Is it ok to ask a dumper if she wants to meet for coffee?

It's been 3 months since we broke up. Feeling stronger than I was. The last time I contacted her has been over a month. The conversations went well, but haven't heard from her since. Seems like she's moved on completely but it's hard to tell. Some people say that girls, even when they dump you will not suck up their pride and make contact. I had some friends say to see if she wants to meet for lunch/coffee. I would love to see if she wants to, but I'm in fear of being rejected again and what it would do to me. I haven't been dating anyone else, but there's no way to know for sure if she's seeing anyone. Has anyone been in this situation? Is it the dumper who always initiates contact? Do you think if she really wanted to talk I would've heard from her by now? She still kept up all of our pictures as a couple online, she hasn't done that for any other of her exs. So it doesn't seem like she's completely let go yet. She might be seeing her ex again, but I'm not sure of it. I know she's just living to the fullest it looks like, out drinking all the time..

Your mistake is not blocking her on Facebook, so you still have this artificial sense of connection to someone who's no longer a part of your life.

Yes, if she wanted to reach out, she'd reach out. It's much much easier to ask for another chance than it is to break up with someone. Your friends mean well, but they're just telling you what you want to hear: that her not contacting you doesn't mean that she doesn't want to be in contact with you.

Cut the cord. Stop stalking her online. Block her everywhere and REALLY start your NC!

If she hasnt contacted you and even if she did and the convo had no meaning to it I would not meet up with her. Your just setting yourself up for dissapointment

I did block her sharky lol I even went a while not looking. I just slip every now and then knowing that it's gonna hurt to see her happy life. I guess it's insanity. I thought for sure I would be over her by now. The sting is not as bad though. I'm trying to build towards indifference. But I keep feeling like I want to try one last time and see what she says about a friendly meeting. I guess that's insane too. But I can't stop thinking about her. Atleast part of the day. I just wonder if she thinks about me, still cares, or wants to hear from me etc..

I did block her sharky lol I even went a while not looking. I just slip every now and then knowing that it's gonna hurt to see her happy life. I guess it's insanity. I thought for sure I would be over her by now. The sting is not as bad though. I'm trying to build towards indifference. But I keep feeling like I want to try one last time and see what she says about a friendly meeting. I guess that's insane too. But I can't stop thinking about her. Atleast part of the day. I just wonder if she thinks about me, still cares, or wants to hear from me etc..

Since you're clearly not over her (because you would be sure on that tip), don't meet her or ask her for anything. Leave things where they are and just move on.

If she wanted to be in contact with you, she knows how to reach you. She hasn't, has she? There's your answer.

You can't stop thinking about her because you've only been NC for a month.... and you keep creeping her Facebook page.

Knock it off. Disable your Facebook account if you can't control the urge to look. Give yourself a few months without Facebook to get stronger -- you CAN live without it!

Missing someone is the natural result of a breakup. Of course you miss her and think of her all the time. You're not over her -- nor should you be, this soon after the breakup.

Remember that missing her doesn't mean you were *meant to be* or that you should contact her.... it ONLY means you miss her! Nothing more. In time, you'll stop missing her so much. Until then, help yourself move on by staying off Facebook and posting here whenever you need support.

It is pointless to ask her for coffee. If she wanted to be in your company, she would have reached out to you.

i broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years and he contacted me after 3 months and i turned him down. It wasnt that i didnt want to see him it was that i didnt want to get back together, i was really confused and didnt want to add to it/lead him on. I know that personally I only would have contacted him if I knew for sure I wanted to be back together because I didnt want to hurt him

She wants to meet for lunch tomorrow. Now what? Lol feel like it's a road to nowhere and I'm setting myself up for rejection but in person. Should I just be cool and talk about the vacation I'm planning to Europe, work, school etc.. And how should I end the meeting? Thanks again guys

So --- you did call and ask her for coffee and she switched to lunch?

Yes, it is a road to no where. And yes, if you bring up getting back together, she will say "no".

You end the meeting with "good bye".

Oh, brother.

Check out any of the hundreds of "met with my ex" threads to see how this one plays out.....

You'll have a nice time. Neither of you will bring up the relationship. You'll tell each other all the new developments in your lives. You'll laugh and crack jokes and it'll be like the breakup never happened. Then it'll be time to go and you'll get a hug or a kiss on the cheek and she'll say something like "it was great catching up" and then you're on here posting the questions: "What did that mean?" and "How many days do I wait to contact her again?"

Oh well. Enjoy your lunch.

No I just said do you want to have lunch tomorrow or Friday. She said "hey! How are you? Yea lunch tomorrow is good for me"

Well --- good luck. You created this --- she did not reach out to you.

Haha sharky! Love it you're prob soo right. I picture the same thing. I don't even know how I should act. Obviously everyone will say to "be cool" or something cliche like that. But atleast I get a laugh out of your responses cause I can picture just what you said happening...

Haha sharky! Love it you're prob soo right. I picture the same thing. I don't even know how I should act. Obviously everyone will say to "be cool" or something cliche like that. But atleast I get a laugh out of your responses cause I can picture just what you said happening...

You will "pretend" to be laid back.

She will be relieved -- because THAT MEANS YOU CAN BE PLATONIC FRIENDS NOW. And she doesn't have to feel guilty for hurting you anymore.... because you're so "cool" with the breakup....

What a waste of your time!

Hello, this is your Ego, I went ahead and posted something on ENA...I used the excuse of coffee to see if my X still loves me and if I still want her I can have her. After all I dumped her and just wanted to see if my hooks are still in her. That way I can feel better.

She dumped me. I barely have any ego left. And I know everyone is right. But it's easier looking outside in. Specially people who have been through similar situations and know the outcome.. I made a big mistake.

Oh I have been right where you are. You want to see them because it makes you feel better, but also fear it. After 3 months I didn't want to see my X. Reason is that its going to bring up a flood of emotions and no matter how "cool" you think you are going to be, your emotions will give you away.

But it all depends on the reason for the break up I suppose. Did she dump you because of another guy, something you did, something she did, or maybe she wasn't into you anymore, that has a lot to do with your emotions.

Say you two just didn't work out and the break up was mutual, then I don't see anything wrong with seeing your X. If she broke up with you because she didn't want to be with you anymore or cheated on you, then Oh heck no I wont see her again. Why? Because it will do nothing positive and only re-open wounds.

Again, I don't know the situation behind the break up but you have already committed to lunch so you cant cancel now. If I can offer advice...don't talk of the past. If she brings something up, don't bring up negative memories only the positive memories. Don't ask questions regarding your break up or why, again, that will only open up wounds.

Hey, you two dated and have a history, so just be the person that attracted her to you..Dont be the boyfriend version, be the guy that just met her version..

Youll be fine..

Some people say that girls, even when they dump you will not suck up their pride and make contact..

Wrong. If we realize we made a mistake by breaking up with someone, we make sure to let him know about it, be it through an innocent "how are you" message, or through a well thought apology...depends on each individual.

You already gave her an "opportunity" to tell you otherwise a month ago when you talked, and not only she didn't take it, but you never heard back from her. This doesn't sound like someone who regrets the breakup or who wants you back.

Do yourself a favor and move on. Block her on all social media, and stop waiting around. And yes, asking her again to meet for a coffee will make her roll her eyes with exasperation. She's tried to be nice about the breakup and she's been friendly in an attempt to soften the blow for you, now it's your turn to show her the same consideration by respecting her decision.

And don't fall into the trap of thinking you can just tell her you're ok to be friends now, because even if she falls for it, things won't get any easier for you. As a matter of fact they'll become even harder, because I doubt you want to hear her talk about the new guys she's dating and treat you as one of her girlfriends.

Agreed. She's rolling her eyes and trying to be nice.

It's painful.

Also like others i dont know how the break up went but if it wasnt really a bad break up she could just be saying yes just to be nice...which again will put you in a horrible position. I am not trying to be a debbie downer I just want you to know that it might not go as you planned it.

Why would she agree to lunch and sound excited about it? If she was done with me for good wouldn't she say no? Being nice to me would prob be ignoring me so I can move on. Not agreeing to meeting for lunch. Even though I'm still expecting exactly what you guys are saying. That she'll think I'm over her and just wanna be friends. I asked her if she wants to have lunch and she said yes. Prob will turn into a disaster.

What was the cause of your break up if you dont mind me asking....

if she broke up with you, and she wanted to see you, she would have contacted you already. so no. don't ask her. she doesn't deserve the satisfaction of you trying to meet up with her. she dumped you. screw her. move on. who cares.... you don't need her friendship and she doesn't deserve yours. meeting up with her will not make you feel better. continue the NC. trying to talk to her or meet up with her will do no good. it will only make you feel worse. it sounds like you probably still have feelings so just leave it alone. find someone new. you don't need her in your life anymore she gave you up. her loss.

p.s i'm a little bitter from my recent breakup. it might be immature to say you can't be friends with your exes. because i know you can in certain situations. but i do believe you shouldn't be trying to communicate if only one person still has feelings... it will only end up hurting you. that's my honest opinion ...

Why would she agree to lunch and sound excited about it? If she was done with me for good wouldn't she say no? Being nice to me would prob be ignoring me so I can move on. Not agreeing to meeting for lunch. Even though I'm still expecting exactly what you guys are saying. That she'll think I'm over her and just wanna be friends. I asked her if she wants to have lunch and she said yes. Prob will turn into a disaster.

She's EXCITED because she thinks all is forgiven and you're going to be platonic buddies now -- so she no longer has to feel guilty about cheating on you with her ex!