Ex girlfriend replaced me with other guy after 6 years.

[Kehv]

Thanks for the advice and I know you are right, I just haven't accepted it yet.

[Scott chye]

Just sharing, i broke up with my ex about 2 mths ago and ive came out of denial and into coping stage with vivid images of memories all over.

 

It was a long 10 years relationship, everythings seems fine no quarrel. until the day she broke up with me then i realise i was inclined to emotion abuse which i honestly didnt mean any harm. she kept it to herself all the while. then i also realise she has been having an affair 6 mth back eventhough i have marriage planned. Since then ive been dreaming everynight of her. everyday isnt easy.

 

Ive done my stalking/research and all for answers and came to a conclusion. you can do the same just dont question her. Take info from your understanding and research is more evident than listening to cover up lies.

 

Singing songs and visiting forum like this calms my emotion. since any other normal activities are just too hard to carry out.

 

Good luck we can make it through.

[Scott chye]

She didn't have the guts to leave you without having someone else lined up, it seems, which is an unhealthy pattern that won't serve her well in life.

 

what unhealthy pattern is that ? do you mind explaining ? in my case i know my ex when she was 16 until shes 26

[Kehv]

Another sad story indeed. I don't know for sure if my ex was having an affair before the breakup, the only thing I know that it's almost impossible since she was with me every day. What I do know is that questioning indeed does not help, she's lying about everything so you never know when she actually tells the truth. I had to figure out everything myself, not sure when she was going to tell me she was seeing someone else but I'm glad I figured that out a few days after the breakup. Obviously she was mad at hell that I figured out.

 

I've also had dreams with my ex in it and I think they won't go away soon either. Thinking about the great past we had isn't going to help, we have to understand that that girl is dead now.

 

But I really feel with you, 10 years is a long time, especially if you've been betrayed and tossed aside like some old pair of shoes.

[Kehv]

what unhealthy pattern is that ? do you mind explaining ? in my case i know my ex when she was 16 until shes 26

 

I think he means that she could've broken up when she didn't feel like the relation was going to last but instead just kept in the relationship with me until she found someone to replace me. Girls/Women know how to manipulate and act. It's hard to understand she might've known all along she was going to break up with me, all the while she was talking about living together, getting engaged, getting married, kids and growing old together...

[TMifune]

I agree with your advice to Kehv in the sense that it does him no good to compare or blame or hang onto the past.

 

But to say every relationship that ends simply "ran its course" is the worst kind of outcome based thinking. It denies moral agency to one or both parties and makes it sound like they're passive actors in some kind of amoral cosmic dance. The truth of the matter is that people make selfish decisions, people betray other people and wound them. The relationship is over, and it's time for him to set his mind toward moving on. But "ran it's course" sweeps the moral stakes under the rug, which doesn't help anyone actually grow, and it denies the fact that some relationships end from betrayal and not simply because "it's time".

[No1]

Ran its course is the simplest way to think of an ending of a relationship without too much thinking as to why. How is Ran its course different from The relationship is over? Its the same thing as I see it, both mean the its over. It doesnt matter what the X did, how one cheated or why they cheated or what actions lead to the break up. Nothing the OP could of done to salvage, save or change the relationship. One can look back and say I had a great time, good memories and it didnt work out. The more one thinks as to why it happened only brings up more questions. Why did the relationship end? There could be a lot of reasons and those reasons have reasons and those reasons have reasons and so on. Or one say say the relationship is over, it ran its course. No fault of yours and even if there was fault, then you think about the mistakes we made (and we all make mistakes in a relationship) and we learn. Heartbreak hurts and it helps us learn. Anyway one slices it, its time to move on.