Have You Been Used? The Power of Setting Boundaries in Unhealthy Relationships

Love and commitment can be complex and sometimes difficult emotions to navigate. It is understandable that many of us struggle with letting go of a situation or person that we have an emotional investment in, but there are important lessons to be learned when it comes to self-respect and drawing healthy boundaries in relationships. One area where this is particularly relevant is when it comes to understanding the power of no. If a man has told you that he is not ready for a relationship, you stick around and play girlfriend anyway, and he sleeps with you but does not change his mind—you are not the victim in that scenario.

Often times, the moments when we feel most powerless in a relationship are ones that teach us the most about ourselves. Awareness of how we react to situations within our partnerships and what boundaries we set can shape our emotional futures. Learning how to speak up and not accept any behavior that is beneath our basic standards of respect is critical to having balanced and fulfilling relationships down the line. It can be difficult to feel like someone isn’t taking your feelings into consideration, but this ultimately doesn’t make you a ‘victim’; rather, it is a lesson on the importance of setting boundaries. If a man has told you about his lack of readiness for a relationship and then still chooses to sleep with you but not commit, it is now time for you to choose yourself and act accordingly

There are ways to communicate and enable situations where both parties can get their needs met and lead mutually beneficial relationships. Though this may not always be the outcome of every connection, at least it creates an opportunity for clarity and understanding. However, in the instance of not being able to create this space, it is important to remember that something that we have no power over does not define us. It is how much self-awareness we have concerning our own boundaries, and if we are able to take the knowledge gained with us moving forward. We may feel powerless against the fact that someone chose not to reciprocate our mutual understanding and respect, but processing our emotions afterwards can be incredibly valuable and inspiring.

The beauty of acknowledging our individual values is that we begin to understand who we should open up to emotionally and sexually so that we can use those experiences as learning tools for our internal growth - not points of contention or situations of guilt or shame. Protecting our hearts and minds from injustices of any kind requires us to stay conscious of how we move forward with our boundaries. Just because someone crosses these lines doesn’t mean that our delicate inner world becomes open to manipulation and misuse. After all, remaining firm in our convictions and not compromising our sense of self-control is what will guarantee our future happiness and wellbeing.

It isn’t easy to walk away from something we want and justify why it is the right thing to do, especially when we haven’t been given everything we need by the other person first. In order to do this, we must tap into the secure place within us that remembers the choices we were able to make even when we have experienced confusion and pain. There may have been a time in the past that someone made us feel like victims for voicing ourselves too strongly, or maybe we weren’t listened to in a relationship or friendship as often as we should've been. But recovering from past hurts must also include recognizing when to take back control of our hearts. Being honest with ourselves and setting the proper boundaries can help us escape the cycle of repeat behavior, and ultimately get us closer to wherever we want our lives to be.