!

 

I love you but I cannot see you anymore because I am going to put away my cross-dressing, bi-sexual ways and see another woman. This from the man that about 10 days prior was at the point where he would start taking hormones to become a woman. And had sex with a man within that 10 days.

 

These are examples of making excuses for breaking plans last minute.

 

"I love you but I am too drunk to find you." I was at home and he lived 5 blocks away.

 

"I love you but my grandma fixed me chicken."

 

It makes you wonder what these people think about these statements later!

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going through the "i love you, BUT..." phase now, its totally confusing me.

 

"i love you BUT i just don't know" ?? - what don't you know? .. "i don't know"

 

"i love you BUT it may be too soon to try again".. hmm, like why?

 

"i love you BUT i don't love our relationship" ..

 

"i love you, I want to marry you, you are the one BUT i feel like maybe i have been in relationships since too young" ... not with me..

 

"i love you BUT I need to stand on my own two feet"... you were anyway and now you are standing on my head/heart.

 

I hear different variants all the time ... but she swears she is straight with me... well i just dont get it!!!

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I'm guilty of the "I love you, but I just don't know" - but at least I could say what it was!

I think "I love you, but I don't love our relationship" is the common theme that bonds us all together on here; I don't view it as an excuse, but as something honest and valid.

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I had to say some very painful words to my Ex while we parted ways:

 

"I love you, but I'm not in love with you.".

 

I know it hurt her and it killed me to do that to her, but I believe that I owed her my full honesty. I also feel that she had felt the same way for a while, but neither of us had the heart to say it to the other.

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also believe that "I love you, but I don't love our relationship" is valid but in my situation i must say that it sounds like BS. the relationship has always accommodated most things she wanted even at significant sacrifice from me and she is pretty vague as to what she does not like about it. also, part of the problems have been caused by her doubts for over a year...

 

anyway, i guess it is a valid reason. sometimes people just dont feel the same way ..

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going through the "i love you, BUT..." phase now, its totally confusing me.

 

"i love you BUT i just don't know" ?? - what don't you know? .. "i don't know"

 

"i love you BUT it may be too soon to try again".. hmm, like why?

 

"i love you BUT i don't love our relationship" ..

 

"i love you, I want to marry you, you are the one BUT i feel like maybe i have been in relationships since too young" ... not with me..

 

"i love you BUT I need to stand on my own two feet"... you were anyway and now you are standing on my head/heart.

 

I hear different variants all the time ... but she swears she is straight with me... well i just dont get it!!!

 

 

Come to think about all the "I love you, buts that I have experienced"... it makes me laugh, a bit angry and made me felt stupid, coz I didn't laugh about it as soon as I heard it from my ex...

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I had to say some very painful words to my Ex while we parted ways:

 

"I love you, but I'm not in love with you.".

 

I know it hurt her and it killed me to do that to her, but I believe that I owed her my full honesty. I also feel that she had felt the same way for a while, but neither of us had the heart to say it to the other.

 

Sorry? How's this an honest statement? "You love her, but youre not in love with her"?...

 

or you mean... you loved her before, but you don't love her anymore at the time you said it?

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