From Weakness to Strength: How to Rebuild Your Self-Esteem After a Tough Break Up

Break ups are hard. They hit us in our self-esteem, knocking us down to the ground, feeling inadequate and broken. It's even worse when you had been in an emotionally abusive relationship, as the ex thought you weren't strong enough or good enough for them, never to change. In these situations, it is normal to feel insecure and hurt. But, with time and effort, you can pick yourself up, rebuild your self-esteem and come out stronger than ever before.

When a relationship ends, we often assign blame to ourselves. We second guess every decision and interaction, looking back on the past with regret and heartache. However, it is important to remember that you are not the only person going through this. Reflecting on the failed relationship and learning from it is a healthier option than fixating on the trauma.

The first step is to shift your thoughts. Instead of focusing on the pain and negative things your ex said or did, think about the traits and qualities that make you special. Recall moments that made you feel happy, important, or secure. You need to be honest with yourself; when someone says you are too weak and will never change, it is okay to acknowledge that these words have an effect on you. Recognize the hurt and disappointment for what it is, without wallowing in the sorrow.

Following this, it is essential to recharge your primary relationships. You need to be around people who you know will have a positive impact and make you laugh. King Solomon said “Two people are better than one; they get more done by working together” (Ecclesiastes 4:9). When it comes to healing, having strong bonds of friendship and support is invaluable. Surrounding yourself with people who can encourage and uplift you will give you perspective and strength.

To further rebuild self-esteem, practice acts of self-love. This could include engaging in physical activity, taking a new class, or simply pampering yourself. The more you love and respect yourself, the better you will feel. This is how you prove to others that you are much more than they thought. It also helps you restore faith in yourself, as you realize that your capabilities and worth are not determined by anyone else, especially that toxic ex.

Speaking of capability, if you set goals for yourself and accomplish them, it will increase your confidence and worth. Determine activities to do, with challenging yet achievable targets, and focus on completing them. Not only will this help you establish better habits, but it will also increase your self-belief. For example, if you wanted to try something new, such as painting classes, aim to commit high amounts of dedication and attention given to every class or session. Seeing the progress of your artwork will be both encouraging and inspiring..

As you progress with each step above, it may also be helpful to write out a list of your optimistic traits, values, and goals. Rewriting truths, such as “I am capable” or “I will engage in positive actions” is important for keeping positive affirmations in your mind.

Finally, the best way to heal after a break up is to forgive the person who hurt you. Accept and allow yourself to recognize the damage they caused, but then move past it. Some face this process by writing a letter to the ex, where they express their heart and disappointment, but then finish with forgiveness. Doing this can be incredibly freeing; it symbolizes the closure of the situation and allows you to start anew.

Rebuilding your self-esteem after a break up is not easy. It requires both hard work and dedication. Yet, even when it may seem like an uphill battle, remember you have the ability to overcome, to rebuild from the ashes and come out stronger than ever.