Avoiding Emotional Competition in Relationships and Marriages

Many believe that people who are married or in intimate relationships should lay down their arms of rivalry and come together in agreement, but the emotional competition that can arise when a relationship becomes complacent can easily spark a more passionate pursuit. While some couples may engage in healthy competition to test one another and provide growth opportunities, emotional competition in relationships or marriages can quickly become unhealthy and lead to further separation. If you must compete in your relationship, let it be with yourself.

To have a healthy relationship or marriage, it’s important to avoid emotional competition – jealousy born of insecurity, superiority born of unspoken desires or feelings of being judged by your partner or spouse. Emotional competition can cause an individual to become overly aggressive or domineering and will inevitably lead to hurt feelings and resentment. It can also create an atmosphere of defensiveness or distrust between partners or spouses, which can erode the bond of love and mutual respect.

Although healthy and creative competition can often strengthen the bond of a relationship, emotional competition is more likely to increase insecurity and dissatisfaction. The fear of losing can drive a spouse to defend their pride and place at the top of their partner’s list of priorities. Over time, this can foster an environment of passive aggression and a need to always prove one's self worth.

No matter how much you love someone, competition has the potential to tear apart even the most loving of relationships. Opting instead for self-competition can help individuals in relationships or marriages become the best version of themselves, free from fear, anger and the constant comparison to their partner. By striving for personal success rather than trying to outdo one another, both spouses can gain a greater appreciation and understanding of each other, as well as find new ways to work together.

It is possible to cultivate self-competition without stifling the confidence of your partner, teammate or spouse. Inspiring others to pursue their passions and goals can give them the same drive to gratify their own ego and expectations. To set up an environment that encourages healthy competition within oneself, both parties should identify each other’s ambitions, nurture each other’s dreams and honor each other’s mistakes.

If we abandon our tendency to bring competition into relationships and marriages, we can access greater strength, joy and peace. By letting go of the urge to one-up and instead focus on our inner progress and evolution, we can usher in a new era of autonomy, creativity and shared success. Establishing healthy practices to prevent competition and inspire personal growth can build strong, lasting relationships that refocus the energies of couples away from each other and towards collective achievements. By letting go of the habits that divide and embracing those that connect, couples can be united by mutual admiration, understanding and unconditional love.