Andrina

I'd wonder if he's looking for a roadmap to your heart and/or a shortcut/fast path to knocking boots if he can pull off acting according to your wants. I've been out of the dating game for a while, but if I were in your shoes, I'd just be honest and say you'd prefer sticking to topics like careers, pets, types of music you like, etc., at this early stage. I remember a guy I never ended up having a first meet with was so burned out by giving his life story on all these first meets that never turned into more. It would be easy to to get burned out divulging such serious topics to mere strangers, over and over. Of course, once chemistry is established in person, and you enjoy a person's company enough to go on several more dates, it's perfectly fine and wise to discuss dating/life goals to find out if you two match and should continue on or not.

IMO, those words he said are normal coming from a friend. But, of course, as you know, those feelings should have transformed to love after a whole year with you. Doesn't really matter why, as people are complex, plus they might not be truthful if you asked the reason. If it were me, I couldn't feel comfortable moving on with someone in this one-sided situation. If you continue, I'd definitely set a timeline of no more than 4 months more before breaking it off. I did have a female friend who dated a guy and he never told her he loved her, and she refused to say it unless he did. They dated a year and a half and broke up for a bit when she found he was still in communication with exes. They got back together and were planning on buying a house together. I told her I'd never buy a house with a man who never told me he loved me. She did so anyway, and sure enough, after another year and a half together, she found out he was once again communicating with exes. It was true that he didn't love her since a man who loved a woman wouldn't do her dirty like this. She ended up buying him out of the house. Just one instance that I know of where a man didn't break up with a woman he didn't love, for whatever reason, and how it all did not end well.

Listen, most people do things in life they regret and feel guilty about, including me. This moment shall pass, and you've already learned something from the experience and will likely not repeat what has made you feel crappy. Having chemistry with someone is only one element of choosing a partner. Even if she was suddenly single, you've found out her preferences for relationship boundaries greatly differ from yours. That in itself makes a romance with her unwise to pursue. You've barely ever been in each other's lives, so it should be easy for you to go back to that or totally cut her off. If you still plan on seeing her at any time, it's totally okay to stop her from discussing any off-limit topics with you like she did on this occasion.

The way I think of it is, that if I'm in a melancholy mood, listening to, plus sometimes singing the song, is like speaking to a friend who either just listens with a sympathetic nod or even relates their own similarly sad experience so that you know you're not the only one. Versus if you actually vented or shared something irritating or sad with a friend and they said something like, "Well look on the bright side." Or, "Tomorrow will be a better day." Would end up irritating you in that moment just as a bouncy song would, like, I'm Walking on Sunshine. In your mind you'd just think, "Oh, shut up."

This post had me thinking of the hilarious scene in The Hangover, when the groom and groomsmen are having a bachelor party in Vegas. All the guys are dressed to the nines except the bride's dorky brother. (I actually went to this movie with a guy from OLD many moons ago.)

It's like you sabotage yourself with this negative self-talk. I'm guessing you're convincing yourself of this so you can stay holed up and wallow, which is safer than getting out into the world and being vulnerable to meeting men in 3D. Most people do have preferences for personality traits and physical attributes they like, but to think that nobody in your town and surrounding towns will attract you in the least is a ridiculous notion. How about joining some Meetup.com groups, and do some volunteer work. Who knows? One day you might meet someone who didn't meet every little detail of your wish list and you will be pleasantly surprised. Being open to this instead of closed off in what you think is a safe bubble is in your best interest. As you can see, "safe bubbles" are really fantasies that end in people leading lonely lives.

Can I ask why you even wish to continue since you don't enjoy his company? He's not affectionate. Your involvement in his life is stagnant at perhaps what might be normal at the four month mark in dating. Your reasonable requests of things that would make you happy were pooh-poohed. Isn't that a sign he doesn't care about you the way your SO should? For women, having sex is said to have a biological effect that'll have you wanting to bond with a man, even if he's not an appropriate partner. Could that be the reason you're wanting to keep him, plus perhaps you feel like you've invested 2 years of your life into him? If so, those are not good reasons to stay with someone leagues below what you deserve. Why not free yourself and stay single a while to mourn, heal, and move on? With this dating experience under your belt, you will have learned more about your must-haves and dealbreakers, which will help you in any future dating experiences. Take care.

Let's just say you two decided to become romantic. The fact you already live together would spell major disaster. It is not like the normal pace of dating, where two people live apart, see each other once or twice a week at the very beginning, with a healthy progression for each new stage of the relationship. Living together would not happen for a minimum of a year if a person is wise about dating. You're becoming way too immersed in her life. She has set a boundary about not dating, which you seem to be trying to read another way in wishful thinking. Don't become immersed in a one-sided emotional affair whereas you're not allowing yourself to fully heal from your last relationship. When you are eventually ready to date, if you get too close to this roommate, other women will spot this as a red flag and avoid dating you. Now's the time for you to spend time with supportive buddies and get on with your normal hobbies/interests. Don't get into relying on numerous time with this roommate. When she's settled, she'll likely get back into her own routine which might involve less time with you, and then you'll be reeling with grief when your expectation falls flat. How old are you two?

Hybrid, There is a clear pattern seen on this forum from other posters like you who falsely feel an emotional safety in cyber romance versus a real-life, local social life. The people who solely use the barrier of a screen and technology for romance, always LDRs, usually are insecure, feel like they lack resiliency, have emotional baggage from past cheating or family dysfunction, have low self-esteem, feel socially awkward, etc. And then the poster ends up here, emotional wrecks, because their cyber partner has so many toxic issues, aren't who they said they were, etc. There is no way to find happiness among all this dysfunction. It's time for you to take a break from the computer. You're not going to be successful in romance until you spend quite a bit of time on building a healthy, local social life. Working on being resilient to handle any of life's normal stressors. Creating a happy life solo for yourself, which will eventually be really attractive to a future mate. A woman is attracted to a man who will expand her life, not make it smaller. If all your leisure time is spent in your bedroom on your computer, that's a red flag. I'm not saying that's what you do, but guiding you out of what you believe is a safe space (it's not). Are you in college? If so, there are clubs you can join that appeal to you. If you're not in college, there are still plenty of clubs/hobbies/interests you could be passionate about. Start looking into something to join. If you're an introvert, that might be challenging to you, but it's okay to feel nervous and not confident when trying something new. It's normal. And then you'll feel proud of yourself for getting out there and doing something good for yourself. I know I was always excited to experience new things that a date would share with me about his own interests. In my life, that included: watching velodrome bicycle races, watching stock car races, seeing the family's bird farm, going to concerts for entertainers I hadn't formerly listened to but then became a fan of. Read some books on building resiliency, social skills, and a better self-esteem. There will be skills you can practice. Be proactive now and your future self will thank you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I'm shocked you're calling him your boyfriend after 90 days of no word from him. Geez, you sure do hang in there far, far longer after mistreatment than the average person. I believe, perhaps, you will stop doing that if you ever are successful in achieving self-love.

Is she English too, or not? Just wondering if you plan on remaining in that country or moving back to your home country. It'd be so helpful right now to have supportive family around right now to help with the little ones, if in fact you have a kind family. You might also ask for mediation in hashing out rules that are in the best interest of the children. Perhaps it could be agreed upon that the children not be around adult partners until a certain timeframe has been met. Just because you're living at the golf course doesn't mean that you can't do outings solo or with the children when they are with you. Since writing things down made you feel better, make a list of priorities in order of importance. Whenever you can tick things off that you've completed, you might feel some accomplishment. Sometimes it's good to get a few lower on the list ticked off to knock a few off, even if they are not as important as the ones higher on the list. Maybe you can also get some child psychologists for the children and have a 3rd party, impartial professional to gauge why exactly they are so upset at their mother's place. Take care.

How very strange that you two didn't arrange such an important thing, a discussion about trying to date, at a place outside of her workplace. Do either of you enjoy leisure time at places that don't involve a pool bar and drinking alcohol? I'd say if I messed up this bad because of alcohol use, the way to prove this that this egregious behavior wouldn't happen again is to no longer imbibe. But apparently this seems like your social life revolves around this place and that's what your friends do, too. So I'm guessing you won't want to change a thing. If not, at least arrange for Uber or a taxi for those outings since you drove incapacitated that night, and it could happen again with worse consequences next time. She really doesn't sound that serious about taking it to a dating situation since she blew off the talk when it'd been scheduled. I'd leave the ball in her court since you already explained yourself. What's your relationship history and the reasons past relationships ended?

I can attest to the feeling of revulsion. I've always had a lot of empathy for people but also had minor moments of being a jerk when I was a teen. When I was 18 I met an attractive guy at a dance, but was not gaga over him. I could tell the chemistry wasn't at a max for me but ended up dating him for 4 months. When I broke up with him and told him I'd met someone else, he told me he still wanted to date me even if I was also dating the other guy, but that he would not be dating any other girls. I told him no, that I'm never one to multi-date. He cried and asked if I'd mind if he jogged around my block because jogging made him feel better when he was upset. I felt like a jerk for being repulsed and just wanted him to go away. Couldn't wait until he drove off. But those were real feelings that were invoked by someone who was misguided and stuffing his dignity, value, and true wishes for measly breadcrumbs.

Is this your first attempt at an LDR? I guess what you should learn from this is that better discussions need to happen before a first meet to make sure you're not wasting a lot of money. Why hadn't you said to him something like, "Okay, if I go there and we get along, how will this work? With work, custody, arrangement, finances, how many times a year will you be able to come my way for visits? This is the amount of time I can spare..." Did you envision, or even think about, how one of you would have to totally uproot your life if things did work out? And since you say he has kids, it probably wouldn't be him. I'm just saying that I don't think people consider all of these things when dating long distance, since the Internet and modern technology makes it seem like such a small world, but it really isn't. Because LDRs have so many cons, it's the very reason I rejected LDRs when I was single. Dating is a lot like digging through a lot of sand before finding the treasure, so in doing this locally, you're never out more than a cup of coffee and a few hours of your time if it's a no-go. As you can see, you have a lot of anger because you invested much more energy, time, and money into this and expected a bigger payout for all of that. Rethink your strategy and expectations in early dating because what you're doing now isn't working for you.

If you have to feel like you're some circus performer to catch her eye, then it's obvious you sense she's just not into you as bf material. Her saying for you to contact her on some given day in the future spells more of the same. Speaking as a woman, if I were into a guy, and was truly sick on the day we were supposed to do something, I'd be the one keeping the interest alive by contacting him with flirty texts and suggesting a new, particular date to get together. Try Meetup.com groups to meet women outside of any work situation. It's less stressful than OLD and also avoiding the awkwardness of seeing a woman every day at work when the dating situation didn't work out.