Ex girlfriend replaced me with other guy after 6 years.

I just need to tell my story here, hopefully someone can help me a little because I can't move on with my life like this. I'm 29 and my ex is 23.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me 7/8 weeks ago. Before the breakup we had a few little fights but nothing major. The biggest problem would probably be that I did not have a steady job and my ex is still studying and doing well at school.

Before the breakup she was with me every day of the week for months in a row. We did not live together yet because of cultural differences (her parents...). I thought we had an amazing connection together, sex was great and everything seems to be going pretty well. We choose all the furniture in my house together and We even had plans to marry/have kids etc. one week before the breakup.

One evening we had sex and she told me she would be going out with friends the day after, She even told me she would miss me. I thought it was a good idea because she was always with me. The day after she went out with her friends, she was a completely different person and after 3 days she broke up with me. She was very emotional aswell but very determined.

I was in complete shock when she told me. At first she did not want to give me any reasons, I even asked me if there was another guy and she told me there was no one. After 3 days she came to get her stuff at my place. We talked for 1,5 hours and I could see she still liked me but she made her decision. Because I knew something was off, I had to check her facebook and .... well you've guessed it I found out she had been going out with a colleague that evening, instead with her friends.

At this point my world was completely destroyed. I called her up angrily and asked her about the guy. She even tried to tell me she did not go out with that guy but ofcourse I did not buy that.

The days after that I've done pretty much everything to get her back. I begged/pleaded, went to her house, called her up.... obviously nothing helped, she made her decision.

2 Weeks after the breakup, she asked If she could come over. Ofcourse I wanted her to come over to talk. She told me she did not want to get back with me but also told me she wasn't sure about the other guy. She even asked me if I would take her back if she would ever sleep with another guy and even said we could be friends with benefits ... (?)... so I asked her if she already slept with him and she told me she did not. I knew she was gone the whole night because I did not see her car at her door that night.

It was only the day afterwards I just had to go to her house to try to prevent she would have sex with him. She did not want to tell me but eventually she told me she had sex with him and she went steady with him (2 weeks after our breakup...). Now I knew there was nothing I could do anymore, I even told her I could forgive it if she would come back with me, obviously it didn't work.

In the 3/4 weeks we hung out a lot together. I even had sex with her in the 3th week, I guess I did it because she told me I was way better in bed than the other guy,...... the other times she was with me we just spend talking or drinking something. Eventually I found out she was mainly using me because of boredom and I became some kind of friend.

Because I did not want to become just a friend I went NC but I could only do it for 11 days. I messaged her how she was doing and if she wanted to do something. She said "Maybe it's better if we don't see eachother anymore". The day after she messaged me again "We can do something this evening if you want" so ofcourse I fell for the trap again.

It would be the last time I saw her. She came over and talked but I had to talk about some relationship related stuff and eventually she even told me she would be going on a holiday with the new guy (2 months after breakup) ofcourse this was another blow. My ex was doing all the things we were doing before like partying, holidays etc. but all in 2 months.

When she was gone I decided to write a message saying "I don't think it's a good idea to be friends, we have been in a romantic relationship together for 6 years". She replied: "I'm sorry you think that way, I've always been nice and faithful (?) to you, but if you feel that way than I respect your decision". Because I did not reply she messaged me another time after 2 hours: "You still don't know what you want to be friends with me or not! If you don't want any contact with me Fine! we will not have any contact, but I hope you can stick with your decision this time!"

I went NC after that but after one week she messaged me again "How was the party yesterday?". She noticed I read her message so after 45 minutes she messaged me again "I could've known you are so disrespectful not to answer me when I ask how you've been!".

I don't know if my ex has the 'grass is greener syndrome' or if this guy is a 'rebound'. Before the breakup, everything seemed to be fine but I do know the other guy could be 'better' than me career-wise and seems to be pretty much like me. Even though my ex wasn't sure about the other guy he just doesn't seem like a complete different person you usually see in rebound relationships. It could also be that the grass is actually greener in her eyes.

Now, after 7/8 weeks, she's still in my mind the whole time. I still can't comprehend why she just left me out of the blue and replaced me with some other guy. It seems like she doesn't even care that much of our 6 year relationship. I know I have to let go and I know I have to go work on myself but I just keep hoping that someday she will be mine again. I still hope that she will miss me in time because women can't just forget about a 6 year relationship....... Can they ? I have a hard time moving on, I loved this girl so much I would even forgive all the she made me go through; she basically cheated on me , lied to me, made me feel miserable, jealous, sad, humiliated and took all my future plans away.

Well I guess you saw her true colors now. My advice is to NOT take her back should the opportunity arise. She sounds both immature and unreliable. And yes after 6 years it's going to hurt a lot. Other folks here will have good advice on dealing with a break up.

She just asked me to go for a drink this weekend but I'm not sure why. She's probably still with the other guy.

Sounds like she's kinda just stringing you along. If it was me I'd tell her if it's over then it's OVER. Can't have your cake and eat it too.

You sound like a nice guy. And how your ex was talking marriage one week and breaking up the next reminded me of my unreliable ex. We both deserve better. It's difficult but you will be able to move on eventually.

Cut her off completely. It's YOU that should be breaking up with her not the other way around.

Block her/ignore her and start the healing process. ANY contact = reset of healing time. It's going to take at least 3-6 months to put this relationship behind you. Take your time.

Stay away from opposite sex during that time.

If you stay in contact or continue this, you accept that she will cheat going forward.

RUN FOREST, RUN

OK thanks for the advice people.

I'm indeed not ready to date yet, I've tried but I failed miserably. I do not get the sentence "Accept that she will cheat going forward" but it could be me.

She started dating you when she was very young. My guess is that she changed a lot over those years and this is who she's become. She didn't have the guts to leave you without having someone else lined up, it seems, which is an unhealthy pattern that won't serve her well in life.

Take the lesson and move on. You mention that she was "always" with you (didn't go out with friends much) so my advice is that in the next relationship, you both have your own lives and friends. It would be a much healthier situation.

OK thanks for the advice people.

 

I'm indeed not ready to date yet, I've tried but I failed miserably. I do not get the sentence "Accept that she will cheat going forward" but it could be me.

History is THE BEST indicator of the future.

If you remain, you accept her current behavior and it will most likely continue going forward.

OP, do not even entertain the notion of going back with this girl. The very fact that she left you for another guy after 6 years speaks volumes of how ground down her feelings for you are. Actions speak louder than words. If she really cared for you the way you do her, she would not have left you after all those years. I have been there. I know it's very hard to accept, but you have no choice. If you stay even in light contact with her, you are a glutton for punishment.

Know your worth. You sound like a good guy. I know it's going to be hard as hell, but spend a lot of time with your friends and family. This will take a long time to fully accept. Trust me...it took me quite a while to accept what went down with my an ex of 5 years...but if i can do it, so can you

I can't predict what your relationship was like and whether it was healthy or not, but there's a bit of a pattern I've been noticing recently.

It seem like people get into what for all account look like good, solid, healthy relationships with people who have real, long-term potential. Things are going well, they've been together longer than you'd expect the "honeymoon period" to last and all of a sudden one of them leaves and is in a relationship with someone new. Then there's all these breadcrumbs back to the first person to keep them on the hook.

It's almost like once they think they have you "locked down" then something in their brain says "Okay, now it's time to take Door #2 because think person genuinely loves me, and surely they'll still be there for me after I plow through another 10-15 sexual partners in the next 2 years".

I don't know, people are crap. Someone that can do that to you to you isn't ready to be any kind of real partner to you, at least not for some years yet.

Thx for the replies.

It's hard to accept that this is what she has become. I suppose it's not just that she's confused or anything, right ?

So do I tell her to shove off ?

you either stop responding or block her number. you already told her you weren't interested in being friends/backup plan. you could tell her one last time you are not interested in a friendship and that you're moving on with your life, just as she has (and stick to it this time). she'll probably get angry again because she will feel the control slipping out of her fingers and may start saying nasty things to you - if that happens block her.

it's not as if you could just go pick up where you left off anyway; the trust is gone. besides, she has said she doesn't want to get back together - so take steps to get over her for good. staying in contact is not going to benefit you in any way. you're not anybody's back up plan!

No. Let your actions tell her by going NC and sticking to it. I'm going through something very similar so definitely sympathise with you. But we'll both come out of these situations stonger if we put ourselves and not our exes first. Good luck

No. Let your actions tell her by going NC and sticking to it. I'm going through something very similar so definitely sympathise with you. But we'll both come out of these situations stonger if we put ourselves and not our exes first. Good luck

I totally agree with you. We have to come first and not our exes. What's hard for me to understand though is that it might be that she indeed has changed into ... well something else... the girl of my dreams is quite possibly dead and I also wonder if she would ever restrain herself and thinks to herself 'what have i done?'.

and I also wonder if she would ever restrain herself and thinks to herself 'what have i done?'.

I don't know if this will happen, but if there's a chance for it to happen is by cutting ALL contact.

Anyways, don't do it for her to realize anything. Do it because that woman is scum (sorry) and not anymore the person you used to love.

you seem like a good person. Look at it from her perspective though, she was 17 when she met you, and now 23. Basically, she is just starting to become an adult. you cannot expect her to be your one and only. Find someone a bit more mature or wait a few years if she and you are still single.

You've just got to keep going and pushing forward. She's moved on with her life and you need to keep moving on with yours. This is definitely where NC really helps. You don't need to deal with any news about her life and you get to just let the wounds heal rather than pick at them.

you seem like a good person. Look at it from her perspective though, she was 17 when she met you, and now 23. Basically, she is just starting to become an adult. you cannot expect her to be your one and only. Find someone a bit more mature or wait a few years if she and you are still single.

I think you may have crossed my post with someone else's but it's nice to think I have someone fooled into believing I'm a good person!

you seem like a good person. Look at it from her perspective though, she was 17 when she met you, and now 23. Basically, she is just starting to become an adult. you cannot expect her to be your one and only. Find someone a bit more mature or wait a few years if she and you are still single.

Yeah I guess you meant to talk to me You are right and I just have to wait what the future holds, for now I just need to move on with my life

This happened to me a year ago...only I was 2300 miles away.

Cut ties and leave her. dont ever talk to her again. Trust me...you can be happy in this life, but you will never be happy with her. Trust is broken.

It's hard to accept that the girl you wanted to spend your life with has turned into a different person, but listen to the cliche'd advice. Get away from her and live your life for yourself. It is really the only option. again....been there done that.

I guess you all are right. There's not a single person here saying I should take her back if she wants to. I suppose I'm also just scared I might not find a girl like her because in my mind she was perfect (before she cheated on me).

I guess you all are right. There's not a single person here saying I should take her back if she wants to. I suppose I'm also just scared I might not find a girl like her because in my mind she was perfect (before she cheated on me).

Heart thinking alert.

Use your brain!!!

NO BODY or NOTHING is perfect. EVER.

And she is FAR FAR FAR from even "decent" long term relationship material.

Don't be that guy that lingers around and waits for his cheating girl friend to come back. You are sabotaging yourself for a lifetime of misery.

Good luck

I guess you all are right. There's not a single person here saying I should take her back if she wants to. I suppose I'm also just scared I might not find a girl like her because in my mind she was perfect (before she cheated on me).

Yeah I thought the same thing about my ex...and honestly I still kind of do (hate to admit it). However I dated a different girl for a little while who I thought was better for me than my ex. Even though it didnt work out, it still shed some light on my future love life.

It's how a lot of men think nowadays. Im guilty of it. It's been a year since my breakup, and the only two things you need to get over her are time and effort. Big emphasis on time. You will waste your life away. Start a new exciting career, get into shape, make friends. So much more to do out there.

I hope you are not wondering or asking yourself those questions like how could she do this or does she miss you or think about you or how can she let 6yrs go away so quickly? Because no answer you ever get will quench your thirst to know why. If she ever answered a question, you will have another 10 to ask her. Im going to tell you the real reason why it all ended and this is what you have to accept.... "The relationship ended because it ran its course" Thats it. There is no blame, there is no fault or fingers to point at. There is no point in the past that messed things up, nothing you could of said or done to change what the outcome was. It doesnt matter that she is with another guy because the relationship you two had ran its course and it was time for you two to move on.

You must throw away all the past promises, dont hold on to what you two said about the future (We were talking about marriage) Throw that out..

You were not replaced. You were dumped and she found someone else. Nothing to replace. No need to compare to this guy and you shouldnt go out there and compare your new girl to your X. This chapter must be closed and begin a new one.