My Best Friend.

I actually talked to Drew about 10 minutes ago. He seemed okay with talking to me.. 'twas weird. I told him that I was a bit mad at him for a few things, and he apologized. I apologized for suggesting that we never talk again, and he accepted it, and said he'd go along with it if I needed to. He still thinks that I can just stop loving him. So I asked him if he's ever been in love, and he said he has. Then he had to go because his mom was getting on his back about things, so he said he'd talk to me tomorrow, if I wanted to.

Not really sure what to think but I guess it's good..

To me it sounds like he could be accepting who you really are now and that your gonna love him, no matter what he does. It seems as before he thought you could just get over with it, but now he understands it a bit more. i'm not sure how, but i'm sure things will work out for you.

I'm happy that he still wants to be your friend despite what have happened. (I don't care. I someone happens to be in love with me or like me that would be VERY flattering)

You should do what you think is best. I can't give any good advice about this right at this point. I can say that I would have talked to him but that's because I value friendship more than anything else.

Well I tried talking to him, and he looked frustrated, and would barely talk to me. I asked if he was going to talk to me today and he said "I just did". Then he asked if I wanted him to drive me home, saying he couldn't because he had to stay for tutoring. By then we were outside; he was heading to his truck to get stuff he left in there, and we broke off so I could get to my bus. *sigh* I don't think he's comfortable talking with me yet.

But yes, what pisses me off is that he has the nerve to freak out and want to stay away from me, when he doesn't realize he's lucky to have someone that actually likes him. Okay it may be a first reaction but still.. I've never had anyone tell me that they like me at all, not as a crush or anything that significant, and here he's got two girls with a crush on him and I'm in love with him. I'd do anything to be in his position. And yet he thinks I have no reason to be depressed..

I've never had anyone tell they love me besides family. He's a pretty lucky guy, Drew.

hopfully he will adjust.

Things between him and I are adjusting a bit now..

During chemistry he kept wanting to mess with my rubik's cube (I'm becoming quite famous for being the only one out of everyone around me that can solve one, heh. I solve it about 15 times a day because people keep scrambling it But I wouldn't let him because he might get it taken up, since he doesn't pay attention in chemistry much, and because we had a state benchmark test then a quiz.

So after chemistry we had lunch, and I just kinda split off from him. I ate lunch completely alone (like I usually do), then when drew came back from sonic he bugged me about the cube again, so after hassling him a bit, I let him. I didn't want him to scramble it but he did anyways, and.. heh. So I walked with him onto the next class, even though we don't have the same class, and he asked "why are you following me?"; I replied "I'm not, I'm just going the same direction you are" and he said "but you could take another pathway" and I said "well, I could, but I'm not because I don't wan t to."

Then while going downstairs I sped ahead of him and he said "you're going fast" so I slowed down and replied "yeah, but why do you care?" and he said "I don't

Grar, even in tense situations he's such a tease, even if minimally. I swear

I didn't see him after that though. I just rode the bus home like I've been doing this week.

I'm happy for you

Happy that you can still be friends. Happy that thing are working out (well, not exactly as you want to but close enough)

I stayed up late last night writing drew a letter. A long one. In fact, it's the longest single thing I've ever written by hand, ever. The letter is 7 pages long total. I write really small too

So, I handed it to him this morning, we barely talked. But it made me feel good that I could release everything I've felt about my entire life into a single piece of paper, among a few other things. I wrote it mostly so he could understand me more. So even though he didn't really talk to me this morning, I still felt really good today. Today was reallllly long too, especially my first three classes. My last one disappeared pretty fast... hehe.

After my last class, I sped up to meet with wesley and drew. I didn't see drew, but I saw wesley, so I randomly smacked him with my binder, and he acted surprised. Then drew smacked wesley's little brother (who's in my last class with me) with HIS binder, and we just laughed. I walked with drew to his locker, and he seemed to get ticked off. So I just didn't say anything, wondering if he'd bother driving me home today, and if he was mad at me. When we got outside he talked to a girl about homework, then we reached the parking lot and I asked if he didn't want to drive me home. He said he would, and then said he was just mad.. I still thought he was mad at me though. Soooo I asked if he was mad at me, and he said he wasn't, and asked if he had to tell me everything; I replied with a no.

We reached his truck, I got in, he still seemed ticked off. When we drove past some people that he knows, he flipped them off as we drove by. I figured THEY are who he was mad at. So we talked bit by bit during the drive to my house, and he seemed to cool down a bit, distracted by our rambling. He was in a decent mood by the time we got to my house, and I wished him a happy weekend when I got out.

He drove me home today, and he's going to read my letter. Yay. I bet you're wondering what the letter is about though? Mostly about me, actually. link removed It was slightly modified when I actually wrote it, as I typed it before I wrote it. Took me several hours to create and write. And.. some of the most personal stuff is explained in there. Beware.

AAHH! Crazy long letter!

I will read it. no today though, I'm really tired had sevral tests this week and... I have a lot of tests every week. My teachers are evil! 'Nuff 'bout me.

I will probably read the letter tomorrow morning (europe time) when I'm energetic... or something.

Long interesting letter. I feel like I know more about you than your parents do. 8)

I was a lonely child too but I can't recall ever feeling a need to be around people or have anyone caring about me until recently. My "philosophy" was: "the less they knew the better. Knowledge about me could only lead to questions I wasn't ready to answer truthfully" or something like that.

When I read about your experience throughout life I felt sad. I feel that no one should need to long for love or feel that they aren't loved.

I hope he will respond positively to your letter. You not love you as more than a friend then at least understand your situation.

i'm in the middle of a bi/gay 'situation' myself, for lack of more time to describe my entire life, so i am interested in how this letter went over...

I want to know too.

SarCareBear you could make a topic about it. I'm sure there are people who would be happy to help among them is me.

You sure have a complicated story... but really, if this doesn't work out (sounds like it), you won't be alone forever... there has to be someone out there. Sure, he might not be your best friend, but you never know until you look.

Remember, you may FEEL like that, but you CAN find someone. (And this is such a moment for the song Who Knows... I wish I had my CD player)

He's been avoiding me, he'll barely talk to me at all, and despite the fact that he says he'll take me home, he's been avoiding that too. Tuesday he couldn't take me because he had to stay at school for band, yesterday he took wesley to wesley's house so he could see a comic, and told me to get a ride with someone else, and today he left the school before I even got outside.

By now I don't want to have anything with him. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to be near him, and theres nothing he can do or say that will make me feel better. Nothing. All he can do now is piss me off or just stay away like he's doing now. It's an unfortunate repeat of the past, but I guess I'll have to deal with it. I guess this is the end between he and I. Now I feel like I can no longer trust people, and I question why I even have friends at all.

Well it seems like he is having either mixed emotions and doesn't know how to properly act, or he has made some sort of decision and decided this is how to act on it.

All I can suggest is try to see if you can find another way home and depend on other friends. If he is avoiding you like that, then there is no point trying to socialize further as you know. You've tried and he seems to be not open about anything, and may of decided he doesn't want to deal with the Gay Issue at hand added onto it, no matter what he does say. People can be mighty odd, they feel one thing and act another to cover up and visa versa.

The letter may of examined something that brought up bitter feelings again, and he may of assumed the only way to stop it, is to leave you out. Not the best situation he could do, but if he feels too bothered or stressed by having to face you this may be his solution. Hard as it is, life is full of a lot of people you can't put your full trust into, but I'm sure you'll find someone down the road whom you can do so.

Unfortunate part of this, reminds me of a couple stories I've heard, where someone won't face: Avoid/turn away a once friend whom is gay, they're homophobic and religious, avoid the topic in general heavily and they come out five or ten years later.

It sounds like you can't do anything now, it's up to him.

But really, consider the millions and millions of people there is in the world... don't you think you can trust at least one? Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday, maybe not right away, you will find someone you can trust.

Why do you have friends for? That is question every individual has a different answer for...

Well, just try to move on, you'll find a more reliable source of trust sometime.

I'm sorry to hear about this sad development. I can understand that you feel down and betrayed. It is easy to say that you won't trust anyone anymore but we need someone who we can trust. We need someone we can share out problems with, otherwise it would be too much on a burden. I would like to say that you can trust us partly because we don't really know you and thus can't gossip about it or in any other way betray you like telling anyone you like or live about anything you've told us.

We need friends. As I stated earlier we need someone who we can trust and can tell about our feelings. you had bad luck you fell in love with the one you could trust. That changes the entire thing. It makes it much more complicated, especially if the friend does don't feel the same towards you or is even "bicurious".

I hope and think things will work out. Hopefully he will come to terms with your attraction towards him and if he doesn't already have, develop the same feelings for you as you have for him. Don't give up on him. In time I think he will seek your friendship again. If he really loves you (as a friend) then this couldn't be the end. Friendship doesn't just disappear or die just like that.

I was being a fool, I was jumping to conclusions. I called him last sunday, told him how I felt, questioned our friendship. Things were shakey from there, but I told him to give me space. Then I called him last night saying we could still be friends, but he said he wasn't sure that we could be. Then he wanted me to go off campus for lunch with him and a few other friends today, so I did. We had a great time! After school I called drew and we talked things out; we're friends still. Not much more to say other than that. Oh, and I've come to realize that as long as I want him to love me, that won't happen. At least that's what I believe. So I'm just going to try and brush off my feelings for him when they pop up. Yay!

PS: Invader Zim RULES!

You know, I think your friendship will never die. Brushing off your feelings? Well, don't try too hard, then you'll only hide them, cover them and you'll be the one getting hurt.

You're friends again

Hate to necro-post, but I feel I should update how things have been in the past (almost) year. Around november or december he continuously lied to me over and over again over an extended period of time and gave me the truth. It hurt, badly. There was much conflict between us, I moved to the other side of the room in our chemistry class, and we didn't speak for months. Eventually we gave friendship another try in April.

Though, before we did that, I had gotten a boyfriend the day before Valentine's Day; his name is Jack. Though things were going pretty well between us, we lived a bit far apart, and he was manic depressive. Eventually his emotions got the best of him and we broke up 2 months later. The day after we broke up, Drew began sitting next to me in class. It was rather ironic, creepy, and I wasn't able to move on as quickly as Drew had. But we still kept an open friendship and I let him know when I got together with Jack and when he broke up with me.

Yeah, I still have feelings for Drew, and it still burns in me. I call him every now and then just to talk a little. I don't know if we'll still be friends after highschool though. Before I confessed my feelings for him it would seem so. But now I have my doubts. As for him, he's still being pulled around by a leash in a way from his parents. He's stuck in Band, and can't get a real job because Band consumes his daily life, so he's working around the house for his parents and getting paid for it. I don't think he'll be prepared for a real life once he's out of his parents' grasp. And my mother says she feels sorry for him because of that.

Oh, and I got a job a few weeks ago; I get my first paycheck on Thursday. Being a cart guy sucks though

Congratulations on getting yourself a job.

It's much easier to get employment elsewhere when future employers see you're already working. Just keep looking for better prospects.

Good luck