My ex is confusing me and messing with my head :(

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. He has been in another relationship since mid December. We have had LC since then. Now I have started seeing someone and all of the sudden my ex is texting me and calling non-stop. The "thinking about you texts", calling me at work just to say hi. "Nice to hear my voice" etc. He even asked me if I had slept with the guy I am dating yet. What is the deal? I have a feeling he is messing with my head and if I were to try and talk to him and ask him what all of this means he would say, "you and I are just friends". The more I distance myself from him the more he chases. I know he has already slept with this other girl too, they work together. I live about 3 hours from him. Does this mean he still cares or is he just a cheating snake?

Because he works with this girl my friends are telling me the newness with her will wear off much faster. Need advice.

No advice

The more you talk to him, the more he feels you belong to him still. To him, its just a game. He knows you are with this guy, but yet wants to say hi and I like hearing your voice? Thats just him being selfish, and wanting you to think of him when you are with your guy. And as guys like to think, he still want you to 'belong' to him and if he knows you still have feelings for him, he is going to use that to his advantage.

So the more you talk to him, the more he feels that he has you. You can tell me no he doesnt have you, but if you are responding to his questions, he has the power over you.

Dont engage in little petty things like that. Remember, its a game to him. He is not being a friend, but is fishing for info. He wants to hear you say "he is not like you" or "he is not as much fun as you" or whever.. he want an Ego boost and you are allowing this to happen.

Dont let him mess with your head.. you must do what you have to do to heal. If you want distance, then distance yourself. I cant tell you what to say tho but dont be afraid to do what is needed for YOUR happiness, not his

What kind of advice are you looking for? Its easy to judge him from what you've said about him so far, but what is it that you really want? What are you willing to deal with and not deal with?

You sound real confused about his actions, thats understandable, because his actions go from one direction to another. But what I want to know is what do you want? You sound real wary and I think that's a good thing that you're having all these questions. If anything, listen to your intuition, you sound like a smart girl. I hope this helps somewhat! Take care of yourself.

I think you both are right. He is just looking for an ego boost. If he wanted to be with me he would say. This sucks. I will ignore his calls, I don't want him to know he is getting to me though. Maybe I should not say anything and disappear?

Yeah it sounds like something i would've done before i stumbled upon ENA. Its horribly selfish behavior because he wants control over you. And an ego boost. As you aren't actually with him he cant control you, so hes just fishing for information.

Block him from everything, delete him and go no contact. Its honestly the best way to deal with things.

Even if you want to get back with him right now, going NC will help you see your RS objectively, and if you really want him at all.

I understand! My ex is doing the same thing to me and it is confusing! One day we will chat and talk about random things the next day I text him and he doesn't pay attention to me. It sometimes hurts my feelings because how can one day we be blowing up each other's phones about random things the next I text him and he ignores me.

He knew I had a date tonight and he texted me right when I got off work and said "I hope you have a great time and be safe". I know he will call or text me in the morning. I don't want him to know how much it bothers me that he is with someone else. I am seeing someone but I don't feel the same way about the new guy that I do about my ex. Should I just not respond to him at all. If I tell him I am going NC he will know he got to me and I don't want him too. He isn't worth it. I am so upset. How can someone who knows how much you care about them mess with your mind so much. Really not a nice person.

I understand! My ex is doing the same thing to me and it is confusing! One day we will chat and talk about random things the next day I text him and he doesn't pay attention to me. It sometimes hurts my feelings because how can one day we be blowing up each other's phones about random things the next I text him and he ignores me.

It think it is because, for me at least, that he is getting closer to the girl he is seeing. If I keep talking to him my life will be on hold while his moves on and what will I have left in the end. Him telling me he is getting married?? That is my biggest fear. I need to get away from him now. You need to do the same!!

I fear the exact same thing I mean marriage. I would be heartbroken if he got married because I always imagined us getting married in a nice park and guess what he is talking about how he would love to someday get married in a park! I just think in my opinion he is rushing things because she was the rebound girl and they have only been dating for 4 months so all of this seems a bit premature in my opinion. I think the only reason our exes are even mentioning marriage and talking about the new girlfriends is because they are not over us and they probably think in their own little pea brained minds if they get married things will be better and they can get over us. I know if he got married I would be the type of girl who would speak up when the minister says does anyone think they shouldn't get married?

Maybe I should not say anything and disappear?

I think you have the right idea here.

He is doing it because you care so much about him.. here, let me tell you a secret about guys, and you cant tell anyone.. we hate to lose. Yes we do. If there is a GF that is an X, we want them to adore us, love us, and be there in case the girl we are currently with doesnt work, we can go back, sweet talk and say hey, I missed you, love you and I want to be with you again. And of course most of the time a girl will fall for it and go back. Its like being in a stable. You were his and he fears that you will be leaving him, so he will text you, call you, all knowing you want back.

Again, every single time he texts you its for HIS benefit, NOT yours. You asked how can someone do that and there is your answer, Ego! You are stroking his ego. You have to decide what you want to do. Do you want to accept it or not? Do what is right for you. Im sure its bitter sweet to remain in contact, but doing this gives him all the power in the world, you enable him to dictate how you feel. He is still controling you weather you like it or not..

Just tell him that you cant be 'friends' right now. You need time away from him. Again, he might give you a guilt trip, or be mad, or try to convince you otherwise. Its all a ploy to keep you in his stable.. thats all, for his Ego.

Hi ladies, i want to ask you both so what if they do get married?

Do you really want to be worrying about him getting married? I mean who knows whats going on with him now (newyearluv) since you aren't talking to him, so you guys should just focus on your selves, your actions, and thoughts, and reflect on yourselves now especially as you are going through something like moving on from a relationship, that for one reason or another ended. Lets yourselves heal from your hurts, allow the process to happen, it won't when you are focusing on what your ex is doing, i think. Focus inward and observe, soak in what is going, which is your self is holding up even when you thought you can't, and enjoy your lives, its ebbs and flows. I hope i make some sense!

He text msgd me this morning and asked how my date was last night and kept pushing me for details. I feel like just telling him I slept with the guy I am dating then maybe he will leave me alone. (even though I really didn't) Why do I even care??? I just need to ignore him.

Oh my goodness. Now he is telling me I am selfish because I won't be friends with him now that he has a new girlfriend. I wished him all best and told him I want him to be happy but I can't be his friend right now because it is too painful. He said I am not really happy for him and if I was I would put his happiness before my own pain??? What the heck, are you kidding me?? What a manipulator!

Oh my goodness. Now he is telling me I am selfish because I won't be friends with him now that he has a new girlfriend. I wished him all best and told him I want him to be happy but I can't be his friend right now because it is too painful. He said I am not really happy for him and if I was I would put his happiness before my own pain??? What the heck, are you kidding me?? What a manipulator!

Ahhhhh.. he used guilt, that would of been my first option, see my last post to you, I think that was first on my list.. Guilt.. That way you could chase him and say no, Im sorry, its not like that and again, he would get the power back and know he has the upper hand still...

Oh, dont worry, he wont let you go that easy, he is going to be passive aggressive on you. He is waiting for you to call or text and say "Im sorry" but guys fear a woman with conviction..so you have to mean what you say..and say what you mean... DONT text, call, email, or FB him!!! dont answer because he will contact you in a few days if you havent contacted him...

Block him ..............

Ahhhhh.. he used guilt, that would of been my first option, see my last post to you, I think that was first on my list.. Guilt.. That way you could chase him and say no, Im sorry, its not like that and again, he would get the power back and know he has the upper hand still...

Oh, dont worry, he wont let you go that easy, he is going to be passive aggressive on you. He is waiting for you to call or text and say "Im sorry" but guys fear a woman with conviction..so you have to mean what you say..and say what you mean... DONT text, call, email, or FB him!!! dont answer because he will contact you in a few days if you havent contacted him...

Let me see if I get what you are saying. He expects me to continue to talk to him until he is ready to let me go??c Which could be tomorrow or never?? My friends say that some.guys do this even when they are married, like it takes more than one person to meet their needs. That's messed up!

hmmmmmmmmm

Hi ladies, i want to ask you both so what if they do get married?

 

Do you really want to be worrying about him getting married? I mean who knows whats going on with him now (newyearluv) since you aren't talking to him, so you guys should just focus on your selves, your actions, and thoughts, and reflect on yourselves now especially as you are going through something like moving on from a relationship, that for one reason or another ended. Lets yourselves heal from your hurts, allow the process to happen, it won't when you are focusing on what your ex is doing, i think. Focus inward and observe, soak in what is going, which is your self is holding up even when you thought you can't, and enjoy your lives, its ebbs and flows. I hope i make some sense!

wish there was a like button!!! 2 thumbs up!!!

Why are you giving him the satisfaction of a response from you?

The more you respond to his inquiries for information, the more frazzled you become. Ignore him. He has a girlfriend now, it's none of his business who you sleep with.

Let me see if I get what you are saying. He expects me to continue to talk to him until he is ready to let me go??c Which could be tomorrow or never?? My friends say that some.guys do this even when they are married, like it takes more than one person to meet their needs. That's messed up!

Thats what Im saying...He wants to keep you for himself. Doesnt mean he wants you, or wants to be with you, but he wants you to like or love him forever, and if he wants you back, he can come back to you whenever he wants. He does not want to lose you in any way, or especially to another guy, so he is going to stay a step or two behind you tugging on your shirt asking you..soooo you miss me, I think about you, I miss your voice...remember when we did this...you think of me...is your new guy better than me?

It is messed up, but thats the guy you dated, whos to say he didnt have another girl hanging around while you were dating him? flirting with other girls while dating you. He needs to feel needed and wanted, the more you respond, the more you inflate the ego.

Thanks so much for trying to help me understand. Now that you say he may have been talking to other girls when we were dating kind of makes sense. Sometimes he would be extremely clingy and needy almost to the point of smothering me and then other times he was cocky. I think when he was cocky he was flirting with other girls. This guy is in his 30's though, kind of old to be doing that. I think the needy clingy person is really who he is so he needs multiple women to fill those voids. I guess it is good I am with someone else now and he knows. If I really start liking this guy a lot he knows he won't get anywhere with me anymore and he will leave me alone.

Hi newyearluv,

I can understand your kind questionings because i did that with my exboyfriend. He's even doing it now, after two years of not talking to each other. He wants to talk to me, when we talk he brings up things that he thinks pertain to us, which is what i was avoiding! I just wanted to ask about something else, not us. In the past, and still find myself doing, but STOP it right away, is that questioning his little moves, his motives, his thinking, and how he will get over it means I will have some freedom from it too, something like that...i ask like "why is he doing this!!???" and i truth it drives me crazy...IF i do think about that, which you gotta STOP cuz in truth, you just won't ever get any real reasons to these why questions. Its all interpretations.

Then i realize he won't stop, and so i see its driving me crazy, so now i gotta ask what can I do? For me is to stop it all. My thoughts, because it affects how i bahave, and how i feel, feelings that i don't like! ie, irritation, confusion, frustration, etc...

I realized sometimes i just want to vent because i want affirmation what he's doing is wrong. And its hard to see that because i love the dude, i care about him as a human being, more than a lot of other people in my life because of our history.

That said, yes they are human too, and just like you and me, have flaws. Sometimes, we get real self absorbed, and thats probably why these guys, im sure girls do it in their own ways too, act the way they do, act "controlling," "manipulate,"....because they are so caught up with themselves, and im sure has a lot of reasons why your relationship was not a great one, because its hard for him to be objective, and see another persons point of view, because he's too busy "stroking his ego," his perspective, his view, is a lot MORE inward, into himself, hence self absorbed, that he's pretty much gets blind to what is clear to YOU.

Maybe in the future he'll better, anyone can, but right now, RIGHT now, thats how it is, and deal with that, this moment, right now.

On the direction of not speaking to him is a good start for you to start having time for you to breathe! What he's doing, is having real consequences to you. When someone is bothering you, what do you do?

Say STOP it. And then you do what you gotta do to ensure that because sometimes people just won't listen to you!

PS you know what that is that you gotta do. listen you your intuition! You sound like a smart girl.