The Journey of Acceptance: Our 7-Year-Old's "They/Them" Pronouns

“They/Them” – the moment these words fell from our seven-year-old daughter's lips, we knew we were in unchartered waters. We had no idea what we were in for, so fear and confusion ensued as we attempted to process this sudden revelation.

My husband fixed me with an incredulous stare and asked: “Who put this idea into her head?” This was something neither of us had taken the time to educate ourselves about, something that was beyond our parenting conventions and expectations.

This out-of-the-blue announcement created a deep divide between us: my husband wasn't on board initially, not willing to throw away long held concepts of gender binary; while I on the other hand, welcomed this newfound awareness of identity which admitted that gender isn’t always imposed by society.

We didn’t want to smother our daughter’s freedom of identification. We lived in an ultra-liberal corner of the United States, where despite its progressive stance, judgment still seeped into the lives of those believing in alternative forms of living. Here we confronted our first real test as parents, something that would decide the course of our collective growth and progress as we navigated the world of LGBTQ inclusion.

Our daughter’s announcement felt like rainbows and sunshine had beamed down from heaven, lighting up our lives with profound joy and understanding. We could no longer deny the privilege and non-acceptance present within our home, making our daughter feel ashamed or embarrassed about her truth. We had to teach our daughter that no one should suppress or diminish her spirit simply because of a difference in perspective.

It appeared that far before young elementary school children had much interest in knowing the mechanics of gender identity and LGBT lingo, they had already begun to display an understanding of universal love and acceptance. It made us proud as parents to have empowered our daughter as she chose to express herself in any way - even if slightly unconventional. She was teaching us that there was greater power in embracing our differences rather than denying them.

We needed to go above and beyond what society expected of us, and free ourselves from the handcuffs that limited our notion of a traditional family. To accept our daughter’s preference for using “they/them” pronouns, meant responding to her call for acceptance and correction from us and from others. We realized that, whatever the outcome of our immediate challenge, it was all simply part of the bigger picture of finding our comfort zone and exploring the ‘them/they’ definition together.

That’s when it finally occurred to us. We were no different from the many parents who were in a similar situation, accepting their child’s identity on the terms of expanding the family identity. We each had our struggles, and our struggle was no less unique. Our parts may have been different, but our journey was the same.