I just turned 25! And have never dated :(

I've never dated or even kissed a girl. I'm 25. Virgin of course.

I went to all boy schools growing up. I have a bachelor's degree and work at IBM. I have acne scarring. Girls never seem to show any interest in me. I don't know why. I don't think I'm a boring guy. I don't know if I am that attractive looking or not. I've been told that I'm both ugly and good-looking by other people (not at the same moment of course). Here's my pic: link removed

I live in Southern CA. I like horseback riding, going out to new places to eat/drink, I like to travel, I workout and practice martial arts. I sometimes just find different beaches around here on google maps, and just drive there. Stick my toes in the sand and watch the sunset. Some days, I'll drive all the way out to a cafe in Dana Point that has a window view of the ocean, and I just sip coffee and stare at the waves.

I feel very....lonely, and I've been trying to get out more...but it seems so hard to connect with a girl. I just want to share my life with someone and vis versa....

A lot of things are going through my head right now:

- I blame myself for not have tried very hard at an earlier age to get a date

- I feel inexperienced not only sexually, but relationship wise.

- I feel flawed. Like there is something wrong with me.

- I feel old....like time is slipping....and I'm losing my chance to find a good girl to hook up with.

- Regret. Guilt. Frustration. Sadness.

I don't know what to think really.....I try to be a good man, but I don't think that's enough.

I need to develop some sort of "game" I guess. That's what some people tell me.

Is finding that special someone really all just some frustrating game?

hmmmmm.... ok, I looked at your photo - I can't see most of your face, but you look like a pretty good looking guy! There's nothing wrong with you - some people are just a bit more shy and later bloomers. I'm 25 also, and I haven't found the right man. I mean, I date a lot, just haven't found that special someone.

I think you should maybe talk to some of your male friends who are in good relationships and ask them how they got there.

Are you involved in any activities where you can naturally meet women?

Can't see your whole face, but just those eyes, mmm mmm, sexy

I read what you wrote about yourself, and you seem like an interasting guy. I also checked out your pic and although I can't see your face, you seem too look good too. Maybe you're just shy? Try to meet new girls. I'm sure you'll find someone!

Hi

It ok and acceptable to not dated anyone until now because some of my girl friends also never dated.

We would prefer a guy that is truthful and sincere than a guy that have multiple partners and have many sexual experiences.

Besides that, for us, we when dated we look for the person that would spend the rest of our life with.

I have a bachelor's degree and work at IBM.

Well at least you got that. At least something in your life is going fine.

Don't blame your past. Every experience can serve us if we let it. Don't let your past experiences determine you.

And you have some good interests/hobbies. Makes for a more interesting person to talk to.

It's good that you're getting out there. Keep trying.

Face shots.....face shots.....

Here:

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The thing is, I do have bad acne scarring. That might be a turn off for most girls.

Also, no, I guess I don't see that many girls in the things I do....

I work with Computers and servers - no girls my age there.

I do take some classes which sometimes have girls in them....but I don't really meet anyone at those....

My friends have all met girlfriends in random encounters. One guy met his GF playing poker, another one met her studying...a lot seem to have hooked up in High school though. Which.....sends me a sad message "I'm Old!" >_

Hi

 

It ok and acceptable to not dated anyone until now because some of my girl friends also never dated.

 

We would prefer a guy that is truthful and sincere than a guy that have multiple partners and have many sexual experiences.

 

Besides that, for us, we when dated we look for the person that would spend the rest of our life with.

"We"? Are you talking about women in general?

Yes, I prefer a guy who is truthful and sincere. Do I necessarily ask about or care about how many sexual partners my boyfriend has had? I've been with my guy for over 6 months and don't know how many other people he has slept with. All I care about is that he's clean and doesn't cheat on me.

You are right though that it's ok to be 25 and never have dated. My sister is 19 and has never dated and she is a very pretty girl. I don't think she will date for many more years to come.

Keep doing what you're doing. The right girl will flock to you

Face shots.....face shots.....

 

Here:

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link removed

 

 

The thing is, I do have bad acne scarring. That might be a turn off for most girls.

Y'know, this is going to come out wrong no matter how I say it, I am not generally attracted to asian guys. Not to say I can't find an Asian dude good looking, I'm just not attracted.

You, my friend, are SEXY! I'd follow you around like a puppy

The acne scarring will fade with time. I had it too, and it went away. Go to a dermatologist, they may be able to make the healing go faster.

So tell us, what are you doing to meet girls?

Honestly dude, it's not your looks that is the problem. And if you work out and do martial arts, I'm sure you're probably in good shape too. Always makes for a more attractive person.

I really think that in your case, you just need to keep trying to meet girls.

You're good looking enough to start up a conversation with any girl. Everything from there is "game", but never get discouraged because this is a skill which you can learn like any other at any time. Go here and study:

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Good luck!

orgasmictofu - I don't take it the wrong way at all. I've been told the same thing by other people. I dress, look, and speak like a conservative Orange County white guy. But I am Asian-American I don't like to say who I am or am not attracted to though....I've met women before that I didn't think were attractive initially, but fell head over heals in love after I got to know them personally.....but I'm still a hopeless romantic.

annie24 - I've been seeing a dermatologist for years. I've been able to fight the acne, but it's left a bit of scarring. I'm acctually seeing a cosmetic surgeon tomorrow though to smoothen out my blotchy skin.

I guess I do lack confidence. The thing is...when I talk to a woman, I don't think I come off as shy. I'm pretty assertive too.....but I just can't figure out the right words to say to lead me anywhere I want to go....

I've always felt that I'd come off as a jerk if I just asked a girl right off the bat to go out with me. I'm also still afraid of rejection. I need to work that stuff through my system I guess....

But thanks for your very kind comments. I feel a bit more energized now. I need to start looking and asking ASAP I guess.

Look, you wrote it down yourself, you have all the qualities of a good boyfriend and partner. Just say to yourself that women everywhere are looking for a good guy like yourself. Keep saying that until you finally believe it. You have to act like you are a prize!

You sound like an incel (involuntary celebate). Have you tried link removed - there are full of people like you. Virgins and inexperienced guys who just cant seem to get anywhere if their life depended on it.

I relate to your story. Like you, I too went to an all boys school, and like to somehow blame that environment for contributing to my incelness because, well, you need exposure to girls during your teenage years, and continue growing with them around, not isolating yourself from the opposite gender during important years of your life. Some people meet their future wife in high school.

Anyway, going back to the topic - what you are saying is a common incel thing - and you are not alone. I'm 30 years old, a virgin, never been involved in a serious relationship before, but have some people in my life through dating services, and of course, from the incel board. Other people on the incel board vary - it's not an all guy board, so there are some females who also have problems. There is a guy as old as 36 years old, never dated, kissed a girl, or done anything romantic. You have people as old as 50 years there - they have had stuff in the past, but cant seem to connect with anyone over the long course of time (in excess of six months).

I dont know if you are looking for practical advice, of which you should have plenty of that here, or if you are looking for an online support group that focus on that particular issue and has lots of people like yourself. I'm a member of that board, and Ross_K is a member too. Feel free to check it out.

Well, if anyone on these boards lives in the Southern CA area and is looking for a nice time, PM me please

I like nature walks in the mountains or beaches, talking over coffee, dinner, or brunch, and I enjoy comedy (live or movie).

I like nature walks in the mountains or beaches, talking over coffee, dinner, or brunch, and I enjoy comedy (live or movie).

Ok, let's start here.

EVERYONE likes these things. Play up what makes you YOU!!! The martial arts thing is pretty cool - what else can you say about yourself that makes you different from every other guy on link removed who enjoys the beach and coffee?

Hey, where in Southern CA do you live? I saw your pic and you look cute.

I live in Irvine, CA.

Hmm, thanks for the advise annie24. I guess I'll play up the martial arts else.....I also like...sailing and swimming.

Hmm, I should start making a list.

Cool, you live in Irvine. My best friend lives up there. I am there almost every weekend. Are you Chinese?

Nope, I am of Thai (Thailand) decent. So my skin is kinda dark olive.

That's great, my best friend's bf is Thai. My best friend and his bf live in Irvine, close to the Irvine Spectrum. I like the Irvine area a lot. Are you a software engineer?

From what you wrote on here, I dont think you would have a hard time finding someone to go out with. You seem nice, friendly, a bit shy, but some women like that. I think you're pretty hot looking

Nope. I am a IT Project Manager. I have a broad technical background, but I like directing projects and public speaking.

Were you in Irvine this last weekend?

And thanks for the compliment. You seem like a very charming women yourself

I think I need to work on myself a bit more. Start REALLY looking, while jotting down everything that does and doesn't work. Also, listing out my current favorite pastimes and places to go.

Edit:

And I gotta say. You girls really know how to boost a guy's esteem and mood.

Thanks for that. You girls are all pretty cute too. Sucks for me that you're all taken.

Yes, I was in Irvine both Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday. I was out with my best friend and another friend at the Irvine Spectrum on Sunday afternoon. I usually am up in that area on Sat afternoons and evenings.

Wow. I stare at the spectrum from my office window. I work in a building that's just accross the 405. I'm always staring at the D&B sign.