The Hourglass of Desperation: What To Do When You Feel Everything Is Your Fault

When things go wrong between couples it is easy to start thinking everything is our own fault. We play back every single thing that has happened in a cyclical fashion, damning ourselves with each thought and blaming ourselves for the disintegration of our relationships.

It’s an all too common cycle that is best referred to as the hourglass of despair. The sand running through the glass of our lives murmurs to us that this is all we can expect. But is it?

We may be losing him or her and feeling like it is our fault but it doesn’t mean that it necessarily is. There are times when the other person isn’t behaviours in the way that you’d expect them to and there are other things you can take into consideration that may have played a role in the crumbling of your relationship.

If you are feeling lost and helpless as this happens it is easy to become consumed by your emotions. It is often in these moments that we need friends and family most to offer their reassuring words and to remind us of our true worth. Remind yourself that despite all that has gone wrong, you still have a voice and it is your own.

When it comes to lost relationships, time can be our greatest ally and our biggest asset toward eventual healing. It may take a while to relearn how to trust again but eventually, by immersing ourselves in activities, conversations, and relationships that bring out the best version of ourselves, we can find hope once more.

Finding positive ways to counter the sadness and despair we feel will help us to adjust our ways back to a lighter perspective and prove that no matter what has happened, our lives don’t have to end. This isn’t about glossing over what truly happened and wishing it away, but about taking steps to move forward and reclaim our lives.

Knowing and accepting that things were not all our fault and that we can survive and thrive even after mistakes will make all the difference. Even though it may not seem like it now, this loss doesn’t define who you are and it doesn’t have to deter you from finding hope and happiness again. Learn to appreciate the good moments, cherish the positive successes and be proud of the personal development journey you are on.

The one thing all of us should pay attention to, however, is that by letting external factors determine our self-worth is dangerous and can lead to increased bouts of depression. It is essential that we recognize that how someone else acts has to do more with them than with us. We must stop taking responsibility for things that aren’t ours to take and learn to put ourselves first.

When it feels like your world is falling apart, try to remember that you are making your own choices, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Making decisions for yourself - no matter which path you choose - shows that you have agency. You have the capability to bounce back, learn from mistakes, and make wise decisions next time.

Even in the face of the darkest hour, the serene whisper of hope will never cease.