mylolita

Batya! Apologies to fan girl you so much lately (🤣) but I have to agree! I think the standard dating questions reveal very little! People can plan for those if they want to side track, be deceptive, or come across more confident or savvy than they maybe are? Conversations on music, life, dreams, family, how they grew up, goals, hobbies - opinions on day to day things - these all give you much more of a niche, personal insight! Or, I have found, anyway! x

I agree smackie! But I will add - if you are comfortable in your own skin, who you are, and very confident, you will attract people regardless; whether that means you’re intense and quiet, rambunctious and playful, clumsy and endearing, gracious and demure, etc. people will be drawn to you because I find people are drawn to confidence in all it’s varieties and different forms! But of course, a smile and warm nature will always go down well generally, for sure! x

I love this book and quote talk! I’m reading a fantastic novel at the moment and I want to add some passages I dog eared at the pages along the way! ENA Bookclub, anyone? 🥳🫣🤣 x

This is also testimony to how different people will view you differently - sometimes! You can’t please everyone - just please yourself! 🍹 x

I apologise to the OP! This topic of age is so interesting to me, and concerns me too - as my husband is 9 years older than me (he’s 43, I’m 34). It never really crossed my mind much - I loved him instantly so. I would have been with him if he had a terminal illness the night I met him! He may make it to 90, I might go next year - we’ll never know, and thank goodness, who would want too? If it’s love, it’s love - you can’t deny. You just simply have to go with it, or else the bodily death you may have to contend with in the partner who is the love of your life will be nothing compared to the slow death of the heart and soul you may experience in love briefly found - but lost! x

OP, I agree with some of the suggestions above! Maybe step back and take a logical look at how you spend your week, and how likely within that week there are to be lots of single men where you are? And also, will they be in a “dating approachable” environment? Like say, on a night out, in a bar, at a meet up group, in a salsa class etc. are you ever placing yourself in situations that are overtly for singles and meeting up? Being friendly and warm and inviting will help, it’s true - but in my experience it isn’t impossible that a guy will boldly approach with no real signal of interest. It does and can happen. That’s how I met my husband! I was working as a cocktail waitress and he just came up to me - I gave him no signal, I didn’t even know he was approaching, there were so many people at the bar! Anyway, it’s not going to harm to maybe look at how you may appear from the outside to others? Maybe ask friends? Probe them honestly! Do I come across as unfriendly or aloof? Unapproachable? It may also give you some insight there that might be helpful! I’m a big believer in being yourself, embracing your personality and kooks and twists for what they are - you are only young, still just 24. It isn’t insane that you have no romantic experience. I think actually, quite a lot of men would like that! Maybe if you haven’t, put yourself in those overly “single and looking” situations in real life. Group meet ups, classes, speed dating - out to bars with friends, etc. make sure to keep your eyes and head up like @Batya33 recommended! It’s important! I actually think most likely a lot of men have noticed you in that way but you haven’t noticed back! It might have been quite subtle. You’ll get there - be yourself, put yourself out there, take a few pointers from friends who will give you honest feedback and just remember sometimes, meeting the right guy takes a bit of time - that’s not necessarily a bad thing! x

I think in Jane Fonda‘s case, also not to discredit that she does look fantastic but… I suspect some help has been had from Mr Botox and she has admitted to a facelift. This is deceptive when touting the “exercise and health” lifestyle I like the French philosophy which goes, “work with what you’ve got, not what you don’t have!” And grow old gracefully! I think trying to look young is probably the wrong angle for most… simply, feel your best for you and looking good at the age you are will probably come naturally! x

Thanks so much Batya! I have absolutely no problem getting to sleep at all! It just seems when I’m not in my own bed… I struggle? I even took my own pillow as well (princess much?!) but nothing helped. I’m spoilt at home I suppose and I’m used to a window slightly open with ocean breeze billowing through! My husband is actually the one who struggles to sleep Batya! He has asthma! When the seasons change, he struggles a bit for a week. He has used an inhaler all his life. It’s cute to me and youthful but it’s obviously so hard because he has a bad case. I can’t even imagine. He works long hours and worked himself ragged to be able to take the week off her did. He’s also took all the kids out for half the day today for me - he praised me yesterday telling me I did such a good job handling everything coming home, doing all the washing, cooking and putting the kids to bed, playing with them. He does acknowledge me but as you say, I think there is an element there of us being very different. The things I worry about, don’t even occur to him! And vice versa! We are very similar (morally, principally; on discipline and education and food and routine) amongst other things regarding parenting but the way we carry these things through are quite different! For someone like me who is supposed to be wild and adventurous, I sure am a worry head and a fuss pot homebody! Stupid thing is, all that set aside, we had such a good time and want to book to go again sometime after Christmas!! Maybe there will be snow in the forest?! We had another talk last night across the kitchen island while I put the crockery away. He told me he loves me and always wants to be with me but we have to learn to manage my moods. I do have a hard time putting myself to bed as in, not getting a late night. I kind of get this second wind as a night owl and want to burn the candle at both ends but - as you know; that backfires! God, does it ever! More sleep, earlier nights? Maybe, he suggested I plan a walk by myself down the beach every week. He knows I’m obsessed with it there, but when I’m there, I’m always with the bambino’s! I have a close friend here who asked me if we’re gonna carry out this mini road trip to one of my favourite and most bohemian bars and I feel like maybe arranging that for next Saturday? I feel better but flumped. Not sure whether I’m perky and in a good enough mood to plan that and not then curse myself the obligation - as much as I adore my friend. She is truly, such a sweet girl. I admire her greatly. I think the big caffeine diet might be making me over anxious too? Probably doesn’t help me either Batya. It’s probably not rocket science. The chiddlers are all old enough to sleep through the night! Baby girl is over her cough and seems much better and I’m in a mood where I want to be out there doing things as I’ve had my day of rest! I have a date night tonight with The Husband. I can tell he’s forgiven me mostly and has warmed back up to me, but honestly Batya he is so calm and stable - I almost envy him as well as admire him. How can he be so cool all the time?! It almost winds me up! 🤪 x

This is interesting Batya and reassuring to hear! In all the health crisis we can also become health obsessed and over focused on it at the other end also! I always think - better to eat full fat, full sugar, full anything, than to consume zero fat or zero sugar things that are simply compensated with chemicals like sweeteners and plastics, because if I were to have a guess, chemical sweeteners to me seem worse health wise than real sugar in moderation? I have to watch myself too although these days I have indulged and never stopped! I realise before it was trendy, I was doing without knowing a kind of intermittent fasting, and I would also drastically compensate for food eaten. Friends would say, “But you ate 4 doughnuts in front of us!” They didn’t see or realise that because of that, that’s pretty much all I ate all day. Anorexia is deceitful and secretive and I would often lie. Technically I did eat very well in front of people, but I chose to be alone a lot and for the most part hardly ate at all when alone. I have and always will probably have, a love hate relationship with all food - healthy or unhealthy! 🥴 x

When you have emotion in spades, you don’t know, can’t fathom, any other possible way to be? It doesn’t mean that after so much has been spilled out all before you, and your heart and your mind is no longer even inside your body, but in the hands of others, that you fantasise, and fake hope - for just one second, one hour - you could blissfully, happily; feel nothing. x

Thank you so much @yogacat, @Batya33 and @itsallgrand for your support of this very bratty, spoilt, terrible sister and mother here!! I really appreciate it! This has been such a great release to be able to throw it out there and then leave it be! (Kinda!) I had my pity party and wanted to carry on. I tried to duck the meal. My husband text me after waiting half an hour and already ordering. He sent me, “If you love me, you’ll come tonight. The kids want to see you and so do I.” I was so fed up and disappointed in myself. Wallowing in all my hatred! I got dressed fast - pulled out something romantic from the shelves with embroidered red roses onto bell sleeves, chose my deepest of plum lipsticks and bundled up the curls. I went out with a bag hurriedly packed for the kids and my heart racing, a fine bead of sweat layered along the top of my lip. I had my headphones in and wanted something to shake me out of my depression. For some reason; I typed into “Walking On A Dream” by Empire Of The Sun. It’s always been close to my heart, that song, and at 7pm as the sun was dropping, it near well made me fold. Drizzle filtered through a forest canopy fell all around, my colour was high and bright with embarrassment and shame. The headphones were up near full volume. I had a lump in my throat and was trying not to cry. I could hardly look at anyone who passed and almost ran all the way to the restaurant. All I could think over and over was, “I don’t deserve them. I don’t deserve them!” Thirty four, should know better - you blew it again and now you’re panting up a moss covered hill in kitten heels to try and scrape it back after your pathetic paddy blow out. Once again. Over and over. It took me half an hour to cool down after I got in, I was so worked up and tired - the air felt stifling and close, a real humid night. I found the kids talking amongst bustling restaurant talk. D was playing “everything’s okay and Mums just running late” nicey nice. I found myself stumped, in PRE first date territory. I didn’t even know if I should say hi to my own husband, hug him? Apologise? He looked up at me then back to the kids, and we carried on. My son later told me that was his favourite part of the holiday - having the waiters all sing Happy Birthday! It was forced from my perspective but at least I was there? In the end, I was glad I showed up. I don’t know what would have happened if I had stayed sitting in that weak streamed, little shower. Since coming home, we’ve had a discussion that I need to change. My moods, my temper. I don’t think before I speak. I agree. It’s not fair on him or the kids, and I wouldn’t be admitting this if I didn’t want genuine progress. I’ve been going about my life on an emotional rollercoaster of intense feelings. It’s served me very well at times, and been pure chaos and destruction for others. Raising a young family isn’t conductive to this type of peddling through. I can’t just be impulsive. I got away with it slightly when they were babies, but now? I have such deep love all around me. I don’t know why he married me sometimes or why he still tries after all these outbursts, for some reason, he still loves me and strangely, when the dust settles, he still likes me? I know one day, my nine emotional lives of love will be up, and that no one, no one can overplay their hand for too long. Maybe it’s time at 34 that I finally grow up? I feel like everyone did that along time ago. And here I am. My biggest fear is, I won’t have the decency and the fortitude to make good my promises? Amelia was the name of the lovely outdoorsy girl who helped our kids. She damn near broke my heart, I thought she was so perfect and pure. I found myself going to sleep, thinking of her. I kept seeing her fresh, natural, kind face - her open eyes, youthful smile. She even reminded me of someone but, I couldn’t think who. I wish I’d been her - I wished I was her! And I imagined how happy my husband would be, without the theatre, the emotions, the outbursts - to have someone lovely and peaceful by his side like her. I had a weird dream that night. I found myself in a strange, quiet but bustling part of a run down town centre street. In an alley, a lady was selling plants. I looked down at my hand, through treacle. I only had £18. As if by magic, the most established, ornately winding, potted pear tree bearing the ripest assortment of packed together fruits, sit before me! With a heavy heart, knowing how little money I had, I flipped over the tag to face the reality of my desire. £9!!! Was that right?! Surely a mistake? But I greedily grabbed the pear tree up! And in my greed, decided to turn my back on the tree, to work out how to buy maybe another olive tree, or even two of them?! How to haggled for three? I hear the air compression of hydrologic breaks and see the back of a lorry pulling down - my pear tree in it! The owner of the garden stall comes rushing up! “Thank you! Thank you so much for keeping the tree for me! I would have sold it for £9 if you hadn’t of put it aside! Thank you!” I crumple inside. Smiled back as if; yes, that was my intention all along. I am too, a good person. No, wait. Of course! I would surely not be gleeful in revelry at the thought of getting something for near nothing, with minimal effort?! The olive trees were too much anyway, and the espaliered pear branches drove away, out of sight, forever. That still, majestic, serene… beautiful plant. —- Walking on a dream How can I explain Talking to myself? Will I see again? We are always running for the thrill of it thrill of it Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it On and on and on, we are calling out and out again Never looking down, I'm just in awe of what's in front of me Is it real now? Two people become one I can feel it Two people become one Thought I'd never see The love you found in me Now it's changing all the time Living in a rhythm where the minutes working overtime We are always running for the thrill of it thrill of it Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it On and on and on, we are calling out and out again Never looking down, I'm just in awe of what's in front of me Is it real now? Two people become one I can feel now Two people become one Catch me, I'm falling down Catch me, I'm falling down Don't stop just keep going on I'm your shoulder lean upon So come on deliver from inside All we got is tonight that is right 'til first light Is it real now? Two people become one I can feel now Two people become one —— x

Great story Batya!!! My Mum was always painfully thin and she ate shortbread by the bucket load when pregnant with me and my sister! I’m slim but not ultra healthy. I need to drink less caffeine, cut out all the sugar, and the carbs… oh… carbs! *Sings in Italian!* I think, especially if you have been through phases of extreme dieting, or are susceptible to addictive dieting or restricting, or obsessive exercising; health news and health fads and health documentaries can be especially thought provoking. I still watch them, and I did see the Supersize Me when I came out - but for my own personal sanity, I try not to delve into things too deeply or I can get a little too intense. I once started researching the chemicals and hormones in regular tap water and it terrified me! I started asking my husband if we should get these super duper filter systems. He was like, “Come on! Lighten up!” You can only do so much before you restrict and drive yourself quite nuts. I did notice whilst being on holiday how much my sister drinks. It shocked me a little because it seemed mood driven and like a regular thing. Others have mentioned the Supersize host was an alcoholic at the time? He does look unwell with a grey complexion. And this was to start off? I’ve added way more protein to my diet lately (organic chicken, steak, fish) and feel much better! I’m kind of allergic to eggs, they make me feel queasy but I still eat them once a week. People need to do what fits in with their lifestyle and what makes them feel good I think! McDonalds once every couple of weeks is not gonna harm I imagine. Things in moderation I guess? x

I will have to step back and listen to other women on how it is to be astonishingly beautiful as I am simply a strange, antique, kooky looking thang and fortunately/unfortunately I don’t have the first hand experience of going through life with people throwing me modelling contracts and billionaires trying to clamber for me 🥹 Of course, I settled too young for all that so the billionaires had to move onto the next beauty - alas…not today billionaires, not today ✋🥲 x

We do and can sometimes have it all, but seldom all at once. So very true. x

Dias! Hear this - I often would read your journal and think to myself, “How lucky is Dias?! How talented! How INTELLIGENT! I wish I could code, do maths, understand computers?! I wish I had discipline for the gym! I wish I was health conscious! I wish I had motivation and drive! I wish I could save money, be responsible financially! And think before acting!” And on and on. Things will pick up. This whole life, it seems to be swings and roundabouts. Swings and bloody roundabouts! Round and round and up and up. Try not to beat yourself up. Ruts happen to everyone. x