MEN, what do you think? WOMEN, would/have you done this?

I got tired of seeing men I want to talk to but we passed each other in the hussle and bussle of going or coming from wherever. It doesn't happen a lot, but yesterday I saw him and couldn't tear my eyes away. When I did I looked back, but whipped my head back.

 

Well I took a few minutes and went back to where I saw him, he turned out to be a personal trainer at a gym. I asked the front desk attendant, who I also didn't know about him. She said she thinks he was single or had just got out and she offered to go get him.

 

I told him how I've never done this,but I was attracted to him and he said he was very flattered but his divorce had just become final. He also said he'd just started seeing someone very recently and then said he was very flattered again and shook my hand.

 

Well once he said he had just signed his divorce papers I was not attracted anymore and was glad I wasn't the female he'd just started seeing. I'd been that female before and no good can come from a recently divorced man relationship wise, he needs time.

 

But what do you think, was it desperate? I didn't feel desparate I felt excited and I also felt proud of myself. However, on the grand scheme of things, is there such a shortage in men that the women such as myself are forced to reverse the natural order of things?

If you did was desperate then that is what men are forced to do in order to meet a girl that they do not know and just see in passing.

I don't know why your attraction would fade when you found out he was just getting divorced.It's not like you were looking to marry the guy you were just interested in casual dating for the time being.

Pft, I don't believe that is "reversing the natural order of things". I think it's going after what you want. What; are all women supposed to wait and flutter fans over their faces still?

 

I think it's cool, because it obviously something that is out of your comfort zone.

 

He was nice about it too, which is a bonus.

If you did was desperate then that is what men are forced to do in order to meet a girl that they do not know and just see in passing.

 

You have a great point, but it just seems like that is the way it is suppose to be. But now I see how men feel.

 

 

I don't know why your attraction would fade when you found out he was just getting divorced.It's not like you were looking to marry the guy you were just interested in casual dating for the time being.

 

Although I am looking to date if I like the person I would like for it to lead somewhere. My last experience with a new divorcee was with someone I'd dated in highschool. We met up 10 years later when he was finalizing his divorce and dated for 5 month. I fell for him, but he was still emotionally dealing with his divorce. I've talked with a few divorcee who said a lot times divorcees need time at least a year or more before they can emotionally cope.

 

 

Pft, I don't believe that is "reversing the natural order of things". I think it's going after what you want. What; are all women supposed to wait and flutter fans over their faces still?

 

I think it's cool, because it obviously something that is out of your comfort zone.

 

He was nice about it too, which is a bonus.

 

He was so super nice and coming out of a divorce I can only imagine that my approaching him has boost his out look. I mean I am an attractive women

I agree that doing *anything* (within reason, of course!) outside of your comfort zone is a good thing, in any area of your life. It's not like you had anything to lose, and nothing bad came of it. I think both males and females are flattered by that kind of thing, so you made someone's day if nothing else.

It's not desperate, more women should ask guys out as anyone that has spent time browsing this board knows.

 

What I find interesting though is how what you did in this instance a guy probably couldn't get away with if he did the same thing. If a guy asked a receptionist to pull a girl out of work so he could ask her out, the girl would probably not be too pleased I don't think and would probably have been less friendly. Then again I could be wrong I don't really know, it just seems that way to me.

I think it was great, you acted on your impulse courageously. 99% of us would have just been left wondering "What if... (I had the guts)?", you don't have that!

No, not desperate. Impulsive. It took guts and that's something to be proud of.

I think it's fine for women to ask men out but I think your approach was too aggressive (and I would say the same about a man). If a complete stranger approached me and asked me out my initial reaction would be a mixture of flattery and red flags (including that he was asking me out just because of what I look like). Other red flags would be "too pushy" "too clingy" "too overeager."

 

More effective would be a few steps prior to asking him out. Get to know him (since he is at your gym that's not impossible), make conversation, see if you can sense interest in continuing a conversation, and after a real conversation or three, then suggest getting coffee or going for a run - something between a real date and a non-date. I feel the same way about making platonic friends - many people can get easily overhwelmed - in a negative way - by someone who comes on strong.

 

I agree that he probably isn't dateable right now, so no big loss!

 

I have asked men out including once a man I just wanted a sort of hook up with. I used all the lines I had heard and experienced men use, and it worked like a charm. The evening went from a lovely conversation by the pool, to a walk on the beach at night, to a nice kiss on the beach at night. I wanted nothing more from the "encounter" and was not at all surprised when two days later he pursued my roommate who had not "hit on" him as I had.

 

(and yes, I don't find asking men out to be an effective way to find a lasting relationship, but there is nothing wrong with asking a man out in general - just found this specific approach ineffective/too aggressive).

Thanks for all the feed back.

 

Batya33 I can see what you are saying, but I work in a huge office complex that has a huge franchise name gym on the public level. I don't belong to the gym and and didn't realize he was a personal trainer there until I went back and saw his shirt that read "personal trainer" through the glass window.

 

I got nervous and walked away, but then I remembered a couple of other times when I'd seen someone I was interested, but was too nervouse to approach them. The times it happened were far in between but each I thought about what they were like and what if for days.

 

I came to the conclusion that maybe it was better to approach and see if they were receptive then nothing at all. So if it ever happened again I would go for it and I did. I have to tell you I feel much better doing it this way then the other way and wondering. But I did realize it could raise some "red flags", which is why I told him the truth that I'd never done it before and I looked for opinions on here.

It's not desperate, more women should ask guys out as anyone that has spent time browsing this board knows.

 

What I find interesting though is how what you did in this instance a guy probably couldn't get away with if he did the same thing. If a guy asked a receptionist to pull a girl out of work so he could ask her out, the girl would probably not be too pleased I don't think and would probably have been less friendly. Then again I could be wrong I don't really know, it just seems that way to me.

 

Hey, what can I say, there has to be some double standard that benefits women

I like your approach... have no regrets. Definitely the way to go.

I like your approach... have no regrets. Definitely the way to go.

 

Thanks a bunch, I don't have regret,but I have a new experience, watch out world, lol.

[Although I am looking to date if I like the person I would like for it to lead somewhere. My last experience with a new divorcee was with someone I'd dated in highschool. We met up 10 years later when he was finalizing his divorce and dated for 5 month. I fell for him, but he was still emotionally dealing with his divorce. I've talked with a few divorcee who said a lot times divorcees need time at least a year or more before they can emotionally cope.

 

Fair enough,not everyone thinks that way though.I currently work with a woman who is finalizing a divorce.We have spent a great deal of time together at work.Ideally of course I wish she wasn't going through that right now and was free and clear of the situation,but we seem to be very attracted to one another.If we were to begin dating I personally wouldn't really expect it to lead to something ,sometimes if you are waiting for the ''perfect situation'' it may never come.

I completely agree with the fact of approaching, I just thought the way you did it - approaching a complete stranger and telling him you find him attractive and want to date him - likely is ineffective for many people because it's too much too soon. It is flattering - so it is effective in that way but for meeting someone to date probably too aggressive.

Ok, Batya33 brings up a good distinction so I would like to explore it.

If a woman approached you in this way or has approached you in this way would you think of her in terms of it great, refreshing and about time, but with reservations about the women's assertiveness?

 

I have to go, but look forward to seeing your replies.

"not a guy" but I think most men would be flattered and many men would be turned off as far as thinking the woman had relationship potential (as opposed to maybe one date or a hook up).

Ok, Batya33 brings up a good distinction so I would like to explore it.

If a woman approached you in this way or has approached you in this way would you think of her in terms of it great, refreshing and about time, but with reservations about the women's assertiveness?

 

I have to go, but look forward to seeing your replies.

I was approached this way recently by a woman who I work with [although technically we have hardly ever worked together and I barely knew her] .Obviously it was a very bold way to go about it.I didn't turn her down right there on the spot,I didn't want to hurt her feelings but I did politely turn her down a few days later.Why I turned her down had nothing to do with the approach,I just felt she definitely wasn't my type[she is very loud,I am very reserved]of girl.If someone I was interested in did the same thing I would definitely be receptive but if a complete stranger did it to me it might unsettle me particularly if she just approached me without there being any kind of eye contact between us.

PrincessBOT - I give you tremendous kudos for doing this! I've never done that!

 

I do agree with Batya's point that it was aggressive, but, hey, this was your first time - and you survived! Plus, you felt GOOD about going for it. I think you've taken that first jump into going for what you want, and the more you do this kind of thing, the better you'll get at it, and will feel more comfortable with starting slow - just a little chit chat at first, leading to asking the guy for his number.

 

The truth is, though, some men like being approached, others don't. This guy might have been a bit freaked out by it, which just means he's not for you.

 

Anyhow, you're far braver than I am!!

Ok, Batya33 brings up a good distinction so I would like to explore it.

If a woman approached you in this way or has approached you in this way would you think of her in terms of it great, refreshing and about time, but with reservations about the women's assertiveness?

 

I have to go, but look forward to seeing your replies.

 

I think (not a guy) that your move was aggressive, rather than assertive.

 

I've asked a lot of men out in various ways, and it's been my experience that real relationships can develop out of a woman 'taking the lead' ...but it's a fine dance.

 

It's not so hard to figure out; because you are a woman. Which means, you have probably experienced a wide range of approaches by men and know what works and what doesn't. What indicates interest in the person as opposed to one quality or 'practice'. It's hard putting this in words, hope you know what I mean...when someone is trying their skills on you!

 

If you take the insight and flip it to thinking of being in a man's shoes; it makes sense that for men..and women...in general!...when looking for a more serious getting-to-know you, a middle approach is best.

 

You've found the tiger in you now you just gotta tame her. lol.

 

Guys are people too! lol.

 

The truth is, though, some men like being approached, others don't. This guy might have been a bit freaked out by it, which just means he's not for you.

 

Anyhow, you're far braver than I am!!

 

I think approaching is one thing - approaching a stranger and immediately asking him out is quite another.