Andrina

Okay, well, have a wait-and-see attitude to see if there is any forward movement in the next few months. Could be that nothing you did or didn't do would've made any difference, but if it doesn't work out, please do improve in taking things on your dates, if they are going well, to the next level of kissing. Cuddling is a good sign a woman would welcome a kiss. If you reach out your hand and she takes it, if you open the door for her and place a light hand on her waist to guide her inside a restaurant and she doesn't balk at that, if you perform a loving gesture like brushing the hair back on her temple and she smiles, those are clues she would welcome a kiss. I can say that when I was in community college, there were a few frustrating incidents. One with a guy who kept asking me to do things, with friends or one-on-one, but he would never try to kiss me. It was making me nervous since I didn't know if he just wanted to be friends, or if he was on some drug that affected his libido, or if he was gay but making an attempt of dating a girl which some do. So when we were at a party (didn't go together) and another guy asked for my number, I thought, "Why not? I don't know what the heck is going on with this other guy and I don't want to let an opportunity pass me by and find that nothing ever happens with Guy number 1." I hadn't the confidence back then to just ask the guy what he wanted from getting together with me. I hope things work out the way you wish. If not, you'll join the club of millions of people who have to have numerous dating experiences before finding success.

Wow, all that time together and you never kissed? Do you lack confidence?

If I hadn't seen the ages listed, I'd think this was some late teens/early twenties drama. I'm guessing you lack dating experience to not realize that taking up with someone taken will result in anything but disaster. And you should have the maturity and intelligence to accept it was for the best things didn't work out for him, and now you will remove yourself from him and anything he's doing. His life and what he does is no longer your concern. Your mission now is to work on your self-love, because if you don't, you will continue to attract and be attracted to unworthy dating prospects, plus you will sabotage any new relationship by behaving possessively. Good luck.

What is cuddling? Did you make out? What do you mean it didn't go further? Did she say she was too busy when you again asked her out? Did she ever do the initiating about asking you out? I don't get why you had to "tell" her how you feel. Isn't daily communication and asking her on dates and showing affection showing that you are infatuated and want to continue seeing if you two can build something special? If you never kissed her, maybe she grew frustrated and wondered if you two were just buddies. How far is she moving away? I agree with the other poster that texting about important topics is never a good idea. Now that I see your update, I see you've asked her twice in a row and she has not given an alternate date to the cancellation. No, do no bring it up again. The ball is in her court. You have to learn to let the other person give just as much effort in suggesting getting together. That give you a clear picture if they are invested in you just as much as you are invested in them. If she lets things fade away, it means she was too cowardly to be honest and say she is no longer interested. If she does suggest something, you can move forward with more confidence and not be in this anxious state of wondering if she's into you or not. If you ask her yet again a 3rd time in a row, it'll be hounding her. If you're the one to always initiate the texting, ease back on that as well. See if she does her own initiating. If again, she lets you fade away, take a hint. Dating involves all sorts of non-starters, but keep on trying because the reward when you find a keeper is wonderful.

That's something major that needs to match. He will be left frustrated and up in the air about no set time this will happen, and you will feel pressured. Just the fact that you're considering breaking up means you're just not into him enough for him to be your lifetime partner. Otherwise, you'd be thinking how to live within lower means, as to what he can afford plus an equal contribution by you, while you could invest the excess to be building a portfolio. And you'd also be coming up with a timeline on when to build a family, and how childcare would be handled. You list a far larger list of cons than pros. That's very telling and should sway your decision to end things.

It's certainly okay at first to wallow by listening to sad songs, watch movies that reflect how you're feeling, and to journal about the lady in question. But if this goes on more than a few months, and you're immersing yourself in everything "her" by looking at her photos, reading old messages, etc., you're keeping her very present in your life. I'm not saying you're doing all of that, but if any of that rings true, it needs to stop. I'm glad you feel some improvement, anyway. As I've often said, work on building a fulfilling life solo and then one day you will be ready to share that fun, fulfilling life with another lady. The type of man who has his own interesting life besides dating will attract decent women, versus a man who scares away women if she's the only bright light in his life.

You say you've been intimate with him, so how do you picture your future with a new man in your life when you tell him your best friend is a guy you diddled with? It's not gonna fly. And you really need to reflect on why you even want to stay friends with someone who sought to embarrass you and yell at you in front of others? Are you really that desperate to cling onto him, thinking he's better than nothing since you say you have very few friends? Whatever good used to happen in the friendship shouldn't outweigh his present verbal abuse. Some think there is nothing wrong with fetishes, as long as they don't take over a huge majority of your time where you're neglecting work, relationships, etc. Mostly everyone loves a good foot massage, so that does not fall into fetish activity. But the other part you mentioned involved sites might. If you're uncomfortable by your own activity, then stop "feeding" the interest and perhaps it will fade. As far as your classmates go, bullies get bored if their prey doesn't wriggle around, so act like what they say to you doesn't bother you and they will eventually get bored and stop. Back to the "friendship," realize very few friendships remain for a lifetime, so never put all your eggs in one basket. It's best to keep up with hobbies, school clubs, sports, etc. to expand your social life. That way, if you choose to end a friendship or someone drifts away from you, other people can fill the role for your social needs.

Emotional affairs can be a wake up call that the marriage needs major work, but it seems it's gone too far to believe your personal therapy plus marriage therapy will bring you two back to a good place. Continue with therapy to handle an inevitable divorce and to work on your anger management skills. Even if changing your domineering ways won't fix this marriage, you will have improved for anyone in the new life you will build.

In reading everything you've written, I'm going to guess you're a people pleaser and really don't have your own back for fear of rocking the boat. Even when a couple is well-suited, there will be bickering now and then, and you went an entire 9 months with no argument. Another point of why I've theorized this is this quote here, where you're considering it might even be a good thing if he sleeps with her ex. What??? This, especially, screams of your poor self-esteem. You also are so smitten you're giving excuses to her toxic behavior which other posters have pointed out. Whereas you welcome it as "honesty." She can see that you clearly lack basic standards in expecting a partner will act within healthy relationship boundaries. She should have blocked his number after the breakup. Leaving that connection open shows she's okay with communicating romantically with an ex, speaking to him about things nobody already taken should. She's okay risking the relationship she has with you for an ex who dumped her. If that doesn't show she's just not that into you, I don't know what does. She used you as a Band-aid after she was dumped, to prove to herself she was still desirable, and to distract her from her hurt feelings. What you assume is love for you is really her enjoying a fan. And now the fan is spineless and accepting her playing with his heart. She doesn't care about anyone but herself and an ego boost from you. I believe with time and distance away from her, plus a lot of work on yourself to have some self-worth, you will finally see this situation more objectively as we do, who are responding. Do what she should've done to her ex. Block her. Hold out for a woman who is crazy about you and wants you alone. You'll pat yourself on the back that you made what you think is a hard tactic now to reap the rewards later.

Just about everyone has things about their body they don't like, and cringe at how things age--wrinkle, pudgier around the middle, etc. I'm not making light of what you wish was different. I'm just bringing this up for the reason that I am a person who has never pointed out what I dislike about my body to a SO. I just don't see any advantage to it. To have them zero in on those things? To get reassurance, in which their words might be the opposite of what they are thinking. If you're putting it in another's mind how faulty you are, then subconsciously they might start thinking, "Hmm. Maybe there is something really wrong with him/her." I read about a guy who said he'd dated a woman who practiced such severe rules upon herself as far as food went, so that she'd be the perfect size, and would often fret about her body. Life was not fun with her. Then he dated a woman who was not fat nor thin but had someone extra pounds and loved to cook and bake and she was a joy to be around. Speaking of everything wrong is a downer. Really, you've already passed the boundary from friendship to romance so there is no going back to friendship if this doesn't work out, since that won't be fair to a new partner in your future. So I say to take the risk before you invest more emotionally to get over this hump of fear, plus to go down the path of revealing if this is an issue or a non-issue. What she thinks about this won't change if you wait another 6 months. Sorry, but there is no prediction of people's innate likes and dislikes. A male co-worker told me he couldn't get past a woman's weird belly button when he saw it at the beach, even though she looked like a model, otherwise. But he ended up marrying a chubby woman so extra weight was totally fine with him. I'm not into skinny guys, but I am okay with a guy with extra weight. Don't assume each person has the same taste nor the same dealbreakers as far as physical attractiveness/attributes goes. It's hard to be vulnerable by being naked in front of someone new. But it's something we all do on the path to finding a keeper. I hope it works out well for you. We're all cheering for you.

You can't change another person with crappy ethics, but you can take a look at your own behavior so you learn from your mistakes which isn't coming through in what you've written. You let someone's good looks and their attention toward you be the only thing guiding you, and ignored what a horrible thing he was doing to his gf--confiding in another woman she doesn't know about problems and then professing "love." Instead of seeing that as proof he's a horrible partner, you were charmed and stayed in contact. Whenever something has to be a secret, it's wrong. It was a secret to his gf that you two were talking. Are you missing a guilt gene, and a sense of sisterhood? If you've ever heard of how Carrie Fisher, at age 19, had an affair with married, older George Harrison while they shot Star Wars. George Lucas, the creator of the movie said something to the effect to her: Look at who you're with and that's what you think of yourself. You apparently are like her--what she realized after that talk. She didn't think much of herself to accept being in that situation. You're shocked that you played with fire and got burned. And then you're asking if you should jump back in. Be aware that two people acting with poor ethics can never build a beautiful life together. Their foundation is like a sand castle with the high tide coming in. I suggest going no contact forever. With time and distance to attain a clearer perspective, and efforts to build your self-love, you just might learn who to avoid and who deserves a chance.

Your wall of text is about a lot of stress, worry, discomfort. No need to place yourself, ever, in a situation that involves you being regularly upset because of those sorts of issues. No guy, no matter how nice and attractive, is worth that.

As for me, there is zero chance I'd stay a second longer after a guy told me this. Yes, it's tough to be apart, but that amount of time is a brief flash in the span of time. If one is truly in love, and is serious about making things work, then they make things work. He is indeed too immature for what you're seeking/expecting. Military members experience being apart all the time. I know, because I used to be a military wife, and dealt with being alone for many months at a time, including four month stints, both when we didn't have children yet, plus when we did. Yes, emotions are rough to deal with in long distance situations, but there should never be a lessening of love. Surely you're worthy of someone who handles the rough times with you--not just the rosy times. Why be afraid of losing someone who's only a fair-weather bf? It was lucky you were in this situation to find that out.

The problem with dating a co-worker is that if it doesn't work out, you have the awkwardness of still seeing each other daily, and closure is harder. Since you're wanting to be set up with her friend, who you've never even seen a photo of, it means you're not doing enough social stuff outside of work to meet women your age on your own. Look into the site Meetup.com and see what activities are going on in your area you might be interested in. Think outside of the box of good places to meet people. I know a couple who met when they volunteered at the zoo. In the past I took dance lessons in East Coast Swing and Tango. Salsa is also fun. Those are great ways to meet women. Good luck to you!

Believe me, he will just roll his eyes at a text like that. He's 50 years old and you don't think he knows he's a jerk? Maybe you can advise him to watch Sesame Street to learn the basics of manners as well so he'll have better luck in the dating world. I'm just trying to point out how way off base you are. And to say he's a friend? Friends don't ditch one another in unsafe areas.