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This is a VERY lengthy post even though it's not even been a year since all this started. And for a bit of reference I'm almost 17, as a junior in highschool. I guess let's start from the beginning..


I consider myself bi. I've known I was a bit different from other people since I was about 4 or 5, but I mostly kept it to myself. Nowadays I keep leaning more toward gay, but I still do have an interest in women.


While it might be fun to talk about myself more, this is mostly about my best friend, who I'm sure would rather be kept anonymous, so I'll just refer to him as my best friend. I've known him since 7th grade, or 4 years ago when I was 12. Back in that year we were just acquintances, so we didn't really know each other more than just our names.


In 8th grade we actually had a class together, U.S. History. Ugh, what a horrid class that was, especially with the teacher that we had. If we hadn't been in the same period we'd probably have both failed that class, but we didn't. That's when we became really good friends, but not quite best friends yet.


[A little side note, I was depressed from 6th grade to 9th grade and was suicidal at one point or another, but I've escaped from that on my own and I quite like living these days 7th grade was the worst part of my life so far though.]


In 9th grade we were finally in highschool, but I almost *never* saw him because we had no classes together and we were in a much, much larger school, so the chances of seeing each other in the halls was quite minimal.


Last year, or 10th grade, was an interesting breakthrough in my life. I met this girl named Bonnie, whom is the most open person I think I'd ever meet in my entire life, and she's quite wonderful. Rather emo and gothy but quite 'the awesome' as she would put it. Unfortunately she moved at the end of the year, but I still talk to her over the internet every couple of days


A few months in through the school year, I started to develop a need to come out to friends, and after bonding a great friendship with her I came out to her. She said she kinda knew, and that it was great. Within a week I came out to a few more friends.


While this went on, I finally had a class with my best friend again, and we started actually going to each other's houses for the first time. What was unique about this is that I was the first one of his friends that his parents let over in many years, and thus we started really becoming best friends.


Because of this I felt I needed to tell him because I felt I could trust him, so on the way to my house one day (the walk is about 2 miles, so theres plenty of talk time) I told him I had something important to tell him. He begged and bothered me a bunch until I thought the pressure in my chest was about to choke me, so I said as the following conversation, directly quoted perfectly from my memory:


"I'm not straight"


*He instantly stops walking and gives me the most emotionless look I've seen on a person.


"But I'm not gay"


*He gains an expression of total confusion*


"I'm bi"


Him, very quickly: "Why?"


From that point we battled over being gay/bi was chosen or just is (he's christian by the way), and we kept trying to prove each other wrong, but he finally accepted my opinion, and when we reached my street he said he was okay with it, but that if I ever hit on him he'd kill me.


From then on for the next few weeks there was no kind of any discussion of this, although he did make a few friendly jokes about me being bi, like any good accepting friend would. He seemed to adjust pretty quickly, I might add.


It doesn't end there though, I have a reason for posting, and I havn't quite gotten there yet. In fact this is probably only half of my post so far..


We continued being good friends with no conflicts or anything (one unique thing about that, I've never had any confrontations or verbal fights with him, a rare commodity with some people). Well, come november or so on a day that I went to his house, he did some weird stuff like hump the floor whilst we played games on his gamecube, and if I remember correctly he playfully put his hand on my leg, which was REALLY weird for him to do.


This stuff I wrote in my little journal I had at the time, and I wrote other things too. Sometimes he would read my journal, but once I started writing stuff about him I didn't let him read it anymore.


A few weeks later when I was at his house again, we played a CSI game that he got on his computer. His computer is *very*very* slow, and takes an incredibly long time to load. During some of the loading screens, he did some very very non-straight things: he stared into my eyes and said "i love you" and would laugh as if it was a joke, then he would say "i love you and cannot live without you again laughing, then he said something about if I laid on his bed he'd pleasure me. That just kinda freaked me out, but also made me confused and horny. I really didn't know what to do so I just blushed and looked away, going "uh yeah, whatever", then he said "I need to show you something" then he unzipped his shorts, laughed, and zipped them back up. My god did this definitely go into my journal!


About a month after that he wanted to read my journal but I wouldn't let him, and he wanted to know why. He was also depressed about stuff but wouldn't tell me. So we made a deal, that if I lended him my journal and let him read it AT HOME, then he should tell me what's going on that's making him so bummed out. I should also note that I thought he was really hitting on me, and that I was starting to maybe develop feelings for him.


Well, he read it. And the next time I saw him, he explained to me that he was just joking around and that he's done it to other friends, that he's just weird. Disappointment really. And after reading my journal he was weirded out and said that the thought of doing anything like that again was sickening and that he wouldn't anymore. Even more disappointing, because while coming from my best friend whom I really assume is quite straight, it was rather exciting to get that kind of verbal stuff from him.


I told him that he didn't need to bother and that I didn't really mind, that I was just a bit shocked. So he started acting a bit femmy and weird again, but not nearly as much. (Sometime around when he read my journal he spent the night at my house one night; we stayed up until sunrise playing a particularly addicting hack 'n slash game, Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance, and that night he randomly humped my bed for no reason. Weirdo.)


During this length amount of time being around him, I start thinking about things. About him never having a relationship, ever, with a girl, and how he acts femmy a lot, a slightly higher pitched voice, seems rather attached to me, and 80% of his friends are girls. Right now I realize that doesn't necessarily mean he's gay, but it does seem to indicate it at a first glance.


Near the end of the year he's failing english and doubts that he'll pass it. Well, I help him study stuff, help him with his work, and look over his papers so they're not horribly written. He passes the semester with a 70, and thanks me greatly for it. Hey, what are friends for?


In the summertime after we've finished the school year we go to each other's houses a few times, and end up going to six flags at the end of june. That was GREAT. While we were there I could have sworn he was checking out guys, because he stared at a few for a very, very long time.


For some reason I felt compelled to write him a long letter listing reasons why I think he might not be straight. I pointed out quite a lot of things; it added up to be 3 full pages. I did say though that I was writing this letter as a concerning friend and that I'm here for him.


That didn't quite work out though, he didn't talk to me for a few weeks, and when he finally called me, we talked about video games and he made me answer 62 video gaming questions from his magazine. Finally he brought up the letter, saying that it gave him things to think about and that he 'concluded' that he's straight. So that was that..


Now it's 11th grade, and we're juniors. He's driving and I'm not, becase my parents havn't really given any effort to getting me on the road. (Until yesterday, which I'm quite happy about). He's been driving me home every day so I don't have to deal with the idiots on the bus, or rush to the bus after school each day. Yep, we're best friends alright. He was *really* happy at the beginning of school too, neither of us knew why.


Well last weekend, something quite nasty happened. We had been talking about going to college, and how if I got a dorm he'd want to be my roommate (first time I heard him say that I thought he just really wanted to be with me, thus getting the idea that he wanted me or something but I said I might not be able to afford a dorm. Then he asked if I was going to move with my parents, as they're going to move after I graduate, and I said I'd probably move in with my sister. He said he'd want to move in with me there too. That *really* hit me, and bothered me all week, so I asked about it, and he said it was just a joke.


But then things got kinda bad, because he said he probably wouldn't even be able to graduate highschool because of his grades. We were on the phone for about an hour and he was getting really negative toward himself. I tried and tried to encourage him but it didn't seem to work. I also said I'd help him and tutor him if need be. A bit later into the phone conversation he had to leave and go to blockbuster, said he'd call me later.


2 1/2 hours later he hadn't called, so I called him and.. he sounded really upset. He explained that when he went he had an argument with his dad and he left the store, almost drove off and left his dad there. I wanted to know what happened, and I found out that the argument ended with his dad telling him while they were in line, "Get out of here before I PUNCH you in the face" under his breath. Damn. Just.. damn. I feel really bad for him now because of that. He almost ended up crying on the phone but I could tell he was holding it in.


I never did like his dad, ever. The first time I met him I could tell he was a constantly negative person. And both his parents are religious *freaks*, they uphold just about everything that the bible covers. Oy.


So here we are, about a week after that event, and I've tutored him a bit. I guess that pretty much sums up what's been going on. And my problem is that I've really developed feelings for him. He knows I'm bi, he probably gets the idea that I like him a bit, but I havn't directly told him. And I still continue to think that he isn't straight; friends I've talked with about this agree.


I suppose I just want to know what y'alls opinions are about this. Sorry I gave the longest, in-depth post I've seen on here, but.. it might be worth it


I thank you for any well-thought responses.

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There are a few points I'd like to touch onto concerning the post.


First, from reading the entire post (I personally like lengthy posts with all those details Is appreciated in this matter) it seems like he doesn't quite know what and why himself or if experiementing to see what response he can trigger in his actions.


In the way of response and religious families, I can tell you first hand how hard it is to suddenly be broke with issues like that, especially when it comes to your own personal feelings. My family is religious and for many years (Despite obvious feelings I've had ever since I figured out attraction) I was homophobic, a poster child so to speak for it. I argued and was bitter at the very thought that anyone could truly like someone of the same gender. Seriously, it was driven hard into my head from Day One, and hard to look outside the box.


I didn't even come to terms of reality until a good male friend of mine came out (and he was the first to do so) on New Years Eve I believe it was. I'm sure at first we probably had a similar conversation like you and your friend had. Though, it made me think about my own situation. I eventually came to terms with my own orientation and who I was truly attracted to over the years.


I think with those actions he may be in an experimenting stage or just wants to get a rise out of you since everything happened. It could very well be he is having a conflict between feelings and beliefs he has been raised around. My advice on this would be, Don't push him to make a gay or straight decision right out. Things like the list may make him just that much more defensive over a label possibility. He may need time of peace and absolutely no gay/straight talk so he can sink into it all. When he is ready he will say Yay or Nay on the topic.


As for the argument, did he care to explain just what occurred that made for such a violent response? Right now, it will mean the most for you just to be there for him. If he is in a debating stage with himself about feelings then having family problems he will just need as much support as you can give. To tell him right now that you have feelings for him it may just make things crumble entirely. You know, you can't rush love. So it may never happen and he is truly straight with some odd moments - He may be gay and worried about his parents and needs freedom to actually express - He may be gay and may never tell, or he may be gay and take weeks or years. There are so many possibilities in situations like this.

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Yeah, I know the complications involved and I've pretty much thought of all that. Glad to hear things worked out for you, and yeah.. does sound similar to this situation. Last week when I was on the phone with him I had a reality check, and I wanted to cry from the stuff he was saying because I felt there was so little I knew about what was going on in his life when I could have helped him before.


So I made the decision to brush the microscope away (because really, I kinda have put him under one, and anyone would feel uncomfortable if they knew that was going on) and focus on helping him as much as I'm capable of doing so.


Also this week when he drove me home he didn't speak at all, which I thought was weird (we usually scream like completely insane little girls the entire drive to my house). I asked what was up, and he said he was just tired. The look he had in his eyes though, I could tell that something was wrong but I didn't want to intrude.


But as for now, yeah he's in a rather shakey part of his life and I don't think he knows what to do. I let him know if anything is wrong, I'm totally here for him, and that I want him to do well in life, get to college, even if times are tough.


I didn't think that telling him my feelings would crush him, but after thinking about it, you're definitely right. Instead of being intrusive I'm just going to be a friend and help him out however I can.

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Dau- Thanks for your long post. It sounds like you've been through a lot but it is encouraging to see that you seem like a sturdy person and sure of yourself and your orientation, which is saying alot at your age.


Basically, I reiterate what Jinx said (excellent advice) and would add the following:


1. One of the saddest things about human existence is that we are only able to help our friends as much as they want to be helped. You are doing the right thing by being there for him, but if he does not want your help you will not be able to help him. I think in your situation it sounds like your friend IS open to help, which is wonderful, but just be aware that in any given situation there is only so much you can do.


2. Be very careful with your feelings towards your friend. Obviously he is in a very confusing place right now, but even if he is gay a relationship with him would be at the best extremely frustrating and at the worst damaging to you. It is going to be a while before he is ready to be in a relationship and he may need counseling before he reaches that point. I think it might be a good idea to try and go out on a casual date with someone else or at least look around some (the internet is a good source but I don't know how many sites admit minors) so that you don't get too hung up on this guy. It happens SO easily. I've been there, and I'm telling you that it's just not worth it.


Also- When you're looking for somewhere to go to college be sure to check out the gay scene at the college. I'm not a very social person, and I picked my college purely because it was the best college academically in my area. Unfortunately it is a Christian college and there are zero dating opportunities. So the end result is I have a magnificent education but am a pretty miserable and cranky person. It's okay, though, I graduate in December and it's off to greener pasture after that. Anyways- don't make the mistake I made.


Dau, you are a great and promising guy and you will do well in life!! I wish you the best.

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I'm pretty aware of the limits people have when it comes to helping others, which is why if he wants to hold something in, I'm not going to try and pry it out anymore, but let him know I'm here if he needs me.


As for getting into a relationship with him, I'm not even going to try until I know things are stable. I think he's rather paranoid about his sexuality and peoples' views on it right now.. also with the recent info of what's going on at school and home, I'm not taking any risks anymore, he's very mentally and emotionally brittle now. I bet he's trying to figure out what's right and what's wrong, and what he's allowed to think and feel. At least that's probably what I might be doing in his situation..


Oh, and my feelings for him aren't overaddictive, it's not like I totally distract myself and think about him 24/7, but I do tend to think about him a bit every day.


Thanks a lot of the advice! It allows me to broaden my views on the situation a bit. Further replies shall indeed be read

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I wanted to note a few more things about him and situations, to add why I think he might, even if subconsciously, have feelings for me.


Other than going to band performances or practicing in band, he doesn't really hang out with any friends at all except me. I once told him when we were on the way to our way out of the way that I wish I could move out of my mom's house and to my sister's house; he got upset and said he didn't want me to leave him.


Also whenever I'm on the phone with him, we usually end up being on the phone for at least 40 minutes, and sometimes we'll be on the phone for over an hour. For a guy that's a lot.. and he really likes talking to me.


Then theres when he's around girls. They're all friends, but nothing more. There was even a girl that found out he never had a girlfriend and wanted to get him one, he freaked out and declined. Why? He's very difficult to understand sometimes Then again most people are.


I'm a person that tends to multi-process things, to figure out things in different ways, and I've considered the possibility that as his best friend and by far the best friend he's ever had, he just might be clinging to me for support.


I really don't know, all I know is that I havn't seen any indication of him being straight in the least, and theres sooo many subtle signs of him being gay. And like Jinx said, I can't rush love. Or force it either. I just wish that if he was, if he could open up to someone, just anyone he could trust. Even if not for my sake, at least his so his feelings won't be trapped anymore, whether he knows it or not.

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Well Dau, I can side for certain people being difficult with mixed signals as I'm in the same situation at current with attempting to analyze a situation. I can't give much assistance as I can't tell myself, just live my situation too.


I have a female friend whom has given several subtle hints of possibility but nothing to make any solid conclusions on.


We were good friends but like everyone I knew, we're all separated for the time being in different parts of the state or different states all together. We did just about everything together, she had others she would spend time with but when we were able to be together there was no one in the middle so to speak.


She wanted to make sure that we'd keep in contact until we could see each other again in a few months, and that our being apart wasn't good. We still keep contact in one way or another a couple times a week for what it is worth with limited time and resources.


Often during the High School years guys would hit on her but she would show no interest in them (And for straight men, they were a decent lot in my opinion). I'm pretty sure she has never had a bf in her life, she has never spoke of any guys really - She was more prone to ask me my opinion on a guy but never give one herself. When in the past (before I came to realize my personal love interests) we spoke of "What guys we liked" she sort of beat around the bush and never answered me, and she acknowledged the fact she could tell me anything and wouldn't go farther than between us.


When it came to School dances she never had any interest, and even though an eligible lot again asked her out she never showed interest, made an excuse to them, and rathered we two did something or just stay at home. There were times guys would be blunt to her about liking her and she would just make a comment about "That is nice" and move along with whatever task like nothing happened.


Several times over the years other girls/women would ask me if she was a Lesbian " I have no idea to tell you the truth" Thinking I'd like to know just as much as you do, and I haven't a clue. Of course those that asked didn't want to know for relationship sake, they wanted to know for hatred's sake.


There were a couple times when *I* was in Homophobia mode years ago she would touch my shoulder, sit close, word and express things in such a manner which would rouse my curiosity BUT later on once I realized things for myself, if I ever tried to initiate the same things she did along time ago she'd go into a defensive mode and later on we'd end up in a discussion about gays and her dislike of what they do.


I never said anything about my orientation outright and don't particularly plan to. Right now we're so far away, if I told her something and it did end up mutual, it wouldn't mean anything anyways no chance of LDR.


I too, must shrug my shoulders, some people are really hard to read. One moment they could be straight acting, next with everything they said and do you wonder how there is any chance they could be.


Further, there are so many reasons people don't express things. Whether it is a religious background and despite their feelings it is still considered a sin. They aren't religious but someone else is or is just homophobic and don't want singled out. There are those afraid of your opinion as a friend that you many alienate them no matter what is said. Some aren't interested in anything but friends. Some are just plain confused about it all. Makes it difficult for the rest of us.


Actually, there was a woman before her that I was good friends with that I was in love with and she admitted she liked me too but couldn't ever return the feelings because her religion required she lived a straight life. So thats a very real possibility. I know my gay friend had many similar situations before he found a nice guy who returned the feelings.


Edited: For Additional Comments

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How does one know if they're in love or not? Deep attraction doesn't necessarily mean it, but.. well I don't know. I know when I'm around him I feel more complete, but I can stand being without him. I just miss him sometimes; especially this summer when he had band camp and such.


Part of me wants to write up or give him articles about why being gay doesn't mean it's bad. If I did that however, he'd probably suspect I'm just trying to crack down on him again. All I can do now is be a friend to him.

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wow, sounds so difficult. I guess you are best mates, and you should be a best mate to him now. Forget the relationship stuff, and help the guy whatever way you can. Make sure he knows he can talk with you any time about anything. In christian circles this is such a difficult issue, and their is no answer. In his mind if he is a christian and his family too, how can he be gay !!! Even though he has feelings, he cannot accept them and this will screw with his mind. You will never change that. The only plus about this situation is that you are both young and things change. I have no advice, but be a friend and let him know you are, and if you or concerned about him, tell him. There is nothing better in this world, than people telling you they are concerned and watching out for you. Good Luck !!

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Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. Especially tonight, because of something he said as we were leaving school today. More or less this is what happened:


We were walking through the hall after making a visit to our english teacher from last year, and as we got near the bathrooms and water fountains he playfully said "I'm thirsty, I drink water!" and went to drink some water from the fountain. I jokingly responded "yeesh do you say everything you think and feel?"; when he finished drinking the water he said "No, I don't." Then he kinda walked toward me a bit but at the same time toward our exit of the school, saying "Theres a lot about me you don't know" quite seriously, as if it were a bad thing, and then kindof changed the subject. That gave me a shock, it made me think of many things.


I feel like he's holding something in that he regrets, so I'm going to call him in half an hour to an hour from now (I don't know when he gets back from band practice) and sternly tell him that while I wonder what he meant by that, that he can talk to me about it if he needs to let something out, but that I'm not going to force it out of him.


This will basically give him the opportunity to talk to me without me seeming like I'm trying to get the info out, that he can let it out when he needs to. That's what friends are for, right?


And for the record, I've figured out that I am indeed in love with him. It pains me when he gets all negative, and that I almost feel like I can't do anything about it. I try though..

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its important to tell your friend that there is no-one perfect, no one with out sin, and no one can throw stones at him. Sounds like you need to tell whatever is up, he is not on his own, and whatever it is , it is nothing new.


Dont force him to talk, but let him know , you know something is up. Tell him there is nothing that you cant handle, and you know - keep talking, but only if he wants, if not get on as normal.

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Good advice, although right now that's hard to tell him because if I just went upright and said that, he'd get suspicious. And if he gets suspicious, he probably won't open up to me, but more importantly he'll be uncomfortable about his feelings because of my constant bugging, which I want to stop doing.. even though I'm dying to know what's going on with him.


And a dilemma has sorta popped up as of today. Some girl that knows him found out last week that he's never had a girlfriend before, and was trying to find him a date, but he wasn't really interested. Now today she gives him her phone number so they could hook up. He told me that was kinda weird, and I asked if he was going to go for it; he's unsure.


This bothers me a bit, as by now I'm in love with him, and if he went for someone else I'd feel separated from him. It feels wrong to not want him to be with anyone else, but I want to respect his feelings. I just don't know him well enough anymore.. I wish I did. It's so difficult Opening up to him and telling him all this while he's rather depressed about 'being a failure' and other things that I probably don't know about would crack him. But while I can talk about this, I'm not getting anywhere and anyone who walks in a circle over and over again will get tired of it. *sigh*

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I called him. I told him that I was in love with him. And he went into total shock. But he didn't get mad, didn't hang up, and kept going "Wow" many times over. Said he couldn't return the feelings to me, and made sure I knew what I was talking about, and wondered if it was only him I had such feelings for. The somewhat ironic thing is that he kindof already knew it. How? I don't know. But worst of all, he said we should spend less time together so that I'll lose those feelings for him. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Said he'll still drive me home from school everyday, but.. I don't think it'll be the same anymore. At all. This is as of an hour ago. Things might change in the next week, he might get interested in me, he might brush off what he said, or we may lose our friendship. I don't know. All I know is that right now, I'm now depressed because of this.

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Well, here's my unprofessional opinion. I really think you should be open to suggestions. Be a good friend and once in a while maybe give him a friendly touch on the shoulder. Try and get him to accept what he is.


I don't think he has a lot of doubts about what he is. I think he is trying to get closer to you. I am the same. I am still in the "closet" but I don't feel ready. I've wanted it so much for so long it's almost like I'm turning off my feelings. But after being here my feelings are going postal and I feel like I want to scream it to the entire school and friends and family.


Just let it come naturally but make sure he knows you'll be there for him (since you've come out that shouldn't be a problem ). If he comes out there's a high risk he'll be rejected by his family considering their belief.


The thing about moving in with you might be him establishing somewhere to be where he will be excepted for what he is where hell be loved. I really do think he is in love with you. I've used that little saying gayish things but that was mostly because I wanted to be discovered.



Am I making any sense?

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UT, did you only read the first page? Right now I don't think he even likes being in my presense, and the idea of moving in with me somewhere is probably long lost 'n gone. When he drove me home today, he said nothing and looked pissed off. The only thing he ever said was "See ya" when I got out.

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I don't have much advice to give at this point but too bad things proceeded as they did, Dau.


Maybe with all the stress as of late he didn't know how to take it any better. All I can say is he'll be the making or breaking so to speak of furthering the friendship. Even as hard as it is, don't blame yourself, it takes a lot to get feelings out in the open, especially to a best friend.


I'm sure in the end it will work out one way or another. There may be pain of rejection for lack of mutual feelings (forever or for now, however) but to have it out in the open he knows and most importantly you have it off your shoulders instead of holding it in causing you personal agony any longer. Because, longer it would of grown, worse it would be when such was sprang. So doing it now, if he decides to be cold and indifferent you have so much more time in the future.


Furthermore, his loss overall. Even if he isn't romantically inclined that way you still provided him friendship, and he should realize how much that means with all things considered. To express such an attitude at first for shock I suppose is reasonable, but if it continues, he'll be the one with the most loss. Life is hard, but people like that aren't worth the time. Being a friend he should still have some compassion for the feelings in general.


Just my input for what its worth.

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I'm going to give him two weeks for him to think on his own, he'll probably be defensive for now, so I don't want to bother him. And yes, he did somewhat overreact because it was on the spot and such.


An important thing that I told him: "No matter what happens, I will always respect you. Always."


For now, only time can tell. Knowing him he'll come talk to me when he's ready.


I just hope he doesn't hurt himself during all this..

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I'm really sorry about the response you got. Opening yourself to a person and declaring your love, especially to a best friend is very brave. Partly because you are really opening yourself to something that could lead both to happiness and to despair, partly because you are really vulnerable in that moment. As I wrote in my first post on this topic. Your very forward approach might have seemed threatening to him. He was caught off guard and we automatically shield ourselves from what ever is threatening. I myself automatically say "NO" if anyone asks if I'm gay.


By being taking it slow and being tender you allow him to take things in his own paste and uncover or realize his mutual feelings. I really do think he has strong feelings for you.


What has been done has been done and can't be undone. There is no use in thinking back and feel regret because there is another way you could have done it. But it isn't even slightly certain that that is the right approach. I'm only giving my point of view. Thinking about it makes me think "maybe it's all for the best that now it's all in the open".


I think he only needs time to process this. It's kind of big and breathtaking even if you are prepared. You can never be totally prepared. It was the same about a friend of mine. There was talk about him going away and that felt kind of hard but everything was okay and I prepared myself for the final decision that he was going away. That it was certain that he was leaving. When it came it still hit me like a brick wall and in a strange way I felt lonely.


I really hope things will work out because for some reason (maybe your first post) that makes me actually believe in your love. Don't give up on him. Give him time.

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I did something very stupid today. Or maybe it wasn't, I don't know. He was more open to talking to me somewhat, but I mostly just ignored him and didn't say anything. Why, I don't know. Maybe it's because I feel like I've hurt him and don't want to hurt him anymore, but by ignoring him I might just be doing that.


I can't even look him in the face anymore; I'm almost afraid to. I really don't understand why, I just feel uneasy in his presense, even if theres several people inbetween us in the class.. I don't want to act this way but my body freaks out when I see him.

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If he is trying to talk to you again maybe you shouldn't feel so uneasy. He probably didn't take it as hard as you did. He still likes you. It's not like you betrayed him. Don't be so hard on yourself.


Besides if he's cute why not look at him?


"You don't love him because he's beautiful, he is beautiful because you love him" (:

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If I look at him now he'll probably think I'm looking at him in interest, and that'll bother him. At least that's how I see it at this point.


At any rate, I'm going to try and talk with him this weekend and apologize for ignoring him..

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For a opposing viewpoint on the ignoring factor, he was the one acting cold in the first place you know, you were fine, he had the change. I would consider it a dose of his own medicine. I'm not saying proceed on with ignoring him but apologizing doesn't seem in order, in this particular case as he commited the same crime without an apology.


I would though, try talking to him again and proceed on with life as though it didn't happen. Apologizing and bringing back bad feelings may just start the cycle over anyhow, nonetheless, I'm sure he already understands why you did it.


And as for the looks, probably not a safe thing for awhile, as you've mentioned, Dau.

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wow, sounds like a very stupid thing to do. I thought you where trying to help your friend and be there for him, not put him under pressure by saying you love him. I thought this was about him, not you. Maybe you just have a crush on him. I suggest you forget about the love stuff, and just be friends and get on with life. This will drive you crazy, forget about it, leave it up to him to come clean. Get on with life and forget about him.

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