He just became so distant and stopped interacting with me, what happened?

So this doesn't even really count as dating most likely. There was a guy who i became friends with as he was going through a break up. I am incredibly attracted to him and i know he was attracted to me too, but due to what he was going through, the emotional side of things was shut off. I would spend so much time giving him advice when he needed it, i would meet him in the city and take walks with him just to help get his mind off of things and as time went on, he would talk less about his ex.

He then started bringing me around his family, who i had briefly known already, and introduced me to some of his closest friends. He stayed the night at the shore with his family two weekends ago and invited me down for the night too. I ended up going and we all went out and it was a lot of fun. We drank and got a little buzzed and ended up on the beach late at night where we kissed. This was the first time we ever even came close to anything intimate- up until that point it had been strictly friends, he was really good at respecting me and not leading me on physically. He then asked me to stay at his place the night after where we just hung out and watched a movie and eventually fell asleep, again it was nothing weird, we didn't even cuddle.

However, after that he started to get weirdly distant out of nowhere. And now, it's pretty bad. We used to see eachother at least every other day, text here and there and now he doesn't even interact with me on social media- not on twitter, never likes any of my posts on instagram where before he used to like EVERYTHING. I just can't understand it. I sent him a text a few days ago asking if something was up because there had been a change between us and he said no not at all, that he's just been busy prepping for tour (he's in a band and leaving to tour the US in a month) ans stressing out. But i can't help but feel like that is BS. I just don't understand what happened but it left me feeling pretty hurt. I did start developing feelings for him but understood he needed some time to himself before anything romantic ever potentially developed and i was okay with that, but this sudden extreme distancing not so much.

He is probably afraid that by kissing you while buzzed that he sent you the wrong signal. But that said, maybe he truly is just too busy.

I agree with Edmund, the kiss weirded him out, and now he's pulling back. I don't buy the busy line. He had time for you before. He's pulling back. Let him be.

He is probably afraid that by kissing you while buzzed that he sent you the wrong signal. But that said, maybe he truly is just too busy.

Which is a total possibility but i just feel like the sudden disconnect from social media is kind of weird. He's a social media addict and is constantly checking facebook, twitter, instagram on his phone and he used to like all of my instagram pictures i'd posts or interact with me on twitter and since he started getting distant he hasn't done any of that at all. Which sounds stupid, but its also so not like he used to be with me.

That's because when someone disconnects, they disconnect from you in every way.

Is he online recently? Has he liked other posts/photo of other people?

My opinion is that he decided he did not want to date you, and has made himself scarce both in real life and on instagram to make it clear to you that he is not interested. He doesn't want you to be able to misinterpret his likes on social media as a signal that he's into you.

I'd move on - he doesn't want to date you, and your crush makes it impossible for you to really be "just friends" with him.

That's because when someone disconnects, they disconnect from you in every way.

 

Is he online recently? Has he liked other posts/photo of other people?

He has

I just don't understand the sudden disconnect? Like he was the one that initiated everything- the hang outs, the bringing me out to meet his friends, spending time with his family, asking me to spend the night, then just poof- out of nowhere he disappears. I even made it a point to not be too forward or be the one to initiate time spent together.

Perhaps he enjoyed hanging out with someone, and flirting, but realized that he's not over his break-up or that he doesn't want to date you. It sounds to me, from what you wrote, that you were his shoulder to cry on after his break-up (since you used to talk about his relationship with him). Unfortunately, that doesn't mean he is romantically interested (and I think this behavior is a pretty clear signal that he isn't).

He's not ready to date yet, trust me - as someone that got out of a 3 and a half year relationship only a few months ago, it takes time to be ready to jump back into the game again. I'd let him be, don't pester him - and maybe one day he'll come around. Try to keep your feelings under control and don't get one-itis.

Perhaps he enjoyed hanging out with someone, and flirting, but realized that he's not over his break-up or that he doesn't want to date you. It sounds to me, from what you wrote, that you were his shoulder to cry on after his break-up (since you used to talk about his relationship with him). Unfortunately, that doesn't mean he is romantically interested (and I think this behavior is a pretty clear signal that he isn't).

I agree with this. Chalk it up to a romantic night and a fun night -always risky to cross the friendship line without talking about intentions beforehand. You posted about this guy last week or so - it was pretty obvious he was still hung up on his ex so I'm sure that's not over with either.

Here's the thing - the reason why he did those things doesn't matter. He has made it clear now that he is no longer interested in a friendship. If you've truly done nothing wrong, then hold onto that and know that there is a good man out there who will be right for you. Once you have that self-confidence, when a guy goes POOF into thin air, instead of saying "Why?" you'll be grateful he paved the way for someone even better!

rebelle...Dancing Fool wrote the below on the thread you started last week (the one wherein you were asking WHY this guy was still hung up on his ex who was very clearly over him). I think it bears repeating here...because it now applies to YOU... and why do you continue to be hung up on a guy who not only is not into you...but is hung up on someone else!

Dancing Fool wrote:

>>Asking why someone does what they do is really pointless. The simple answer is because they like it that way. But if you really want to know why, then answer this - why are you hung up and chasing a guy who is just not that into you and still totally hung up on his on and off toxic ex??? Your answer to this is going to be pretty similar to why he is hung up on her despite all the toxic stuff.

Anyway rebelle...it sounds to me like he always just liked you as a friend, nothing more. Perhaps because he knew you were attracted to him...he thought maybe it could be more, and so to test it out, he "pushed the envelope" a bit one night by kissing you, etc. But realized after that happened...that nope...he does not have romantic feelings for you, and never will.

Now he's embarrassed he "went there" and is afraid he misled you...so he is distancing himself.

Which is actually a smart and very kind thing for him to do...because he KNOWS you really like him...and he KNOWS he can't deliver on that and by remaining friends with you, it's only going to make it harder for you to move on so you can find a man who actually IS into you and has romantic feelings for you.

Plus, now that he did "go there" and knows how much you like him and want to be with him (more than a friend)...he's uncomfortable continuing the friendship. I would be too in his shoes. It's uncomfortable and awkward hanging out with someone when you KNOW they're so into you and want more, but you're not into them the same way.

I guess it's just hurtful to understand that he isn't into me. I don't know what i could have done differently. I was there for him, i'm super down to earth and personable, his friends liked me, i think i'm pretty enough, it's just a blow to the ego.

I guess it's just hurtful to understand that he isn't into me. I don't know what i could have done differently. I was there for him, i'm super down to earth and personable, his friends liked me, i think i'm pretty enough, it's just a blow to the ego.

It's not about what you could have done differently, or how pretty you are, etc.. He just didn't feel the chemistry.... probably and mainly because his heart is ELSEWHERE.

It shouldn't be a blow to the ego, though.

First of all, he might not want to date ANYONE right now, in which case it has nothing to do with how lovely you are (and he's doing you a real favor by not going along with your crush anyway and then dumping you in a few months once you've gotten attached).

Secondly, even if it's just about you, don't you know tons of attractive guys with good personalities that you aren't romantically involved with (and with whom you don't aspire to be romantically involved). There's a bit more to a romantic connection, don't you think?

Bluntly speaking in a way he used you to heal and get over his breakup. He may not have intentionally done that, but yes still you were a comfort and ego boost to him at a time when he was dejected and thought he would never get anyone. And then he healed, moved past it, realized you had more feelings for him than he did for you and so went AWOL fast. This is why rebounds are such a bad idea or anything that even resembles a rebound.

The harsh truth is he's distancing himself from you, because you were only ever a comfort buddy/ego booster. And when he had no more need for that he cut you off, so you wouldn't get the wrong idea. Does it suck, yes absolutely. Which is why being any sort of rebound/unpaid therapist is a really bad way to get into a relationship with someone when they are at a very low point of their life.

You want the guy who is on top of the world when they meet you to be the ones you put time and effort into developing a relationship with. They're the ones who are truly honestly available to develop feelings for you.

It shouldn't be a blow to the ego, though.

 

First of all, he might not want to date ANYONE right now, in which case it has nothing to do with how lovely you are (and he's doing you a real favor by not going along with your crush anyway and then dumping you in a few months once you've gotten attached).

 

Secondly, even if it's just about you, don't you know tons of attractive guys with good personalities that you aren't romantically involved with (and with whom you don't aspire to be romantically involved). There's a bit more to a romantic connection, don't you think?

Agree completely!

I guess it's just hurtful to understand that he isn't into me. I don't know what i could have done differently. I was there for him, i'm super down to earth and personable, his friends liked me, i think i'm pretty enough, it's just a blow to the ego.

If you find yourself in the roll as caretaker to someone who is heartbroken they see you as just that. You are their counselor, confident and tissue holder.

When they start feeling stronger you are typically not that one they see a romantic connection with, after all you've seem them at their worst.

It's a good reminder to not ` be there' for someone post relationship and hope that a romance can bloom from that.