The Weight of Choice: Dealing with Unmet Expectations in Relationships

Choosing to enter into a relationship is a weighty matter indeed. It’s easy to think of it as simply a decision between two people, but the reality is far more complex. There are unspoken hopes, expectations, and desires that often go unvoiced until it's too late. Even once you make your choice, those feelings may never be fully realized or they might change along the way. The emotions and complicated variables involved can seem overwhelming and impossible to untangle when you feel like things are coming apart.

This is likely what’s been experienced by the poster from Enotalone, who entered into a relationship expecting one thing only to find themselves wanting something else entirely. This is not uncommon for those looking for a companion and it has the potential to cause a great deal of heartache and discord. Failing to voice your needs in advance, regardless of your fear, uncertainty, or expectations, often leads to feeling unheard and unappreciated over time.

As difficult as this situation is for the poster, it doesn’t have to define their experience or lead to a lack of fulfillment. Negotiating an existing relationship dynamic is a delicate task, however, and it’s important to be mindful and intentional as you work together to meet both of your needs. Part of that process involves compassion, respect, and self-awareness. Only by examining your thoughts and feelings can you separate out your wants from your true needs and begin to get clarity around an acceptable resolution.

It’s also vital to be able to pick up verbal and nonverbal cues, as well as anticipate the other person’s perspective. If done properly, it will give you insight into how best to communicate with each other and resolve any issues that arise. Perhaps this means having a heart-to-heart conversation about what each of you truly need in order to remain in the relationship. It could be as simple as realizing that one person requires more physical affection than the other or that life circumstances changed generating increased stress or expectations.

Additionally, determining that the relationship isn’t going in the desired direction or that it is causing either party too much distress, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This recognition can provide the necessary impetus to look at what’s not working, address it openly and honestly, and arrive at a solution that works for both of you. It can be tempting to ignore the underlying problems or sweep them under the rug, but that won’t fix the issue or result in a fulfilling relationship.

It may feel daunting to choose between either addressing the problem or choosing to walk away. However, being aware of the choices available to you and all the complexities and responsibilities associated with them, is key. What’s true for most of us is that taking ownership of our decisions is the only way to move forward.

No matter what, it’s natural to be scared about what lies ahead and it's ok to take your time outlining exactly what you need and want. what matters most is supporting yourself emotionally during this process no matter who you decide to move forward or away from. By honoring your own feelings and needs, you are giving yourself the best chance to create the relationship you truly desire.