My life is going nowhere, I feel like I can't breathe...

I'm 25 years old, still living at home with my mother and my sisters. I desperately want to move out but I have absolutely no money, it's the brokest I've ever been and I can't afford to do anything. I've been going for lots of interviews lately and will hear back from 2 of them tomorrow, I'm putting all my hopes into them, so much so that I am stressed to the point where I have severe stomach cramps and tightness in my chest.

I feel like I'm slowly being suffocated living here and having nothing. It's fine if you have lots of skills and you might actually be employable but I've screwed up every chance I've had to make something of myself. I'm in the worst position right now, it scares me to death.

I do have a dream which is to move overseas next year and do something really exciting on my own, god I would love to do that. Every time I mention it to my mum she laughs and says 'ha. yeah not until you pay me back oh and you have dogs, you can't leave them here' she will always find some way to not let me go. In relation to that though I have made a promise that I will give her back the couple of thousand she has leant me and I will find a way to take my dog with me. It has to be do-able, I'm NOT going to be stuck in this crappy existence.

I'm losing hope and whenever I do that I get really depressed and I become hard to live with, I just don't want to talk to anyone especially my mother who I feel has held me back my whole life. She doesn't want to be alone is what it comes down to so she keeps me under her thumb.

I am screaming and no-one can hear me...thats what It feels like. I just don't even want to live anymore.

I don't know where to go from here, I'm stuck and I can't breathe.

What's your relationship like with your sisters? Can you talk to them and would they be supportive in any way?

Also, can you elaborate a little more on what you say here: "It's fine if you have lots of skills and you might actually be employable but I've screwed up every chance I've had to make something of myself."

Okay, so there is two problems:

1) You feel your mother is holding you back

2) You got no money

I would suggest you start with solving number 2 which of course you are already trying to solve but you need to focus on that for now. You say you want to move out but can't because of the money. If you solve number 2 you also solve number 1.

Right now it sounds like a money problem, so get some money, pay back your debt to your mom, move out, then you can travel overseas.

You are lacking confidence in your own abilities. EVERYONE has something they are naturally good at. EVERYONE. You need to identify what that is and then try and find someone that pays cash for that. I'm not suggesting you go out and find a pimp or anything stupid like that. But you have to realise if you want cash then you may have to work at...McDonalds! or Taco Bell! heaven forbid. It's cliche, but "a jobs, a job". Once you get a cash flow happening you will be able to get some independence happening. Good luck my friend.

Have to agree with Awoken. Just get started somewhere even if you have to settle for a 'cuddy job' you hate for a bit. It's cash in your pocket. Once you have money you have options and that alievaites your other problems. Once you can, I would pay off or atleast start to pay off your debt to your mom, That gets rid of any guilt trips or anything like that. After thats done you can save some money- Go on a trip you always wanted, maybe get an internship or trade schooling? Alot of those programs have connections that can help you get a job when your done.

Bottom line, once you sort out your finances you have all the freedom you want. Your an adult and you don't have to do what mommy wants.

You're stuck but part of it is in your head.

Nothing's actually stopping you paying your mother later besides:

- your pride; and

- her telling you that you have to pay her.

But personally (while I would make paying her back a priority) I would NOT make it my first priority.

Second, if you're serious about leaving, start figuring out what you're going to do with the dogs when you leave - who can you give them to?

Third, Awoken's right, if you want money, you'll accept any job. Plus, the more jobs you have, the less you have to be at home!

I agree with all most all of the above.

Voguester, I really think you should just concentrate on finding a second job at the moment and worry about the rest once you have that extra job. I think you will maybe have an easier time living at home when you are working fulltime too. You'll be around your family alot less and I think that will really help.

Give yourself a bit of a break as well. You are trying to find work and you have been going for interviews. You just need a bit of a break and some luck. Hopefully that will come this week.

What's your relationship like with your sisters? Can you talk to them and would they be supportive in any way?

 

Also, can you elaborate a little more on what you say here: "It's fine if you have lots of skills and you might actually be employable but I've screwed up every chance I've had to make something of myself."

I can't talk to my sisters, we don't have that relationship. My younger sister has a disability (she's very kind and sweet and i love her) and my older sister is just unbelievably selfish and is so concerned with herself that she doesn't even care about me at all. She's also an alcoholic and doesn't want to find a job and improve her situation at all which I don't understand. My family is content with how they are and I'm the only one who is desperate for change.

When I said I don't have any skills, I mean I didn't apply myself in high school, I had a really tough time with family issues and then when I was at university I was really lazy, not showing up to lectures and doing the work. I regret that very much now. So it's not like I have a degree to fall back on and I've only ever worked in retail.

I could have been someone but I didn't want to, I've screwed up my life.

Thanks everyone for your advice, I really don't have anyone to talk to about this and I feel pretty alone.

Money is definitely my main focus right now and all I can do is keep being frugal and applying for jobs.

I feel like the only thing in my control is my weight, it's weird...I'm trying so hard to become skinny again that I could even develop an eating disorder but I'd probably be happy because that means I've achieved something, unlike everything else in my life.

I feel like the only thing in my control is my weight, it's weird...I'm trying so hard to become skinny again that I could even develop an eating disorder but I'd probably be happy because that means I've achieved something, unlike everything else in my life.

This is a way bigger concern than everything put together. To me, it clearly points to depression, which needs help in one way or another. I would suggest that you see a doctor about this and to possibly get some anti-depression medication for a start at least, and/or to be referred to a therapist.

When I said I don't have any skills, I mean I didn't apply myself in high school, I had a really tough time with family issues and then when I was at university I was really lazy, not showing up to lectures and doing the work. I regret that very much now. So it's not like I have a degree to fall back on and I've only ever worked in retail.

 

I could have been someone but I didn't want to, I've screwed up my life.

WRONG!

Whether or not you applied yourself at school is irrelevant now. You can't change that and there is no point in lamenting what could of been when there is nothing you can't do in the future because of your schooling. As a mature aged person there are tonnes of ways to get into TAFE or university and study something. The fact that you have already been to university makes it almost guarenteed. Hell, if you wanted to, you could still do an apprenticeship. One of my best friends recently started an apprenticeship.

In your mid 20's there is still lots of time to be somebody. When I was at uni a tonne of my peers were in their late 20's and early 30's. Infact, one of the people I'm friends with and who is now doing a phd is a guy who sat around on his backside for over a decade doing drugs and being on welfare.

Believe me, you have so many options right now. Your past experiences are only a waste of time if you take nothing from it. Last time you went to uni you didn't do as well as you should. How about, if you want to go to uni again later on, you take what you know now and use it as motivation to not waste time at uni in the future.

C'mon Voguester! Don't spend your 20's living in regret. You have half of it still to live! There are no options you had when you left school that are not open to you now. Infact, in some ways, you are better off with the life experience you have gained which actually helps alot.

I found out I didn't get the jobs. I can't do this anymore...I have tried SO desperately hard in these last few months to get myself a job and change my situation but I CAN'T GET A BREAK!!. I want to crawl up and die, I have NOTHING. I think my next move will be getting on anti-depressants because I really can't deal with this anymore.

I found out I didn't get the jobs. I can't do this anymore...I have tried SO desperately hard in these last few months to get myself a job and change my situation but I CAN'T GET A BREAK!!. I want to crawl up and die, I have NOTHING. I think my next move will be getting on anti-depressants because I really can't deal with this anymore.

I know that is a big dissappointment for you. I am thinking that you project the way you feel: depressed and unhappy is in itself is a reason for an employer to not give you much consideratiion for a job. I think that it would be a good idea to get some professional help, as you indicated. I think a support group would be good for you as well. I would ask your doctor for a recommendation for a support group. You seem to lack a support system, and that is so important. You are still young and have a chance to turn your life around. Thank you for sharing with us, and please keep coming back and keep posting....

I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm kind of in a similar position, and it's making me so stressed my stomach is in knots everyday. Guess we can only stay positive. I need to start focusing on university (and probably start all over again due to my slacking and all the external factors that had affected me) but it's okay bc you got to have faith!! Stay positive! Don't give up. Never say die, cos you need to keep dreaming, keeping trying. Eventually you'll get to where you want to be.

I can be extremely determined when I want to be. Just unfortunate that the past 4-5 years have been hard due to many horrible things happening in my life simultaneously. =( So what if you didn't get the job? Apply for 20 more. Apply for 50 if you can. Don't stop until you get one. 25 isn't old, you still have alot of time to turn things around!!

Anti-depressants aren't going to help you (and don't they cost $$, or is that covered by a national healthcare system?), they'll be a band-aid if anything.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity, why not make a list of what you DO have. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have hot meals? A bed? Family? Music? Clothes? A computer? Means of transportation? Pets? I'm willing to bet you have quite a lot.

Is there any job, no matter how lowly you might view it, that you could do in order to at least START bringing in funds?